Ablaze

by awalkerlifeforme

Aspen Antaeus has escaped the Hunger Games twice. She has become the face of the rebellion against the Capitol. But there is one thing stopping her from assuming her role as the Mockingjay. Her husband, Cato Hadley, was left in the arena to die. But when Aspen is given proof that he lives on, she joins the fight. And she will not stop. Not until every inch of the Capitol is ablaze.

14. Chapter 14

My eyes immediately sprang open, instantly flooded with the bright florescent lights of the hospital. At first, I thought that maybe I had just passed out. Maybe I had just had another realistic nightmare. But I quickly realized that something had happened. Something was wrong. There was a sharp stabbing pain on the right side of my chest and the pain only increased with each breath that I took, something that was as hard as it had been when I had run through the fire in the first Games. Each breath took almost everything in me to gather.

Something in my chest felt extremely tight and coughing did nothing more than worsen the pain. I tried to raise up out of the bed - quickly realizing that I was in a hospital gown - but I noticed that my torso was heavier than normal. Why? What had they done to me? My hands traveled desperately up my torso to reach for something hard and metallic that was resting against my throat. Fear coursing through my veins, I grasped at the metal, desperate to remove it. At that same moment, Boggs came dashing up to my side and pulled my hands away from the brace.

"No, Aspen," Boggs said reassuringly. My eyes widened for a moment until I realized that he really was trying to help me. "No, no, no. You're swollen. Don't touch it. No, no, no." I relaxed slightly, realizing that it was just a neck brace. But why was it on me? "Calm down. Calm down. You're okay."

Okay? I was okay? So why did it feel like I was about to have a heart attack? My heart was pounding so fast that I was sure that it was a heart attack coming to pay me a visit. My head turned as far to the right and left as it could go. Save Boggs and myself, there was only a nurse in the room. Where was everyone? Where were my friends? Where was my family? I wanted them here. And what the hell had happened to me? It was like someone had drawn a curtain on the past few hours of my life. I knew that there was a neck brace on me, but how had it gotten there? Was I really remembering things correctly?

Or had all of the stress finally gotten to me? It didn't seem likely, but my injuries were indicative that it had happened the way that I vaguely remembered. Did Cato really attack me? I couldn't be sure. Had I just been imagining things? Were my nightmares playing tricks on me? My head was spinning from my thoughts running rampant. It definitely felt like I had been strangled and had lost a fight with the Capitol trains. But the entire thing didn't make sense. Cato wouldn't have dared to try and hurt me the way that I thought that he had. Not after being rescued from the Capitol.

It didn't seem even close to being right. I knew Cato. I knew my husband. He had attacked a number of people before. Numerous kids and adults in the Games. But he had never attacked me. Not for anything. Other than the one brief slap under the influence of Tracker Jacker venom in the first Games we had never hurt each other. Not in the Games. Not even the many times that either one of us had threatened to kill each other. We would never attack the other. Maybe with words - we had done that a million times before - but never physically.

Something was very wrong here. Was I imagining things? Had we gone out on some mission and had I been badly injured? Perhaps I was making things up in my head. Perhaps Cato wasn't even back here yet. Maybe they had never gone on that mission to save him from the Capitol. Maybe I was just dreaming about the things that scared me the most in the entire world. But judging by the look on Boggs's face... No, I couldn't think of it yet. Boggs turned to the nurse standing at the door and nodded.

"Tell her she's awake," he commanded.

The nurse nodded and fled from the room. Boggs's hands were still wrapped around my wrist, probably trying to ensure that I wasn't about to rip the collar off, which I so desperately wanted to do. There was a monitor next to the bed that I was laying in that was beeping rather rapidly, matching my thumping heartbeat. Boggs didn't look like he was planning on moving anytime soon. So, I opened my mouth and tried to force words out of my mouth; Cato's name, more specifically. But all that I got was a slight hiss.

"Don't try to talk," Boggs said. I silenced myself immediately. "Cato's okay, I promise. I just had to get him off you."

For a moment I just stared at Boggs. It didn't make sense to me. At least, I didn't want it to make sense. All I knew was that it was truth. Cato really had attacked me. He really did come back from the Capitol. None of it had been a nightmare. At least, not one that I could wake up from. So that came down to why Cato had attacked me. Did he think that I was some creature made up by the Capitol? Did he think that I was a trick made by Snow? I wanted to ask a thousand questions, but my voice wasn't working and Boggs had ordered me not to speak.

"Wait here. We'll get everyone in here," Boggs said.

It turned out that waiting for Boggs wasn't just a few minutes. It was a process of near hours. Each hour getting even more distressing than the last. No one spoke to me. Not any of the doctors. They simply did what they needed to do and moved on, letting the next one take another look at my body and the damage that had been done by Cato. Only one of them reassured me that I was completely safe. Completely safe... words that I had heard a thousand times before. Words that never seemed to be completely true.

The cold collar chafed my neck and made the shivering even harder to control. There were no blankets on the bed that I was confined to. They couldn't put any extra weight on me until I was strong enough to make it. At least I was no longer in the claustrophobic tube, while the machines clicked and whirred around me, listening to a disembodied voice telling me to hold still while I tried to convince myself I could still breathe. It was stunningly difficult. Even now, when I had been assured there would be no permanent damage, I hungered for air.

It felt like someone had put a lead brick on my chest. No matter how deep of a breath I took, I couldn't completely fill my lungs. Without asking the doctors, they had assured me that it was completely normal, promising that I would be back to normal in no time. Evidently, they were unaware of how long it had been since I had felt normal. Far longer than I was comfortable with. How long had it been since I was that parent-less girl who had wandered into the Hob with her two best friends, just hoping to not starve to death and avoid the Games? I couldn't even remember.

The medical team's main concerns - damage to my spinal cord, airway, veins, and arteries - had been allayed. Bruising, hoarseness, the sore larynx, this strange little cough - not to be worried about. It would all be fine. The Mockingjay would not lose her voice. Where, I wanted to ask, was the doctor who determined if I was losing my mind? Only I still wasn't supposed to talk right now. I couldn't even thank Boggs when he came to check on me time and time again. To look me over and tell me he had seen a lot of worse injuries among the soldiers when they taught choke holds in training.

Everyone seemed so nonchalant about the fact that my husband had just tried to strangle me to death. Maybe he really had just been hallucinating or thought that I was some creature conjured up by the Capitol. I wanted so desperately to ask, but no one would tell me anything. All I knew was that there was definitely something wrong. I could tell by the way that the others were acting. Too normal. Too carefree. It was the way that someone acted before delivering bad news, as they were trying to cushion the blow of what was sure to be a kill shot.

It was Boggs who knocked out Cato with one blow before any permanent damage could be done. I knew Haymitch would have come to my defense if he hadn't been utterly unprepared. To catch both Haymitch and myself off guard was a rare thing. Not just him. Katniss, Dean, Brutus, and Damien had all also been there. None of whom were easy to catch off guard. None of whom had been expecting what had happened. None of whom had thought that the meeting would go the way that it had.

No one had been expecting anything to happen other than a kiss and perhaps a warning to wait until we were in private to continue our reunion. But we have been so consumed with saving Cato, so tortured by having him in the Capitol's hands, that the elation at having him back blinded us. Each and every one of us hadn't even thought about what could have happened. If I had had a private reunion with Cato, the one that I had so desperately wanted, he would have killed me. Now that he was deranged.

No, not deranged, I reminded myself. Hijacked. That was the word that I had heard passing between Plutarch and Haymitch as I was wheeled past them in the hallway. It was the word that I had heard a few others - including the doctors - say. It was the word that I was sure was destined to ruin my life. If it wasn't ruined already, at least. Perhaps ruined for the final time. Hijacked. The word repeated itself in my head over and over again the entire time that I was worked on. No matter how hard I thought about it, I didn't know what it meant.

Right now, it was the only thing that I wanted to know. Someone had to tell me what it meant. This wasn't something that I was going to let them hide from me. I tried to speak a number of times, but they kept telling me to be quiet. I imagined that it didn't really matter anyways. The one time that I had tried to say his name was useless. My voice was gone for now. But all I wanted was to ask them what it meant. Hijacked. What it meant for Cato and what it meant for me, but I was never able to get more than a pathetic hiss out before I was silenced.

Things were silent for a long time after the doctors had finished their check-up on me. It was almost strange. I didn't like it. Very slowly my family began to trickle into the room. They didn't speak but they did each give me their own little greetings. A squeeze of the shoulder. A pat on the knee. A kiss on the forehead. But I barely noticed who they all were. All I was concerned about right now - even more so than my own lack of oxygen - was Cato and what that word meant. Hijacked. What the hell could that even mean?

It wasn't long before everyone had showed up. All of Cato's family were quickly at my bedside, save Marley, who was likely being looked over by one of the older women. I was a little surprised that they weren't with him. Maybe they weren't allowed to be with him right now. Alana appeared to be more attentive than she had been in weeks. Damien stood with a tensely straightened spine. Carrie was clinging onto Dean, both of whom looked overly-concerned with me. Skye and Julie were snarling back and forth with the doctors to tell them what was wrong with Cato.

Of course, just like with me, they were ignoring the two girls. They weren't going to tell us what it meant until they were ready. If that day or time ever came. Even Brutus and Seneca were in the room right now. I was the slightest bit surprised to see that they were there. Especially Seneca, who I had thought would be on very thin ice with the residents of Thirteen right now. But with Cato's unexpected entrance into Thirteen, everyone had momentarily forgotten about the broadcast. For the first time ever, Brutus actually looked concerned for me.

Or perhaps it was for Cato, even if he wasn't here. I supposed that it didn't really matter. He was concerned and we both wanted to help the same person. That was what mattered. And we would eventually find them. I had faith in that. Katniss and Prim, who appeared moments after the attack and had stayed as close to me as possible ever since, spread another blanket over me. The doctors had finally agreed that it would be okay to give me a few of them. But it didn't matter. I was still freezing and likely would be until I was back to normal. If that was even possible.

"I think they'll take the collar off soon, Aspen. You won't be so cold then," Prim said reassuringly.

"Do you want some more blankets?" Katniss asked.

I continued to stare blankly at the ceiling. "Is there anything that we can get you?" Alana asked softly.

Once more I ignored them. Aidan took a seat on the edge of the bed, unfurling a paper napkin in his lap. "I got you some cookies," he whispered, just the way that Peeta's father had done after the Reaping of the first Games. "I don't think that you can have them just yet, but you should be able to eat them once you're better. Took a lot of convincing to get them for you."

Aidan, who had once hated me so much, was now one of the members of the Hadley family that cared the most for me. Right now, it seemed that he was the one who cared the most for me. Boggs took an extra napkin, folded the cookies up in it, and placed it on the edge of the bedside table. I couldn't even imagine where he had gotten them from, but I supposed that it didn't matter. What happened to Cato was what mattered. Aidan obviously understood that as he didn't mind that I gave almost no indication that I had noticed his gift.

All I wanted right now was to tell everyone to get away from me. There were far too many people with me in the room right now and I knew that I looked pathetic. Save the collar, I wasn't sure what else was making me look pathetic and hopeless, but I was sure that there was something. I was used to it by now. I just didn't want to be with them. I didn't want to be with anyone. The only thing that I wanted was for Cato to get back to normal. I wanted him to be here, with me, and not trying to kill me.

Ms. Everdeen, who had been assisting in a complicated surgery, had still not been informed of Cato's assault. Probably for the best. For now, she was the only person missing. Prim took one of my hands, Katniss taking the other, both of which were clutched in fists, and massaged them until they opened and blood began to flow through my fingers again. Katniss was still working on the second fist when the doctors showed up, removed the first collar, replacing it with a second, less sturdy one, and gave me a shot of something for pain and swelling.

It was definitely easier to move around and my swallowing didn't seem quite as difficult as it was before, but the collar definitely didn't feel right. I wanted it off, but I knew that there would be no arguing against it. For now, I was stuck, useless, bedridden, and mute. Although there was only one thing that I wanted to know and I was sure that the doctors already knew what I wanted to know. So I laid, as instructed, with my head still, not aggravating the injuries to my neck, which would apparently be healed in a few weeks.

Plutarch, Haymitch, and Beetee had been waiting in the hall for the doctors to give them clearance to see me. I didn't know if they had told Gale, who had gone to immediate emergency surgery after seeing me and showing me where Cato was, but since he wasn't here, I assumed they hadn't. Perhaps they wouldn't tell him. That would probably be for the better, considering that he might try and attack Cato himself for it. Plutarch ushered the doctors out and tried to order Prim, Katniss, and the kids to go as well, but an argument quickly ensued.

"No," Prim snapped, surprising me. I would have thought that Katniss, Dean, Skye, or Julie would speak first. Not Prim. "If you force me, or any of us, to leave, I'll go directly to surgery and tell my mother everything that's happened. And I warn you, she doesn't think much of a Gamemaker calling the shots on Aspen's life. Especially when you've taken such poor care of her."

Plutarch looked offended, but Haymitch chuckled. "I'd let it go, Plutarch," Haymitch said.

Without further argument, Prim was allowed to stay. The only person who had been told that they couldn't come in was Marley. She was clearly far too young to be in here. They didn't want Aidan in here either, but if Prim was allowed to stay, so was he. I could tell that they really wanted to remove Cato's family - who were clearly as bewildered and upset about this as I was - but each one had refused to leave. Particularly Damien and Alana, whose faces I couldn't really read. At least, not Damien's. Alana was clearly hanging by a thread. Just the way that I was.

For a little while everyone was silent as they did some last-minute checks. Making sure that I was alright. Letting Cato's family know that he was okay. Definitely not exactly well, but not dead either. Also, not deranged. I kept wondering what it meant. Hijacked. It obviously wasn't just me. It was pretty clear that Cato's family was going to lose it if they didn't know what had happened within a few minutes. Plutarch sat in a chair on the other end of the room, rubbing a hand over his face, clearly very stressed.

"So, Aspen, Cato's condition has come as a shock to all of us. We couldn't help but notice his deterioration in the last two interviews," Plutarch said. How could you have possibly missed it? He had looked terrible for weeks. "Obviously, he'd been abused, and we put his psychological state down to that. Now we believe something more was going on."

"Obviously something more has been going on!" Alana shouted hysterically, startling me.

Everyone else, too, seeing as they all jumped. Even Plutarch looked shocked. "Mrs. Hadley -"

"Don't you dare say anything to me," Alana interrupted. It was that moment that I really saw the similarities between her and her son. That fierce anger whenever they were triggered by something. "I want to know what the hell happened to my son when he was in the Capitol."

"We're getting there," Plutarch said calmly.

"You should have been there weeks ago! Before he got to this point!" Alana howled.

"Darling -" Damien started.

Alana wanted to hear from her husband about as much as she wanted to hear Plutarch reason why it wasn't their fault that Cato was at this point. "Our son is... I don't know!" Alana shouted, fed-up. "I don't know what's wrong with him, but I want to know. I want to know why the hell he got to this point. I want to know why my son just tried to kill my daughter-in-law."

Her voice was rattling with fury as tears built up in my eyes. "Mom, stop," Dean whispered.

He was speaking very softly, a strange contrast to Alana's rattling snarls. I noticed Dean was shaking his head softly, motioning over to me. I tried to look away. This was my fault. Why did I deserve their pity? Their son and brother was out of his mind and the family still clearly felt badly for me. How did that make any reasonable sense? Maybe it was because Dean could obviously see that I was about to cry, thinking about what my husband was going through. My husband, who hated my guts. Alana let out a breath that seemed to calm her slightly.

She took a seat at the edge of my bed, grabbing my hand comfortingly. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't. I would have liked to be left alone, but I knew that this wasn't just about me. It was also about them. He wasn't just my husband. He was also their family member. They had known him a lot longer than I had. That didn't stop a few tears from leaking out of my eyes. This was not the reunion that I had wanted. I wanted to be in bed with him right now. Not in the hospital, laid up in bed, because he had put me there.

Katniss took the opposite end of the bed with Prim and grabbed my hand. "Okay, we've all made mistakes here. The important thing is that we figure out what comes next," Katniss said calmly.

When had she become the calming force here? She was normally the most hot-headed of us. "Was he just panicked at seeing her? Did he think that she was an illusion created by the Capitol?" Damien asked.

A reasonable question. A question that almost made a brilliant grin cross my face. Yes. That would have been wonderful. I could have kissed Damien for asking that. Of course! Cato didn't really hate me. He had been so tormented by the Capitol, and he had been passed out during the rescue, that no one had gotten a chance to explain to him that he was safe. He must have thought that I was a new form of torture brought on by the Capitol. But before I could get too excited, Beetee's tiny shake of the head brought my entire world down.

"No. It's almost definitely positive that Cato knew who Aspen was. He knew that she was real," he said.

I'd had a fireball sear through my stomach before. This was a worse pain. "So, let's repeat the prior question. Why the hell did my son attack my daughter-in-law? He should have been thrilled to see her," Alana pointed out.

"Yes, he should have," Plutarch agreed.

"So, what happened?" Dean asked.

"How do we fix this?" Alana added.

Plutarch sucked in another breath. "That the Capitol has been subjecting him to a rather uncommon technique known as hijacking. Beetee?" he asked, passing off the explanation to him.

"That is?" Alana asked, since I couldn't.

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you all the specifics of it, Aspen. The Capitol's very secretive about this form of torture, and I believe the results are inconsistent. This we do know. It's a type of fear conditioning. The term hijack comes from an old English word that means 'to capture,' or even better, 'seize.' We believe it was chosen because the technique involves the use of Tracker Jacker venom, and the jack suggested hijack. You were stung in your first Hunger Games, so unlike most of us, you have firsthand knowledge of the effects of the venom," Beetee said.

Terror. Hallucinations. Nightmarish visions of losing those I loved. Because the venom targeted the part of the brain that housed fear. Somehow, I could remember the entire thing. The world floating in and out of my vision. That horrible spinning that had caused me to fall from the tree. Stumbling out to the lake to remove the stingers. Seeing Seneca in the woods. The foul-smelling green liquid that had come out of the large wounds. The kaleidoscope of colors. Stumbling around. Seeing Glimmer's bloated and green-oozing body. Breaking her fingers with the rocks.

Had I really done that? It felt like that memory was in a blender. Glimmer's skin had disintegrated in my hands. Confused over the hovercraft that I had thought was coming for me. The slime on the arrows. Seeing Caesar Flickerman speaking to me about the Tracker Jackers. Cato's changing eye colors. The wolf paw prints in the dirt. Stumbling into the trees as the world shifted around me. The house-sized butterfly exploding. Trees bursting into blood. The ants boring into my eyes and skin. Falling into the orange bubbles. That far-off scream. Yes. It had been a living nightmare.

One that I had lived trapped in for days. Seneca suddenly appeared in the door frame. I let out a breath of relief, reaching out for him. "I am aware of this type of fear conditioning," Seneca said slowly. He took a step near me, but backed off as Alana took a protective stance in front of me. She was obviously caught up on his announcement of what had happened between us. "It's... brutal, to be put nicely."

Knowing what the Tracker Jacker venom had done to me set my teeth on edge. If that had happened to me with just a few stings, what had happened to Cato with weeks of it? "What the hell have your people done to my son?" Alana snarled at Seneca.

"They're not my people. I've been with the rebellion for some time," Seneca explained calmly. "They've put him through the process of hijacking. It's not easy and takes time. With all of the weeks that he's been in the Capitol, they've had plenty of time to work through the deepest parts of the process."

"Did you know?" she hissed.

"Of course not. I would have never let this happen," Seneca said defensively.

And I believed him. He cared for me enough to have never let this happen. "I don't trust you. Tell me something. How many of my family members do you have to kill or hurt?" Alana asked. Tears formed in my eyes. "My daughter! My son!"

Actual hurt shot through his eyes. "I've never meant to hurt any of you," Seneca said.

"Perhaps you should leave," Boggs suggested to Seneca softly.

Seneca nodded his consent. "Yes. I should."

But I didn't want him to go. He was actually one of the few people who I wanted here right now. So I began shaking my head desperately since I evidently still wasn't allowed to talk. The last thing that I wanted was for Seneca to leave. They could grant me that much, right? I reached out and grabbed his hands to try and keep him near my bed, accidentally drawing him closer to Alana. She looked furious to have him near either one of us. My actions clearly weren't sitting well with her, considering that she was nearly out of her mind right now.

"Calm down," Damien told his wife softly. "Getting angry isn't making things better."

"You think I don't have a right to be angry?" she spat at him.

It was definitely the angriest that I had ever seen her. To my surprise, Carrie stepped in between them. "I don't think anyone has a right to be angrier than Aspen right now," she said quietly but still stern.

"I think that Aspen should have a right to speak for herself," Skye interrupted angrily.

Unfortunately, Aspen can't speak for herself right now. "Maybe she'd be able to if Cato hadn't just tried to kill her because the people in the Capitol tortured him!" Alana shouted, echoing my thoughts.

"Enough!" Katniss shouted, her voice nearly rattling the room, surprising everyone. "Regardless of what we all now know happened between them, Seneca cares for Aspen - and Cato, in turn. He would have never let this happen. To either one of them."

The room plunged into a slightly awkward silence as I smiled at Katniss as best as I could. She squeezed my hand. "Thank you, Katniss," Seneca said, breaking the silence.

She nodded. "Back to what happened, please," Plutarch said.

"I'm sure you remember how frightening it was. Did you also suffer mental confusion in the aftermath? A sense of being unable to judge what was true and what was false?" Beetee asked. "Most people who have been stung and lived to tell about it report something of the kind."

My heart skipped a beat. Yes. That encounter with Peeta. Even after I was clearheaded, I wasn't sure if he had saved my life by taking on Cato or if I had imagined it. Even the argument with Cato had been unclear. I wasn't sure if it had really happened. The only proof had been my sore jaw from his hit. Finch and Rue had both confirmed the argument afterwards. But when I had first woken up... I hadn't been sure if either one of those things had really happened. In fact, it was during the Victory Ceremony that I really got to see what had happened. That was mostly where my memory came from.

"Recall is made more difficult because memories can be changed." Beetee tapped his forehead. "Brought to the forefront of your mind, altered, and saved again in the revised form. Now imagine that I ask you to remember something - either with a verbal suggestion or by making you watch a tape of the event - and while that experience is refreshed, I give you a dose of Tracker Jacker venom. Not enough to induce a three-day blackout. Just enough to infuse the memory with fear and doubt. And that's what your brain puts in long-term storage. The venom puts the subject in a disassociate state. And they torture him with shocks and beatings and strip down his identity. And then all of that suffering and fear is redirected, associated with other memories or a person."

Beetee's words echoed in my head for at least a few minutes. I started to feel sick as the truth of it all sank in. I knew what it was like to have the Tracker Jacker venom echoing through my veins. I knew what it did to someone. I knew the feeling of horror and terror that it sent through someone. The memories would likely be easy enough to change with enough venom. What were they using? Videos from the Games? The Victory Tour? All of those already brutal memories distorted to make me look like the bad guy.

All of those memories of the two of us having been changed. All of those memories being changed to something even scarier than the original, this time with me at the center of them. All of the torture that they had put Cato through, only to infuse him with false memories of me. Enough to make him want to attack me. All of that terror and pain that he had experienced was now redirected onto me. My heart sank down to the floor and even further than that, if it was at all possible. I wanted to scream but that was out of the question right now.

"Are you kidding?" Alana finally asked.

"No, he's not," Seneca said.

"That's all the information that we have on it?" Brutus asked. Even he looked horrified.

"The exact process is vague. I know that a certain memory is first called to the front of the mind by some type of stimulus. Words and images associated with the desired memory can be used; in Cato's case, likely what's happened is that recordings of events in the arena, both times around, were utilized when possible. Once Cato had remembered the event, the Tracker Jacker venom was injected into the bloodstream. The quantity of venom was small enough that it caused almost no physical reaction - pain or swelling - and minimal hallucination. However, the memory is slightly altered by the hallucinatory effects and becomes subconsciously associated with fear and pain. The disorienting effects help to camouflage the falsity of the memories. Afterwards, the brain stores the memory in the new form, along with the negative associations," Seneca explained.

It was a lot of information to process at once and I was sure that everyone else felt that way. I tried to put together anything else that could have been happening, any other way to process what they were saying, but I knew that I was understanding things well enough. They had showed Cato videos of the Games and the Victory Tour and whatever they had in between. What we were seeing was the effects of the beatings and torture. But those ticks, the way that he had struggled to tell me about the attack on Thirteen, were all because of the Tracker Jacker venom.

If we had just been a few days earlier, we would have been better off. Cato was obviously having a problem telling whether or not I was good, but he was enough of himself to manage a warning. After that they must have worked on him nonstop to get him to the point that he was at now, enough so that if he saw me, he would instantly lunge. I wanted the words and explanation not to make sense. But it did, as much as I wished that it didn't. I didn't want it to be real. I wanted to be imagining this entire thing.

"It was that bad?" Skye asked weakly.

"Yes," Plutarch answered.

"You let this happen?" Julie hissed at Seneca.

Of course not. He would have never let this happen if he knew that it was hijacking. "No one knew what was happening to Cato when he was in the Capitol. We knew that things were bad but we never could have guessed that they were this bad. We never realized that they were doing this to him," Seneca explained as calmly as he could.

Everyone was silent for a moment before Skye breathed, "It's why they let him go in the Capitol."

"Likely, yes," Plutarch agreed.

I hadn't thought of that. They had wanted him to get away. He was their way of killing me. Alana started towards Seneca again. "If you had rescued him earlier -"

"Nothing would have been changed," Brutus interrupted, stepping forward and surprising me slightly. At least he agreed that this wasn't Seneca's fault. He would have done anything to stop this. "They were already going through with the hijacking process. It wouldn't have been to the point that it is now, but it still would have happened."

Alana stifled a sob. "You should have never left him in the Capitol," she growled.

"We're so sorry," Seneca said honestly. "We never -"

"Expected this to happen. So we've heard," Carrie interrupted coldly.

That plunged the room into another silence as we all stared at each other, wondering what came next. Prim finally asked the question that was in my mind. "Is that what they've done to Cato? Taken his memories of Aspen and distorted them so they're scary?"

Beetee nodded. "So scary that he'd see her as life-threatening. That he might try to kill her. Yes, that's our current theory."

"They turned him into a weapon, Aspen. To kill you," Haymitch said seriously.

His eyes were slightly red. As upset as I was with this, so was he. He cared about Cato too, as much as he didn't want to admit it. This was affecting him in a different way than me, but just as much. That was also the same time that the gravity of the situation hit me. If even Haymitch saw this as something dangerous and deadly, so did I. It was that look that Haymitch was giving me. It was the look that I had seen so many times before. The look that told me that this was dangerous and nothing could be changed.

It was already too late. We both knew that it was too late. The truth hit me like a ton of bricks. The truth of what had just happened and what we couldn't change. It was too late for us to change anything. But for this to have happened. Like this... When I had been so thrilled to finally have him back with me... I covered my face with my arms because this couldn't have been happening. It wasn't possible. There was no way. For someone to make Cato forget he loved me... no one could do that. Our love was too strong. We had promised it to each other countless times.

We had promised each other that we would always love each other. No one could ever change that and no one could ever mean to us what the other did. I began hyperventilating as I tried so desperately to think of anything that could be done to change what had happened to Cato. There had to be something that we could do to save him and bring him back to me. I needed him back. I had wanted it for so long. Now he was finally back and he wanted nothing more than to kill me. What kind of cruel change of fate was that?

"But you can reverse it, right?" Prim asked.

"Um... very little data on that," Plutarch said awkwardly. My heart sank. He might as well have just said what he was thinking. No. "None, really. If hijacking rehabilitation has been attempted before, we have no access to those records."

"Well, you're going to try, aren't you? You're not just going to lock him up in some padded room and leave him to suffer?" Prim persisted.

"If you do that -" Alana snarled.

"Of course, we'll try, Prim. Alana, we will not leave your son like this. You have our word," Beetee said, trying to calm Alana before she went off the rails again.

"And we all know how good that is," Alana hissed.

Obviously fed up with what was happening, Katniss stood from the bed and advanced on Beetee and Plutarch. "You're going to try. You're going to do anything possible to fix this. The only reason that he's like this is because you didn't go back for him in the arena. You owe it to Aspen - and the rest of us - to try anything possible to get him back to himself," Katniss hissed dangerously.

"We will try everything that we can," Beetee promised. I grabbed Katniss's wrist and pulled her back to me. "It's just, we don't know to what degree we'll succeed. If any. My guess is that fearful events are the hardest to root out. They're the ones we naturally remember the best, after all."

The room was silent for a while as everyone processed what was happening. The lack of faith in Beetee's voice... They could try as hard as they wanted, Cato would likely be stuck the way that he was forever. In some disturbed state trapped between reality and a horrific lie. Hating me. Wanting me dead. The tears built up in my eyes all over again. What could be done at this point? How could we make sure that he was going to be okay? What could I do to help him besides die? Probably nothing.

"Is he in pain?" Damien finally asked quietly.

"We don't think so. He's irate right now, trying to figure out what's happened and where he is. But we're hopeful that we can at least get him to a content space soon enough," Beetee said.

"I want to see him," Alana said suddenly.

She still hadn't seen him? "I'm afraid that we can't do that," Plutarch told her.

"He's my son!" Alana snapped.

Plutarch was obviously avoiding my eyes. "We can't accidentally trigger any memories that he might associate with Aspen. Right now, he will likely remember that you attended his wedding to Aspen or that you know her. Anyone that we can have speak with Cato has to be someone that he won't associate with her to keep from triggering memories," Plutarch explained.

His own family couldn't even see him because of me. What more could I possibly do to ruin their lives? "So, I can't even see my son?" Alana gasped.

"Perhaps once we've made some progress on him," Beetee said gently.

"Until then?" Carrie asked.

Would he really just be left alone all the time? He must have been beside himself right now. "He'll be treated by strangers and converse with them. No mentions of Aspen or any of your family," Plutarch said. He would have to be completely alone as he went through this... "This is going to have to go slowly. But we're confident that we'll make some progress."

"Aspen -" Alana started.

But I couldn't hear her right now. I didn't want to hear anything right now. Not from her. The only thing that I wanted to hear about right now was what we could possibly do to help Cato. I began shaking my head desperately, tears steadily flowing down my cheeks and onto the hospital gown. By the way that my heart was pounding, I was certain that I was about to lose it, and this time I wouldn't get it back. Because this time, Cato didn't know me... He hated me... He was going to kill me... The rest of his family couldn't even see him because of me.

For what to be the thousandth time, I realized just how wonderful Cato's life would have been if he had never met me. He would have gone into the Games and won them. He would have been the perfect Victor. The Capitol would have loved him. Perhaps he would have gone the same route as Finnick or Cashmere, but he would have been okay. He was strong. And he could have had someone in secret. Skye and Julie would have been there for him, one way or another. They would have waited until he was old enough to be allowed to settle down and stop working for Snow.

The Capitol would have adored him. District 2 would have reveled in his glory. Leah would still be alive. Cato would have never had to go back into the Games. His life would be the picture-perfect life that he had been expecting when he had volunteered during the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games. He would have been so much better without me. He would have never gotten to this point - tortured and tormented and so desperate to kill me. Not like he was going to be now for the rest of his life.

"And apart from his memories of Aspen, we don't yet know what else has been tampered with," Plutarch said. What else could they have possibly tampered with? "We're putting together a team of mental health and military professionals to come up with a counterattack. I, personally, feel optimistic that he'll make a full recovery."

Plutarch's voice was bright, but I saw the doubt in everyone else's eyes. "Do you?" Prim asked caustically. "And what do you think, Haymitch?"

That would have been interesting. Haymitch had never been one to hide things from me. At least, things that would hurt me. The rebellion was the only thing that he had ever hidden from me. Anything that would hurt me emotionally, he had never cared much about. Only if I had reacted poorly. I shifted my arms slightly so that I could see his expression through the crack. He looked pained, like a father trying to soften the blow for his daughter after something had gone terribly wrong. He was exhausted and discouraged.

His voice was weak as he admitted, "I think Cato might get somewhat better. But... I don't think he'll ever be the same."

There it was. My final confirmation that Cato was never going to really come back to me. He was gone forever. Perhaps one day he would manage to relax slightly and move on into a new life in District 2. But I was never going to be a part of that life again. I stared at Haymitch for a moment, praying that he was wrong, praying that he was just messing with me. A cruel joke that he loved to play on me. But his face was solemn. Truthful. I snapped my arms back together, closing the crack, shutting them all out. Hopefully forever.

For what wasn't the first time and likely wouldn't be the last time, I wished that I was dead. I began sobbing softly that nearly led to hysterics. I wanted them to leave. I didn't want them to have to see me in hysterics. Their eyes were likely full of pity as they tried to debate on what they wanted to do with me. But I didn't want them to do anything with me. I wanted them to leave me alone. As I had said when I had first gotten to District 13, I wanted them to leave me to die. The way that I should have done so long ago.

There was a horrible feeling of bile rising in my throat. If there was anything in my stomach for me to throw up, I was sure that I would have done it at that exact moment. The truth of the matter had finally sunk in as I realized exactly what it meant. It meant that I was never going to have my husband back, even though he was literally within feet of me. It nearly gave me a heart attack. He was never coming back to me... It would have been better off if he was dead. At least I wouldn't have to see him like this and he wouldn't have to live like that. Close enough for me to touch.

But so far away that it felt like he was on another continent. Cato had officially forgotten about me. At least if he had died during the Quell, I would have known that he was happy with me getting to live on. But I was trapped in this limbo. He was still alive and in so much turmoil. I would never be able to move on, knowing that he was the way that he was. It didn't take long for the Hadley's, Katniss, and Prim to all seat themselves on the edge of the bed that I was in. Brutus and Haymitch were shaking their heads, looking at the floor. Seneca looked like he wanted to clear everyone out.

"Would it be better for him somewhere else? To be somewhere else?" Alana asked softly.

Perhaps he needed to be back in Two. Without me. "We have the best doctors suited to treat him here in Thirteen. We'll keep him in isolation until we feel that he's well enough to move," Beetee said.

"At least he's alive," Plutarch said, as if he was losing patience with the lot of us. My fingers twitched. "Snow executed Cato's Stylist and his Prep Team on live television tonight. Cato's damaged, but he's here. With us. And that's a definite improvement over his situation twelve hours ago. Let's keep that in mind, all right?"

Plutarch's attempt to cheer me up - laced with the news of another four, possibly five, murders - somehow backfired. Carrine. His Stylist. Cato's Prep Team. I hadn't known any of them well, but I knew that they had meant a lot to Cato. They, like my own, had been devastated when they had learned the truth of the Quell. The effort to fight back even more tears made my throat throb until I was gasping again. Everyone tried to calm me down but I kept trying to push them away from me. I wanted to be alone. Eventually, they had no choice but to sedate me.

When I woke, I wondered if that would be the only way I would sleep from now on, with drugs shot into my arm. My night was full of nightmares of what had happened to Cato and a number of attempts to kill me. Each one seemed more realistic than the last. And with the pain in my throat, it was almost impossible to just imagine that it was a dream. When I finally woke, I bolted upright but was unable to scream. I was actually quite glad that I wasn't supposed to talk for the next few days, because there was nothing I wanted to say. Or do.

The last thing that I wanted to do was speak to Cato's family, who had been ordered to give me some space for the first day of my recovery. I had a feeling that it might have been Seneca's suggestion to keep them away from me. I didn't fight anyone on their orders. In fact, I was a model patient, my lethargy taken for restraint, obedience to the doctors' orders. I no longer feel like crying. What would tears do, after all? In fact, I could only manage to hold on to one simple thought: an image of Snow's face accompanied by the whisper in my head.

I will kill you.

This time I had nothing to worry about. No one that I needed to save. Katniss had Prim and their mother. They would be there for each other. Gale would be fine. He hated me right now, anyways. They would all be better off without me. The doctors seemed concerned that I wasn't crying, they wanted me to let out my emotions, but I didn't want to cry anymore. I had nothing to cry about. This was all because of me. I couldn't be upset about something that was my fault in the first place. I could only try and make up all my wrongdoings and die in the end. Cato would get better without me.

Over the next few days everyone that I knew came in to try and reassure me that everything was going to be okay. That I was okay. That Cato was being treated well. Better than in the Capitol, I assumed they wanted to add. Some people even told me that they might be able to fix him. But I hated hearing it. I hated hearing about his recovery. It broke my heart thinking about the pain and torment that he must have been going through because of me. I didn't want to know about what I had caused him to go through.

Numerous people came to see me over the few days that I was in the hospital. Alana and Damien were some of the first. But seeing them was so hard because I always felt like I needed to apologize to them, something that I couldn't do. And it didn't help that every time I looked at them, I saw Cato. But they had reassured me that they didn't blame me for what happened to him. With a notepad that I was given to communicate with for now, I had asked them to leave me be for a little while. They had agreed without complaint and had only looked a little offended.

Skye and Julie were some of my favorite visitors. Mostly because they never talked when they came to see me. Not to each other and not to me. They just grabbed my hands and fed me some soup before turning to leave. They would spend about an hour at a time before leaving, never promising that they would come back. But they always did the next day. Dean and Carrie spent a lot of time with me but they would only come in separately. It was obvious that they thought that seeing the married couple would be bad for me. Maybe it would have been.

Aidan came every now and again. Like Skye and Julie, he didn't talk. He just napped with me. His visits were the most peaceful. A few people from Twelve came to visit, too. Greasy Sae came in to check that I was alright before leaving back to the kitchens. I heard that Finnick wanted to drop by, but considering his position with Annie having just come back stable and well, he evidently didn't think that it would be good for me to see him just yet. It was probably a good idea. But I was happy for Finnick and Annie. About as happy as I could be at a time like this, anyways.

For the first day in the hospital, I cried almost non-stop. Mourning Cato and the life that we could have had together. Too sore to scream but so desperate to do something to let my emotions out. But after that I had stopped crying and had instead focused all of my energy on Snow. I couldn't help Cato, but I could do something about Snow. If I could get to the Capitol, away from Thirteen, the doctors would have a chance to work on him without me around. I could assassinate Snow and then maybe he would be okay when I came back.

Or maybe not. Maybe he would never get back to normal. Maybe I would get killed on the mission. After I killed Snow. That was all that mattered right now. Or even better, maybe I would decide to commit suicide immediately after it was over. I would likely be put on trial after Snow's murder anyways. Likely be executed by Capitol officials. I could just do it myself and save everyone the time. I knew that everyone would be much better off without me. It was obvious enough just from what was happening. Cato would be so much better without me.

But I told no one my real plans. I couldn't, even if I'd wanted to. Ms. Everdeen, Katniss, and Prim took turns nursing me, coaxing me to swallow bites of soft food. People came in periodically to give me updates on Cato's condition. The high levels of Tracker Jacker venom were working their way out of his body. He was being treated only by strangers, natives of Thirteen - no one from Two or the Capitol had been allowed to see him - to keep any dangerous memories from triggering. A team of specialists worked long hours designing a strategy for his recovery.

Gale wasn't supposed to visit me, as he was confined to bed with some kind of shoulder wound. The one that I had seen. When we had spoken after the rescue, I hadn't realized that he was that badly injured. But on the third night, after I had been medicated to get me to sleep and the lights were turned down low for bedtime, he slipped silently into my room. He didn't speak, which I was grateful for, just ran his fingers over the bruises on my neck with a touch as light as moth wings, planted a kiss between my eyes, and disappeared.

It was the only time that I had seen him. Not even. My eyes had been closed. I'd wanted to avoid those gray Seam eyes that had always known how to read the deepest parts of my soul and know exactly what to say back to me. But I didn't want reason right now. I wanted everyone to leave me alone as I imagined plunging an arrow or knife straight through Snow's eyes. Maybe something a little bit slower. A lot more painful. Anything for him to feel just a fraction of the pain that he had caused me for my entire life.

To my surprise, one night even Seneca visited me, nearly a week after I had been confined to the hospital. He sat at the edge of my bed and didn't speak to me for a long time. Like with everyone else, he didn't know what to say. But when I met those dark eyes, I started crying. It surprised me. I had almost thought that I was done with tears. Seneca laid back gently in the bed and allowed me to press my head against his shoulder. I could feel myself starting to choke desperately, but I couldn't stop. Seneca hushed me gently and brushed the hair back off of my forehead.

"I'm so sorry, Aspen. I should have acted faster. We should have gotten him back earlier," Seneca said, his voice shakier than I had heard since that night back in his apartment after he had found out about the rebellion. "I shouldn't have let them leave him in the arena."

Grabbing the pad on the side of the bed, I scrawled out my answer and showed it to Seneca. No, you shouldn't have. I begged you to save him and instead he ended up like this.

"We're not going to leave him like this. I promise you that, Aspen," Seneca said. I sniffled softly. Even though Seneca wanted to fix this, I knew that he couldn't. This wasn't something that promises could fix. Not this time. "No matter how hard it is, we're going to do everything that we can to get him back to himself. He loves you so very much. There's a good chance that he hasn't completely forgotten about you."

Look at him. He hates me.

"He won't always."

The pen stilled in my hand for a moment. Do you think that I can get him back?

Seneca, like Haymitch, wasn't one to hide the truth with me. "Perhaps eventually he can come back. But he isn't going to be able to do this all himself. He's going to need help. And that includes from you. Don't give up on him. Just the way that you know that he wouldn't give up on you. You two will have to grow back together. But I believe that it can be done," Seneca said softly.

For a moment I tapped the pen against the piece of paper. But eventually I dropped them both on the bedside table. I didn't want to write anything more and I didn't want him to speak to me any longer. Seneca clearly knew that there was nothing more that he could say to me right now. He knew that I was falling even deeper into that pit of depression that I had been born into and had never really crawled out of. It would have been better if Cato was in the Capitol where I could at least pretend that he still loved me.

It would have been much kinder if Cato was dead. Not that I wanted him to be dead, but I couldn't help but to think that he would have at least been at peace. Perhaps in that meadow that we had always talked about. Waiting for me. I could have joined him there soon enough. We could have been happy. And at least I would have known that he had died loving me. Or I would have believed that lie. At least I could have made the attempt to move on past him, which I knew that he would have been thrilled to see. He had wanted me to move on even while he was still alive.

Even though I knew what I had to do, it was going to kill me. It had the first time and it would this time. I was going to do what I had done on the train ride to the Quell. Put all of my happy thoughts - and greatest weaknesses - about Cato in a cage and lock it away before freeing it like a bird. After all of this time fighting to be with him, maybe it was finally time to free myself of him. I had held onto him for too long. It was never good for either one of us or anyone who loved us. It was finally time to let him be free of me.

So I thought on all of those times. From the moment that I had met him at the Remake Center to slowly falling in love with him over the course of the first Games. Finally learning what love meant. Sacrificing my life for him. Trying to find a peaceful way to love him in between the Games. Having my reality shattered when the Quell was announced. Learning just how deep my love for him really went. Losing everything in that electrical blast. All of it had caused us so much pain. It was finally time for me to release him. I just needed one last thing.

I reached over Seneca, picked up the notebook and pen and scrawled out: Bring me to him.

Seneca looked very surprised. "I can't allow you to speak with him."

I just want to see him.

Seneca stared at the paper for a moment before nodding. "Okay. I think I owe you that much."

And they did. They owed me so much that it wasn't even funny. They didn't want me to see Cato, but Seneca knew that whatever I was asking for, I had a good reason. And I did. On our way out of the hospital - where we had to be very careful to ensure that no one saw us - Seneca told me that Cato was currently still locked in the restraints. Apparently, he was also behind some sturdy glass that was a one-way mirror. He wouldn't be able to see either one of us but we would be able to see and hear him just fine.

As the two of us strolled down the hall, Seneca kept an arm around my back, probably thinking that I was going to pass out. It wouldn't have been surprising, considering that I had just been administered the sleeping medication. But it hadn't taken effect just yet. My staggering steps were more from the effects of just... everything that I had lived through. The further down the hall that we got, the closer we got to the heart of Thirteen, the more clearly that I could hear voices. All of Thirteen, it sounded like. I turned to Seneca confusedly.

"Coin is making an announcement to the rest of Thirteen. They didn't think that you could handle hearing anything just yet," Seneca explained.

She wasn't particularly wrong about that. Cheers were echoing throughout the District. "Good evening. Just a few days ago, I authorized a covert rescue mission inside the Capitol. I am pleased to announce that the Victors have been liberated!" Coin cried through the speakers.

There was a loud burst of cheers throughout the District. My eyes narrowed into slits as I gazed at the far wall of the hallway. It was a good thing that I was here, because I didn't think that I could tolerate hearing her talk to everyone like she was their savior. She should have fixed things weeks ago. Johanna had clearly been through a lot in the Capitol. Finnick wouldn't have had to deal with the absence of Annie, having to potentially give her up for me and the rebellion. And Cato... He certainly hadn't been liberated.

"Let this day mark an historic change. With the Mockingjay and the Victors beside us, we have sent a clear message to the Capitol, that we will never again endure injustice," Coin continued.

More cheers echoed through the District. My eyes rolled backwards again. She was a good bullshitter. I guessed that it was because I was one, too. But her words bounced around in my head for a few minutes while the cheers only raised. Never again endure injustice? Did she not see what had happened to Cato? I knew that she had. There would always be injustice in the world, until Snow was dead. He was my last mission. Panem could never move on until he was dead. Once he was dead... that was when we would no longer endure injustice.

"Today, a day on which we reunited family, friends, and loved ones, let all of Panem come together. Not to battle for the amusement of the Capitol, but to join hands in this fight!"

No, instead we were destined to have a war. I wandered down the hallway with Seneca, entering the old hospital wing. It was a good thing that it was completely empty, because I was sure that someone would send me back to my own room in the actual hospital. Not whatever this was. Solitary confinement, I supposed. As we continued to walk, I realized that I was wearing the same hospital scrubs that Prim and Ms. Everdeen wore. My legs began locking up from the sleep medication and Seneca grabbed my arm, leading me, trying to keep me upright.

"Let today be the day we promise never to give up, never to give in until we have made a new Panem, where leaders are elected, not imposed upon us. And where the Districts are free to share the fruits of their labors and not fight one another for scraps!"

There were even more cheers as I thought about her words. It seemed like such a nice idea. For all of the Districts to be able to share everything, rather than fight and die and starve to let the Capitol have everything. But could it work? There had been so many years that we had all been providing for one District. I twitched slightly as we wandered down a new hall. It was quiet and sterile. With an immense feeling of shame, I realized that I was terrified that Cato was going to jump out and strangle me again. Even worse, I was itching for my bow to defend myself with.

"This new Panem is on the horizon, but we must take it for ourselves. The road there leads through the sharp mountains and deep ravines of District 2. There in the heart of Panem's steepest mountain range lies the Capitol's principal military facility. We can conquer this stronghold because we are one people, one army, one voice. Because today is our new beginning. Today we have freed the Victors. Tomorrow, Panem!"

We had to be getting close. I knew that we were close. I could feel it. My hands continued to inch down at my waist, desperate for a knife or arrow to defend myself with. What was my problem? Cato was my husband. My problem was that Cato wasn't really my husband anymore. He was no longer Cato Hadley, the love of my life. He was Cato Hadley, the vicious Career from District 2 who had always wanted the little volunteer from District 12 dead. Seneca stopped walking and nodded to a door ahead of us. We were here.

"Would you like me to go with you?" Seneca asked. I shook my head. Just like in District 12, this was one walk that I had to take on my own. "Okay. I'll be here."

On the monitor was Cato's pictures and vitals, none of which I really understood. Johanna's was next to it. I walked through the door and stepped slowly into the room. There were windows at my eye level and I walked up to them slowly. Taking a deep breath, I gathered my courage to look in, preparing myself for what I might see. But I would have never expected what I did. Cato was strapped down to the bed, writhing and struggling in what looked to be sheer panic. My heart sank to the floor as I watched him in horror.

My hand gently raised to the glass, wishing so desperately that I could go to him and reassure him that everything would be alright. But I couldn't. I would only make things worse. It was as I stared at his thrashing form that I realized that nothing was going to help Cato. Not from me, at least. The only thing that would help him right now was for me to be gone. The only way that he would ever get the chance to have some semblance of a normal life was without me. It was at that moment that I realized that grief would always be the price that I paid for love.

It was so painful to realize that I was better off letting go the people that I loved. But just like I had done on that train that had led me to what I had believed was my death before the Quarter Quell, I knew that it was my time to say goodbye. It might have hurt to let the person that I loved the most go, but sometimes it hurt more to hold on. This was one of those moments. But it had to happen. So I did the thing that scared me the most. I opened my heart for a final time and released Cato from it, knowing that it might destroy me, but save him.

Unwilling to watch Cato for a second longer, I turned away, wishing so desperately that I could tell him all of the things that I knew I had to keep to myself. All of those final thoughts that I had never gotten the chance to say. All of those final thoughts that would be stuck in my head forever. Tears began to slip from my eyes as I walked out of Cato's room and closed the door gently behind me. Seneca was waiting for me, his arms open. I kept a few feet of distance between us, wishing that I was the one strapped to that bed.

"Did you see what you needed to?" Seneca asked. I nodded slowly. "Come on. Let's get you back."

The two of us walked back through the halls towards the hospital wing again. I found myself staggering around again, certain that my legs were going to give out. But this time I was positive that it wasn't because of the sleeping medicine. Maybe I had finally lost it. The two of us walked back through the halls as I came to stand in front of the hospital room that I had become so familiar with over the last few weeks. Seneca pressed a hand against my back before turning to leave. I reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him.

He handed me a notepad on it and I scrawled quickly: Stay. Please.

Seneca looked surprised at my offer, but nodded anyways. "Okay," he responded.

Seneca reached out and opened the door to the hospital room. The two of us walked in and I immediately fell down into the bed. Seneca stared at it for a moment before dropping down with me. He looked slightly uncomfortable. Maybe because he knew what had happened the last time that we were in bed together. It didn't matter. I didn't want to be alone. Right now, there was really only one person that I genuinely wanted to be with me. But I had already said goodbye to him. For now, at least. Maybe forever.

When I closed my eyes I just saw Cato struggling against the binds. The bindings that I had put him in... Seneca noted the tears running down my face again as he wrapped his arm up around my shoulder, allowing me to press my head against his shoulder. I buried my head in his shoulder, wishing that I could just hide from the world forever. Hide from the truth. I knew that I had to say goodbye to Cato. I knew that it was the right thing to do. But that didn't mean that it was easy. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It was the hardest thing that I had ever done.

Either way, I was glad that I at least had someone to talk to if I couldn't talk to Cato. There was no way that I could just talk to the Hadley's. Every time I saw them they reminded me too much of him. I couldn't have Katniss or Prim with me. They would just want me to try and communicate with them, which I didn't want to do. I couldn't do it. And Gale... There was no way that I could talk to him. I hadn't spoken to him yet and when I did I had no idea how that conversation would even go. I didn't want to know. Besides Cato, Seneca was the next best thing.

When the two of us woke up the next morning, I realized that we weren't alone. Seneca was already awake, thumbing through the communicuff that was on his wrist, seemingly ignoring an alert. Katniss and Prim had just entered the hospital room. They were giving the both of us a funny look. They looked slightly concerned about Seneca being in bed with me, but they said nothing about it. They knew that I didn't want to explain why he was here. Seneca stood from the bed, gave me the slightest smile and left, promising that he would be back soon enough to check on me.

Once he was gone, Katniss and Prim took their seats on either side of the bed. "They're going to have you try and talk," Katniss explained.

It had been a few days, at least. I wasn't sure how much time I had spent being knocked out. So I merely nodded my consent. I had a feeling that I wouldn't have much choice. A few minutes passed before Plutarch and a nurse appeared in the hospital room. Behind them was Carrie. I assumed that she had been delegated to stay with me from the Hadley's for today. They clearly always wanted at least one of them to be with me. For what reason, I wasn't really sure. The nurse walked up to my bedside, had me sit on the edge, and began working at getting the collar off.

The nurse pulled apart the Velcro strap on the back and slowly pulled it off. "Okay. Okay, I know, I know," the nurse said softly, pushing my hair back off of my shoulders. She gently pressed against my throat and I recoiled in pain. "I'm sorry. I know it's a little tender. Hmm. Okay, let's try your voice now. 'My name is Aspen Antaeus. I'm from District 12.'"

I cleared my throat at best I could before starting, "My..."

The raspiness was so disgusting that I stopped trying to speak. I couldn't force anything more out of my throat. "Okay, take your time. Still got a lot of swelling in your vocal chords," the nurse said softly.

"My... name... is Aspen... Antaeus..." I rasped, looking at the nurse.

My voice gave a high-pitched squeak with each word I forced out. "Good," Katniss said softly.

Carrie and Prim both gave reassuring nods. I turned to Plutarch. "I want..." I started, stopping to clear my throat again when the words didn't form correctly. "I want to talk to him."

Plutarch smiled and shook his head. "He needs time."

"Just for a minute," I argued.

Plutarch shook his head again as Carrie laid her hand on my knee. "Let him have some time to adjust. You'll be able to see him soon enough. He's still too tense to speak to anyone that he knows," Plutarch informed me.

One more time... I just wanted to speak to him one more time. "We haven't even been able to see him yet. You will soon enough," Carrie promised.

"Just one last time," I hissed.

Carrie shook her head. "It's not the last time, Aspen. It's not. They're going to help him. He's going to be fine. He just needs some time. Don't give up on him yet. He wouldn't give up on you," she said sweetly.

But that wasn't the point. The point was the way that the two of us had always been. Cato had always been the hopeful one. I had always been rather pessimistic about life. It was proof by the way that I was thinking right now. Like Haymitch had said, Cato was so far gone that it was doubtful that he would ever really come back to me. He was already barely able to focus for more than a few minutes, as the doctors had told me. And they were complete strangers. The moment he saw me, he would likely lose it all over again.

Plus, there was the issue that I had already released him from my heart. There was a reason that I had done it this early on. It was so that I had time to get used to it. If I had it my way, I would die before the end of the war anyways. But just in case, I needed to be ready to go home and manage a life without him in it, as I had once done so easily. If I hadn't already released him, I knew that I would never be able to do it. But I had. That just didn't mean that I was ready to give up on him though. After all, I loved him.

Love. He's gone, but it isn't.

The next morning, I was discharged from the hospital with instructions from the doctors to move quietly and speak only when necessary. It was fine with me. As usual, I wasn't in the mood to speak or communicate with anyone. I wasn't imprinted with a schedule - as I was technically still in recovery, as I so often was - so I wandered around aimlessly until Prim was excused from her hospital duties and Katniss was back from her classes to take me to our family's latest compartment. 2212. Identical to the last one, but with no window.

It definitely wasn't a step-up. Even I missed that slight bit of freedom that we had. A glance out into the world. Once again, I felt trapped in here. Trapped in Thirteen. In my own mind. In my own misery. At least Buttercup had now been issued a daily food allowance and a pan of sand that was kept under the bathroom sink. As Prim and Katniss tucked me into bed, Buttercup hopped up on my pillow, vying for her attention. Even now I was too weak to bat him away. Prim cradled him but stayed focused on me.

"Aspen, I know this whole thing with Cato is terrible for you. But remember, Snow worked on him for weeks, and we've only had him for a few days. There's a chance that the old Cato, the one who loves you, is still inside. Trying to get back to you. Don't give up on him," Prim said.

For a moment I just stared at Katniss's (and mine, in a way) little sister and thought about how she had inherited the best qualities their family had to offer. Ms. Everdeen's healing hands, Mr. Everdeen's level head, and Katniss's fight. She even had a bit of my strength. Before all of this, anyways. There was something else there as well, something entirely her own. An ability to look into the confusing mess of life and see things for what they were. Was it possible she could be right? That Cato could return to me?

"She's right, you know. He's still fighting hard against what they've done to him," Katniss confirmed.

"He'll come back to you. Just give him time," Prim said.

Could Cato have really fought that hard against the hijacking? There was one thing that I knew. It had obviously been taking effect already just before the bombing of Thirteen, when Snow had had Cato in his clutches for about five weeks. But he had still known me. He had still loved me. He had taken a potentially deadly beating just to save my life. Those extra few days had been what had finally broken him. If he had fought back for that long against the hijacking, could he possibly fight out those altered memories?

It brought some hope into the dark pit that had become my life. "In the meantime, try and focus on something else," Katniss advised.

"I have to get back to the hospital," Prim said, placing Buttercup on the bed beside me.

Katniss glanced down at her schedule. "I've gotta go to go to training. Unless you want me to stay?" she asked. I shook my head. Best not to have them even angrier at my constant disregard for the schedules. "Okay. I'll be back in an hour."

I nodded at her. "You two keep each other company, okay?" Prim said, referring to Buttercup.

Despite having got along for a while during the bombing, we really weren't good to have around each other. Buttercup sprang off the bed and followed her to the door, complaining loudly when he was left behind. I assumed that he had always done that. Honestly, we were about as much company for each other as dirt. After maybe thirty seconds, I knew that I couldn't stand being confined in the subterranean cell having to listen to his constant howls for attention, which I certainly wouldn't be giving him, and decided to leave Buttercup to his own devices.

As I slipped out into the hallway, I wandered towards the center of Thirteen. It didn't take long for me to bump into Alana. "Where do you think that you're going?" she asked nicely.

"Somewhere other than my cell," I mumbled.

My voice was getting stronger but still a little on the weak side. "The hospital or your new compartment?" Alana asked.

"Both," I answered.

Anywhere in Thirteen was a cell to me. Alana nodded in understanding. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Her eyes were locked onto the ring of bruising around my neck. I shifted awkwardly, embarrassed by them. I knew the look in her eyes. "You don't have to feel guilty about it. I'll survive. My throat hurts and it's hard to talk, but I'll be fine," I explained.

"That's not what I meant," Alana said.

"I know what you meant."

"How are you handling things?"

Someone was bound to ask me eventually, even though it was about as stupid of a question as I could get. "Not well," I admitted. Alana nodded her understanding. "I guess at the end of the day I just keep trying to remind myself that he's alive and away from the Capitol. That's what matters. They're working on getting him better. But at the end of the day, I know that what they're doing isn't going to change things. He's gone and he's not ever coming back. Not the way that I need him to be."

"Don't give up on him just yet," Alana said softly, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm not. Just trying to prepare myself for disappointment," I answered honestly.

Maybe Prim and Katniss were right. Maybe Cato would come back to me. But knowing my luck, he was gone forever. "He loves you so much. That Cato is still in there somewhere and he's fighting to get out. To get back to you. We're all still family. Remember that. We're still here for you," Alana said softly.

They were. And that was the problem. I needed to be away from everything. "I think I'm going to need to leave Thirteen," I spat out suddenly.

Alana's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"I can't be here with him the way that he is. While they work on him... I need to be somewhere else."

There was no way that I could deal with the hopefulness and disappointments to come. I only wanted to know one way or another, when it was all over. "Yes, I suppose that I understand. We all understand how hard it is to see him like this. It's hard for us too. But at least he's not trying to... attack us whenever he sees us. We know that this is the hardest on you," Alana said. Not completely true necessarily, but I let her have it. "We know that you're going to have to process this in your own way."

My eyebrow raised. I'd seen that slightly accusatory stare before. "That's directed at something, isn't it?" I rasped irritably.

With everything that was happening right now, was my relationship status still on the forefront of everyone's mind? Until they stopped asking and talking about it, I was always going to be thinking about it. And right now, the only thing that I wanted to think about was just how creative I could get when it came to killing Snow. I shifted slightly, staring at Alana, wondering just how this conversation was destined to go. She didn't look angry or upset, but would that change if she thought that I was betraying her son?

"No, Aspen," Alana said, seemingly noticing that I had been put on the defensive. "We're never going to judge you for anything that you do. However you have to deal with this."

Anything that you do... Apparently people really did think that I was heartless. "You heard about Seneca staying with me last night, then?" I asked sourly.

Alana's gaze dropped in shame. "Yes. I admit that we did."

So my sleeping arrangements were still the talk of the town. "Nothing happened," I said, for what felt like the millionth time when it came to the two of us. "I just didn't want to be alone and he was the first person that I could think to have with me. Someone who wouldn't talk to me. Just... be there for me."

Alana shifted uncomfortably. She would never get used to the idea of Seneca and I being friends. "Things have resolved themselves then? Since that night?" she asked awkwardly.

"Yes. I know that it won't make sense to any of you. It doesn't make sense to my friends either," I explained. Alana nodded, obviously trying to understand where I could see the good in Seneca. "But... he's been there for me for a long time. In his own special way. And now, he's better. Away from the Capitol, he's different."

"We can't pretend that we like it, but..." Alana trailed off.

It took me a moment to figure out what she was hinting at. Things seemed so strange, the way that she was looking at me. Her eyes scanned slowly over me as if to question whether or not I was telling the complete truth about Seneca. That was when I realized what she was actually trying to get at. She was essentially asking me whether or not I was starting to feel something for Seneca with Cato in the state that he was. Once again, my relationship status and dedication to Cato was being put in question. Was my love that hard to believe? Did they all see something that I didn't?

"He's not taking Cato's place. No one can take his place," I reassured Alana.

She seemed to finally notice that I was upset at her insinuation. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insinuate that. We all know that it's going to take time for anything to change. You and Cato to grow back together or... to move on. Just in case," she said quietly.

Move on... Even they had thought about it. I had already released him from my heart but the thought of moving on still killed me. "Just in case," I agreed softly. My throat was closing and it wasn't from Cato's attack. It was from building tears. "I'm going to go. See if I can do something."

Alana grabbed my arm before I could leave. "Come see us soon, okay?"

"Okay."

Her gaze traveled over my throat. "The bruises are looking better."

"Yeah. It'll help once they're gone. At least I won't have a physical memory of it," I mumbled.

"Good," Alana whispered. She pressed a kiss against my hair and I gave her as much of a pathetic smile as I could muster. "We'll see you soon."

"Soon," I agreed.

Using my designated silence as an excuse I walked off and headed towards anywhere other than the main area of Thirteen. It was hard to navigate though. My head was still spinning from all of the drugs that had been shot into me over the past few days. I managed to get myself lost several times, but eventually I made my way down to Special Defense. Everyone I passed stared at the bruises, and I couldn't help feeling self-conscious to the point that I tugged my collar of my uniform up to my ears to cover them. Maybe I would have to find the Prep Team to have them cover them with makeup.

Gale must have been released from the hospital this morning as well, because I found him in one of the research rooms with Beetee. They were immersed, heads bent over a drawing, taking a measurement. It was the most intent I had seen Gale in quite some time. Versions of the picture littered the table and floor. Tacked on the cork board walls and occupying several computer screens were other designs of some sort. Probably a new attack method. In the rough lines of one, I recognized Gale's twitch-up snare that I had tried to imitate in my first Games and had done so decently.

"What are these?" I asked hoarsely, pulling their attention from the sheet.

"Ah, Aspen, you've found us out," Beetee said cheerfully.

"What? Is this a secret?" I asked.

It almost astounded me how happy Beetee was. Of course, he had never been much for human company. He had always preferred his inventions. Right now he was immersed in one. I couldn't be shocked that he wasn't upset about Cato. He hadn't known him that well, after all. As for what the two of them had been doing, I knew that Gale had been down here working with Beetee a lot, but I assumed they were messing around with bows and guns. Not some type of trap, which was evidently what this was.

"Not really. But I've felt a little guilty about it. Stealing Gale away from you so much," Beetee admitted.

Since I had spent most of my time in Thirteen disoriented, worried, angry, being remade, or hospitalized, I couldn't say that Gale's absences had really inconvenienced me. Actually, most of the time I hadn't even noticed that he wasn't around. Probably because I had other things to be worried about and other people to speak with. Besides all of that, things hadn't been exactly harmonious between us, either. I wasn't sure how they would be now that Cato was back. But I let Beetee think that he owed me.

"I hope you've been putting his time to good use," I said.

"Come and see," Beetee said, waving me over to a computer screen.

So that was what they had been doing. Taking the fundamental ideas behind Gale's traps and adapting them into weapons against humans. Bombs mostly. It was less about the mechanics of the traps than the psychology behind them. Booby-trapping an area that provided something essential to survival. A water or food supply. Just the way that I had done with the Careers' food pyramid in the first Games. Frightening prey so that a large number flee into a greater destruction. Endangering offspring in order to draw in the actual desired target, the parent.

Luring the victim into what appeared to be a safe haven - where death awaited it. My stomach churned. I had done this in desperation in the first Games. But I hadn't had a choice. It was life or death. This was war. Born out of a desire for vengeance and seething hatred. At some point, Gale and Beetee left the wilderness behind and focused on more human impulses. Like compassion. A bomb exploded. Time was allowed for people to rush to the aid of the wounded. Then a second, more powerful bomb killed them as well.

"That seems to be crossing some kind of line. So anything goes?" I asked.

Even I could be brutal. Even I had done some horrible things. Cutting off the Career's food supply. Dropping the nest of Tracker Jackers on them later. Kicking Coral's body down to the wolf mutts. But that was what happened in the Games. That was what they drove you to. I knew that we were in a war right now, but that didn't mean that we had to lose all of our humanity the way that the Capitol had done so long ago. They both stared at me after my comment - Beetee with doubt and Gale with hostility.

"I guess there isn't a rule book for what might be unacceptable to do to another human being," I continued.

"Sure there is. Beetee and I have been following the same rule book President Snow used when he hijacked Cato," Gale said sharply.

Cruel, but to the point. There was something else in his eyes. Perhaps anger over the fact that I wasn't willing to do anything, sacrifice anyone, to win the war. But I honestly didn't care how angry he was with me. I was sick of people being angry with me. So I left without further comment. I felt that if I didn't get outside immediately, I would just go ballistic, and a fight was the last thing that I needed right now. Especially since screaming would likely do some serious damage. I wanted to get outside but I was still in Special Defense when I was waylaid by Haymitch.

"What?" I asked shortly.

"Come on. We need you back up at the hospital," Haymitch said.

"What for?" I asked.

"They're going to try something on Cato," he answered.

"What are they doing?"

"Send in the most innocuous person from Two they can come up with. He's been calmer with the doctors, but they're strangers to him. So we're going to test his response on someone he remembers from his home. Find someone Cato might share childhood memories with, but nothing too close to you. They're screening people now."

Not a bad idea but something that I didn't really know how it was going to work. After all, it would be almost impossible to find someone that only Cato knew. That could have been some of the people from Two who were in Thirteen. But there weren't many of them. Most were Cato's family and they wouldn't be allowed in. They were a direct link to me. But did anyone in Thirteen now actually have childhood memories with Cato without any connection to me? I had thought that all of his friends were still back in Two.

Haymitch clearly didn't know who they were using, as he gave me a look that said not to ask any more questions. I knew either way that this was going to be a difficult task, since anyone Cato shared childhood memories with right now was going to be his family. Who else did we have? When we reached the hospital room that had been turned into a work space for Cato's recovery team, there sat someone rather surprising chatting with Plutarch. Probably not planning on chatting with Cato, but still interesting to see down here. Delly Cartwright.

It was surprising to see her down here as most of the people who had survived the bombing of Twelve tried to avoid being out and about in the center of Thirteen. Or out of their compartments. I rarely saw them away from their jobs. As always, Delly gave me a smile that suggested that I was her best friend in the world. She gave that smile to everyone. Katniss joined my side and I nodded at her. Delly gave the same smile she had just given to me to Katniss. They knew each other slightly better than I knew her.

"Aspen!" Delly called out.

"Hey, Delly," I said.

"Hi, Katniss!" Delly said happily.

"Hi, Delly," Katniss responded.

I'd heard that she and her younger brother had survived. Her parents, who ran the shoe shop in town, weren't as lucky. She looked older, wearing the drab Thirteen clothes that flattered no one, with her long yellow hair in a practical braid instead of curls. Delly was a bit thinner than I remembered, but she was one of the few kids in District 12 with a couple of pounds to spare. The diet here, the stress, the grief of losing her parents have all, no doubt, contributed. I still couldn't believe that she was as happy as she was. Even here. Even now.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, it's been a lot of changes all at once." Her eyes filled with tears. "But everyone's really nice here in Thirteen, don't you think?"

For a moment I just stared at her. I supposed that it had been so long since I had talked to her that I had almost forgot what Delly was like. Just how much light she could always put into a situation. It was probably one of the many reasons that Katniss and I were never that close to her. We had always been the downers. But Delly really meant it. She genuinely liked people. All people, not just a select few she had spent years making up her mind about. I had a feeling that she would even find something good to say about the Capitol people if given the chance.

"They've made an effort to make us feel welcome," I said. I thought that it was a fair statement without going overboard. "You're not the one that they picked to go speak to Cato, are you?"

"Oh, no. Cato doesn't know me. He doesn't trust me," Delly said thoughtfully.

"He doesn't really trust anyone right now," I responded.

"I guess so. Poor Cato. Poor you. I'll never understand the Capitol," Delly said.

"Better not to, maybe," I told her.

"So, who are they picking to speak to Cato?" Katniss asked.

"Me."

We both turned to see a tall boy around my age. I stared at him for a moment before it dawned on me. "Oh... Felix," I muttered. He was one of the few District 2 residents who had evacuated with the Hadley's. "It's been a long time."

Felix nodded, placing a hand over my shoulder. "Yes, it has. Sorry to see what's happened to him."

"Well they're trying to get him back. I suppose that's what matters," I muttered. I had never been good with people offering me their condolences. "Are you okay with speaking to him?"

"I'm fine with it. Especially if it helps him start feeling better and getting back to normal," Felix said.

"Felix has known Cato for a long time," Plutarch said.

Katniss nodded. "Oh, yes." Felix's face brightened just the slightest bit. "We played together from when we were little. I used to tell people he was my brother. We always loved his family," Felix said, motioning to their other friend, Marcus.

"That's nice," I muttered awkwardly.

It was useless to tell them that I was sorry for destroying their friend's life. They knew that. "What do you think? Anything that might trigger memories of you?" Haymitch asked me.

"Maybe... Cato doesn't know that Felix ever met me. He doesn't think so," I explained. "The only problem would be because Felix helped him prepare for the Quell, where Cato was going to protect me."

"I doubt that would be much of a problem," Brutus put in.

"We'll pull you out if it becomes a problem," Plutarch added.

"What about Delly, for future attempts?" Haymitch asked.

If there was anyone new who they could get Cato to trust, it would be Delly. "I think I mentioned her to him once when I was telling him about Twelve. He's never met her though," I said.

"No common links?" Haymitch asked.

"No. He knew Peeta but he has no idea that Peeta and Delly were ever friends. As long as she didn't bring up his name, I doubt that Cato would ever catch the connection," I said blankly.

"And as for Katniss?" Haymitch asked.

Cato did know Katniss. "We were all in the same class. But we never overlapped much," Katniss explained.

"Aspen and Katniss were always so amazing, I never dreamed either one of them would notice me. The way that they both could hunt and go in the Hob and everything. Everyone admired them so," Delly said.

Did people really admire us? I had always thought that they had just tolerated us. It was Prim that everyone loved. Haymitch, Katniss, and I all had to take a hard look at her face to double-check if she was joking. To hear Delly describe it, the two of us had next to no friends because we intimidated people by being so exceptional. Not true. We had next to no friends because we weren't friendly to anyone but each other. Sometimes not even then. Leave it to Delly to spin the two of us into something wonderful.

"Well that's a nice way to put it," I muttered.

"And a lie," Katniss added.

"Oh, it isn't," Delly gasped.

"Delly always thinks the best of everyone," I explained. Delly smiled softly. "I don't think that Cato could ever make any bad memories associated with her."

"And we're sure that Cato never connected you and Felix?" Brutus asked, trying to get back to the original problem.

For a moment I stared at him. "No," I answered. Then I remembered. "Wait. In the Capitol. Cato and I were sitting together one day in the arena, talking about our homes, when he mentioned Felix as one of his friends to me."

"I remember," Haymitch said. We had been in the cave in between the Feast and the Death Match, chatting away, getting to know each other and trying to pass the time. "But I don't know. It was just a passing comment. Felix wasn't actually there. I don't think it can compete with years of childhood memories."

"Especially with such a pleasant companion as Felix. Let's give it a shot," Plutarch said.

Plutarch, Brutus, Haymitch, Katniss, and I went to the observation room next to where Cato was still confined. It was crowded with ten members of his recovery team armed with pens and clipboards. The one-way glass and audio setup allowed us to watch Cato secretly, just as I had done the other night. He still laid on the bed, his arms and waist strapped down. He didn't fight the restraints, but his hands fidgeted continuously. His expression seemed more lucid than when he tried to strangle me, but it still wasn't the one that belonged to him.

As we walked further into the observation room I noticed that it wasn't just the members of the recovery team. I was more than a little surprised to see that Cato's family was there. It must have been the first time that they were allowed to see him since he had tried to kill me. Although I would have thought that they wouldn't have wanted to have to watch him right now. But I was glad that I wouldn't have to watch whatever was about to happen by myself. Katniss grabbed onto one of my hands as I stood by the window.

"Perhaps you shouldn't watch," Plutarch told Cato's family.

Alana turned a heated gaze on him. "He's my son. If I'm not allowed to speak to him, I want to at least be allowed to see him. No matter what state he might be in," she hissed.

"You alright?" Dean asked, coming to stand next to me.

"No," I croaked.

"Us either. But it'll be okay. He just needs some time," Carrie promised.

Cato had said it himself at our wedding. We had never had time. Not then and not now. I wasn't a patient person either. When the door quietly opened and Felix slipped into the room, Cato's eyes widen in alarm, then became confused. I tensed slightly. I knew that Cato wouldn't be able to break out of the binds - he wasn't fighting them at all as opposed to when I had seen him the other night - but I didn't want someone else to feel his crushing grip. Felix crossed the room tentatively, but as he neared him he naturally broke into a smile.

"Cato? It's Felix. From home."

"Felix?" Cato questioned. Some of the clouds seemed to clear. "Felix. It's you."

"Yes!" Felix said with obvious relief. "How do you feel?"

"He's too close," Haymitch told Plutarch as Felix seated himself on the edge of Cato's bed.

"It's okay. He can't get free," Plutarch responded.

"Awful. Where are we? What's happened?" Cato asked.

"Here we go," Haymitch said.

"I told him to steer clear of any mention of Aspen or the Capitol. Just see how much of home he could conjure up," Plutarch said.

"Well... we're in District Thirteen. It's a real place. The rumors are true. We live here now," Felix told him.

"That's what those people have been saying. But it makes no sense. Why aren't we home?" Cato asked.

Felix bit his lip nervously. "There was... an accident. I miss home badly, too," Felix said awkwardly. "I was only just thinking about those times that we used to run through the street to see who was the fastest. You were always miles ahead of everyone else. Remember when we were almost expelled from school for continuously skipping class to do it?"

"Yeah. We kept getting caught," Cato said blankly. "You said... about an accident?"

Even from here I could see the sheen of sweat on Felix's forehead as he tried to work around the dangerous question. "It was bad. No one... could stay," Felix said haltingly.

"Hang in there," Haymitch said hopefully.

"But I know you're going to like it here, Cato. The people have been really nice to us. There's always food and clean clothes, and school's much more interesting," Felix said.

"Why hasn't my family come to see me? Leah. Where is she?" Cato asked.

My hand reached out to press against the glass separating the two of us. I wanted so desperately to run after him and give him the largest hug that I ever had. But I couldn't. Partially because everyone would stop me and partially because Cato would try and kill me the moment that I walked into the room. Tears began to build in my eyes. I wasn't sure how he knew about what had happened to Leah, but he knew. He was in there, all by himself, and he couldn't even have his family come and comfort him. All because of me.

"They can't." To my surprise, Felix was tearing up. "They'll see you soon. A lot of people didn't get out of Two. They're still there. For now, we'll need to make a new life here. I'm sure they could use a good painter," Felix said, trying to change directions again. "Do you remember when your mother and father used to let us paint the walls in your house? They were always blue."

"There was a fire," Cato said suddenly.

"Yes," Felix whispered.

"Twelve burned down, didn't it? Two had a martial law put in place. Because of her," Cato said angrily, his voice taking on a strained tone. "Because of Aspen!"

Even though Felix hadn't said anything about me, it was too late. That was just how strong his hatred for me ran. He didn't even have to be reminded of me. He just automatically assumed that everything terrible that happened was tied to me. I supposed that he wasn't completely wrong about that. Cato looked like he was about to cry for a moment. His chest rose and fell quickly as he glared at a far wall, his lips forming my name. Then he began to pull on the restraints around his wrists.

"Oh, no, Cato. It wasn't her fault," Felix said.

"Did she tell you that?" Cato hissed at him.

"Get her out of there," Plutarch ordered.

Even though Cato was still strapped down to the bed - and the restraints were obviously strong enough to hold him - I could tell that they didn't want to upset Cato more than he already was. The whole point of this was to try and keep him calm. But he was already thinking of me and that had clearly set him off. My stomach churned as Cato's eyes dilated in fury. The door opened immediately and Felix gently stood from the bed so not to upset Cato. He then began to back toward it slowly.

"She didn't have to. I was -" Felix began before losing his train of thought. "She didn't tell me anything."

"She's a liar, Felix. It's a trick," Cato seethed.

My hand dropped off of the glass. He hated me this much... "Cato, what you're saying isn't real," Felix said comfortingly.

Something eerie dawned in Cato's eyes as Felix approached him again. "She sent you here to talk to me. She knows you're here now," Cato said quickly.

"It's okay," Felix tried to reassure him.

"She knows... You can't trust her!" Cato shouted suddenly, yanking against the restrains. Felix shot up from the bed and backwards in surprise. Even I jumped slightly. "Because she's lying! She's a liar! You can't believe anything she says! She's some kind of mutt the Capitol created to use against the rest of us!"

"No, Cato. She's not a -" Felix tried again.

"Don't trust her, Felix," Cato said in a frantic voice. "I did, and she tried to kill me. She killed my friends. My family. My sister! My child! Don't even go near her! She's a mutt!"

"Get him out of there!" Haymitch shouted.

Tears built in my eyes as I stared at Cato. Saliva was running from his mouth as he shouted over and over again. Screaming about how I was a mutt, how I had killed everyone he had ever loved, stolen his life from him, and destroyed everything. And he wasn't wrong about a single thing. In a way, I was a mutt created by the Capitol. I wanted to scream back to Cato that I loved him, that I would never hurt him, but even that would have been a lie. I had hurt him so much already. A hand reached through the doorway, pulled Felix out, and the door swung shut. But Cato kept yelling.

"A mutt! She's a stinking mutt!"

Not only did he hate me and wanted to kill me, he no longer believed that I was human. He believed that I was responsible for single-handedly destroying his entire life, which wasn't a lie. Cato's family was watching him with tearful eyes. Alana had her hands pressed firmly on the glass, wanting so desperately to comfort her son. For the first time, even Damien showed signs of weakness. Skye and Julie were crying softly. Carrie had her head in Dean's shoulder. Aidan sniffed back tears. It was less painful being strangled.

"You have to kill her, Felix! You have to kill her!" Cato screamed.

Around me the recovery team members were scribbling like crazy, taking down every word. I stared blankly at Cato, willing myself to not love him anymore. Not when I could so plainly see that he was never coming back to me. Haymitch and Plutarch grabbed my arms and propelled me out of the room. Maybe to try and shield me from what was happening. But it was too late. I had already heard what he had to say about me. The two of them leaned me up against a wall in the silent hallway. But I knew that Cato was continuing to scream behind the door and the glass.

Prim and Katniss were wrong. Cato was irretrievable. So, I shifted my focus to something else, anything else. There had to be something that I could do to change everything. And that was to kill Snow. Kill him and... at least get the slightest bit of repentance for everything that he had done to me and the people that I loved. A few seconds after I was pulled into the hallway, Katniss and the Hadley's joined us. They all stared at me, waiting for me to say something, but there was nothing that I wanted to say.

"Aspen?" Plutarch called.

"It's going to be okay, Aspen," Dean said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I stared blankly at the wall that I knew Cato was behind. "This is just a conditioned response," Plutarch explained.

"Kill her!" Cato's voice echoed through the walls.

"It's not him," Plutarch continued.

"She's a monster! She's a mutt!"

"No, it's not him," I breathed.

The moment that I made to run off, something else dawned on me. Something that had slipped out of Cato's mouth while he was screaming about how terrible I was and how Felix had to kill me. Something that he had said that finally occurred to me. He had said something about me killing his sister. Technically true. But he had also said something about me killing his child. Did he mean from his memories about the Interview when we had faked the pregnancy in the Quell? Was the Tracker Jacker venom affecting that memory?

"Aspen -" Alana started.

"What did he say? About me killing his child?" I interrupted.

The entire Hadley family whipped around. "Nothing. It's part of the hijacking. His memories of that night in the Interviews when he said that you were pregnant have been altered," Haymitch explained quickly.

But his face had already paled slightly. It had just been for a moment, but I had still managed to see it. Just that one hint of truth that I needed. My mind was racing. Not from what I had seen, but just from that one word. What was it that Seneca had told me a thousand times already? There was a secret that no one wanted me to know... But it was mine... What if the secret was that I really was pregnant? Could I have been? Cato and I weren't exactly being careful during training. I had thought that I was going to die in a few days, after all.

Did the math work out? Come on, Aspen. Get it together for two minutes. Figure this out. I tried to shut out my grief over Cato and think back those few weeks. When was it that we had slept together for the first time in the Capitol before the Quell? It had been on our second night there. We had gone through training, the wedding, the interviews, and the time in the Games. There was a period of about ten days before the electrical shock had taken me down. Nasty enough to kill an unborn child... Long enough for the tracker to pick up traces of the pregnancy hormone...

The miscarriage wasn't just a lie that we had been telling the Districts. It was a lie that they were feeding me. "That's the secret..." I muttered.

"Aspen -" Haymitch called.

Before I got the chance to sprint away, Seneca's voice echoed through the hallway. "I warned you to tell her before it came out the wrong way. I warned you that this was going to happen."

"I need - I need -" I gasped, staggering back against the wall.

"Aspen, wait a second," Katniss said, grabbing at my arm.

Just one more thing destroyed because of me... "What are you talking about?" Alana asked Haymitch sharply.

Everyone was trying to touch me. I wanted them away from me. "Aspen, get back here. We need to talk," Haymitch said.

Brutus tried to grab Haymitch and pull him away, but Haymitch pushed past him and grabbed onto me. "Don't touch me," I snapped.

"Hang on a second," Haymitch said, reaching for my wrist again.

"Don't - fucking - touch - me!" I howled so loudly that everyone jumped away from me and Thirteen was plunged into an eerie silence. Something in my throat cracked painfully and I was sure that I had done some permanent damage to my voice. Good. You deserve it. "Get away from me."

My breaths were coming in dry sobs as I staggered out of the hallway, pushing past all of the arms that were reaching out for me. I could hear Katniss telling everyone to leave me be for a few minutes as she began nastily snarling at Plutarch to tell her what was going on. Skye and Julie joined that conversation just moments later. As I staggered away from them I heard Haymitch following me, trying to speak with me, but I didn't listen to him. He merely let me stagger away, keeping close enough to catch me if I fell but not daring to try and touch me as I made my way to Command.

There was only one person who could help me right now. Something had definitely ruptured in my throat as I found myself swallowing blood as I walked. I'd have to get them to fix that before I went to the Capitol. After that I could bleed out for all I cared. I was sure that I made a number of missteps on the way to Command since my eyes were filled with tears, but I had nothing to be crying about. For once, there was nothing that I could blame the Capitol for. It was all on me. This time Snow didn't do it. This was all my fault.

Not that I had known... But I guessed that I should have known in some way. Or I should have been more careful. Something. Walking behind us, I could hear Cato's family and Katniss trying to get answers out of Seneca. He seemed to be following us as well. Probably trying to ensure that I wasn't going to do something stupid. I wasn't. This was something that had been a long time coming. Coin had made me the promise that I would get to kill Snow. This was my time to make her live up to that promise.

Even though no one was actually telling me what was going on (and no one had yet confirmed that Cato was telling the truth) I didn't need it. The way that Haymitch had reacted and hadn't reassured me that it was a lie... I knew the truth. I didn't need verbal confirmation. I knew exactly what Cato meant. It all made sense as to why no one wanted to tell me the truth. I had lost enough at that point. I had already been barely clinging on to my will to live. They didn't want me to think that I had lost that too and give me a final push to off myself.

So, it turned out that I really had taken absolutely everything from Cato. From the moment that I had laid eyes on him during the first Games, when he had proven his love for me, I had repaid him by completely ruining his life. As I slammed right into a young boy I realized that I couldn't stay here. I needed to distance myself from Cato, once and for all. It didn't break my heart this time. I couldn't even look at him right now. It would cause a big problem, my wanting to leave, but I couldn't keep destroying things for him. He needed to heal somewhere that I wasn't.

"Do you want me to tell you about it?" Haymitch asked, following me closely.

"No," I rasped, that one word incredibly painful.

Both physically and mentally. I had definitely damaged something even worse than Cato had with my shout. "Where are you going?" Haymitch asked as I practically broke through a metal door.

"Command."

"Aspen, you can't ignore this forever."

"Watch me," I snapped. There was no danger of tears. Perhaps passing out from exhaustion in every form of the word, but not tears. "You wanted to keep it from me anyways."

"I always meant to tell you."

"I didn't need to know," I gasped.

That was one truth that I never needed to know. Seneca was wrong about that. They should have either told me right away or let me live with it in ignorant bliss forever. That one thing - a family, a stable future - was the one thing that I thought I hadn't robbed Cato of. Turned out that was a lie too. Plutarch was now following behind us. Once I finally managed to find my way to Command I shoved the door open and stumbled into the room, Haymitch and Plutarch following close behind me. I had clearly interrupted what looked to be a strategy meeting.

"There's not enough manpower coming in from Four," Coin was saying.

"I don't think that's a problem," one of the three men that were chatting with Coin said.

Coin glanced up, finally noticing me. "Please, come in."

"With any kind of manpower, if we..." the man continued.

"Will you excuse us for just a moment?" Coin interrupted him.

"Of course."

"Have a seat," Coin said. I rounded the table, sitting away from Haymitch and Plutarch and taking a place across from Coin. I leaned back slightly in the chair. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Snow has to pay for what he's done. I want to help the rebels in any way I can," I said.

There was no point in beating around the bush. Coin let out a soft breath. "It's hard to see Cato this way."

"That's not Cato," I said numbly, trying to ignore the crack in my voice. "I can't stay here anymore. If you want me to be the Mockingjay, you'll have to send me away."

"Where do you want to go?" Haymitch asked.

"The Capitol. I'll do anything," I said.

It was the only place that I could think of where I had a job to do. There was only one thing that I wanted right now. More than I had ever wanted anything. To take the tip of one of those explosive arrows and plunge it through Snow's eye socket. Or perhaps his stomach. Something that would make his death slow. Torturous. Just the way that he had made my life. I stared straight into Coin's eyes, already sensing her hesitation to send me to the Capitol. No one looked thrilled at my suggestion. But it was obvious that they didn't care for what I wanted.

"Can't do it. Not until all the Districts are secure. Good news is, the fighting's almost over in all of them but Two. It's a tough nut to crack, though," Plutarch said.

Of course Two would be the one District that was still fighting against the rebels and the rebellion. If it wasn't such a large District, it likely would have already been overrun by rebels. That was what had happened in District 1 and District 4 a few weeks into the fighting. I hated to admit it, especially right now, but Plutarch was right. The first step was getting the Districts to stop fighting each other. Next was the Capitol. And then I would hunt down Snow. One extra step in my plan but I had waited this long. I could wait another few weeks.

"Fine. Send me to Two," I relented.

Coin gave me a scrutinizing stare before saying, "You heard."

It wasn't a question. "Yes. I did. And I can't stay here while I'm processing it," I said honestly. I couldn't see Cato or his family or hear about his progress. I needed to be away from him. "I need to be somewhere else, where I don't have to think about it. You want me to fire up our troops? Call out to the loyalists? You've seen what I can do."

"Yes, I have," Coin whispered.

A/N: Things still aren't happy between Aspen and Cato, but don't worry, they'll very slowly start looking up! Things have to get worse before they get better, right? Aspen's situation will be explained more in the following chapters, so don't worry about the minimal explanation in this one. Thanks for the follows and favorites! Please review! Until next time -A

Guest: It was definitely a tense chapter! I'm glad that you loved all of the back and forth during the rescue mission because I know that it could have been really confusing. The secret is finally out! It'll be explained more in detail in the coming chapters. Hope you liked this one!

Guest: Wow, I can't believe that you got through this entire thing in three days! It's a huge series, but I'm so glad that you liked it that much that you read it that fast. Thank you! I try to keep it close to the original (which we all love so much) without just copying it. After all, Aspen has her own life and struggles. Thank you again and I really hope that you liked this one!