Needed

It was during the nights of my dreamless sleeps that I sometimes wondered if everything I hope and strived for would come to naught. Was there really a place for me in BoulderClan? Would the cats of the Clan ever truly see me as one of them? Was there a single individual out there in the world that had need for a pathetic, love starved cat? In some ways it really hurts to admit it, but during those times I would have gladly latched onto the first thing that told me that they needed me. I just wanted to feel necessary, and having them do so would have made my dreams in an instant.

"Just our luck. Against everything and out of absolutely any other apprentice in camp we still somehow end up with you, Sagebrain," Hollypaw glowered.

The russet tom scoffed in return. "Don't act like I'm the one pleased to be saddled with you two. Swiftstep gave me an order and I'm following. The fact you happened to be included isn't my fault or concern."

Redpaw knew better to remain silent throughout the exchange of retorts between the two prideful apprentices as the at odds trio traveled through the forest. At this point in time he was more or less used to this type of banter whenever Hollypaw and Sagepaw happened to be in the vicinity of each other. It was almost seen as an expected ritual after so many moons of watching them constantly go at it.

As scandalous as it may sound though, Redpaw actually agreed with Sagepaw here. The fact that the three of them were currently traversing the forest together had all to do with the order given to them separately by Swiftstep.

Redpaw himself had just finished spending the morning fetching moss and water for the medicine cat den when the silver grey warrior had briskly come passing by.

Not even stopping to make eye contact, he said, "You're to meet me outside the camp at the strip of land that lies just outside the battle training grounds."

Without a single other word uttered, Swiftstep had continued on headed for the gorse tunnel. Speechless, Redpaw had watched the last few traces of his silver tail disappear into the tunnel before his mind had finally registered the order.

Thankfully the ginger tom was familiar with the area, seeing as he definitely wasn't going to be able to chase down Swiftstep to follow him there. The warrior lived up to his namesake, holding the honor and position as swiftest cat in all of BoulderClan.

Without much other choice or direction, Redpaw headed for the gorse tunnel as well. It was outside where he ended up crossing paths with a yawning Hollypaw and energized Sagepaw, both of which had just returned from a dawn patrol lead by Brackentail, who had also just been given the same order as Redpaw had moments ago. The toriseshell she-cat's tiered grumpy expression coupled with having just been recruited for another outing in the forest set the tone for their venture as she and Sagepaw spent the entirety of the time bickering back and forth.

"What are we even going to be doing out here?" Hollypaw growled, sounding annoyed as her face etched into a scowl. "Old quick paws weren't very clear on that when he just sped by saying we should meet him."

"Your guess is as good as mine," Sagepaw replied, sounding just as perplexed as she was on exactly what it was Swiftstep needed of them.

Similar to his companions, Redpaw was also just as oblivious to what the agile warrior wanted with them. It wasn't very often that a cat other than your mentor made demands of you. Realistically speaking, it wasn't very often that a cat other than his own mentor spoke to him. So for Swiftstep to had come and specifically pick him out, certainly had Redpaw's curiosity piqued.

The three of them would gain their answer soon enough by the time they came padding into a small sandy enclosure with a sizable surprise expecting them all. Redpaw couldn't decide which of them reflected the shock best at finding Swiftstep awaiting them alongside their respective mentors.

"Took you long enough," Swiftstep laughed upon seeing their stunned expressions as their mentors behind him shared interchanging smirks.

"What is this about?" Sagepaw asked, deciding to be the one out of them to take charge and get to the bottom of things. "Are we in trouble or something? I could understand if it concerned Hollypaw, but I haven't done anything wrong."

Redpaw forcibly resisted a smile at the irate look on Hollypaw's face in response to Sagepaw's statement. Chances were if a cat was in trouble for something around camp it usually involved her.

"Thankfully that's the not case here today," Roseblossom answered, stepping forward to address them. "No, today happens to be something special involving the three of you, but I'll leave the actual details of that to Swiftstep. After all, he's the one who'll be majorly overseeing you today."

The silver warrior nodded at Roseblossom as he took her position in front of three apprentices. "I'll cut straight to the chase since I know you're all eager to know exactly why I and your mentors are out here today. Nearly a full moon and half has passed since the three of you became apprentices. Today, we set out to test the extent of your progression and evaluate you all."

"That's right," Ashfur spoke up, joining in the explanation. "We've trained you all hard this past moon and a half, so it's time to see what you've all got. You'll all be tasked with hunting today. The quota is for to display your hunting and tracking skills while acquiring three different variety of prey. If you wish to go beyond that feel free, but the final grading will be based on skill, technique, and quality not quantity. From this we'll be able to examine your overall prowess while seeking out three different selections of prey."

So that's what's expected of us, Redpaw thought, feeling a surge of excitement ripple across his pelt at the challenge.

What an opportunity to show off to the other warriors and Oakclaw that he was dedicated to proving his worth as a member of the Clan? It was almost a surreal moment for him to realize that he'd just been presented with the thing he had craved most. This was his chance.

From out the corner of his it appeared Sagepaw was just as psyched for the opportunity, if not more so than he was. The russet apprentice had a wide grin plastered across his face with his eyes bright and shinning in anticipation. And why wouldn't they be, Redpaw realized. He thrived in situations like this where it was expected of him to perform. Sagepaw was never a cat to shy away from flexing his talents. The fact that it was presented as an evaluation may prove to only further his reason for displaying what he had to offer.

Hollypaw on the other end of things didn't seem to share the two tom's excitement at the prospect of being tested. Her eyes were narrowed and irritated, not to also ignore the fact that they were layered over in exhaustion.

A dawn patrol shouldn't have had her looking as haggard as she was in Redpaw's opinion. Making she wasn't getting enough sleep? He himself fell right asleep after he got to camp after training all day, so he wondered if it was possible that she was getting late or something else.

In the midst of his speculations, however, it was then that Redpaw noticed the absence of a voice in the conversation of warriors. Looking past the others his eyes locked onto the idle Oakclaw, who seemed more interested in the sunny weather then what was currently being discussed amongst the other mentors and Swiftstep.

Redpaw had to remind himself that that image alone was misleading when applied to the large tom. His attention may be fixated elsewhere, but it did not mean for one instance that he wasn't currently aware of the proceedings before him. He may portray lapses in attention, but it didn't mean that wasn't paying attention. Redpaw wasn't sure how many times he'd had to learn that lesson the hard way himself. Almost as if to confirm his speculation Oakclaw's eye slowly swiveled from the sky in the direction of where the ginger tom currently laid standing.

"Do endeavor to preform to your very best," the lax tom chose to finally speak up, smiling. "We'll all be watching."

In that instant my mind was set on being the standout apprentice of the day. The resolution inside of me was absolute. I wanted the others to be blown away at all the hard work I'd gone through to perform as I would today. I refused to leave a question, a single doubt in the minds of all them that I was not serious about showing that I was here to be of use. I belonged in BoulderClan.

The three apprentices split apart without further hesitation. Each scampered away in an opposite direction from the enclosure before submerging themselves into the thick underbrush of the forest.

Redpaw set off at a sharp pace, opening up his form and letting his spirit exude as he sprinted across the grassy terrain. He would distance himself from the others as quickly as possible to allow optimal focus when it finally came to the actual point of the assessment. If he was going to find the varying types of prey that he needed to pass, than he'd have to go somewhere the underbrush was at his thickest.

He plunged deeper into the depths of the BoulderClan territory where the golden rays of the sunlight above began to recede and retract from sight. The undergrowth began to clout and the trees exceed in dimensions as Redpaw now found himself wading through the vegetation like shallow waves of water.

The air had grown dense, lingering strongly with the intense smell of earth and wildlife. Redpaw slowed his progression into a measured stride before pausing to open his mouth and ingest all the scents of the area.

Almost immediately he was swarmed with the uncanny musk of mice and vole. Dropping into a hunters crouch the ginger tom angled his ears outward and waited with abated breath. This is the part where his skills came into play.

He had already tracked the prey down into a feasible area, and now that remained was for him to pick them out and make his move. Taking cues from his lessons with Oakclaw, Redpaw allowed himself to relax as he listened intently for the smallest inkling of scrounging through the grass. This final stint took precision and patience.

Three heartbeats passed and nothing. Four..five..si-a rustling to the several foxlengths to his left sounded. Light on his paws, Redpaw slunk through the undergrowth, his balance and form perfect, as he walked down his mark.

A quick sniff registered into his senses as mouse. A few more steps ahead and Redpaw could just make out the small clump of grass that lay squirming away with movement. This was his shot here.

Don't think, go blank. Don't think, go blank, he chanted to himself. This was always Oakclaw's advice whenever he hunted. Just move, go with the flow.

He struck. A sharp whistle sang through the air followed by a muffle squeak that was silence near moments later. Redpaw pulled up, a fallen mouse hanging limply from his jaws as he reveled in the rush of elation from his kill.

That was a near perfect kill in his eyes. Would the other warriors who were surly watching him by now think the same?

Don't think about that now, he told himself, shaking his head which shook the dead mouse in his mouth along with it sending droplets of blood sprinkling the grass. The evaluation isn't over yet. I still have two more pieces of prey to catch. I can't get distracted now.

Finding a spot to bury his mouse, Redpaw than set back off into the forest becoming completely engrossed and consumed in his task.

Redpaw wasn't sure how much time had encapsulated when he remerged from the undergrowth carrying a thrush, vole and for added affect, a squirrel. He had experienced a haul and was currently on his way back to pick up his mouse and head back to the sandy enclosure.

To say the ginger apprentice was feeling ecstatic at his performance would be a major understatement. Redpaw felt that he had more than surpassed the assessment. There was absolutely nothing that could deny him now. He had personally seen to it himself with this bountiful catch.

He was just rounding the spot where he'd buried his catch when a dark shadow darted out the side of his peripheral vision. His first thought was that it was just one of the warriors watching him from afar, but the moment a rank, rancid scent hit his nostrils he halted in his tracks.

Redpaw felt his heart drop.

Glowering back at him was the disheveled wiry form of a grime covered blue she-cat glowering at him, fangs bared. At her paws lay the panicked form of a squirming squirrel, the sight of small droplets blood from it apparent on her paws. The smell alone was enough to tell Redpaw that she didn't belong to any of the neighboring Clans. This was a rogue, and one that he had just caught in the act of trying to kill prey in the midst of BoulderClan territory.

The rogue hissed at him, spittle flying from her mouth that caused Redpaw to take a hesitant step back. Where were the warriors? Hollypaw? StarClan, even Sagepaw would be incredibly useful in this situation right now.

This wasn't a position that Redpaw had ever expected to find himself, at least not now of all times. What was he supposed to do? Fleeing the scene seemed almost completely out of the question. No one would respect him for running away from a fight, but was he really expected to defend himself here?

Redpaw's heart was beating at an erratic pace now as he and the rogue continue their standoff. His frightened brown eyes met the wavering dark ones of the rogue who continued to snarl and spit at him.

Maybe if he could just wait out this standoff a bit longer someone would come by to aide him. It was worth a shot at least. He could- one of the pieces of prey in Redpaw's jaw slipped from his mouth and fell onto the ground.

Like a trigger had just been initiated, the rogue abandoned the squirrel straight at him, leaping right onto the petrified ginger tom.

He felt fangs clench onto the back of his neck and immediately dropped his catch, retreating into a frantic frenzy. His senses clouded, blood pounding in his ear, Redpaw fought to twist his body out of the clutches of the rogue. Feeling claws sink into his side he gasped at the sharp pain before wrestling the rogue down on the floor, a wild whirl of snarls and limbs flailing everywhere.

Skill and technique went tossed completely out of the equation. There was nothing but blind terror and a desperate need to survive. Redpaw was fighting for his life at this point and bit and clawed at every single piece of flesh that came within contact of him. They tumbled around fighting for dominance, constantly grappling in and out of control, an unspoken notion surrounding the clash that the one who failed was the one who ultimately died.

And in that same instance the skirmish came to a horrifying conclusion. There was a snapping of teeth, awkward positioning of the bodies, and finally a sickening crunch that Redpaw felt reverberate through his bones.

He saw the kittypet's eyes bulged and in that same instant let loose a bloodcurdling yowl that sent chills shooting down his spine. They fell apart and it was there that Redpaw realized what had occurred. A clean break lay in between the center of the rogue she-cat's left foreleg where the lower half lay dangling, held together by nothing more than her own skin.

Redpaw jerked away from the gruesome sight, scrambling as far away as possible from the macabre scene. He felt sick to his core and began to heave uncontrollably as the rogue struggled to slink away while crying out in that same heart stopping yowl.

What did I do? he thought in absolute horror, feeling his body lock up and retch. He coughed harshly, finding it extremely difficult to find air at the moment as it felt as though his insides were on fire.

"What did I do!" he cried out in repetition. "What did I do! What did I do! What did I-"

"Do what?" a puzzled voice filled the void that had been his despair.

Redpaw looked up to discover Oakclaw stepping lightly into sight, inquisitively surveying the area around before falling onto the ginger apprentice. One swift look at the apprentice battered form and Oakclaw was suddenly beside him, placing a large but somehow welcoming paw onto his body.

"Stand up," he ordered. "And tell me everything that just happened."

Shaking uncontrollably, Redpaw tried his best to acquiesce to the warrior's order, but finding it immensely problematic to actually rise. Giving up that he would be able to do so, Redpaw settled for a half crouched position where he then struggled to recount the details of what had just occurred.

"Rogue," he managed to gasp out after several failed attempts. "I-I wa-was coming back from hu-..hunt..saw her…rogue. Try-ing..to steal squirrel…caught her in the act..fought and her l- oh, StarClan," he choked out trying to force out some semblance of a coherent sentence. "Broken. Rogue, leg, bro-ken."

Oakclaw listened intently with the utmost amount of attention he'd ever given Redpaw in a single moon since they'd known each other. He didn't interrupt or force the ginger tom to continue whenever he had trouble getting over a particular rough patch. In that moment Oakclaw embodied the words of calm and poise, something Redpaw desperately needed at that exact moment.

He visibly shook as Oakclaw calmly inspected his cuts and scrapes. "I-I…didn't know what else t-t-to do. It all happened so fast. She attacked and I panickkk-ed. I wasn't trying to hurt her. I didn't mean to, I swear!" he pleaded wildly to Oakclaw, his eyes wide and frantic.

"It's quite all right," Oakclaw replied softly. "You did what you needed to do to protect yourself and the Clan. That squirrel she tried to steal and eat could have robbed a queen of the necessary nourishment to produce milk. Without food queens cannot produce milk for their kits, and kits that go unfed die. And by chain of reaction dead kits hurt the Clan. You did a brave and noble thing today by standing your ground and defending your home and our way of life. There's absolutely nothing you should be ashamed of."

Wide eyed and in awe, Redpaw slowly began to calm down. The soothing and calm tone of Oakclaw's voice seemed near impossible to argue with in the face of this overwhelming display of uncharacteristic compassion. Every word he uttered seemed to lessen the impact of the previous encounter more and more.

He was just protecting his home and way of life, just as Oakclaw had said. The rogue was in the wrong first by attempting to disrupt the way. Her actions would have hurt more than just him. The Clan was at risk every time something like this occurred.

"Well done, Redpaw," Oakclaw mewed, turning Redpaw's surprised gaze on him. Oakclaw had never before praised him or called him by his real name. For the first time it had happened. Oakclaw had actually just called him by his name. "There's more to you than I ever gave credit. You may just be the kind of cat I need."

Need.

Redpaw almost felt like he'd been placed in a daze. He had never before been needed by another cat. The thought alone left him feeling strangely warm inside, covering up the horrible emotions with it. He liked the feeling. He liked the feeling of another cat needing him. He would do whatever it took for Oakclaw to continue needing him. He had a meaning for life now.

That was the first cat I would inflict actual pain to within my lifetime. Although unintentional, it would set into motion a chain of events that I would be unable to break away from though, if I'm to be honest here, I did not want to. Oakclaw made everything I even for a second considered terrible seem so right and necessary. So why care about the consequences when I was needed?