Tool
A tool, that's what I am and it's exactly what I have always been. I just hadn't been aware of it yet. I severely doubted many cats were or ever are. We are mere extensions of each other, using the other to survive as if it were simply second nature to us, never once questioning our actions as naturally unnatural or worldly immoral. This was the life in which I lived. It may repulse some others, but for me it was the same as breathing now.
"No, no, keep the weight off of your paws when you're crouched. You want to be light and agile when you pounce; making it so prey has no time to scamper away when you eventually strike."
Oakclaw lay there lounging under the sun as he delivered his speech to Redpaw, who stood there readily listening and soaking in every single one of the tom's words. It had been some days since after the gathering and training was going as it had been for the last half moon, with Oakclaw partially observing and delivering instructions as Redpaw did his very best to replicate his mentor's wishes.
"How's this?" Redpaw called, adjusting his stance carefully.
"Fine," Oakclaw replied, not actually watching him, his attention firmly planted on a yellow flower located between his paws. "Try stalking across the clearing now without dropping any of those stones on your head and back."
Redpaw's eyes bulged at this. What? He had just spent the last good portion of morning sunlight, struggling to barely keep them from tumbling off of his back as Oakclaw instructed him to crouch over and over. Now he expected him to stalk through the grass like this?
The massive tabby had proven to be a truly capable and astute mentor, but immensely peculiar in his style of tutelage. Oakclaw didn't abide by the standard teaching methods that most mentors did. His approach was unique. Using his off kilter perspective and direction, Oakclaw had spent the last moon ingraining into Redpaw several tidbits of the trade that the ginger apprentice couldn't argue with the results of.
He was learning. More so than he reckoned he ever would have with any other cat as his mentor. Oakclaw's opinion was that of refining your techniques to their absolute fullest, whether it involved hunting, tracking, or battling, he would make Redpaw start with the core bare basics and drill it repeatedly. The moment Redpaw would more or less perfect the technique he would add a special quirk to the training and then make him do it all over again.
Today wasn't an exception.
Cautiously, Redpaw extended a paw outward and slowly eased his way across the grass, extremely conscience of the line of four stones, one on his head and three on his back, wobbling as he moved at a crawl like pace. Restraining his breath out of fear that if he breathed too hard he'd unseat the stones, the apprentice began making measured laps around the field, taking special care to decide and choose the spot where he would step next.
It was an agonizingly slow process the crawl, but Redpaw was able to keep the stones still as he kept moving. Though feeling incredibly silly while doing this, and dreading that a cat would pass by and see him, Redpaw believed in the words of his aloof mentor.
If Oakclaw said this would improve his balance than it would. The brown tabby had yet to be proven wrong with any exercise he'd run Redpaw through so far. He saw improvements, actual increases in his speed, discerning of scents, and strength.
Since that day in which he'd confronted Redpaw, Oakclaw had taken full control over the ginger apprentice's training. Redpaw hadn't been allowed to rest a single day until he was fully caught up with the other apprentices in days of experience and possibly even surpass that. From brisk dawn to late dusk, the ginger apprentice had worked hard, allowing himself to be pushed beyond his limits and eagerly accepting it all without complaint.
After everything that he had been through up till the point where he was now with Oakclaw, Redpaw refused to falter or slack. The sharp criticism by the tabby had been like a shot of clarity mixed with vitality for the tom, renewing within him an even stronger purpose now to prove his place as a permanent member of BoulderClan. He would do it.
That wasn't all that drove Redpaw through the stark mornings or well into the twinkling starlight of twilight training sessions. He had another goal, one possibly even greater than his first to become seen as part of his Clan. He wanted Oakclaw's respect, just a brief flash of praise within his pale eyes.
Redpaw had come a long way in the moon that he'd been training, accomplishing several things to be proud of, save capturing Oakclaw's attention. There were still numerous things wrong with their dynamic as student and teacher. Barring the sparse moment during his apprentice ceremony from memory, Oakclaw had yet to once look Redpaw in the eyes. There was also the issue of him having yet to refer to him by his actual name.
Redpaw wasn't entirely sure how the tabby did it, but whenever they spoke he was always able to directly avoid referring to him by his name, choosing instead to defer to him the title of apprentice, and nothing more. But the way in which he would pronounce it gave rise to the notion that the term lacked any type of possessiveness on Oakclaw's part. He didn't mean apprentice as in his own apprentice, rather as if it were a term to call someone he wasn't entirely sure of what to make of.
It was the ginger tom's goal to change that lack of familiarity between the two. In the span of time that they'd been together, Redpaw had slowly began to grow a sense of revere for Oakclaw. The knowledge in which he displayed to almost any and all questions that Redpaw asked him was awe-inspiring. There didn't seem to be a thing that he didn't know or wasn't aware of.
If Redpaw was struggling, having particular trouble with something, without even looking sometimes Oakclaw would almost flippantly point out the issue and then Redpaw would fix it to resounding results of success.
With proper guidance such as this, Redpaw desperately wanted nothing more now than for Oakclaw to give a round of congratulations to him whenever he did well. He was following his orders to direct success, but Oakclaw seemed to never linger on any of it, pushing straight ahead to the next thing without pause for response.
He had said Redpaw's answer to the Warrior Code was interesting, but since then he had displayed no further interest in the apprentice. His mentoring almost came across as a formality now, something he did out of habit rather than any real attachments to it and that bothered Redpaw.
What was it he wasn't doing that would garner a genuine reaction from Oakclaw? The only time Oakclaw ever seemed to pay any real attention to him was that moment when he'd started talking about the Warrior Code. It had been the key to getting Oakclaw to train him, so was it possible that it was also the answer to getting his admiration?
Rising from his crouch, which caused the stones to tumble from his back, Redpaw turned his attention toward Oakclaw. "I want you to tell me why the Warrior Code is so important to you."
I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I boldly directed that statement to Oakclaw. It was certainly a gamble on my part, doing what I did. There was no way I'd be able to gauge the tabby's response after the words left my mouth, but I was eager for an insight into Oakclaw's mind, to why he had been so insistent that I know why we follow it. It was probably this very conversation that led to the way that I am now.
The question carried across the clearing to the preoccupied tabby, whose entire attention was being completely absorbed by a small yellow flower that he had been examining since Redpaw had started training that morning.
He waited with abated breath, steeling himself possibly, for some source of dramatic reaction on Oakclaw's behalf. His fears came to naught however. Not segregating his attention away from the flower to even glance the ginger tom's way, Oakclaw flicked his tail once.
"I wondered when you'd finally force up the nerve to ask."
His tone exuded a sense of levity in it, giving the impression that Redpaw's words amused him, though the ginger tom in question wasn't sure how to receive this. Oakclaw's tone usually came across as good-natured, but Redpaw had come to see this over the moon of spending every day with the tom as a way of not allowing anyone access into his true intentions. It was one of the things that made Oakclaw such a hard character to get a grasp of.
Taking care not to seem too eager, Redpaw approached Oakclaw with a reserved demeanor. This is my chance to find out more about Oakclaw! He thought excitedly, as he drew closer to seat tabby.
Besides nature, the only other thing Oakclaw outwardly expressed any interest in was the Warrior Code. If he could manage to pick his brain on the reasons why, Redpaw's hope was that it would shine some light on who Oakclaw was as a cat and possibly how he could take the steps to gaining his respect.
Wait, no, Redpaw refuted quickly, realizing the mistake. Oakclaw's always said that you can't gain someone's respect. If I'm going to use this information for anything, than it has to be used towards earning his respect.
"Take a seat," Oakclaw gestured directly to spot right across from him and the flower. "I daresay this conversation will need some visual aid if I'm to properly express myself. I may also tend to ramble on, so there's no reason for you to waste energy by standing."
Redpaw obliged to the request, claiming the spot of grass directly in front of the tabby and his flower. He tucked his paws under his chest and then waited, fixating his gaze on Oakclaw whose gaze was still fixated on the flower.
The tabby didn't speak for several heartbeats, his tail twitching lightly behind him as he continued to stare at the flower with a tranquil expression. Finally, after multiple more heartbeats had passed between the two of them, he lifted a paw and gestured with it at the small yellow flower before him.
"Imagine the Clan is the same as this flower," he began casually, causing Redpaw's eyes to immediately fall upon it, curious. "For it to grow it requires the sun, soil, air, and water provided by the rain to sprout, bloom, and survive. In our case, the Warrior Code is represented by these things."
He paused a moment to allow these words to sink into Redpaw's skull. "For us to prosper and continue on as we have we need them. But, if something were to occur and block or take away one of those things, we would cease to grow. We would wither and die." He paused again, smiling briefly, as he crushed the flower below his paw to insinuate the point further. "It's just as yousaid before, 'we don't follow it because it works; we do so because we couldn't survive without it'. You see everything is important. It's all beneficial to how we go about and live our lives. Without it the flow would be disrupted. Your role as a member of the Clan is to protect the code and Clan with your life. The Warrior Code is an ideal, a way of walking alone. All who follow it walk alone in some unseen manner, but with a purpose."
Redpaw blinked in confusion. Something Oakclaw had just said sounded familiar.
"What do you mean by walk alone?"
"Good to see you're paying attention," he chuckled minutely. "It's the same as I was telling you about Sagepaw before. Every cat has their own set individual path that they must walk alone. No one else can do it for you, nor can you follow them or they you. This is the key thing you must note and be aware of if you're ever to become a warrior. To live your life by such an ideal and do what is necessary to protect and serve those around you as a weapon, as a tool to be used until no longer functional. That is the warriors' way, the path of walking alone."
The path of walking alone. The words echoed throughout the chamber of Redpaw's mind. There was something that had troubled him about what Oakclaw was saying. Something that made his stomach sink in on itself.
"Did something I say bother you?" Oakclaw inquired innocently, proving yet again his talent for being able to notice the subtle changes in Redpaw's demeanor.
The ginger apprentice dithered slightly, mulling over whether or not it was worth it to voice what he was thinking. Would he be out of line to say what it was he was deliberating inside of his own head?
"Speak up," Oakclaw nudged helpfully, the perfect picture of patience. "It's important to voice your opinion or otherwise you'll never be heard by the masses."
Redpaw sighed, relenting, hoping this wouldn't backfire in his face. He didn't want to ruin his opportunity to learn more from Oakclaw, but this was something that was eating away at him that he couldn't withhold in anymore.
"It's just…the stuff you said about walking alone, it almost sounds like we're restricted in a way," he kept his gaze averted from any part of Oakclaw as he spoke this. "With the Warrior Code looming over us as heavily as you described, it's like we as individuals don't have any say so in the matter. It's like our freedoms been restricted."
"Cats are never free as long as their Clan needs them," Oakclaw immediately responded, producing a strangled choke of shock from the ginger tom. "To do something, anything that contributes is what we've been placed here to do. Who knows, maybe it's all in StarClan's will to find out what we're good for. We might both do despicable things in the process, but if the Clan survives, then we were good tools."
"Is that all?" Redpaw implored. "Are we really just tools?"
"Individual cats are all tools. We each play the role of a pawn that someone else uses to help us all survive. In a way, that's basically Crowstar's and any other cat's role as a leader."
"That's a lie."
Oakclaw snorted at Redpaw's reply. "No. It's just the bitter truth of reality. The cats of these Clans only respect strength and skill. Anything other than that is deemed weak and useless, absolutely worthless. Tell me, are you worthless?"
Redpaw seemed taken aback by the sudden question. He hadn't been expecting it, though with most things involving Oakclaw, he probably should have.
If this had been a moon ago than I probably would've said yes, Redpaw lamented. But this isn't a moon ago. I'm different now…I've changed. I'm not the same scrawny tom that Oakclaw stood up and volunteered to mentor that day in the Clan anymore.
"No, I'm not," Redpaw answered boldly, staring up into the tabby's large face without weakness. "And someday I'll prove it to you."
"That remains to be seen."
Redpaw didn't respond back at first. Climbing to his paws, he saw that even while sitting Oakclaw carried dominance over him in height, but the ginger tom didn't allow this to detour him in his determination.
"I'm going back to train with the stones some more. I want you to know though, that one day I will prove to you that I'm worthy enough to stand beside you as your apprentice. And I'll do it all under the guidance of the Warrior Code. Just you watch."
"We'll see," Oakclaw said in turn, an amused smile lingering on his lips. "In the meantime, I'll hold you to that. When the time reveals itself we'll see how dedicated you are to the cause."
I was slowly gaining more and more insight into the world and the way in which Oakclaw viewed it. In some ways the conversation had left me feeling hollow and despaired inside that I was nothing more than a tool, but at same time I felt conviction with a sense of responsibility and security at the idea that I played a role in the survival of my home. Based on Oakclaw's description of the Way, I was actually important. My actions and life held purpose in this sense. I just wanted to prove the same to him. If aligning myself with the Way was how I'd earned his respect, than I was more than willing to do so. If only I'd known what that entailed when I first declared that I would.