A/N: Not my best chapter to return with, but I hope you enjoy the read nonetheless. Feedback is always very much appreciated. The point of this author's note besides the above mentioned is to bring attention to the fact that in the midst of the creation of this chapter something occurred that will have a pivotal effect on the eventual climax of this tale that I hadn't originally planned for. I'm incredibly excited about it and the best part is that it's already been foreshadowed throughout the entire story. The ending should surprise a lot of you.

Connections

There's a lot that I didn't understand. Even less that I was aware of. In retrospect it's interesting to just how much would change after this. How I would grow and the connections had with others either strengthened or snapped completely.

The fresh scent of pine and mint intermingled in the air as Redpaw lay recuperating amidst the cool, dark interior of the medicine den. For the latter part of a day and a half now he had been regulated to bed rest until properly cleared to resume training.

Truth be told, he hadn't suffered much lasting damage in the clash against the rogue. A few nasty scratches and bite marks that had marred his body the day Oakclaw had carried him in here were now only faint outlines upon his pelt. For precaution sake and at the behest of the medicine cat though, what would have originally resulted in him just getting his cuts lathered in poultice and given a quick night of stay was stretched out into two nights because of near sheer exhaustion on his part.

In Fernleaf's own words the ordeal with the rogue had left Redpaw in a 'fragile state of frayed nerves and disorientation'. An above normal heart rate and frazzled outer appearance were the final factors judged in sealing his fate.

Redpaw stretched out in his nest made of moss and feathers to allow his cramped muscles a slight reprieve. One of Fernleaf's instructions to him had been to get lots of rest. The downside of this request, however, was that as long as he was under her care Redpaw was forbade from moving about as he pleased which put a slight damper on the ginger apprentice's mood.

The time he'd spent cooped up in the medicine cat den filled to the brim with the sweet and bitter smells of herbs had made him realize just how much he truly missed being active and outside the camp where he could do more than just sit on his butt all day.

Redpaw sat lamenting over the fact that while he lay stuck here, outside the Clan and world went along its normal routine as if he didn't exist as a part of it. As long as he remained rooted where he was there wasn't much to dispute the claim that it wasn't true. He was wasting away valuable time that he could be currently using to do his part by hunting or patrolling the territory and it bothered him.

In the meantime, Oakclaw had told him not to worry about his assessment. Considering the special circumstances surrounding the premature end to his hunting he'd been given a passing grade along with Hollypaw and Sagepaw, though it was with some reluctance on his part.

Redpaw had wanted to earn his clearance, not have some misfortunate befall him and in turn have it be gifted to him. It made him feel as though he was being pitied more than anything else. He felt confident enough that he was just as capable as Hollypaw or Sagepaw and had wanted to showcase that.

Speaking of which, Hollypaw had stopped by to visit him the same day he was placed under Fernleaf's care. What was surprising about the visit was the fact that she had brought Sagepaw along with her, though from the sour look upon the russet tom's face it hadn't been without some forceful persuasion on her end.

They chatted briefly with Redpaw about what had transpired. The two of them spoke of how they were just returning back from collecting all their kills when Swiftstep had notified them that Redpaw had been attacked. Although uncomfortable with the subject, having just come fresh off of the incident, he gave them details on the moments leading up to the encounter before becoming vague on the actual details that led to the end of the fight.

For what it was worth Sagepaw actually appeared mildly impressed to learn that Redpaw had managed to ultimately send the she-cat fleeing. It wouldn't be true to Sagepaw's personality of the type of tom he was if afterwards he hadn't snuck in a comment about how he would have thrashed the intruder before it even managed to lift a paw if it had been he who was the one to have come across it.

It didn't take very long afterwards for word of what had happened to spread through the camp like wildfire. From the elders den to the nursery, by the end of the day there didn't seem to be a cat in the Clan who hadn't heard. Any sort of unfavorable gossip that may have spawned from it though, he was luckily kept oblivious of.

He still remembered the Clan's reaction to his scuffed up body as Oakclaw had hauled him into camp. A subdued buzz of astonishment had rippled across them as they sat and watched as he was carried off into the medicine den. He supposed it most had been something of a spectacle to behold.

What must have been going through their minds seeing him the condition that he was?

"Redpaw?"

The ginger tom looked up from his recollecting to find Fernleaf hovering over him. A twinge of awkwardness spread across him finding the cream colored she-cat's gentle gaze upon him. Soft and petite in stature, Fernleaf emanated an amicable nature of friendliness and patience that Redpaw was still trying to adjust to.

"What is it, Fernleaf?"

"There's a visitor here to see you."

Visitor? On impulse Redpaw assumed that it was Hollypaw come by to quickly chat. A lesser more miniscule percentage guessed it may be Oakclaw come to evaluate his condition. The absolute least possible out of those two would have to be Sagepaw.

He wasn't even close.

Redpaw felt his breath catch and heart jump as he hastily scrambled to his paws to properly greet the sole soul that had just ventured into the medicine den.

Even in the faded light of the medicine den the BoulderClan leader's glossy gray pelt shone through vibrantly. He carried himself with a tall and proud disposition, exuding a sense of command and respect with every pawstep that he took. Crowstar nodded politely in the direction of Fernleaf who returned the gesture with a small and nod of her own before ducking out the mouth open of the den, leaving Redpaw and the leader alone together.

This was the first time ever that Redpaw had found himself alone with Crowstar, and only the second time ever in which they'd been so close in proximity, the time previous being Redpaw's apprentice ceremony.

"Cr-cr—Crowstar, it's a hon-or!" Redpaw stammered painfully, bowing so low that his nose touched the floor.

In his wildest dreams he could have never envisioned this. Crowstar! The BoulderClan leader himself had come to visit him. Or was it a visit at all? Redpaw's mind flashed red with panicked, fearing for a moment that the reason Crowstar had come was to reprimand him for getting into a fight with a rogue alone.

"Lift your head up, Redpaw, please," Crowstar answered in a warm voice.

The tone was welcoming and civil, immediately erasing away all doubt that he'd originally just had. Redpaw lifted his head his to meet the leader's solid gaze.

"You're doing well, I hope?" Crowstar asked. "Injuries healing fine?"

Redpaw nodded in agreement. "Yes. Fernleaf says I should be ready to resume training tomorrow."

Crowstar nodded once, momentarily glancing around the den before stooping to crouch down into a sitting position. "If you would please join me, Redpaw." He motioned at him to sit and Redpaw followed his words without haste."

Redpaw sat in silence, waiting with a bit of tense nerve for Crowstar to speak. From his position directly across from him Crowstar sat with a contemplative air about himself. His head lay slightly titled to the side and his eyes grew far off and distant as if stepping off into a different place.

Redpaw wasn't sure what to make of this, unsure whether or not to wait or just out rightly ask Crowstar what it was he wanted when the gray tom suddenly refocused his eyesight on him.

"I've come here to do three things," Crowstar immediately said, catching sight of Redpaw's surprised expression. "These are things that I should have done earlier, but misgivings and careless hesitations on my part have kept me from doing so. This doesn't mean to excuse my behavior, but at least help you in understanding where it is I am coming from today." The gray leader paused for just the briefest of the seconds, seemingly to confirm something within himself before continuing on with, "First, I must congratulate you for the exceptional heart and courage that you showed in the face of such adversity when you were attacked in the midst of our own territory. Not only did you take a great risk while doing so alone, but you as well managed to defend yourself and home from an intruder. For all of this you have my deepest thanks."

Redpaw was absolutely floored. Beyond getting to sit here and actually talk with Crowstar, he had never once expected to receive any kind of praise from anyone inside the Clan outside Oakclaw or Hollypaw, to say that he'd done something good, especially not from Crowstar of all cats. Not the great leader of the Clan himself, never.

He struggled within himself to find some kind of word, phrase, or expression that could generate and convey the near hysteric levels of gratitude that he felt towards Crowstar for his words. Moments like this in the life of the BoulderClan outcast were unprecedented. This wasn't normal. The only possible thing that may be shocking enough more to trump this would have to have been when Oakclaw had similarly praised him.

"For the second and third things, I bring forth an apology and with it the truth."

Redpaw felt his heart skip a beat at hearing this and immediately his focus was right back on Crowstar's now conflicted expression.

"I would have thought that by the time you were old enough to be apprenticed that most of your older Clanmates would have matured enough by now to not let their fears and memories cloud their perception of you." The great leader sighed. "Unfortunately that hasn't been the case nor have I done enough to instill this fact into them. There's quite a lot owed to you, Redpaw. And I'm only sorry that it's taken me till now to finally tell you. I must apologize for the way you've been treated for most of your young life. What you've had to take and endure all alone is more than most full grown cats could and what no cat your age should ever have to."

Crowstar's eyes softened and became remorseful almost sadly looking upon the young cat that sat before him in stunned silence. The sheer amount of regret and anguish that lay brimming in his eyes was more than Redpaw thought he would be able to take.

"What I'm about to say to you is more so a birthright than secret, however, in saying that it is also something that you can never reveal to any of the other apprentices or cats outside this Clan. They way I've allowed you to be treated up till now is unforgivable, and I know that it's caused you much pain and confusion. Because of it I never want a single other soul to have their perception of you muddled because of something you have no control over. And the reason behind that is-"

"Stop."

Crowstar's eyes widened in surprise. "What's wrong?"

Redpaw shook his head, feeling agitated with himself for having stopped Crowstar, but he needed to say this. It had to be known.

"Not yet," he replied, looking into his leader's face. "I-it can wait. I don't want this day possibly ruined by whatever it is you have to tell me."

"Are you sure?" Crowstar implored, sounding dismayed by Redpaw's reluctance. "This is something you of all cats deserve to know. Are you absolutely certain about this, Redpaw?"

"Yes. I've had some time to think it over being cooped up in here and decided that the moment you or anyone else ever tried to tell me I would turn them down. Over the last moon I've started to think more about something else than why I'm treated the way I am. Something that honestly means more to me." His courage wavered and he began to feel his voice crack as he spoke. "Ple-…," he took a deep breath to steady himself. "Please tell me about my mother."

That was probably me at my most vulnerable. The raw honesty and desire that radiated through my voice as I asked that questioned had to have been transmitted to Crowstar across the air. It was the one thing above anything else that I had always been apprehension to bring up in the Clan, but now here was finally my chance to learn about the cat that had birthed me.

The space between them hovered in silence. For one hectic moment Redpaw feared that he had done something to offend the great leader when suddenly Crowstar rose to his paws.

"My apologies," he said in a low and regretful voice, dipping his head to Redpaw. "I presumed I knew more about you than actually putting the effort into discovering for myself. Forgive me for my mistake and previous ones as well."

"I'll accept your apology if you accept mine," Redpaw replied, making Crowstar glance at him in puzzlement. "Seeing you here now and to hear you say all these things to me makes me feel embarrassed about how I thought about you after my apprentice ceremony. I thought you felt I was a burden."

Crowstar drew himself up to his fullest height and he looked down upon Redpaw in an almost fatherly manner. "Not at all, Redpaw. Never for a second have I ever considered you a burden in any way, shape, or form. Truthfully, I feared you may have despised me and just about everyone else after the ceremony had ended. I was too conscience about not wanting to overstep my boundaries with the Clan by forcing their acceptance of you, but in turn I only managed to alienate you more. If it wasn't for our young fiery and rambunctious Hollypaw things may have taken an uglier turn. You have a good friend in her. The kind of cat that's savagely loyal to the things and ones they care about to a fault. If at all possible she's someone that you should always have by your side."

Redpaw smiled. "I agree."

"And now then," Crowstar began, returning to his sitting position on the floor. "You wanted to know about your mother, correct? Well, it has been awhile since I've thought of Cedarshade."

Redpaw felt his ears involuntarily perk up at that. This was the first time he had heard someone utter his mother's name in nearly six moons.

"You know, I honestly think your mother would be overjoyed to see you doing so well. As an apprentice she often joked a lot that any kit born to her would be in for a rough time. Thankfully though, Oakclaw was almost always there to scold her for say-"

"Wait, Oakclaw knew my mother? They knew each other!"

He had never thought to ask. StarClan, the idea hadn't once crossed his mind. But the more he sat and mulled it over he reasoned, why wouldn't Oakclaw have known his mother? If she hadn't died as young as she had it was very much possible that they'd be around the same age now.

Crowstar nodded, appearing not at all surprised by Redpaw's own shock. "I wouldn't have expected him to tell you. Despite his apparent honesty there are still something's that even he even holds quite close to the chest. Out of respect for that privacy I'll leave it to him to one day hopefully tell you the bulk of it. But I think it's fairly safe to say that they were close friends. She's actually the one who recommended he relax and smile more. Most who knew him back then would probably tell you that he's the polar opposite now of who he was as an apprentice."

Redpaw's paws tingled. He was alight and abuzz with even more curiosity now.

"What were they like as apprentices?"

Crowstar chuckled. "In the case of Cedarshade the most reliable comparison would be a more subdued version of young Hollypaw. For Oakclaw, however, he'd best be described as a more uptight version of yourself I'd wager. He was the worrying type. Very unsure and indecisive with his actions and himself. It led to him being a bit fickle and snappish with everyone. Also very moody if you can imagine it. "

Redpaw couldn't imagine it. It felt like the ground had disappeared from beneath his body. Oakclaw like him? Oakclaw moody? The large and merrily distant tom that he had come to know over the past few moons had actually been one to worry and stress over things? An image of a miniature sized Oakclaw sulking in a field somewhere surrounded by flowers entered his mind, and Redpaw immediately shook it free.

There were something's better left blocked to the imagination.

"Your mother was very much a cat that helped to aid in that distress as at any given time she would overstep her boundaries as an apprentice and get the two of them in severe trouble. She wasn't an intentional rule breaker, quite the opposite actually. Cedarshade was an incredibly considerate, thoughtful, and curious cat. She would literally go out of her own way to aid others, regardless of rank or allegiance almost in the same way that medicine cats operate. She was also a great hunter, something I've heard from Swiftstep, who caught a bit of you in action during your assessment, said you share."

His pelt fluffed up in embarrassment upon the praise.

"Your mother also had a knack for playing pranks on others," Crowstar recounted fondly. "There was the time where she goaded Brackentail into smacking an active wasp nest that she had convinced him was deserted. Or the other one in which she lined all the apprentices nest with mouse bile and afterwards did the same to the warriors after they reprimanded her for it."

"Are you sure she was a more subdued version of Hollypaw?" Redpaw asked incredulously.

Crowstar laughed heartily in response. "Yes, in hindsight it can look like she had a bit more spunk than even Hollypaw does now. Sometimes I think she was just curious to see how far she could push her own luck. The problem is that curiosity of her's is what often got her into trouble."

He laughed along with the gray leader, getting caught up in the merriment of the situation. Cedarshade certainly did sound like an interesting cat. Originally since she'd be so sick while he was a kit he'd had a hard time really imagining her as being active or filled with such glee and wonder in the way that Crowstar spoke about her. It was almost like the Cedarshade he knew and the one that Redpaw had known were two completely different cats.

In the midst of their continued chatter about Cedarshade, where Crowstar galled him with even more stories of his mother's exploits and pranks that something he'd heard earlier came back up into Redpaw's attention.

"Hey, Crowstar. You said that my mom was the one who had told Oakclaw that he should relax and smile more, right? So..is she the reason why he's like..well, you know."

"Odd?" Crowstar offered good naturedly.

Redpaw nodded in compliance.

"In a way. But I think you're a good enough judge of character, Redpaw that you know that Oakclaw isn't really the way that he seems on the surface."

So he wasn't the only one that'd notice.

"I guess not," Redpaw agreed, averting his gaze slightly. "He once told me that we as cats are only tools that have an obligation to defend our home and way of life, even at the cost of our own lives."

Crowstar sighed deeply upon hearing this. "That certainly sounds like something Oakclaw would say," he continued in a soft voice. "Despite his lax nature he rigidly upholds the Warrior Code. For him it's something he latches onto to make sense of the world and himself, though considering his solidary lifestyle I'm not surprised."

This drew his attention rapidly. To Redpaw, it almost sounded as if Crowstar were implying that the Warrior Code was all that Oakclaw had left in the world.

"Don't think that means I'm speaking ill of your mentor," Crowstar said, noticing Redpaw's expression. "I know he can be a bit peculiar and actions come off as odd to some, but Oakclaw honestly has the Clan's best interest at heart. Some unfavorable things have happened to him and he looks toward the code as a source of clarity. He was lost for some time and claims that seeking refuge within the Warrior Code is what brought him back onto his rightful path. With it he hopes to claim something that he doesn't believe can be truly obtained without it."

"What is it? Did he ever tell you?"

A tight smile spread across the great leader's face. "That's something that you'll have to ask him. He was impossibly cryptic with me, but maybe a bright young face like yours will make him a bit more forthcoming."

Redpaw wasn't too certain about that. There were many words he could use to describe his mentor in that moment, but forthcoming was not one of them.

"On the subject of your mentor, tell me, Redpaw. What do you honestly think of Oakclaw?"

This caught him off guard. He hadn't expected Crowstar to turn the tables on him and start asking him questions about Oakclaw.

"I very much admire and respect him now," Redpaw began cautiously, not wanting to outright badmouth the only cat to offer to mentor him in front of Oakclaw, "But in the beginning I wasn't altogether sure. For the longest while I thought that he didn't like me- No not that he didn't like me, more like I was just something he was using to waste time with because he was bored. He never called me by my name until very recently and he's never once looked me in the eyes."

"I can probably answer that last one for you," Crowstar spoke up. "You might not be aware of this, but you have your mother's eyes. If I had to guess, looking into them probably reminds him of her. Even now, Oakclaw has an ongoing vendetta against discord. That's one thing about him that hasn't changed since he was an apprentice. If something bothered him he would either suppress it at all cost or try to remove it as quickly as possible before the problem worsened. It's not you personally that he won't look in the eyes, it's himself."

Redpaw wasn't sure how to receive this. "What do you mean?"

"He very much feels. Things hurt him the same way that they do you and I. Just because a cat's outer appearance doesn't portray sadness means that inside they aren't drowning in a sea of emotions. He wears that relaxed persona like skin because he's convinced that in his younger days he cared too much and that in turn when something quite awful happened resulted in being one of the most painful experiences of his life. It hurt him so badly that he believes detachment is the only thing that can remove the sting of pain. Whether he's right though, from him being that way has probably made him into the biggest liar I know, but also the most brutally honest cat I've ever met. The largest living contradiction I've seen by far."

That final line struck a major cord within the ginger apprentice. Almost immediately afterwards he was reminded of an exchange of words that had taken place between him and Oakclaw. A very specific line that had been uttered against him by his mentor.

'"Frankly, you're a walking contradiction of everything you supposedly stand for and don't even realize it. Now that, little apprentice, is what you call ironic."'

Had he been trying to tell him something more in that moment? Possibly that the two of them had something in common together? It was certainly something to think about. It seemed he had even more reason now to stay around Oakclaw.

Redpaw dipped his head low in respect towards Crowstar. "Thank you. You've more than told me enough that I can happily start my training tomorrow knowing I'm more a part of this Clan than I realized."

Crowstar returned the gesture, slowly making to rise to his paws. "Likewise, Redpaw. I have enjoyed this talk and hope that one day soon we may resume it. Maybe by then you'll be willing to hear what I have to say."

Redpaw saw the BoulderClan leader off with a smile and wave of the tail. By the time that he disappeared out the mouth of the den Redpaw was already immersed in deep thought, mulling the pieces of information that he'd garnered from his talk with Crowstar.

In some ways the leader had helped to give the young apprentice piece of mind, and in other instances he had only served to fuel his own curiosity, a trait he gladly contributed to have come from his mother.

I took the breath of my conversation with Crowstar to heart. In the span of just two days I had never before been so hopeful towards the future. First Oakclaw and now Crowstar? It was as if things had finally started to come full circle for me. I wasn't a burden. I belonged in this Clan. I was my mother's only kit, hopefully someone she truly was and could be proud of. A cat of BoulderClan.