Love
Cats are capable of impossibly high feats in the name of love. Love of your home, friends, family, and more can push your limitations beyond their limits or trapped you inside of them. Cedarshade and Oakclaw, I can only imagine now the wedge my father must've driven between their relationship to disrupt their love.
Fernleaf's face was creased in concern. The minuscule amount of strands of tansy protruding from the earth seemed to trouble her deeply. Redpaw, the one who'd discovered them, stood to her side in silence.
"I didn't think there would be so little already," she said softly, looking over the scarce patch worriedly. "I was hoping to at least find enough to fill up my stock for Leaf-bare, considering a few cats have already come to me with colds. Thankfully you and the other apprentices seem to be holding up quite well so far."
"Should we keep looking?" Redpaw suggested after a pause. "We may be able to find a tiny bit more before sundown."
The petite medicine cat shook her head in response. "No, I doubt it'd do us much good and you've done more than enough already. Thank you again for helping me out, Redpaw. I know it must seem like I'm imposing by constantly seeking out your help."
"Not at all, Fernleaf. I'm happy to help whenever I can."
Of all the cats in the Clan, Fernleaf was among a select few that had always treated him fairly. Redpaw really knew of no alternative way to express his gratitude for that kindness other than to always make sure he was available to give her aid. Today that had comprised of him accompanying her out in the forest to help locate and fetch herbs.
Still fairly young herself, Fernleaf didn't have an apprentice of her own, so she bore the brunt of most of the work that came with her position. Although it made for her being mostly self reliant, there were times when even Fernleaf could appreciate a bit of assistance. Around late afternoon, Redpaw had been in the nursery alongside a few other apprentices, delivering fresh bedding to the queens, when she poked her head inside, seeking a helper. Having already braved nipping winds and the brisk temperature, the other apprentices weren't too keen on venturing back into the forest. Redpaw leapt to her side, saving the others the trouble, and the two of them then set out to track down herbs for Fernleaf's slowly depleting stores.
With the forest on the fringes of Leaf-bare, the weather was akin to a sphere of cold that had smothered all the warmth out of the area. That meant the arrival of snow and scarcity of prey, but more importantly and the reason why Fernleaf had sought out help, it meant a rampant rise in illness around camp. The anxiousness Redpaw felt radiating off Fernleaf over the fact was palpable. He knew it was crucial that she be well equipped should such an outbreak occur, and that she'd been unable to do her job without the proper resources. This was what made the lack of tansy troubling.
"There's always asking the other medicine cats for help, I suppose," Fernleaf murmured half to herself. "I don't like to make it a habit on relying on them to take care of my own Clan, but there's no telling how much of a problem this may evolve into later on."
She continued to stare down at the plants, her usually soft features hardened and taut with uncertainty. It wasn't often the gentle healer exhibited such dour expressions and it only become more pronounced to Redpaw the longer she held it.
"You'll make the right decision," he spoke up, encouragingly. "You've taken great care of me and everyone else so far, so I know we'll be okay in your paws no matter what happens."
Fernleaf turned then and shot a small smile in his direction. A trickle of triumph bloomed in Redpaw's chest at the fact. As momentary of a thing it ultimately may be, he was glad to be able to offer this slight boost to her confidence. He'd experienced enough of personal self-doubt to know how easy it was to be washed away in worry.
"Shall we head back, then?" Fernleaf asked.
Redpaw nodded and then hunched over to gather up the few stalks of tansy. Carefully clasped between his jaws, he looked towards Fernleaf and fell in step besides her. They returned to camp completely windswept. Tufts of their fur lie rigid, awkwardly sticking out of place, while Redpaw's nose burned every time he inhaled. He'd been roaming around a lot today, and as much as he'd been up for helping Fernleaf, it was a nice feeling to finally be back home to rest.
Sliding into camp behind Fernleaf, out the corner of his eye, Redpaw caught a glimpse of Oakclaw in deep conversation with two of the senior warriors by the freshkill pile.
Oakclaw loved Cedarshade. Even several days after reaching that conclusion, Redpaw was still having difficulty processing it. Now more than ever, he felt consumed by a burning curiosity to know what was going on inside the tabby's head. The slightest insight into Oakclaw's mind could satiate the ginger tom's appetite for an entire moon to come at this point.
He was suddenly reminded of his conversation with Crowstar. It was odd to think how long ago that talk felt now. Redpaw recalled how the leader spoke to him about Oakclaw's ongoing vendetta against discord. Was that vendetta thanks in part to his father's insertion into his relationship with Cedarshade? As much as he despised the idea of it, he also hadn't been able to get rid himself of the words Sagepaw had carelessly thrown out that day.
'I guess I just find it weird that Oakclaw would volunteer to mentor the kit of a cat that he didn't like'.
Once heard it was not something Redpaw could just pretend he didn't wonder himself now. He'd been through a lot with Oakclaw and after all of it the very last thing he wanted to do now was doubt the warrior. Oakclaw had his reasons for doing what he did, he told himself.
His gaze lingered on the tabby a few heartbeats longer before the rhythmic chorus of paws pounding in steady tandem of each other redirected his attention. Scores of cats were impatiently shuffling about the camp, despite the leaden temperature. It took a moment for his thoughts to coalesced for Redpaw to realize that the reason for this had to do with the gathering being tonight. For BoulderClan, this would be the first time since the battle that they would come face to face with CloudClan. That would explain the anxious air circling the camp that he felt.
So many other things had taken priority in his head over the course of the last few days that the gathering had completely slipped his mind. It wasn't like Redpaw couldn't understand why. He'd yet to formally attend a gathering, so most of the time he never invested any real interest unless he got properly invited.
"Redpaw, if it's not too much trouble could you do me a favor and drop the tansy off in the back of my den?" Fernleaf asked, turning to look at him. "I want to stop by and check on the elders before we leave for the gathering."
Redpaw nodded in compliance without much thought behind it. Fernleaf gave him an apologetic smile and then thanked him again for his help before departing. Left to his own devices, Redpaw headed for the medicine den. He came to the open and then ducked into the dim, cool interior of the den and immediately his nostrils were flooded with the soothing aroma of mint.
The ginger tom padded through pass the patients area and into the back of the den where Fernleaf's stores resided. Before Redpaw lie an alcove located in the deepest corner of the wall. He crouched low down onto his haunches and began nudging the tansy inside. His ears suddenly perked at the sound of another pair of paw pads entering the medicine den. His initial impression was that Fernleaf was already back from the elders den. The moment he heard Oakclaw's voice, however, this changed immediately.
It was apparent from the very start of the conversation that this was not something that was intended to be heard by my ears, or anyone else for that matter. Sometimes I'd later wonder what my relationship with Oakclaw would've been like if I hadn't been there to witness what occurred.
"You wanted to talk, Brackentail?"
Redpaw froze upon hearing the tabby's casual tone fill the entire den. What was going on? Why were the two warriors having a conversation now of all times? Unable to fight the curiosity clawing at his thoughts, Redpaw instinctively dropped into a hunting crouch and then slowly began stalking his way up to the front of the den.
"I hear you've basically replaced me as deputy," went a gruff rumble that Redpaw recognized as belonging to Brackentail.
His eyes widened in surprised. What was Brackentail talking about? He was still the deputy as far as he was aware.
"Nonsense," came Oakclaw's curt reply. "I'm only doing my part to help while you're still injured."
"Is that what you call it?" Brackentail snapped back.
Alarm danced along Redpaw's pelt at the sheer degree of vitriol he'd just heard emanate from the deputy's voice. Where was this all suddenly coming from?
There was a sudden pause in the conversation as Redpaw inched closer. He momentarily wondered if Oakclaw had up and left, when next he heard, "Have you been taking your medicine, Brackentail? You look ill."
Redpaw crawled forward to a spot where he could properly see and just keep himself out of view. Peering inside the patients wing of the medicine den, he could see the hulking form of Oakclaw hovering over the just as massive bedded form of Brackentail. From his perspective, Redpaw saw Oakclaw leaning slightly forward with his eyes focused intently on the face of Brackentail, whose features were obscured to him thanks to his position. What was more important at the moment though, was what Oakclaw had just said. Brackentail was sick?
"Don't patronize me!" the deputy snarled as a sharp ripple went along his spine. "I know your ploy, you filthy foxheart! I know all about it. Don't think I haven't forgot. When we were in Crowstar's den after the skirmish with CloudClan, I remember what you did, Oakclaw. You were the only cat that didn't vote, sitting there in silence the entire while as though too above everyone else to participate, like the coward you are. Don't think I didn't see you and Crowstar talking privately after the fact either. You hoped for my downfall the instant I was put in charge. You wanted me to get hurt. You both did!"
"I'm going to go and fetch Fernleaf right now, Brackentail," Oakclaw replied calmly, in an almost soothing like tone, the kind of which a queen would use to pacify a kit. "It's clear you're not well."
Brackentail raised a paw into the air and then slammed it onto the den floor. "I said don't patronize me!" the deputy roared, his entire body shaking with exertion. "You will not disrespect me by walking away. I am sick and tired of you behaving like the superior tom, of mocking me when I'm down. You're not above me, Oakclaw! You're not above anyone!"
Redpaw could only listen in disbelief at the wild claims Brackentail lobbed against Oakclaw. Words couldn't do justice to this moment in his mind.
"You can rest assured I don't believe that I am," Oakclaw replied back.
Redpaw couldn't comprehend how one cat could remain so calm in the face of such madness. Brackentail was outright accusing Oakclaw and Crowstar of conspiring against him. Such claims were not ones someone would bare with a neutral expression. Redpaw was so enraptured by the back and forth between the two warriors, however, that he hadn't taken special care to remember that he wasn't as hidden from view as he'd like to have been.
Oakclaw was the first one to catch glimpse of his bright fur. Noticing the flicker of the other warriors eyes, Brackentail turned his head then to. Upon seeing each other, the three toms visibly froze. Brackentail was the first to recover from the surprise, and with it a triumphant and rue filled grin split across his face.
"Would you like to know something about your dear mentor here, Redpaw?" he asked, indicating towards Oakclaw. "I promise it's something you'd very much like to hear."
Something indiscernible passed across Oakclaw's face. In that split instant, he seemed on par with whatever it was Brackentail was up to, and the way in which he immediately whipped his head towards Redpaw should've been his warning.
"This is a order from your mentor to leave now, Redpaw," he commanded.
"And this is a order from your deputy to remain where you are!" Brackentail shouted, turning to glower up at Oakclaw. "Not this time," he sneered at the tabby, the rueful grin returning once more. "I've got you now. You can act blissful and dismiss me all you want on your own, but not when he's involved."
"What's he talking about?" Redpaw asked, looking expectantly at Oakclaw. How was he involved in this?
Oakclaw barely offered him a glance, instead focusing the brunt of his attention on the grinning warrior before him. "This isn't relevant here, Brackentail."
Redpaw looked wildly from Brackentail's gleeful face to Oakclaw's, if it was even possible, slightly discomforted one. At the very least there was no smile to be found on his face nor was his usual sense of ease present.
"Oh, but I think it is," Brackentail shot back. "See, I know how to get under your skin, Oakclaw. I know the exact words to mention to garner a genuine reaction from you. I also know something that you don't. Redpaw over there, he probably cares about you more than any other cat in this Clan does. In fact, he loves you. Isn't that sweet?" he sneered, in a manner anything but sweetly. "And its that knowledge coupled with what I have to say that makes this so satisfying. I may be no better than crowfood at this point, but you're no better, and I'll prove it. I'll show this apprentice, who admires you so much, a peek at the tom I really know. The one that likes to hold secrets directly under your nose. Redpaw, how would you like to hear one about Cedarshade and Oakclaw?"
Redpaw's eyes widened. This was it. What he had discovered on his own about Oakclaw's relationship with Cedarshade, Brackentail was about to attempt to reveal to him. Oakclaw moved forward as though to somehow shield Redpaw from Brackentail's words, but it was okay. Redpaw knew the tabby had nothing to fear.
"I already know," he said, halting Oakclaw mid-step and Brackentail mid-speech. "I figured it out myself. I know all about you and Cedarshade, Oakclaw," he said, staring the tabby directly in the face. "It's okay, I promise. I know that you were in love with my mother."
A dead silence hung in the air after the words left his mouth. Redpaw was certain in that instance he had gotten the jump on the two warriors. No one would have expected to him to work it out on his own. No one-.
"I'm afraid you've been misinformed, Redpaw," Brackentail interjected, crushing his confidence in one fell swoop. "I guess you wouldn't be wrong in saying Oakclaw loved Cedarshade, but it wasn't because of anything romantic. It's-."
Oakclaw's voice raised sharply. "Brackentail, stop!"
The hobbled warrior didn't so much as hesitate. " It's because they were litter-mates."
Oakclaw's entire expression with blank as Redpaw sat crouched in stunned silence. What did Brackentail just say? Redpaw couldn't be certain whether or not he was in denial of the truth. Was it the truth? His thoughts were whirling around in a storm at incomprehensible speeds right now. Glassy eyed, he looked to Oakclaw then, who's eyes were fixated hard on the wall right next to his head.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Redpaw asked in a hollow voice. His voice felt just as empty as his stomach did at that moment.
"Because it's not important."
He suddenly felt his anger flare up at hearing that. "Not important?" he reiterated, staring at Oakclaw in disbelief. "This changes everything! I mean, we're kin for StarClan's sake. My mother-."
"Is dead," Oakclaw stated bluntly, continuing to not look at him.
Hearing that hit Redpaw hard in the chest. "She's your sister," he protested. "You grew up together."
"And none of that changes a single thing about our personal relationship, Redpaw. You are my apprentice and I am your mentor. Just as it has always been. Nothing more."
"Hear that," Brackentail interjected, snidely, watching Oakclaw with glowing wild eyes. "Despite him knowing this, Redpaw, he still doesn't know how to feel about you. All this time he's spent knowing, keeping it just out of your reach. No matter how much you admire and care for him, he would've never told you the truth."
This all felt and sounded like madness to him. After all this time of thinking he was alone in the Clan, Redpaw finally discovered that he'd had family by his side this entire time and now was being told to just ignore it. Oakclaw was his mother's brother. How could he not view him differently? Didn't knowing that, he didn't know, make them closer somehow? No, it did. They were connected. They were family. So why didn't Oakclaw feel the same way?
"He won't love you back," Brackentail said, knowingly. "And it's not because he can't, Redpaw. It's because he won't. He'll keep you close enough to train, but not enough to acknowledge your shared blood."
"Are you finished?" Oakclaw asked in a deadpan. His eyes were still locked on the wall besides Redpaw's head and he hadn't moved an inch since Brackentail's reveal. "If you've only called me in here to fling insults and cast baseless accusations, I'll be on my way. The gathering's tonight. Fernleaf should be back shortly. I'll tell her to check up on you."
The BoulderClan deputy snorted derisively as Oakclaw turned and left the den without a single utterance of a word or look back at either of them. Redpaw watched him go forlornly. Each step Oakclaw took away was like a stab in the apprentice's heart.
Love manifests in many ways, and the reactions to it greatly vary. Sometimes cruelly and without warning. I'm a shinning example of it in more ways than one.