Forever

In search of clarity I did something that I probably shouldn't have. To any outside observer it would appear downright insane. There wasn't much I could say in objection to it. I was risking a lot by doing what I had in mind, but curiosity had gotten the better of me. I had to know. My conscience wouldn't let me rest otherwise.

A slight chill hung in the air as Redpaw cautiously treaded through the underbrush against the backdrop of the night sky. Stars lay stretched out and sprinkled across the moonless expanse, glittering boisterously with nothing as their equal.

Excluding the soft pad of Redpaw's pawsteps through the grass, the BoulderClan territory lay in silence. A somber air percolated throughout the forest, directly contrasting against the anxious feeling inside of the apprentice. As nervous as the ginger tom was, however, a slowly simmering sensation of determination was brewing just below the surface.

"It was around here, I think," he softly muttered to himself, scanning the surrounding area.

Redpaw paused midstep and released a slow, deliberate breath from his mouth as he allowed his senses to take reign. He could taste the encroaching coolness of leaf-fall not far off in the distance from the dry texture of the air. The treetops themselves appeared to be mottling. A varied display and array of yellows, oranges, and greens colored the vegetation that adorned the branches. It was almost as if the canopy had been doused in an ornate pool.

Only a few days ago he'd been released from the care of the medicine den to resume training, and in that small time Redpaw wasted no time in reintegrating himself back into the swing of Clan activity with a vigorous ferocity that seemed to astound the other cats around him. Certainly they had never seen the ginger apprentice so energized and brimming with life as he was now.

Redpaw reflected these sentiments inside, finding this new sense of levity about himself that drove him forward with this insatiable desire to do more. The talk with Crowstar had done something important for Redpaw's development as a cat. The candid, raw and honest conversation shared between the two of them had given him the confidence to strive farther and further beyond the limitations he'd placed on himself.

No matter how menial or strenuous the task, Redpaw was convicted to give it his all. He readily volunteered to fetch moss for the elders, jumped at the opportunity to join any patrol, scratch and scrounged through the murkiest parts of the forest for the plumpest pieces of prey for the pregnant queens.

It mattered little that he was mostly rejected or looked past for his actions. He didn't expect the Clan to warm up to him over night. He would continue to volunteer for patrols until they accepted him. He would find and deliver the freshest and softest clumps of moss to the elders until they no longer had anything to complain about it. No matter the task, big or small, Redpaw had been given the hope that his position of outcast within BoulderClan wasn't permanent. This place was his home and he would show that he was an integral part of it.

So then why was he out at night in the midst of BoulderClan's territory alone? Having this fresh and positive nature about himself now, what was it that was having him skulk around at night through his own territory feeling as though he was some kind of trespasser?

To be completely transparent, there was something that had been nagging Redpaw in the back of his mind since the talk with Crowstar. No matter how much of himself he tossed into making sure he was doing his part around the Clan he still hadn't been able to shake the snares of this prodding. And it only solidified in intensity the moment Redpaw caught sight Oakclaw sliding out of the camp unnoticed by the night patrol.

He had just been on his way back to his nest, after returning from making dirt, when the unmistakably large, bulky frame of Oakclaw caught the corner of his eye, disappearing through a groove in the camp's defenses that he hadn't known was there.

It couldn't have been longer than a few heartbeats that he'd seen Oakclaw there, but it was enough to set his mind buzzing with curiosity.

And so he followed.

There was a sizable gap of distance spread out between how far away Oakclaw was when Redpaw finally got onto the track. Relying on sight and smell was key if he was going to keep up. Redpaw had known the warrior to usually move a leisurely trot, one that was more akin to a run with just how much distance he cleared, but despite his size Oakclaw was surprisingly light on his paws and it would be extremely difficult to pick up on the sound of his pawsteps.

Redpaw wasn't entirely sure how much time had passed as he struggled to keep track of Oakclaw's ever fleeting scent through the underbrush. He found himself being led deep within BoulderClan's territory where everything was overgrown and overrun in stalks of grass that reached as high the under side of his chin, tickling Redpaw with every step that he took forward.

Where in StarClan was Oakclaw headed? He had long ago gone off radar by heading in the opposite direction of any borders and venturing into the congested wilderness of the Clan that hardly anyone ever had reason to go. So what was Oakclaw's story? What was of so much importance that he would invest the added effort of straying so far off from where anyone could find him if necessary?

Redpaw trudged along, painstakingly avoiding loose rocks in the way and scrambling his way through a bundle of thorn bushes, while constantly tasting the air for indication of Oakclaw's current whereabouts. It was a laborious effort on Redpaw's part, but one he wasn't about to concede on.

There were enough mysteries and things about Oakclaw already that he didn't particularly understand. Redpaw was intent on making sure that this would not be one of them.

I'm still not entirely sure just how far I traveled that night in search of Oakclaw. My concept of awareness and time had been tossed to the wind, having focused so much energy into solely tracking my mentor. Chances like these came far and few between. I would gladly run the risk of invoking Oakclaw's anger if it meant I discovered what he was up to.

"You're going the wrong way."

Redpaw halted, feeling his entire body lock up and freeze as his heart went up into his throat. How? He thought wildly, frantically racking him mind for a moment when it could have occurred.

Taking care not to make any sudden moments, Redpaw slowly twisted his head around to stare at the half exposed form of Oakclaw peering at him from the shadow of a tree, his face completely devoid of expression. His eyes lingered on the ginger tom for a few heartbeats, but what felt like a lifetime to the apprentice, before turning away and disappearing without a trace.

Redpaw remained where he was afraid to even exhale the breath he had tightly been holding since Oakclaw had appeared behind him. What now? Was Oakclaw just going to bust him and leave like that?

"Are you coming or not?" Oakclaw's voice carried out from the darkness, surprising Redpaw.

Uncertainty churned in his stomach as he eyed the shadows where Oakclaw had vanished. He had just been given an open invitation to follow, but was it honestly that easy? Some part of Oakclaw must be enraged that he had followed after him, so was he going to use this opportunity to reprehend him?

He sighed inwardly, relenting to the curiosity within him that screamed louder than this apprehension. Whether he would go on to regret his next decision remained to be seen.

"How long did it take you to realize that I was following you?" he called into the darkness, stepping forward to immerse himself in it along with Oakclaw.

"Not very long," came Oakclaw's short reply.

Redpaw chanced another question. "Where are we headed?"

"Wait and see."

That put a stop to any further inquiry. Redpaw remained in silence, trailing slowly after Oakclaw while lost in thought. Well, things hadn't gone as horribly as he'd originally imagined. Yet, a snide voice seemed to whisper in his ear.

They traversed the dark for a bit long before a part opened up and they slowly trotted out into an open area free of the presence of trees. The sky hung overhead bright and empty as Oakclaw finally came to a stop and sat on his haunches with his back towards Redpaw.

Redpaw came to a stop as well and glanced around the empty span of grass. What was he supposed to be looking at here? There was no way that Oakclaw had made the long trek out here just to sit down.

Debatable, the snide voice in his ear returned. Now that he stood, glancing at the back of Oakclaw's unmoving body, he wasn't entirely sure. If any was to ever travel so far out for something so menial as that, it would probably be someone like Oakclaw.

Redpaw remained standing in silence, hoping for the chance that Oakclaw may say something to bring clarity to the situation, but the tabby remained oddly silent, even for Oakclaw. As Redpaw now stared at the tom's form he picked up on some subtle changes in his demeanor.

His tail lay still in the grass beside his paws, and his head wasn't angled upward towards the sky as was usual of him. The more Redpaw studied Oakclaw the more he realized that the lax disposition that would flow from him was gone. His back was too straight, perfectly sharp and rigid. It was something too formal of him, like the back of a leader addressing the Clans at a gathering.

"Where are we, Oakclaw?" He asked, the quiet of the night with Oakclaw behaving the way he was, getting to him.

"You don't recognize it?" Oakclaw's soft voice floated through the air, augmenting the ginger tom's anxiousness and confusion.

Was he suppose to recognize this place? If he had ever been here than he certainly didn't remember. It was so unremarkable and plain of a spot.

"I can't say I do," Redpaw admitted aloud. "I'm not sure I understand. Is there something special about this place I'm missing?"

He directed the question to his mentor's motionless back. If Redpaw hadn't know any better one might mistake Oakclaw for being dead with how lifeless his body appeared sitting there.

A slight chill ran down his spine at how silent Oakclaw was being. Redpaw couldn't rationalize why Oakclaw's lack of movement bothered him so much, but it did. This was a tom that he was used to seeing every step or swish of his body he made had some sort of character behind it. It was lively, despite how casual it came across.

That was it! He had figured it out. The reason it bothered him to see Oakclaw like this was because now his mentor's outward appearance reflected the absence he found within his eyes. Was he seeing the part of Oakclaw that lay submerged among the Clan?

It was certainly a possibility. But before Redpaw could explore any further into this new revelation, Oakclaw suddenly began to speak.

"Some cats very near and dear to me are buried here. I personally recommended and oversaw that they be laid to rest in this area. Every night I make the trek here to pay my respect to their memory and legacies. It's the very least I can do."

There, in the midst of the night, that large and solitary back of Oakclaw's looked for the tiniest moment lonely. Redpaw looked away in shame, feeling as though he'd just intruded upon something immensely personal and private.

He hadn't known. He wouldn't have followed after Oakclaw if he had been aware. What must Oakclaw have thought when he'd discovered that Redpaw was trailing after him as he came here? It was an honest mistake, but Redpaw felt so wretched inside that it may as well had been on intentional.

"I'm sorry," Redpaw muttered out, his voice tight with embarrassment. "I didn't, I wouldn't have-"

"Sorry for what?" Oakclaw's soft voice cut through his gutted rambling. "You had no idea what was here. Even after you laid on the spot Cedarshade body's is nearly two moons ago, you stayed unaware."

Oakclaw's word stirred something within him that sent chills running all the way down his body. Two moons ago?

"Wait..this is the place that you brought me the day I first became your apprentice, isn't it? You purposely brought me to the place where my mother was buried without ever telling me."

"I did."

Redpaw's initial reaction was one of anger and outrage. The memory of that day was as vivid as if it had only happened yesterday. Oakclaw had been sitting down in front of him and told him to take a seat. Naturally, Redpaw had chosen to sit right across from him while Oakclaw was aware the entire time that the exact spot he squatted in just below lay his mother.

He wanted to shout and demand why Oakclaw had never told him, why he had never told him that he and Cedarshade knew each other as apprentices. That they were friends! But he didn't. At the very last second Redpaw caught himself and put his emotions in check as the conversation between he and Crowstar sounded through his head.

He took special care to remember everything he'd told him about Oakclaw, and as he did the anger inside began to subside and wane. He couldn't be angry at Oakclaw for not telling him. Not when he knew that despite how he may endlessly carefree that he wasn't even capable of making eye contact with him because it reminded him of Cedarshade.

Realizing this made staring at Oakclaw's back all alone in the middle of a burial site of deceased comrades made him even more ashamed of himself for getting upset in the first place, but more so, it made him feel sorry for the tabby before him.

Crowstar was right. Oakclaw was the biggest liar he had ever met.

It was in that moment of subdued silence that the thing that had been bugging Redpaw since his talk with the BoulderClan leader came to the forefront. Imagine his luck that the source of it just so happened to lay before him.

He decided to start slowly. "A couple of days ago Crowstar paid me a visit in the medicine den. We spoke for awhile and he told me about my mother...He also mentioned that the two of you had been friends." Redpaw studied Oakclaw's back for any indication of a reaction at the mention of this. When he saw that Oakclaw hadn't replied either in favor or against it he continued. "While he didn't go beyond the fact that you and Cedarshade were close, he did tell me a bit about you. Crowstar said to me that above everything else there was something through the Warrior Code that you were hoping to find. Something that you think can't be properly achieved without it. I'm curious about what it is?"

A low whistle rang through the air, causing Redpaw's ears to twitch swivel around. He was confused for the briefest of moments, trying to figuring out where the noise could be coming from when he realized that it was actual Oakclaw sighing out loud.

The tabby's body began to relax before Redpaw's eyes and with a slight twitch his tail rose into the air. Suddenly, he turned to face him.

Oakclaw sounded wistful as he spoke then. "What you ask? Why, something as old as forever. Can you guess what that is, Redpaw?"

He shook his head. "No. I won't stand here and claim that I understand what you mean, Oakclaw. There's a lot about you that I still don't understand. But despite that, despite all that, I promise to help you. I'll make it so that you get what you're looking for."

And he meant it. Seeing that solitary back all alone in an area entrenched in death and memories of the past had garnered Redpaw's sympathy, but most of all respect. He couldn't imagine what type of turmoil that Oakclaw had endured in his life to end up the way he was now, but it spoke to a deeper part of him that despite all of that Oakclaw was still here trying his best and keeping their memories alive. Keeping his mother's memory alive.

If there was anything within his power to help aide the tom that had ultimately inspired and gave his life a meaning, he do as he'd been doing these last few days. Giving his absolute all to it. It's what Cedarshade would want.

Oakclaw chuckled. "Interesting assertion on your part there. Bold, but interesting nonetheless. How do you find what it is that you don't even know what you're looking for in the first place?"

Redpaw didn't pause in his answer. "Perseverance."

Oakclaw's tail flicked at that, and Redpaw heard a low rumble emit from the large tom's throat. "Wholly optimistic, I see. Just like your mother. We'll see how well you actually put that ideal into practice. It's a long path ahead of you, Redpaw. One that doesn't promise happiness or success. Are you sure you're ready for it?"

Redpaw stood firm and resolute in his promise. If he could be even half the cat his mother was, half the tom Oakclaw was, warriors that others looked up to and depended on he was more than prepared for what came his way.

"I am."

Change is coming.