Chapter 16 – Rosalie

Sometimes, in life, it can be difficult to decipher between the heroes and villains, but perhaps it's because people are inherently flawed. Every hero has his sins, and every villain is capable of heroics.

For Rosalie, it was difficult to know who to be angry at after Emmett left. He abandoned them, so it was easy to be bitter and hateful towards him, but when Carlisle finally confided in her his darkest secret, her anger was solely directed at him.

"How dare you!" she shouted at him. She wanted to take her son and leave immediately, but when Edward cried for Carlisle, she paused.

It had been two years since Emmett left. Her now eight-year-old was thriving, and that was because of the stability Carlisle had given them. How could she take that from her son now?

The biggest question she had to ask herself was – what defines a person? Is it one despicable misdeed, or countless good acts that helped so much?

Carlisle had saved her and her son time and time again? He may have tried to insert himself into her marriage, but he also backed down when he was denied. Most importantly, he stayed and was helping her raise her son, without ever getting anything in return, which was more than she could say about Emmett.

Rosalie and Carlisle were not a couple, nor did she ever plan on that changing. But he had been one of the best friends she ever had, and the only person in the world besides Edward that she considered family. It was platonic, but she could honestly say that she grew to love him deeply, which was why his admission hurt so much. She trusted him… and she realized in that moment that she still trusted him. Actions were stronger than words, and his actions towards her were nothing but compassionate. He was only human, and he was greatly flawed, but that was what made him real.

It took a while of her being angry, but eventually she fully forgave Carlisle for the indecent proposal he gave her now ex-husband years prior. Somehow, by some miracle, knowing Carlisle was actually in love with her in that way, didn't make her feel uncomfortable like it probably should have. If anything, she felt guilty. She was benefiting from his affections, and not giving anything to him in return. What she didn't know, however, was that she was giving him everything in return. She was giving him a family, and in the end, that was what he wanted most. A lifetime with her and Edward far outweighed the one night he originally asked for.

Rosalie and Carlisle spent two decades together. Two decades of platonic companionship that was somehow enough to bring joy and contentment to both of their lives. And above all else, Rosalie was so incredibly thankful for all the love and stability Carlisle had given her son. Her son, who had become the older man's sole beneficiary. Edward was the son Carlisle had always hoped for, in every way except by blood… but he never replaced his father, nor would he ever hope to.

However, with every life lived, regrets are inevitable. When faced with one's own mortality, it's almost impossible to not look back and wonder what if.

For Rosalie, knowing death was eminent, she became absolutely terrified. She wasn't scared for herself, since she had her faith and knew heaven would be glorious, but she was scared for her son. Carlisle would always make sure he was okay, but he was never the one Edward would turn to when he was suffering from his PTSD.

Thinking back on how far Edward had come since he was a little boy, made Rosalie smile, but he was still not completely over it, and she knew he never would be. For the most part, he was strong, however every once in a while, something would trigger him into having episodes where he was almost paralyzed with fear and self-loathing. No matter how many times she had told him it wasn't his fault, no matter how many therapists and psychologists said the same, Edward's guilty conscience seemed to drown them all out. In the past, Rosalie was able to eventually talk him out of his trances, and comfort him when he needed it, but who would do that for him now? When she was gone, who could possibly understand him and love him enough to really get him through it all?

"Edward is going to be fine," Carlisle tried assuring her. "He has access to all the best doctors, and now that he is on his way to becoming a doctor himself, he will have the tools he needs to get him through it."

"I know all of that, but getting him through with tools is not the same thing as getting him through with love," Rosalie disagreed.

"You know I love him," Carlisle told her.

She smiled and reached up to caress his face tenderly. "I know you do. You're such a good man, Carlisle, but…"

"But I'm not his father," he finished for her. "I know."

Rosalie shook her head as a tear spilled over her cheek. "Blood doesn't make someone a father," she told him. "You have been a father to him in every way that counts, but… he's never confided in you the way he has me. I just worry he will never have that again once I'm gone."

"He will. Edward has become a fine young man; he will find his way in this life. I don't have a doubt."

"I know too, it's just so hard for me to let go," she said with more tears.

"Why don't we call him? He should be here with you now. School can wait; you can't."

"No," she said softly. "He was here a few weeks ago. We said our goodbyes then. It doesn't upset me to know I will never see my baby again in life, because I know I will always be with him. I just wish he was more at peace. I wish he didn't have so many unresolved issues. I wish he had more people who loved him… the way you do," she said with a smile.

"And because I'm getting into my senior years, you worry I won't be around long enough for him, right?" Carlisle voiced what she refused to say.

"You have many years left," she said, but her expression confirmed it despite her denial.

"If Emmett was here…" Carlisle let his words trail off when he saw the pain they immediately caused her. He had been gone for over twenty years, but even after all that time, Carlisle knew he still had Rosalie's heart.

As much as Carlisle wished she could love him the way she loved Emmett, he had long accepted that she never would – her heart would forever belong to him. Carlisle was just glad she found the smallest space for him in that heart, and he would be forever grateful for the years they had together. So many beautiful years of deep emotions and companionship. It was more than enough for him, and he would never regret a moment of it.

But because he loved her as much as he did, he was willing to do anything to bring her heart some peace, even if it meant bringing Emmett back. He wasn't sure if or when he would show, but when he saw him finally walking through the vineyard towards the main house, Carlisle felt nothing but relief.

"You've made it just in time," he told Emmett the moment he arrived on his doorstep. "Thank you for coming," he said sincerely.

Carlisle was taken aback by just how much Emmett had aged over the years. Time had not been kind to him. The once muscular, imposing man, had become weathered and soft, making him look much older than he actually was. The grey streaks in his hair were a vast contrast to his natural black, and when he spoke, he used a much thicker accent than he had the last time they were together.

"Thank you for contacting me," he said graciously.

"Right this way," Carlisle told him, inviting him inside and showing him the way to his ex-wife.

Rosalie knew nothing of Carlisle's letter, so when Emmett walked into her bedroom that evening, she was more than a little shocked. Had he shown back up only a few years after he first left, she probably would have screamed at him and told him to never come back. But the heart is a resilient thing, and regardless of her anger from his abandonment, she couldn't deny her irrevocable love for him.

"Mi amore," he whispered emotionally.

"Polpetto," Rosalie replied wearily.

….

*~Emmett~*

Emmett was shocked by the state Rosalie was in. The once vivacious beauty was now frail and sickly, with pasty white skin and dark circles under her eyes. She had little to no hair left, and wore a scarf to cover her baldness… she was still the most beautiful creature on the planet.

As much as he wanted to take her in his arms and cry over their lost time, he knew he didn't have that right. However, after Carlisle excused himself to give them some privacy, and Rosalie held her hand out towards him, Emmett reflexively took it and kissed her knuckles.

"Mi amore," he said again as tears spilled over his cheeks. "Mi dispiace," he kept apologizing, over and over again. "Mi dispiace, mi dispiace molto."

"Emmett, stop; you big buffoon," she murmured so tenderly that she might as well been telling him she loved him. When his words of remorse were replaced by a steady stream of silent tears, Rosalie reached up and caressed his face. "I don't want to waste one more moment on regret," she said as she wiped away his tears but ignored her own.

Emmett nodded, and found a way to bury his sadness, if only temporarily. The two somehow were able to speak as if there was no hurt left between them, and they smiled and whispered sweet nothings as if they had never been apart. Emmett stayed by her side until she fell asleep from exhaustion, and then he watched her sleep and begged God for another day.

After an hour or so, kissing her eyes and drinking in every one of her labored breaths, Emmett reluctantly left her to go speak to Carlisle.

He wasn't sure where he had gone, but on his way to look for him, he spotted a picture on the piano… a picture of a young man who looked vaguely familiar.

"He has grown up beautifully," Carlisle said as he looked over Emmett's shoulder at that same picture.

"Angelo," Emmett whispered to himself. "There is not a day I not think of him… but I never picture him grown. Always the little boy he was before," he said with his broken English. He hadn't spoken anything but Italian in the past twenty years, so he was a little rusty, but that wasn't going to stop him from conveying his feelings. "I missed it... I missed him become a man."

"A fine young man at that," Carlisle told him gently. "You should be proud."

"I have no right to be proud," Emmett disagreed. "I lost when I left."

"It's not too late," Carlisle said encouragingly. "It's never too late to make amends."

"Where is he? Why is he not here with his mother?" Emmett questioned.

"He is away at college."

Emmett lifted his brows in pleasant surprise. "College? No one from my family ever go college. Where? Milan?"

"No, he was accepted there – he was accepted in many amazing schools, but he decided to go to Columbia," Carlisle explained.

"Columbia?" Emmett asked, never hearing of that school before.

"It's a very prestigious university in New York," he informed him.

"New York? Why?" Emmett asked, slightly disturbed.

"Rosalie and I were surprised by his choice of school as well. I think he wanted to prove to himself that he could do it. Watching him face his fears, and knowing he is thriving there, has been one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced."

"So… he is still college? More than four years?"

"Yes, well he has almost achieved his doctorate. He will be graduating with a PHD. It is a wonderful thing."

Emmett nodded to himself, and wiped away the rogue tear falling over his cheek.

"Why is he no here with his mother?" he questioned again. "She needs him now."

"He was here a few weeks ago, and he would have stayed longer but Rosalie wouldn't allow it. She didn't want him to fall behind in his classes, especially now when he is so close to finishing."

"I see," Emmett said quietly. He picked up the picture and stroked his son's face. "Who is the girl here with him?"

"His girlfriend. Jessica, I believe. They've been dating for a few months so Rosalie asked for a picture. I guess this was the only one he had. I'm sure if he knew she was going to have it printed and framed he probably never would have sent it to her."

"He doesn't look happy," Emmett mused.

"I think he was taken off guard when this picture was taken. It looks like she was doing a selfie."

"Selfie? I no understand."

"It means she took the picture of them herself. I don't think he was expecting it, but it's the only picture of her he had on his phone when Rose asked for it."

"If he only has one picture, how in love can he be?"

"I don't know that he is. I think it was just wishful thinking on Rose's part. She's hoping to see him more settled before she…"

"I see," Emmett said quietly.

"There are many more pictures of Edward in here if you want to take a look," Carlisle said, leading Emmett into the adjacent sitting room. "Rose's night nurse is here. I must go over a few things with her, so please, make yourself at home."

Covering the wall in that room were dozens of candids and portraits of Edward, as well as Rosalie. Very few had Carlisle in them, but it was obvious that was the way he wanted it.

So many pictures. So many memories that should have included Emmett, but his pig-headedness drove him away and forced him to miss out on so much. Seeing his son grow up before his eyes in the form of one-dimensional photographs was utterly heart-wrenching. It was a pain so much greater than all the other pains he had suffered in his lifetime combined. He made a horrible mistake when he left, and he could never make it right.

When Carlisle returned to the room, he patted Emmett on his back, which made him flinch and then recoil from the contact.

"I'm sorry," Carlisle quickly apologized. "I'm sorry for a great many things, but most of all, I'm sorry for making you feel like you needed to leave here all those years ago. I want you to know something… Rose is the love of my life. She has given me a family, and that is priceless. But she never gave me the love she had for you. I promised you I would never touch her, and I never have. We've been constant companions, but we have never shared a bed. She has always loved you, and I pray that you can forgive me enough to stay here with us until she… until she goes. I know it would mean everything to her, so it means everything to me."

"How can you spend twenty-one-years with a woman, and never touch her?" Emmett wondered, but there was no anger left in his voice.

"Sex isn't everything, and I honestly haven't missed it for a long time. I don't regret a single moment I spent with her, or Edward. They are the greatest joys of my life and I wouldn't have changed a thing."

"Thank you," Emmett said stoically, but it was the sincerest he had been in a very long time. "Thank you for taking care of them."

…

Emmett did stay. He stayed in a guest bedroom in the main house, right next to Rosalie's room, but most nights he fell asleep beside her in her bed. After just two weeks of being back, and feeling more love and contentment than he had in all the twenty-years he was gone, Rosalie passed peacefully in his arms. It was the most painful experience of his existence, but it was also one of the most beautiful.

"I don't know how to live in a world she doesn't exist in anymore," Emmett said on the day Rosalie was laid to rest.

"She does still exist," Carlisle disagreed. "She lives on… in every beat of our hearts, but most importantly, she survives in Edward. He is her, just like he is you. Don't give up on life again, Emmett. Not now. Wait for Edward to come home, and you'll see."

"He will hate me. I'm sure," Emmett said emotionally.

"Maybe. But maybe he will surprise you. And even if he is angry at first, you must give him time. As much as I would have loved that amazing young man to have been mine, he was always yours. The older he gets, the more I've seen you in his face. He will forgive you; I don't have a doubt."

"When do you expect him back?"

"Three months. Three more months until he gets his degree and comes home for good. In the meantime, I have a proposition for you."

Emmett grimaced. The last proposition Carlisle gave him was appalling and had been the catalyst for him abandoning his entire life.

"It's nothing bad," Carlisle quickly assured him. "I have yet to find a decent foreman since you left. I've had a steady stream of mediocrity, and to be honest, I don't even know much about how to run this place myself anymore. Believe it or not, Rosalie had been handling most of the business for a long time until she got sick. I've essentially retired, so… without her, I'm feeling a bit lost… clearly in more ways than one. I've left my entire estate to Edward in my will, but he has his own life. His own dreams. I really need someone I can trust to take care of this place."

Emmett didn't want to be there. In fact, now that Rosalie was gone, he wanted to go back to the deep hole he had been existing in for so long. However, the thought of seeing his son again made him pause. He ached to see him almost as much as it terrified him.

Perhaps it was time to stop running. Perhaps he needed to finally quit being a coward and face his only child. Let him scream out his hate. Allow him to be angry about his abandonment. As a father, it was the very least he could do for his son that he left so long ago. He owed him so much more than he could ever repay, but he had to try…