Chapter 10

The doors to Music Room 3 opened with dramatic flair as Tamaki swaggered in. It was nearly time for the Host Club to begin welcoming guests and, as always, Tamaki was excited. He cast a proud eye over the other hosts as they readied the final touches. Haruhi and Honey were loading the serving cart with desserts. Mori carried hot teapots to each of the tables followed by the twins with the floral centerpieces. Tamaki grinned and snatched a cookie from the cart while he glided by.

"You know, Kyoya, I've been thinking we should redecorate this room," said Tamaki. "Let's put up mirrors all along the walls and make it look like the Palace of Versailles. What do you think? Kyoya?" He whirled around to face Kyoya's desk. It was empty. "Mommy? Where's Mommy?"

"He left," said the twins.

Tamaki turned to them in confusion. "Left? What do you mean he left?"

"We mean he walked out the door and went home," said Hikaru.

"What other meaning is there?" said Kaoru.

"But…but we have guests," said Tamaki, ignoring the twins' sarcasm. "He's a host. He's supposed to be here hosting!"

"He seems to have everything set up and ready to go. He left us this folder with everything we need," said Haruhi. She flipped it open and started handing out pages. "Here's everyone's designations for today. He says that from now on clients can email their host requests to the club's email. He also asks that we remind clients that, uh…" she flicked through the pages and pull one out to read directly. "To remind clients that 'the new fanzine Spring Time with The Host Club, complete with full colour pullout print, is available for purchase. 50,000 yen. Cash or credit.' Do girls honestly pay 50,000 yen for this stuff? That's absurd."

"You think so?" asked Honey "I was surprised it wasn't priced higher. How much do commoner magazines go for?'

"And don't forget," said the twins. "We get the highest print quality."

"High gloss photos," added Mori.

"Guys!" cried Tamaki, jumping onto the couch. "I think you are missing the important point here! Kyoya left! Why? Why would he leave us?"

Haruhi tossed the folder onto a table. "Considering what happened last time during club time, I'm not surprised that he doesn't want to be around a crowd of people."

The room went quite for a moment while they each remembered Kyoya's anxiety attack in the hallway the week before.

"Yeah, but why would he just leave?" asked Tamaki stepping down from the couch. "Why didn't he say something to us? We're his friends."

"Because he's a jerk that never thinks of anyone but himself," said Hikaru with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"You're one to talk," muttered Haruhi.

"That's not fair, Hika-chan," said Honey. "Kyo-chan is going through a hard time."

"Oh, so because Kyoya-senpai had something bad happen to him he gets a free pass on his poor behaviour? I remind you that Tono was also attacked, yet he's not wandering around dazed and being an asshole to all his friends."

"Hikaru…" Kaoru reached out to try and calm his agitated brother, but Hikaru shrugged him off.

"He won't talk to anyone. He spends all his time hiding in his classroom. He won't even come to the dining hall for lunch. Doesn't answer phone calls or texts. He stormed out of the sleepover without apologising. Did the same thing at our house yesterday. Now he's just checked out of the club that he's the Vice President of and left it to apparently run on its own. We're just supposed to be okay with this? Okay, I get that he's sick, but does that mean he suddenly doesn't have to treat us with respect? That he can walk all over us and we just take it because we're his friends? Well sorry, but I'm not okay with that. Why are we knocking ourselves out trying to help him when he clearly doesn't want it?" Hikaru threw up his hands in disgust and flopped down onto the couch.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Mori put his hand on Hikaru's shoulder. "You're wrong."

When no further explanation seemed forthcoming, everyone looked to Honey to interpret. He sat on a chair with Usa-chan on his lap. He fiddled with the bunny's ears as he expanded on his cousin's statement. "Kyo-chan does want help. He wants it a lot. But he doesn't know how to ask for it, and more importantly, he doesn't know what to do with it when he gets it. It makes him feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, so he pushes it away even though it's the thing he wants more than anything else."

The Host Club members sat and stared at each other. What could anyone say to that? The heavy silence was broken by a girl popping her head through the music room door.

"I beg your pardon, Tamaki-sama, but the other girls and I are out here wondering if the Host Club is opening today. Is there a problem? Should we come back another day?"

Tamaki sprang up from the couch and the other hosts followed suit. "My apologies, Princess. Please come in everyone. The Ouran Highschool Host Club welcomes you!" Worrying about Kyoya would have to wait a few hours.

Kyoya sat in the empty bathtub, fully clothed, with his knees drawn up to his chest and the side of his head resting against the cool tiled wall. He stared unseeing at a droplet of water dangling, threating to fall from the tub's faucet. He didn't know why he was sitting in the tub. He wasn't even asking the question. He had arrived home feeling dizzy and nauseous. Never in his life had he felt so sick. He hugged himself tightly around his stomach as it twisted in vicious knots. Sweat beaded on his forehead and he shivered.

It had started as soon as he had left the music room after dropping off his instructions for the Host Club. He hadn't expected to feel guilty. He rarely felt guilt in general, but leaving without speaking to his friends felt cowardly and it bothered him. He meant to stay and talk to them about limiting his hosting duties, but as he waited for them, he found himself growing nervous. He could picture the six of them crowding close, bombarding him with questions. The thought of it had made his chest tight and his hands started shaking. He had dropped his notes for them on one of the tables and rushed from the room.

He thought getting away from the situation would make him felt better, but instead of better, it just felt different. Maybe even worse. He wanted to see his friends, had been looking forward to it all day, in fact. They were the people he most cared about, and who cared about him. It seemed like forever since they had all just been together, doing normal Host Club things. He missed them. He wished they were here with him now. Well, he thought, maybe not all at once. That would be overwhelming. Maybe just one at a time. Maybe just Tamaki.

He closed his eyes and thought back to the last time he had been with Tamaki. He had appeared in his bedroom and dragged him down to the music room. He smiled faintly to himself, remembering playing the piano with his best friend. He had never experienced anything like it. It was fun, and he had felt real joy and deep peace. He wondered if he would ever feel like that again. Right now, he didn't even need to feel good. He would be satisfied to just not feel bad. He longed to talk to Tamaki, even just on the phone. Instead, he opened his eyes, pulled his arms around himself a little tighter, and watched as the water drop on the faucet fell and obliterated itself on the drain below.