Nothing
It was meant to be the moment where everything in my life changed for the better. From the very start I was determined to work harder than anyone, to do whatever was needed to prove to them that I belonged. "I'm one of you, see!" I wanted to be able to shout out. Just please recognize me as something other than nothing.
A boiling brew of apprehension and excitement bubbled in the pit of Redkit's stomach as he sat outside the nursery opening in wait.
Today was the day, the beginning of what would be the rest of his life. Redkit was certain of that. This was the moment where everything would change for him. For you see today was a special one, without question the most significant of his life. Today officially marked the occasion in which Redkit, along with several other kits, would be made an apprentice.
The Clan itself was a hive of excitement. Sunlight could be seen streaming from above as littered across the camp were gaggles of cats' jostled together, conversating animatedly amongst each about the upcoming ceremony as the last few stragglers of kits were hurriedly being ushered across camp by their parents so that they could properly be cleaned for it. The elders had even deigned the idea of viewing the fruits of the Clan's future important enough to leave the sanctity of their den.
Redkit observed all of this from his secluded position. Not surprising, but he had been left off to more or less fend for himself with the cleaning of his own fur, not that he happened to mind too much though. From the sour looks that many of the other kits were displaying as they were forcibly licked over by their parents, Redkit reckoned that this was one instance where he welcomed the notion of purposely being left out.
No, for even if that had been the case, nothing could dampen the high spirits that were currently being channeled throughout his body, impatiently waiting to be released at the exact moment that he was declared an apprentice by Crowstar.
The thought itself was enough to send the ginger furred kit dashing about camp, yowling and jumping for joy, but he reined in his own impulses, choosing instead to remain seated where he was at the mouth of the nursery. There was time for that later, all Redkit wanted now was for the moment where Crowstar would take his place in front of the Clan and formally call everyone together.
"I don't get what all the fuss is about," an annoyed voice intoned from beside him. Redkit jumped, caught completely off guard, before immediately recognizing the appearance of the tortoiseshell cat angrily unsmoothing a clump of her cleaned glittering fur with a paw. He hadn't even noticed her slid in beside him.
Completely oblivious to the obvious discomfort of her companion, Hollykit continued on with her rant, glaring out towards the amassed group of cats lingering in the center of camp. "Everyone in camp is coming together treating this like some sort of scarce and sacred occasion, and what's worse we're being bothered over and cleaned like we're fresh out of the nursery or something. I mean it's not like one of us is becoming the new Clan leader or anything like that, so why does everyone have their tail up in such a bunch?"
She ended the last bit up with a firm huff before angling her head towards him as if expecting a response. Redkit squirmed inwardly under the inquisitive stare of the glowing yellow eyes of the tortoiseshell she-cat.
He caught a trace of himself reflected in the pools of her eyes, but resisted the temptation of delving in any further. Redkit wasn't too eager to see how he was perceived from the perspective of another cat, probably appearing stiff and awkward, almost as if he were uncomfortable in his skin, which wouldn't too far off from the truth.
Noticing Hollykit's continued stare, Redkit anxiously fumbled for some type of response, only succeeding in tangling up his own tongue as words failed to form. Why did this always happen, he wondered briefly. Usually coming up short for words wasn't anything new for him, but this time was different unlike the others.
He was used to shrinking under the harsh glares of the warriors whenever he opened his mouth up to speak, but with her, with Hollykit, it was always something different. While the others would usually glare him into submission, her calm and open personality really through him off, which was incredibly frustrating when he actually really wanted to respond to her question.
For him this ceremony meant everything. It was the affirmation of his dreams being laid out there in front of him to reach out and firmly grasp. He wanted to be able to tell her how becoming an apprentice was a once and a lifetime opportunity where you took your very step away from kithood and into adulthood.
Apprentice ceremonies were the chance for the all the members of the Clans, young and old, to come together and get a first real look at the eventual future protectors of the place that they all dearly loved to call home. It served as a brief niche in time where, regardless of personal feelings, everyone would cheer and celebrate your name, for you would officially be joining the rest of them as a contributing member of the world that they worked hard every day to maintain.
These were the seeds of Redkit's hopes and aspirations. If he just worked hard enough and proved to the rest of them that he too could provide and contribute something worthwhile and useful for the rest of them then they would finally accept him. But how was he supposed to explain of any of that to Hollykit? He could barely force a single syllable out between his own lips!
For her part, Hollykit seemed strangely acute to Redkit's problem. Appearing to have mercy upon the ginger tom floundering about before her like a gasping fish, she decided to step in, politely asking, "You don't seem to be one much for talking, do you?" Slightly titling her head as she viewed him, a smile formed. "That's fine with me, just means that you're a really good listener, then."
Surprised rippled across Redkit's pelt from Hollykit's statement. Wide eyed and staring back at the still smiling she-cat, Redkit's mind was a whirl of reeling thought. Had he actually just been complimented? Him?
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting!" a loud and commanding voice rippled out across the camp, pulling Redkit and Hollykit's attention from each other. Standing high above the rest of the Clan at the top of the large formation known as the Highrock stood the commanding figure of Crowstar, the leader of BoulderClan. His strong gaze swept amongst of the herd of cats below him before, to his own surprise, falling upon Redkit. "As I'm sure you're all aware of it is that joyous time in which several of our kits take their first steps into Clan life. It is my hope that today will signify a step in the right direction for this Clan's future." For a split second the stoic blue eyes of BoulderClan's proud leader connected with those of its unsung pariah. Simultaneously Crowstar broke the stare and turned back to address the whole of the Clan. "With that I would now if please those kits who are six moons old and ready to be apprenticed please step before the Highrock."
"I guess that's us then," Hollykit sighed, rising to her haunches and lightly gesturing towards Redkit with her tail to follow. Although the ginger kit had registered the movement his attention was still locked on Crowstar's figure up upon the Highrock.
As I look back on it now I wonder if it would have been better for me beforehand if I'd known the meaning behind that look? At the time before the ceremony I could only wonder and speculate what was going on behind those eyes of his. In any case I would soon find out.
"Hollykit, you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Hollypaw. Your mentor will be Roseblossom. I hope she will pass down all she knows on to you."
The Clan burst into a tandem of yowls of cheer as the newly christened Hollypaw touched noses with her new mentor. All the other apprentices had been assigned to their mentors and all that remained now was Redkit.
A little unsteadily, as the weight of being the sole spare soul locked upon the silent and uncomfortable gaze of the rest of the Clan, Redkit nervously took his place in front of the Highrock, feeling the burning stare of Crowstar bore holes into his pelt as he reluctantly looked up.
"Redkit," Crowstar began softly, though because of deathly silence of the entire camp it came out instead in full volume. "You have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Redpaw…" Crowstar's voice suddenly died off after that, and alarmed, Redpaw looked up to see a troubled look etched across the great leader's face.
Crowstar stood on the Highrock, his glossy gray pelt shinning in the sunlight as his gaze swept across the throng of assembled cats, his voice desperate. "Before I am able to name Redpaw's mentor I must first pose this question again, as I have already done to several of you already in the hopes that maybe one of you will reconsider." He paused briefly, letting a soft sigh escape through his lips as he once again faced the Clan. "Will no cat step forward and mentor this apprentice?"
In that exact instance, every single dream and hope I had had up to that point about being able to become one with the members of Clan shattered. I meant absolutely nothing to them, so much so that the mere idea of mentoring me revolted them enough to shun the wishes of even the leader, Crowstar, himself.