Chapter 15

Ootori Yoshio sat behind the oak desk in his home office. Fingers tented below his chin, he stared at his youngest son. Kyoya stood shamefaced in front of his father in his dirty t-shirt and shorts, unable to meet his eyes. His hair was unkept and his cloths were spattered with mud. Arms at his sides, a rumpled hachimaki dangled from his fingers. He looked like a dog left out in the rain overnight.

The car ride back to the Ootori mansion had been tense. Not one of Kyoya's security team spoke a word to him. He hadn't thought it possible, but now, standing in front of his father in his office, the strain had actually increased. This silent treatment was pulling Kyoya's nerves so taunt he felt like he might snap. He wished his father would hurry up and yell at him. Instead he just stared with smoldering eyes while leaning back in his large leather chair. Kyoya felt his father's stare as a weight crushing him into the floor.

Finally, his father spoke. His voice was calm and icy. "Come here." Kyoya stepped up to the desk. "Hold out your arms, palms up." Kyoya did as instructed. Yoshio leaned forward and took Kyoya's wrists, inspecting his forearms. The insinuation made Kyoya burn with shame. His father reached up to Kyoya's chin and tiled his head up so he could see his eyes. He took a few deep breaths through his nose searching for the tell-tale odour of alcohol. Satisfied that his son was not high or intoxicated, he let go and leaned back in his chair again.

"So? Would you care to explain to me why you left the property without telling anyone, without your security team, without so much as your GOD DAMN PHONE!"

Yoshio stood up and slammed his hands down on his desk. Kyoya flinched. Now that the yelling had started, he found that he actually preferred the silence.

"My god, Kyoya! You were nearly kidnapped less than two weeks ago, and you think it's all right to just disappear out the gate by yourself? What made you think you could do that? Anything could have happened to you out there.

"We didn't even know that you were missing until you didn't show up for dinner. Again. And imagine my shock when the housekeeper came to me to complain on behalf of the maid about the state of your room. We have staff, Kyoya, not slaves, and they are deserving of your respect. You cannot throw your things around like a child and expect them to put everything back together. Do you understand?"

"Yes," answered Kyoya.

"'Yes' what?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you know what these are?" Yoshio picked up three pages off his desk and waved them at Kyoya. Kyoya shook his head. "These are the resignations of your security staff for having failed in their duty to adequately protect you." Kyoya's eyes widened in surprise. He was fond of Tachibana, Aijima, and Hotta. He didn't want them to lose their jobs. "Well? What do you think? Should I accept them?" Yoshio's voice was so sharp Kyoya felt like it was leaving cuts in his skin.

"No, sir. Please don't."

Disgusted, Yoshio threw the letters back down on the desk. "We had the entire Black Onion Squad out searching for you. Do you have any idea the kind of manpower and resources it takes to search a city the size of Tokyo? How long it takes to track down and analyse security footage to try and trace your route? Do you?"

"I'm sorry I caused everyone such inconvenience." Kyoya was sincere. He hadn't meant to make trouble for anyone. Now it seemed like he was causing problems for everyone he knew.

"Inconvenience? Inconvenience! Oh, Kyoya," Taking a deep breath, Yoshio came around the desk, put his hands on either side of Kyoya's face and brought his face in close. "We were scared to death. Me, your mother, the staff, everyone. You are my son, my youngest son. It is my job, my sacred duty, to protect you and I have nearly failed twice now in as many weeks. This is so much more than an inconvenience. Someday you will have children of your own and then maybe you will understand." Yoshio let go of his son and straightened.

"Here is what is going to happen. You're going to apologise to your mother for causing her such unnecessary grief. Once we heard you were found she took a sedative and is now resting, so you'll have to wait until later. It should give you time to compose a proper expression of regret." Kyoya's stomach kicked him at the mention of sedatives and he had to take a deep breath. "Next, you're going to apologise to your security team for your blatant disregard for the responsibility they have to keep you safe. Then, you're going to go to the housekeeper and make an apology to her maid staff for the disrespect you showed them by creating that outrageous mess in your room. I have instructed them to leave your room as is. You are responsible for cleaning it up. Maybe then you'll have some appreciation of the work they do for you. Lastly, you are NEVER to do anything like this again. In fact, the next time you put even a tip of a toe out of line, I swear as your father, it will be the last time. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

Yoshio looked at his son standing dejected in front of him and sighed. Out of all of his children, he found Kyoya the most difficult to read. At first glance he seemed to be a perfectly obedient and dutiful son, but he had a subtle defiant streak. He was cunning and could make it seem like he was following the wishes of his family and teachers all the while doing exactly as he pleased. Far from discouraging this, Yoshio felt like this skill would be an asset to Kyoya in his future in business. But lately Yoshio was at a lost to explain his son's behaviour. His conspicuous absence from mealtimes, secluding himself in his room, his pale and strained appearance. He had tried to give his son space, to allow him to work through things on his own, since that was what he normally what he wanted, but after this incident it was apparent that he, Yoshio, would need to step in. He walked back around this desk and sat down. "Kyoya, I think it's time we talk about what is going on."

"Sir?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. You didn't disappear and run off to your friend's house because you just 'forgot' to tell anyone. I want to know why this happened. I want to know what is causing you to act like this. Akito seems to think it has something to do with a girl, is that right?"

"What? No!" Kyoya cringed remembering his brother freaking out in the library. "Akito misunderstood. There's no girl."

Yoshio nodded. He hadn't expected it to be something so mundane. He waited for Kyoya to continue, but nothing more was forthcoming. "And? I'm waiting for your explanation."

Kyoya looked at the floor and shifted from one foot to the other. He twisted the hachimaki in his hands to hide their trembling. This was it. This was when it would all come out and his father would decide his fate. Sedated, like his mother was this very moment, or shipped off somewhere out of sight. Kyoya tried to push these thoughts away. He needed to trust his family and have faith that they would do what was best for him. Confessing had been difficult to do with Tamaki, but here, standing in front of his father, it was impossible. Maybe he could pass this off as something minor as he had been doing. He could still fix everything without his family knowing. After all, he had his friends to help him now. But then, hadn't they been helping him all along? He opened his mouth to speak. "I-"

A sharp knock on the office door cut him off. His father's assistant popped his head through the door. "Sorry to interrupt, Ootori-sama, but the Black Onion Squad Chief is here to discuss the search operation. Would you like me to tell him to wait?"

Yoshio eyed his son who looked to be on the edge of vomiting. Maybe it would best to give him a break. They could finish talking about this once he was cleaned up and rested. "Show the Chief in, please," he said to his assistant who disappeared back out the door. He turned back to Kyoya. "We'll finish this conversation later."

Kyoya nodded, heading towards the door, feeling equally relieved and dismayed by the delay.

"And Kyoya," Kyoya paused and turned back to his father, "You WILL be at dinner tonight, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

Kyoya hurried out the door before his father could say anything else. Reaching the main hall, he sagged against the stair railing. He wiped sweat from his forehead with a trembling hand. He was shaky and faint, but it didn't feel like a panic attack. He recognized this feeling as ordinary low blood sugar. He tried to remember when he had last eaten. He had had a few mouthfuls of miso soup at breakfast yesterday, prior to that had been the soup that Haruhi had served him on Friday afternoon. His body had finally had enough of his neglect and was fighting back.

Turning away from the stairs, he made his way to the kitchen. Breakfast was long finished and most of the kitchen staff were elsewhere doing the required administrative work of ordering, counting, and planning that kept the kitchen running. When Kyoya stepped inside there was only one kitchen porter scrubbing the stainless steel grill. The young porter looked up as Kyoya walked in, smiled, and gave a low bow.

"Good morning, Master Kyoya. Are you alright? Can I help you with something?"

"Good morning. Is there any orange juice that I could have?" He ran a shaky hand through his hair, trying not to snap at this girl who just wanted to help. The low blood sugar was making him irritable and emotional.

"Yes, certainly. Here, sit down while I get you some." The porter pulled out a stool for Kyoya to sit at the center counter and helped him climb up with a gentle hand. In moments a large glass of juice was set in front of him. "Would you like anything else? Some tea and toast perhaps?"

Kyoya looked that the porter as she stood there smiling at him. Her kitchen uniform was stained with grease and black smudges from the grill. The soiled uniform reminded him of his own grubby clothes. He was starting to notice the stench coming from his t-shirt. He could fix that next, but first: juice. He picked up his glass and drained half of it. "Tea and toast?" he asked.

The porter grinned and ducked her head. "Right. My grandmother worked most of her life in English homes. She swears that tea and toast is the cure for almost any problem. It will only take me a moment to whip some up, if you'd like."

The orange juice was starting to work its magic, and Kyoya was already beginning to feel better. If only all problems could be solved so quickly. "Sure. I'll have some English tea and toast."

"Great!" The porter sprang to put on the kettle. "I can't tell you, Master Kyoya, what a relief it is to see that you're okay. The house was in quite an uproar yesterday." She flitted around the kitchen pulling out dishes and popping bread into the toaster. "I don't think I've ever seen such a frenzy in this house. Not even when your parents throw a party." With an easy grace, she poured out hot water into a teacup then tossed the toast onto a plate with a flick of her wrist. "Every staff member that could be spared was combing the house and grounds looking for you. They even dragged the koi pond. Oh, and your poor mother, I've never seen her in such a state. She's normally so poised, but yesterday she was convinced you had been kidnapped. Did you want jam or anything? Milk for the tea?" He shook his head as she scraped butter across the toast slices then cut them in half before setting the plate and teacup in front of him. He took a bite of buttered toast. Maybe it was due the low blood sugar, but it tasted unbelievably good. He wolfed it down. "She calmed down a little when Master Yuuichi got here and spoke to her, but really, until we got word that they found you, she was so anxious and scared."

"Yuuichi was here?" Kyoya was surprised to hear that his oldest brother had been involved.

"Oh yes," answered the porter, wiping up crumbs from the counter. "And his wife, and Miss Fuyumi and her husband, and Master Akito, of course. Everybody was out looking for you. Did you want more?" She pointed to the already empty plate.

Kyoya shook his head. Hunger had been overpowering everything else, but now guilt was starting to seep back in. "I'm sorry to have cause everyone so much trouble. I never thought my family would be so worried about me."

The porter paused her cleaning and gave him a quizzical look. "Well of course they were worried about you. What a thing to say! Teenagers always seem to underestimate how loved they are. Your family, the house staff, everyone here genuinely cares about your well-being. Don't ever forget that."

Kyoya nodded, climbed down from his stool and bowed to her. "Thank you for the tea and toast, and for your concern for my welfare yesterday. I do appreciate it."

She smiled and returned his bow. "My pleasure, Master Kyoya. I am very happy that you are home safe with us once again."

Kyoya left the kitchen heading down the hallway towards the main staircase. Turning the corner, he bumped into Akito. Before Kyoya could say anything Akito had him wrapped in a hug holding him tight to his chest.

Kyoya went ridged with surprise. He couldn't remember ever being hugged by his brother before. "Akito, what are—"

"Shhhhhh. This is happening." They stood in the hallway unmoving and silent. Kyoya might have been uncomfortable if he hadn't had this exact experience with Tamaki on more than one occasion. Taking a deep breath, Akito let him go. "I'm glad you're back. You smell terrible."

"I know."

"You ever need to talk to somebody, you know that I'm here, right?" Kyoya looked into his brother's eager eyes and knew without a shadow of doubt that if he ever needed to speak to someone, it would not be Akito. Still, he appreciated the offer.

"Thanks."

Akito smiled and gave him a playful shove. "Now go shower. You're gross."

Climbing the stairs to the second floor, Kyoya opened the door to his room and the giant mess that greeted him. His memory of the tantrum was vague and dream like. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but he was shocked by the disarray that surrounded him. Papers and books where scattered everywhere. Every scrap of clothing he owned was strewn around the room. Even his dresser drawers were taken out and lying upturned on the floor. He couldn't take a single step without treading on something. He picked up a book and smoothed out its crumpled pages. His father obviously hadn't seen this mess in person or he was sure that the yelling would have gone on much longer than it did.

Picking his way across the floor, he took up his dresser drawers and slid them back into their proper places. Next, he picked up a shirt flung over the arm of his couch. He shook it out and held it up in front of himself. He had never folded a piece laundry in his life and wasn't sure where to start. He sighed and dropped the shirt back on the couch. It was going to take him forever to get everything back in order. It was overwhelming.

A faint noise brought him out of his self-pitying thoughts. It was the muffled ring of his phone. He began scouring around, tossing clothes and brushing aside papers, trying to find the source of the ringing. At last, he found it tucked under the corner of the couch.

"Hello?"

"Hey! I just wanted to make sure you got home okay." It was Tamaki. Kyoya sat down on the floor, resting his back against the corner of the couch. "What did your family say about you being gone? Was your father angry?"

"Extremely. I've never seen him so upset."

"And what did he say when you told him about your anxiety and panic attacks?"

"I haven't told him yet."

"Kyoya…" He heard the disappointment in Tamaki's voice and a needle of shame stabbed his heart.

"I didn't get the chance, we were interrupted. I will though."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"What are you doing now?"

"I left my room at bit of a mess." Master of understatement, he thought. "I've been charged with cleaning it up as part of my punishment."

"Did you want some help? I could come over."

Kyoya was tempted to accept his best friend's offer but couldn't risk inviting the wrath of his father by hanging out with his friend when he was supposed be making amends with his family. "That would be nice, but I don't think it's a good idea. Things around here are rather tense right now."

"Oh, okay. Call me later, okay?"

"Sure."

"Promise? Promise you'll call me. Pinky swear."

"Yeah, yeah, I promise. Idiot."

Kyoya hung up the phone and looked around the disaster zone again. Suddenly he caught a whiff of some stench. Crinkling his nose, he realized that the offensive odor was emanating from himself. Clicking his tongue in disgust, he stripped off the sweat infused t-shirt and tossed in onto the floor with the rest of the mess. Let's take care of the easy problem first, he thought as he padded up the stairs to the bathroom.

Kyoya stood outside his mother's bedroom. He dreaded having to go in, but there was no way he could avoid it. After showering he had felt refreshed and the rest of the morning had been productive. With the help of some videos he found on the internet, he had gotten all of his clothes folded and put away. His schoolwork was sorted out and all the books were back on their shelves. It had taken awhile, but room was more or less back to the way it was.

Next, he had written and delivered apologies to his security team and the housekeeping staff. The maids had been genial and conciliatory, forgiving him in an instant. However, his security team, Tachibana, Aijima, and Hotta, had been more standoffish. Although they accepted his apology, he knew it would be some time before they fully trusted him again. He supposed that was fair.

The only thing left to do was apologize to his mother. Kyoya had known what to expect when he had been led into his father's office that morning. He always knew where he stood with his father, and that was a comfort in its own way, but his mother was a different story. She was unpredictable when upset. Sometimes she could be forgiving and amiable, but other times she was indignant and icy. It was impossible to guess her reaction and that's what made Kyoya nervous.

Steeling himself with a deep breath he knocked on the door. He heard a response from the other side of the door, but couldn't make out what was said. Opening the door a little, he popped his head inside. "Oka-san?"

She was sitting up in bed rubbing her eyes, obviously having just woken up. She combed her fingers through her long, black hair, then looked up at him with groggy eyes. "Yuuichi?" In her drug-induced sleepiness she mistook him for his oldest brother "Have you found Kyoya yet? Is he alright?"

"Oka-san, it's me, Kyoya. I got back this morning."

"Kyoya-bo?"

Kyoya blinked at being call "bo." He hadn't been called that in years. It was clear that the sedatives were still making her feel foggy. She reached her arms out him. Kyoya moved over to the bed and sat on the edge. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into her chest, and rocked like she used to when he was small. He had come too soon. It was clear that she was still in the throes of the bottle of sedatives that stood on her nightstand, and it was unlikely she would remember any of this when she truly woke up.

He knew he should go and come back later. It was silly for him, almost a grown man, to be coddled by his mother, even if she was just acting out a dream. Yet, he didn't want to pull himself away. He couldn't. The emotional relief he felt was like a physical weight floating away. He could almost feel his mother's love flowing into him. He was four years old again, coming to his mother with a skinned knee. Her hug could make anything feel better.

She stroked his hair and cooed in a drowsy voice. "My baby boy. We couldn't find you."

Kyoya buried his face against her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He couldn't say anything else.

"I know." She kissed his cheek. He couldn't remember the last time he had received this kind of familial tenderness, if indeed he ever had. A small voice in the back of mind told he that this felt strange and was not something he was normally comfortable with. But for some reason he found himself soaking it up like balm on a wound.

"My poor Kyoya. Always putting on a brave face for everyone else. Always needing to be perfect."

"I'm sorry." She rubbed his back and nuzzled his hair. Her grip on him began to slacken and Kyoya could tell that the sedative was pulling her back down into sleep. He leaned back from her and held her hands in his. "I love you, Oka-san."

She cocked her head and furrowed her brow. "Well, of course you do, Kyoya. Why would you even say something like that?" He might as well have told her he was breathing. With a chuckle, he squeezed her hands then let them go. She laid back down, already slipping into sleep. He stood up and turned to go.

"Yuuichi?" He turned back confused. She was mistaking him for his brother again. "Yuuichi, make sure you tell me when Kyoya gets home. I'm so worried about him. He's in pain and he won't ask for help. He's stubborn and wants to do everything himself. I don't know what to do, Yuuichi. Please, I want to see him. Make sure he comes."

"Okay, I will." Kyoya wasn't sure what else to say. So many things had just been revealed in his mother's tired ramblings. She knew. She knew all long. She could see through him clearer than a window. It had been the same with Tamaki and the other hosts. Here, he had thought that he was being so clever, showing people what they had wanted to see and hiding his true self, but it wasn't true. The people who cared about him weren't fooled for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something to his mother, but she was already asleep. He turned to the door and slipped out of the room.