Chapter 3 – Edward
Edward would never forget the first time he saw the Empire State Building. Coming from a small agricultural community where the tallest structure was a grain silo, he just couldn't get over the awe of its magnitude. Like one of those mythological giants from the children's stories his mother used to tell him, he saw the skyscrapers as being almost magical. They gave him a sense that anything was possible.
Everything about New York was different for him. He truly felt like he had landed on another planet. A world away from anything and everyone had ever known, he felt inspired by the limitless possibilities that the city had to offer.
There, on a full academic scholarship at Columbia University, Edward was hell bent on putting in the work, and then taking his Pediatric Psychology Doctorate Degree back home to bring help to children in rural areas who haven't had easy accesses to that type of therapy before. As a recovering early childhood PTSD survivor himself, he knew all too well how traumatic events could negatively shape a young mind. Fortunately for him, his mother was able to get him help. Now, he was determined to pay it forward.
However, once the wonderment of the new location began to wane, he was left feeling isolated and alone. The people of New York City were loud and rude, and everything moved too quickly for the eighteen-year-old. Hailing a cab was nearly an impossible feat, he had a deep-rooted fear of buses, and anytime anyone bumped into him, however innocently, he never heard a single apology or kind word. Hell, they didn't even make eye contact for the most part. He truly felt like an alien, and he began to wonder if he made a mistake coming there.
"You just need to give it time, my love, you will adjust," his mother would encourage him over the phone.
But Edward had given it time; it had been four months and he just became more and more discouraged with every passing day. How was he supposed to focus on his schooling if he was miserable?
It wasn't until he received some devastating news, which doubled as a wakeup call, that things began to change for him…
"Edward, your mother doesn't want you to know this, but she's sick," his uncle told him. "It's cancer."
Those words hit Edward hard. His mother meant the world to him. Raising him predominantly alone, she was the strongest, most hard-working person he had ever known. She truly was his hero, and he initially took her illness as a sign that he was in the wrong place.
Without giving it a second thought, he booked the next flight out and raced to her side.
"Ma?" he called anxiously as he walked through his childhood home.
"Oh honey, what are you doing here?" she asked him with a loving sigh the moment he came into view. Of course, she was happy to see him; his departure for college had been the longest stretch of time they had ever been apart since his birth. At the same time, she was also saddened that he was there instead of following his dreams in New York.
"Why didn't you tell me you're sick?" he asked her, feeling more betrayed than he had ever felt by her before.
"Oh, my sweet boy, there is nothing for you to do. Uncle is making sure I'm well taken care of. All you need to focus on, is school."
"I'm done with school," he said with frustration. "I should have never gone so far from home. I can get a degree at the local university here. Maybe I'll take business classes; I've always had a mind for it. I can help Uncle."
"Oh, Edward. You already know all there is to know about his business. Just because you're good at something, doesn't mean it's your destiny."
"But I hate the city," he said, feeling like a whiny child instead of the man he had strived to become for so long. "It's messing with my mind. All the people… the buildings… the buses. It's just too much."
"You are strong enough to handle it," she said doubtlessly. "You just have to believe in yourself. Look how far you've come already. Don't let fear win now. It's time to branch out and become who you are meant to be. If you stay here, you will only get to the end of your life and leave this world full of regrets."
"What do you regret?" he asked her quietly.
She smiled, and then raised her hand to stroke his cheek. "Absolutely nothing. This isn't the life that was placed in front of me; I fought for it, and I don't regret a single moment. Go find your life, Edward; never stop fighting for it and you'll never have regrets."
"But you're sick," he said, the very thought of leaving her like that was painful.
"Look at me!" she demanded. "I'm okay. Right now, I'm alive, and that means you need to go live. When I do meet the Lord, which I'm not planning on doing for many years still, you must keep fighting. Promise me?"
He shook his head, which upset her.
"Edward, promise me! If not for yourself, do it for me. Promise me!"
He didn't want to promise her that. He wanted to stay home and take care of her just as she had always taken care of him. But how could he deny her when he knew deep down that she didn't have many years left?
"I promise," he said reluctantly.
"Good," she murmured full of relief. "Spend the weekend here with us, clear your mind, but then go back to create your future."
He agreed, but he knew it would be the most difficult challenge of his life – which had been a life full of difficult challenges already. The only way he had made it through any of it was by his mother's fierce love and devotion. He owed her everything, and he would not let her down again.
With renewed determination, Edward returned to New York and refused to be afraid for a moment longer. He dove headfirst into his studies, but he also chose to attempt to create a life for himself outside of school. Little by little, Edward began engaging in social gatherings. His priority would always be his classes and schoolwork, but when he had the time, he forced himself to go out and get to know the city and its inhabitants.
As the months turned into years, Edward had learned to assimilate, and he even managed to make some real friendships along the way. He also dated, but only casually. Serious romantic relationships were too much work and took too much time for someone with such a full schedule. Edward had a set plan, and he was committed to seeing it though. Finishing college had to come first, and then he would need to take time to get his practice up and running. Only after accomplishing all of his professional goals, would he even consider starting a family. There was no going off course for him, so whatever he did, and whoever he did it with, he needed to be careful.
By the time he reached his eighth year of college in New York, the now twenty-six-year-old was basically a seasoned city boy. He had adapted beautifully, and he could fool just about anyone into thinking he was a native.
Women in his life had come and gone, but mostly left when Edward refused to commit. His focus never faltered, and no amount of good times could detour him.
But then there was Jessica Stanley.
The two had been together for a few months, and although she was no great love, she was company, and she never minded the sporadic hours of allotted time he would allow her. That was the greatest thing about Jessica. Unlike all the others that came before her, she sincerely didn't want anything more from him. She was the kind of socialite that basically only went to college for the parties. The daughter of a wealthy businessman, she would never have to work a day in her life, and she had absolutely no intention of settling down anytime soon – or so Edward thought…
"So, like you know how I haven't been feeling well lately? Well, I just found out this morning that I'm totally pregnant!" Jessica said enthusiastically as the pair were having lunch at a local cafe.
The shock of her life-altering declaration hit Edward hard, and his mind went numbingly blank while she giggled and rambled on casually.
"I haven't planned it all out yet, but the way I see it, we have three options. One, we keep it. Can you just imagine our combined beauty in a child? My parents are like totally rich, so we can just hire a nanny and stuff or whatever. Two, we abort, because, who wants that kind of responsibility at our age anyway? Can you even imagine me fat? Like, you're cool with abortions, right? You aren't one of those religious weirdos, are you? Because that would be a total bummer. Are you going to finish eating that?" she asked, pointing at the untouched sandwich in front of him.
He was too dumbfounded to even respond to her but watched vacantly as she reached across the table to take his sandwich. He vaguely wondered how she could eat like that if she was feeling so sick, but the thought left his mind just as quickly as it came. Jessica was pregnant, and they had a huge decision to make.
As the realization of the situation began to finally hit him, he knew that whatever happened, he would have to be supportive. It wasn't his decision; he would have to somehow make it work.
But he was angry. Angry with himself, and angry at the situation. He had always been so careful; he honestly didn't know how it was even possible. Now, he might be tied to that woman –the one he had only ever had lackluster feelings for – for the rest of his life. If she decided to keep the baby, what would that look like for him? For his future? For his goals?
Should he propose?
Would she even accept?
A pampered city girl like that certainly wouldn't move back to his rural hometown like he had hoped, so that meant he would have to be forced to abandon that dream.
Could he really spend the rest of his life in a loveless relationship? His parents' failed marriage had always made him leery of even the idea of a long-term commitment. If they couldn't make it work, despite the deep love his mother claimed they had shared, then what hope did he have with a woman he could hardly stand? Regardless, he was always taught to do the right thing, and the right thing was marrying the woman carrying his child, even if it could only make him miserable.
Of course, all of those thoughts and concerns happened within a two-minute span. Two terribly long minutes where Jessica rambled on about the superficial pluses and minuses of having the baby. A baby, which she spoke of like it was nothing more than a pet, or even an expensive handbag.
"So, what do you think?" she finally asked, forcing him to try to pull together some type of coherent response.
"What –uh." He cleared his throat. "I'm here for you, whatever you decide."
"Oh, that's so sweet!" she screeched. "I knew you were going to say that. The final decision is mine then."
"So, what do you think you'll decide?" he asked, feeling like there was a very large lump in his throat. He tried to swallow it down, but it just hung there, choking him with every emotion he was too afraid to feel.
"Well…" She pretended to consider it, when in reality, Edward knew she already had her mind set. She was almost toying with him, which was appalling in a way that he would have never anticipated from her. Then again, he had never known her to take anything seriously before, so he wasn't sure why he expected her to now. "Back to our three options," she continued lightly. "One: keep. Two: abort. Or three, which is by far the best option I can see, is…. neither. April Fools, bitch!" she shouted, making Edward jump.
"What?" he asked confused as his girlfriend's laugh seemed to erupt straight from her stomach.
"Oh my god. Like you should have seen your face when I said I was pregnant! It was like someone killed your puppy!" she continued to roar.
But Edward was in such a state of confusion that he honestly didn't know what to think or believe at that moment.
"Wait, so… there is no baby?" he asked unsure.
"No, ew, of course not! Like I would ever be that stupid. I have an implant, plus I have never let you stick your dick in me without it washed and covered first. You know that. Like, I don't even know how you believed me. So dumb! Like I said, it was an April fool's joke!"
"It's not even April," he mumbled absently.
"If I actually did it in April you would have caught on too soon. This was way better. I wish I would have recorded your reaction."
Edward's relief was immeasurable, but it was also an eye-opener. His feelings for Jessica went from lackluster to nonexistent, and it was written all over his face.
"Jess," he said slowly.
"What? It was funny," she said, getting defensive.
When Edward shook his head no, she knew what he was going to say next.
"It was just supposed to be a joke. Oh shit," she said with a sigh.
Edward didn't realize it then, but that was the single most profound day of his entire life. Him, escaping a bad relationship, was only the beginning. Not even twenty minutes after leaving that café, he got the devastating news that his mother had lost her seven-year battle with cancer.
Once again, he wanted to fly home immediately, but there was nothing to be done. His uncle insisted that he stay to complete his finals and to let him handle all the arrangements. They both knew it was what his mother would have wanted.
As devastated as he was, he had known it was coming. The last time he saw her a few weeks prior, she had made a turn for the worse. He hated leaving her then, but like when he first found out about her illness, she made him promise to keep fighting. They had said their goodbyes, and deep down they both knew that was the last time they would see each other in life.
Of course, that didn't make it any less painful.
Edward thought about staying in his apartment for the rest of the day, and giving himself a chance to grieve, however something inside of him felt like it was going to burst if he stayed indoors. To honor his mother and celebrate her life the way she would have appreciated, he decided to hop on a dreaded bus, and head to the bay. His mother loved the ocean. The few times she had visited him there, her favorite aspect of the giant city was just standing by the docks and watching the boats go by. That was where he felt her presence the most.
He must have stood there for hours. He watched the sky darken from behind him, and the lights on the water begin to illuminate. Just before he was about to leave, he couldn't help but say a prayer, and promise his mother that he would always keep fighting for his dreams.
The bus station to take him back home was a few blocks away, which was more than fine by him. He enjoyed the walk, especially in the evenings, and he decided to just take his time. If he missed the bus, another would come eventually.
As he slowly made his way, something caught his attention. A piece of paper tumbling in the wind coming straight towards him. He considered moving, but he really didn't think it would actually hit him. Sure enough, the paper landed right on his chest – the wind keeping it there more firmly than tape or glue ever could.
Curious, Edward peeled it off of his shirt and took a look at it.
"A band?" he said to himself. It was a flyer for a small local band playing that very same evening, only a block away from his current location. Pictured was a girl; the lead singer, he could only assume. She was pretty but looked far too emo for Edward's taste. What struck him the most, however, was not the picture of the girl, but the name written under it.
"Bella and the Swans," he read out loud. He had to read it twice before it fully sunk in, and then he gasped. "Isabella Swan. Holy shit!"
It was as if his mother had sent him that flyer from heaven. He knew he absolutely had to go to see them play, but with the start time on the flyer more than an hour prior, he had to hurry. Without giving it a second thought, he took off running at full speed. Thankfully, he made it just in time to see their final song.
Bella was absolutely mesmerizing on stage. He couldn't really hear her voice much over the deafeningly loud drums and electric guitar, but she had a presence about her that couldn't be denied. There was so much anger that radiated out of her, but what Edward really saw was the pain. The pain that he knew he had to try to fix.
School had always been his priority, but in that moment, seeing Bella onstage, school automatically dropped to his number two. That angry and sad young woman before him would become his main focus for now on. It wasn't even a choice; it was a necessity for his very sanity.
Finding that flyer was fate.
It was the single most profound day of his life – not because he escaped a bad relationship, or that his heroic mother lost her battle – it was profound, because that was the day he met Isabella Swan…