The first night without Luke was the hardest. As the nightmares rocked him once more, Noah found himself encased in blackness… in a dead quiet that tore at his stomach, chocking him in fear.

Noah was only realising now just how much of a help it had been having Luke by his side to gently coax him awake. Missing Luke's comfort he was forced to crawl up in a quivering ball with a pillow hugged to his chest and it seemed to take hours for his body rhythms to return to normal.

Of course he realised after the first night that he now had a major problem. He wasn't getting enough sleep. He overslept and arrived late to work on more than one occasion and Melanie kept asking him whether he was feeling okay, noticing the black circles under his eyes. He hated it! He definitely didn't want his movie to suffer just because he couldn't get his damn head screwed on right.

The worst thing was not understanding the dreams. It was fairly obvious they were causing him a large level of distress, yet when he woke up he could remember nothing of them. He would go over and over the events at the cabin, weighing up how the thoughts affected him; but he was starting to wonder whether the two things were even related at all. And if they weren't, then what the hell was his problem?

...

Text Luke: I was just thinking about you. Again! How's your day going?

Text Noah: Not too good, but it would be a lot better if I could see your beautiful smile :-)

Text Luke: Well why don't you think of something to say to put a smile on my face then?

Text Noah: I bet you can guess what's on my mind right now?

Text Luke: Okay… yip… that did it :-) Actually I was just talking about you…

Text Noah: Stop talking about me to your friends ;-)

Text Luke: You know me so well!

Text Noah: Miss me yet? Apartment is empty without you…

Text Luke: From the moment you got on the plane! Oakdale is empty without you…

Text Noah: Had an AWESOME Thanksgiving with you! I owe you an Eskimo kiss…

Text Luke: I really had a good time too. Even if you are a little dorky ;)

Text Noah: Almost felt like old times…

Text Luke: Yes it did…

Text Noah: Oooh look… sunshine! Time for me to grab a towel and head to the beach. Too bad you are all the way over there and can't join me!

Text Luke: Brat! Love you bubby!

Text Noah: Miss you too… speak soon.

Text Luke: Bye xxx

...

His head was spinning, he couldn't focus! After once being blind, not being able to focus was simply petrifying. He was also out of control! If there was one thing he hated more than anything else it was being out of control! Not being able to make his own decisions… not being in charge of his own choices. The way his father had made him feel his whole life.

He also felt sick! So sick! And for some reason, no matter how hard he fought he couldn't move. It was like he was held down… cemented as a dark shadow came closer and closer…

"STOOOOPPPPPPP!" The scream left a burning sensation in his throat. Or had he been screaming for a while? He wasn't sure, but the blood was pounding in his head and he was suffering from the usual lack of oxygen, as he sat bolt upright in the bed.

But…

But he remembered! Okay, not everything… but he remembered some of this dream. Granted it still made absolutely no sense but it was a start… right?

...

"Hello?" The sleepy voice on the other end of the line sounded very far away.

"Luke?"

"Hey baby…"

"I'm sorry… I know I'm waking you up but…"

"Everything okay?"

"Um… yeah… yeah… I just really wanted to hear your voice…" S**t! Even he could hear the fear…

"Noah? Another nightmare?"

And Noah wanted to cry, "Yes, yes, help me! Please!" but instead he said, "Just a little one. Nothing to worry about... I miss you so much Luke."

"I miss you too. Um, Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"You would tell me if there was something wrong, right?" The concern in Luke's voice caused a small crack in his heart, and he wondered if Luke heard it.

"Yes."

"Just two more days and I can pick you up from the airport…" Luke said, obviously not fooled.

"I can't wait!"

"Me neither…" They lay listening to each other's breathing for a while and then Luke asked, "Feeling better?"

"Yes. You go back to sleep."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Sweet dreams."

...

He hid with his back pressed up against the trunk of a tree. What were they thinking anyway? They could never out smart an army brat, schooled from the cradle in this kind of game. Carefully he snuck a peak around the front of the tree and sure enough he spotted them, their backs too him. They crouched behind a bank of snow, presumably waiting for him to walk past and right into their trap. He smiled and congratulated himself on his cunning. "Got ya!"

Quickly and light of foot he zapped across to hide behind the next closest of trees. His supply of ammo was neatly stowed in the pocket he'd created by pulling up the front of his jacket like a cradle. He had carefully prepared the tight white beauties just moments before.

As he crept softly up behind them, watching his footing to ensure he didn't step on any twigs, he heard Luke whisper to Ethan, "We've got him this time for sure! He won't know what hit him!"

"Yeah!" Ethan agreed, his little body shaking with excitement.

"Oh you think so do you?" And they both jumped screaming with good-humoured fright as they took off down the hill with Noah right on their heels, mercilessly pelting them both with snowballs.

Luke was fast, but he stumbled slightly allowing Noah the time he needed to grab the hood of his jacket, whipping him around so fast that they both fell and rolled laughing together down the snow covered hillside.

Breathing heavy from the exertion they came to an abrupt stop with Luke flat on his back and Noah above him. They stared at each other for a while, drinking in the euphoria of being back in each other's arms.

"I missed you so much." Luke's eyes shone brightly.

"Same here." And Noah removed Luke's right glove as well as his own so that he could interlace their fingers, wanting to feel him, needing to increase the connection. Still laughing, Noah rubbed their noses together and went in for a kiss, but before their lips could meet, he was swiftly knocked over on his side as Ethan barrelled into him screaming and giggling with joy.

"Later…" Luke mouthed to Noah, their fingers, still touching, feeling hot compared to the snow underneath them, and then, sitting up on his elbows, he said "Hey champ? What do you say we head back inside for some breakfast? Grandma promised pancakes!"

"Cool!" And Ethan hopped up with expectation, holding out his hands so that the men could take one each; and they crunched their way back to the farmhouse through that morning's freshly fallen snow.

"The snow makes everything seem so quiet…" Noah mused.

"I know, don't you just love it?"

As they rounded the bend towards the house their elbows flew up to protect their faces as they were abruptly bombarded with an onslaught of snowballs.

Faith and Natalie appeared over a snow bank and shouted; "Girls rule!" before giggling and running off towards the house, the boys in hot pursuit!

"Get them!" Ethan yelled.

...

While Luke took Ethan upstairs to change into dry clothes, Noah wandered into the parlour to find Lilly riffling through a box.

"Hi Lilly, do you need help with anything?"

She smiled up at him as he entered, "No thanks sweetie. I was just getting the ornaments ready for later.

"Oh yes." Noah replied, remembering the Snyder tradition of hanging individual ornaments to represent each member of the family.

She reached into the box and pulled out a miniature movie slate, holding it up for Noah to see, a smile crossing her lips. He felt his heart stop. The last Christmas he had spent with the Snyder's he had been blind, and Luke had helped him hang his special ornament on the tree. He remembered how Luke had described the ornament to him, but in his wildest imagination it hadn't been as beautiful as the one now dangling from Lilly's fingers, blue glitter sparkling as it caught the light.

He could still remember the jolt he felt as Luke held his hand… that unbelievable chemistry… so strong. At the time it had just been too much for him to handle and, as he had done over and over during those dark and dreadful days, he'd pushed the feelings away instead of embracing them.

Lilly stretched out and handed the ornament to him. He studied it intently as she said, "He hung it up for you last year…"

Noah looked up at her as he held his breath.

"He wouldn't have admitted it at the time but… I think he really wished you were here. He really missed you. We all did."

And he couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"Hey…" She stood up and took hold of his arms. "There's no reason to be sad. The two of you only have reason to be happy…"

He nodded. "I still can't believe how close I can to losing him. It just… it… it still hurts that I hurt him…"

"We all know that you would never deliberately hurt Luke. You were dealing with an unimaginable crisis and as much as we wanted to, none of us could have understood what the situation meant for you. Not really."

"Thank you."

"You're here now and that's all that counts. And this year you get to hang your own ornament!" He smiled as she hugged him. "Merry Christmas, Noah."

"Merry Christmas."

...

He was climbing the kitchen stairs when he bumped into Luke on his way back down, "I was just coming to find you…"

"Oh yes?" Luke's tone could only be described as silky and it sent flickers straight to Noah's groin. The blonde leaned back against the wall, lifted his right arm high and, as Noah gazed upward, jiggled the mistletoe hanging from his fingers.

Like magnets their bodies immediately squeezed together within the cramped walls of the tiny dark stairwell and Noah's heart rate instantly began to sky rocket… as was always the case when he was within close proximity to Luke.

Luke looped his arms around Noah's waist. Noah's right hand pressed into the wall, his arm brushing Luke's head as he lifted his left hand up to cup Luke's face, running his thumb up and down his cheek.

"You owe me a kiss, Mayor…" Luke uttered, fire in his eyes, and he leaned towards Noah expectantly.

Noah held his mouth mid-kiss, inches from Luke's lips, magnifying the anticipation, savouring it. Luke's breath shuddered as the sexual tension began to build and eventually the wait became too much, resulting in Luke's attempt to steal the kiss.

But Noah had other ideas and he promptly pulled his head back so that Luke just missed him and kissed the air instead. Luke's expression was one of surprise and then he smiled seductively.

Before Noah could blink his eyes, Luke had him flipped, his legs hooked, and his arms pinned either side of his head. The edge of a stone step dug into his lower back but he hardly noticed. Noah lifted an eyebrow, "What ya gonna do now?"

And, claiming what was his, Luke began to nibble Noah's bottom lip, slowly making his way up, demanding entrance to his mouth; pushing, licking and sucking his way in and then groaning with satisfaction when, at last, he felt Noah's smooth tongue wrap around his own. He released his grip on Noah's arms as he relaxed into him.

It didn't take long for Noah's hands to enter under Luke's shirt… for his fingers to slide beneath the belt of his jeans; and, as he touched skin, for his entire body to shiver with want. Desperately he mumbled, "Um Luke?"

"Mmm?" Luke was in the process of taking small bites out of his ear.

"You know…ahrg… you know I want you, right?"

"Mmm…" And Luke's hands were fumbling with Noah's belt buckle as their thighs rubbed together.

"But I really think… ah…ah… that's just… wow! Um… Luke?"

"Mmm?"

"We REALLY need to move this off the stairs! You know?"

Luke looked up at him; passion fuelled eyes taking a moment to clear before he nodded, "Right! Shit! The kids! Right!"

And, kissing and touching the whole way, they found their bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind them.

...

When Noah returned from his shower, Luke had already made his way downstairs. He had been recruited by Emma to help with Christmas dinner, now that she knew what a super chef he had become. Noah smiled at that. It was heart warming to think that Luke had found something he could share with his grandmother.

As he arrived downstairs he noticed that most of the Snyder's had already arrived and everyone was gathered in the kitchen. He was automatically wrapped in the gentle tenderness of family and friends already excitedly sharing a heartfelt Christmas.

The air was aromatic and spicy, rich in cinnamon and toasted almonds. Everyone was loud and animated as he did the round of hellos, hugs and kisses. His heart swelled at how much he loved these moments, moments only dreamed of as a child.

He walked over to Luke just as he pulled a roasted ham out of the oven and he reached over to pick off a burnt bit only to receive a harsh rap on the knuckles. Noah gave him a sheepish smile until Luke relented and cut a small piece of ham from the joint before feeding it into Noah's eager mouth.

"Mmmm." Noah said appreciatively, wrapping his arms around Luke's lower back.

"Good?"

"Amazing! Want to taste?"

And he leaned in to give Luke a honey laced kiss on his smiling lips.

"Come on guys! Get a room!" Joked Uncle Jack as he squeezed past them to get a beer from the fridge. "Beer anyone?" He yelled out to nobody in particular.

"Over here!" And Dusty caught the can as Jack hurled it across the room.

"Hey!" Chastised Emma, "Behave!"

Jack gave her a cheeky grin and walked over to see what Holden was up to.

Noah drank in Luke's loving gaze and savoured every second. He still couldn't believe it was possible to be this happy. Everything seemed so perfect… so right!

...

Although it was the nightmare that had initially scared the hell out of him, the fear from that was now slowly fading.

What he was left with, as he crouched shivering and sobbing in the corner, staring at Luke's sleeping form from across the room, was worse! Much, much worse! It was a kind of terror… of dread… And try as he might, he just couldn't shake the truth… the terrible knowledge…that he had backed into the corner to get away from HIM.