Chapter 9

Two silver Mercedes were parked in front of his house when Kyoya's own car rolled up the driveway. He hardly spared them a glance as he climbed the steps to the front door. It wasn't unusual for his father to entertain business colleagues at home. Entering the front vestibule, he was greeted by one of the staff. She took his school bag and said that guests were in the family study. He sighed. He would have to go and give his greetings for politeness sake. It was annoying but would only take a few moments. Then he could shut himself in his room for the evening.

He stepped into the study to find Honey and Mori sitting, drinking tea. Kyoya first felt a spike of anger, then as if all the energy suddenly left his body. First the twins and now these two. He sighed and hung his head in defeat. "I thought you two were training at the dojo," he said.

"Kyo-chan!" Honey jumped up from the settee and bounded over to him. "We finished early. Now we're going to go for a run. Come with us!"

"What? Running? No!" Kyoya was losing his patience. The anger boiled up again and his voice was getting sharp. "What are you doing here? What do you want? You should go home. I didn't invite you here."

"Kyoya!"

Kyoya flinched. He hadn't seen his father come through from the library next door. If Kyoya's tone had been harsh, his father's was scathing.

"In this house we never speak to guests in such a manner." Mr. Ootori came over and put a firm hand on his son's shoulder while turning to the other boys. "I apologize for my son's behaviour. You are quite welcome here Haninozuka-san and Morinozuka-san. Kyoya will be happy to join you for whatever activity you are doing this evening. Isn't that right, Kyoya?" His father gave his shoulder a hard sneeze that made him wince. He understood the message.

Kyoya bowed in apology to his friends. "Please forgive my rudeness, senpais. I would be glad to come running with you." His father gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes and let his son go.

With a fake smile on his face, Kyoya led Honey and Mori out of the family study and up to his room. He resisted the urge to rub at soreness in his neck and shoulder. His father was neither a harsh nor cruel man, but he never hesitated to set his children straight when they failed to live up to his high standards.

As they entered Kyoya's room Honey suddenly cried out and wrapped his arms around Kyoya's waist. "I'm so sorry, Kyo-chan! We didn't mean to get you in trouble with your dad." He looked up at the taller boy with tears in his eyes.

Kyoya curled his lip in disgust as he tried to pry Honey off his hip. "It's fine. I was being rude. He was right to correct me." Despite Kyoya's efforts to push him off, Honey squeezed tighter. Kyoya was rescued when Mori grabbed his cousin by the collar.

"Mitsukuni, let him go. He doesn't like it."

Honey released him, took a step back and stared up at Kyoya with giant, tear-filled, eyes. "I'm sorry. I just don't like seeing anyone being mean to you, Kyo-chan."

Kyoya sighed. It was impossible to be angry in the face of such sincerity. "Would you like to tell me again why you are here?"

"Takashi said that you've taken up running. We came to see if you would like to come for a run with us," answered Honey as he and Mori moved to the closet and started pulling out clothes. Kyoya was helpless to stop them as Honey crawled into the bottom of the closet and threw out three different pairs of sneakers.

"I just went running once. One time does not make me a runner," he protested.

"Exactly," said Mori. "You need to keep doing it for it to be beneficial." He dumped some clothes into Kyoya's arms and began tying the "fighting spirit" hachimaki around his head.

For a moment Kyoya thought about just telling them to leave. Damn what his father said. He imagined himself throwing down the clothes and the tossing Honey out the door. It was an amusing thought for an instant, and if he had more emotional energy, he might have actually tried it. But right now it was easier to just go along with it. He hastily changed his clothes. The sooner they got this run over with, the sooner Honey and Mori would leave.

Together the trio set off out of the house towards the front gates of the Oortori estate. As they passed through the front door, Kyoya saw his bodyguard, Hotta, move to follow them, but he waved him off. He didn't need an audience for what was sure to be another round of humiliation. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw Hotta smirk as he went back to the staff lounge.

Once again starting at the front gate, Mori set a slow, steady pace along the fence line, and Kyoya did his best to keep up. Honey bounced around them, chattering incessantly. "How big is your family's estate? What are those outbuildings over there? Takashi's house has a swan pond. What kind of fish do you have in your pond? Takashi loves water features. If I were to become an artist, I think I'd be the kind of artists that designs fountains. Does that kind of artist have a special name?" On and on. Neither Mori nor Kyoya replied to anything Honey said. Mori, because he didn't feel it was necessary, and Kyoya because he couldn't spare the breath.

Through the garden, around the pond, towards the outbuildings, the boys' footsteps crunched on the gravel as the wind rattled the branches of the budding trees above their heads. As before, they ran until Kyoya couldn't breathe, then they'd walk for a bit before running again. This time wasn't as painful as before. Maybe because he wasn't quite so sleep deprived, or maybe Honey's babbling was distracting him, but it seemed like his walking breaks were shorter, if no less frequent. Again, Mori's breathing had barely increased, and despite his short legs, Honey loped along beside them as easily as a rabbit when he wasn't dashing off to investigate the curiosities of the garden.

In a surprisingly short time, Mori looked at his watch and called a halt near the front gate. "5k in 44:17. Better." Kyoya was amazed. Even though they had only shaved about 3 minutes off their previous time, the run had seemed much shorter than before. His lungs, however, still burned, and he felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. Fighting his nausea, he allowed Honey to lead him over to a neat patch of grass on the manicured lawn. Honey and Mori knelt on the grass. Kyoya, unsure what they were doing but following their lead, knee-planted heavily across from them.

"Close your eyes," instructed Honey.

"What? Why?" asked Kyoya.

"Just do it. Clear your mind and just focus on your breathing," Honey closed his own eyes and took in a deep breath. Beside him Mori did the same. Still panting heavily, Kyoya just stared at the pair trying to figure out what they were doing. Honey opened one eye at him. "It doesn't work unless you close your eyes."

Reluctantly, he closed his eyes and took as deep a breath as he could manage. Honey started talking. His voice was low and soft, not the cutesy, high-pitched squeak he normally spoke in. "We're just focusing on the present moment, how our body is feeling, and our breathing. Don't worry if your mind wanders. When it does, make note of the thought and dismiss it, bringing your focus back to your breath."

Kyoya made his mind go blank and felt his breathing start to slow. It lasted maybe five full seconds before thoughts started crowding into his head. What was the point of this? The grass was poking his legs. He had to remember to make sure his math assignment was ready to hand in tomorrow. The breeze was chilly and he wished he had a sweater. How long were they going to sit here like this? He should call his sister later.

As soon as he noticed he was thinking and let go of the thought, a new one popped up. It was shockingly difficult to not think. After ages of silence, Honey blew out a deep breath and turned to Mori. "How long was that?"

Mori glanced at his watch. "Almost four minutes."

"That's it?" asked Kyoya. He felt like it had been at least ten or fifteen.

Honey grinned at him. "It gets easier with practice." Honey's face became serious again. "Kyo-chan, have you spoken to your father about the difficulties you've been having?"

Kyoya knew instantly what Honey and Mori had done. They had exhausted him both physically and mentally. His normal defences were low. Any other time, he would have denied that he was even having any problems, but their strategy worked and Kyoya didn't have the energy to put up a fight.

"I can't." Kyoya kept his eyes down on the grass. He ran his fingers over the blades, feeling the soft green shoots tickle his palm. "I don't know what to tell him. He'd be disappointed."

"What makes you say that?" asked Honey.

"Because I know him," Kyoya snorted. "He's disgusted by weakness. The Ootori family are never weak. He'd be appalled if I told him I was having nightmares like a child. And what happened in the hallway at school… was shameful."

Honey reached out and touched Kyoya's knee causing him to look up into his face. "Kyo-chan, would your father think you were weak if you broke your arm? Do you believe he would be ashamed if you needed help healing a physical injury?"

"No, of course not. My father is a doctor. That's what doctors do."

"Then, don't you think that as a doctor, your dad would understand if maybe you need help healing a mental injury?"

Kyoya blinked. He didn't know what to think about Honey's statement. He felt his stomach twist. He clasped his hands in his lap to stop them from trembling.

"I…don't know," he couldn't look at the older boys. Instead he examined his hands in his lap. "Mental injury. Like mental illness. You think I'm crazy."

"Of course we don't," said Honey reaching for Kyoya's hands. "Everybody gets physically sick sometimes. And everybody also gets mentally sick too. But like your body getting better on its own, most of the time mental illness goes away after a little while. We don't even notice that it ever happened. But sometimes we need extra medicine to get better. It's normal."

Kyoya felt the unpleasant tingle run up his spine. He took deep breaths and it helped. Honey smiled at him and continued.

"But I think what's happening to you is more like a broken arm then having the flu. You're not weak, but those men who attacked you, they hurt you. You thought it was just a bruise, like your face, but it's more serious than that and it doesn't seem like it's going to heal on its own. It needs medical attention."

Kyoya's head swam and he had to close his eyes. Thinking about the attack always made him feel sick to his stomach, so he had just avoided it. Deep down, he had known that the attempted kidnapping had caused all of this. It was obvious, but it had been easier to pretend that it wasn't. Now multiple voices were clashing in his head. One was yelling that Honey was right and that he was a stupid fool to think otherwise. Another was screaming at him to run away, that these thoughts were too painful to think about and he needed to get away from them. Yet another was telling him that he was an idiot to be afraid, that his attackers were in jail and no one was out to get him.

It was too much. He staggered to his feet and reeled with dizziness. He tried to move towards the house, but his body felt numb and his stomach rolled. He didn't even make it ten steps before his had fallen back to his knees. He gagged and retched, but there was nothing in his stomach. The result was painful dry heaves.

In an instant, Mori was kneeling beside him rubbing his back in sympathy. Kyoya sat back and wiped his watering eyes with the back of his hand. He sucked down deep breaths which helped him feel more in control, but his stomach still hurt, and he couldn't stop shaking.

"I'm sorry, Senpais, but I'm not feeling well," said Kyoya as Mori helped him to his feet. His voice was flat and he avoided looking at their faces. He didn't want to talk anymore. He didn't want to think about this stuff. "I'm going to go back to the house to lay down. I trust you can see yourselves back to your cars. Please forgive me for not seeing you off properly." He gave them a polite bow then turned and trudged back to the house.

They stood on the lawn and watched him go. Honey's face was a mask of despair and even Mori wore a slight frown. Honey reached up to hold Mori's hand. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

"You didn't," said Mori. "He was already hurt. You just made him look at the wound. It needed to be done."

Honey nodded, "Now maybe he'll stop ignoring it."

"It's a first step."

"Still," Honey climbed up on Mori's back "I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish he'd let us help him instead of pushing us away."

Piggybacking his cousin, Mori headed towards their cars parked at the front of the house. "It's not his way. But we'll look after him. Tamaki will make sure of that."

Taking off his glasses, Kyoya splashed water onto his face. It ran down his cheeks and nose in tiny streams and dripped back into the bathroom sink. He leaned on the vanity, peering at himself in the mirror. His face was pale except for the bruise on his cheek which by now had faded to a dull greenish yellow. The vibrant purple was gone.

"Did you hear? You're 'mentally injured'," he said to his reflection. "Do you know what that means? It means you're going crazy." He ran his hand through his damp hair, slicking it back. It made him look like a different person. This new person gave him a cold sneer.

"Idiot. You already knew you were going crazy. You didn't need Honey to tell you. And you also know what happens to people of our rank when they crack up. Their family hides them away. They all but disappear, kept under lock and key for fear of causing embarrassment. And that's what's going to happen to you."

Kyoya shook his head at the cruel person in the mirror. "No, my family wouldn't do that. Fuyumi wouldn't let them."

His reflection let out a short harsh laugh. "You stupid child. As if your sister could stop your father from doing anything. You come from a family of doctors, so you know what they'll do? They'll prescribe you pills to keep your brain in a comfortable fog so you'll never have to think clearly or have an original thought again. And know what else? If you keep talking to yourself in the mirror like this, they might use their connections to get you admitted to a mental institution. But don't worry, it will be one of those luxury resort facilities, as befits a member of the esteemed Ootori family."

Frustrated, Kyoya splashed water onto the mirror and stomped out of the bathroom. He collapsed onto his bed and pulled a pillow over his head. Honey was right about one thing. He wasn't weak. He could control this, manage it. His plan of avoiding uncomfortable situations would work. No one in his family would have to know.