Steve arrived back to the motel with coffee and a breakfast burrito for his friend. During his walk he had decided his life needed a rethink and it started right now. The road trip had seen him begin to rely on Sam's easy friendship and steadfast morality. Even so, the tall blond was beginning to think it was Sam's presence alone that was keeping him sane. He had cut his meals and snacks to the bare minimum. Just enough calories to function, comforted by the only thing he had complete control of, as he dwelled on the constant ache of hunger burning in his gut; the only thing about him that was comparable to the poor kid from Brooklyn. Tired, hungry, cold and under the weather was almost like normal for the pre-enhanced artist, but as a soldier during operations in Europe he had always been hungry, when standard army field rations were pitiful for his metabolism's energy needs.
The Captain was being a sneak about food as well, playing the game of not acknowledging Sam's worried looks nor his friend's marathon text messages to Natasha. Yep, he was depressed, demonstrating classic control mechanisms, but he was being really blinkered and was pretending his mood was no worse than the burden he had become accustomed to over the last two years; only it was a million times worse. He tried to talk to Sam about Bucky, but so much was left unsaid, the words never enough to describe his guilt and devastation; all happy memories of growing up in Brooklyn and of the easy comradeship of brother's in arms tainted by the lingering evil of HYDRA. He had hated every single one of his sessions with the SHIELD psychiatrist, a man he had never trusted. It had taken everything he held dear to come crashing down for him to actually make friends and begin to build his life again. He just had to start pulling himself out of the hole he had fallen into. He had to remain strong for Bucky now, even if his best friend never wanted to see him again.
Sam had already packed his belongings in his small bag and was waiting for his friend to return with new game plan. Certain in the fact that while he had slept, the Captain had selected another target or stake out. He grinned at his partner in crime, when he entered the room with food and coffee and greeted "Where to next, Cap?"
It hit Steve Rogers like a sledge hammer how kind and loyal Sam had been, dropping everything to go on this pointless chase, when this friend still had a life and family. "I'm running on empty, Sam. We really need to take a few days for R&R."
"You are preaching to the choir here. Damn it, Steve; you really need it. Its been days since you slept at all. Cause 20 minute catnaps do not count" The ex-therapist did not add that Steve Rogers needed more than simple rest.
Steve smiled weakly, "I'm thinking about heading back to New York to check in with Hill, Banner and Stark." The tall man then sighed, feeling bone weary. "We both need a break from this search as all our leads are cold. Intel from Fury has proved Bucky's in Europe, now anyway. Go spend some time with your ma and your sisters." Steve quickly packed his own meagre belongings. "Get going Sam, you take the car. I'll get the bus back east. Your Ma needs to see you. Give them all my best wishes." He then decided to cut to the chase. "I might need more than a few days. I need to get my head together and get back on track. All this has knocked me for six. More than I realised. You got me thinking, that I should think about what makes me happy. A simple question that I couldn't answer. That I still can't answer."
Sam stood in the door briefly, he would text Natasha and suggest a team intervention, just to make sure Steve got some rest and was not tempted to continue his crusade against HYDRA. "Call me as soon as you feel like heading out again or if you need me for anything." Sam bit his tongue as urging the big guy to see a shrink, as talking to Banner was as close as the stoic hero was willing to open up about all things Serum related.
The soldier had already calculated that it would take Sam over five hours to drive to Atlanta. "I'll text you when I get back to Manhattan. Take care."
Steve headed back to New York, a journey already planned with several changes in a strange sinuous path. He was too wary to take the direct route, always aware his death had been ordered by Alexander Pearce.
…..
It was a damp and murky Thursday morning when Steve Rogers returned to Manhattan. He stood at the memorial plague at Grand Central Station and thought back to that really horrible Friday, when his home city had burned and its citizens had been brutally maimed and cruelly murdered. The veteran would take an alien invasion anyday over the betrayal of HYDRA and the torture of his best friend.
With his new burner phone, the bearded, long haired and bedraggled hero of New York texted Sam. He was only two blocks from the midtown monstrosity that was now known as Avengers Tower. He had his shield, now stripped of all red, white and blue paint, strapped to his back; his heirloom returned to him while he was still in hospital in Georgetown. Steve Rogers was no longer a symbol of patriotism, not after Insight. He was truly an Avenger now.
He had entered the lobby, when a dark suited member of security showed Captain Rogers to the private elevator to the upper floors.
In the glass enclosed space, the cool calm tones of JARVIS stated simply "Welcome home, Captain. Dr. Banner is waiting for you."
The lone occupant of the lift, pulled out his notebook and looked at the list of questions regarding the Serum, mental health issues and the start of a game plan for building a future not built on lies, revenge and betrayal and with the possibility of some sort of happiness. He stood up tall, knowing he was his mother's son, as she had instilled her morals in him. Build on what is good, make do with the hand you've been dealt and hope for future. He had a damn sight more to rely on now, than he had before the war; when had had only one friend, but that thought brought his friendship and his debt to Bucky into stark contrast. He would fight tooth and nail for Bucky, because he was the only person alive who was in the Winter Soldier's corner.
Steve face broke into a genuine smile at his nervous team mate. "Thanks for meeting me Bruce. I need to talk to you about the serum. Yours, Erskine's and HYDRA's. You have read my profile. I know Abraham left only very basic medical files and kept most of his research in his head. On paper I was never an ideal candidate. Not with my medical history. It was my psychological testing that stood out. I was forthright, tenacious, bright, stood up for myself and others and hated bullies, all facts that are still true. I was a 4F, but was just to stubborn to recognise the fact. The serum and the full dose of vita rays changed everything about me. I've kept notes since I was rescued. I trust you will follow Erskine's example. Read and destroy. This information cannot be used, considering the high likelihood of unknown outcomes. I know a bit about Zola's experiments, Bucky had survived weeks of torture in Italy before they gave him the serum.
"He was a wreck when I got to Azzarno, skinny as hell, exhausted, burning with fever. I had to carry him out of that place. We both missed more than a few meals growing up. When we lived together before the war, you made choices either food or heat, rent before either of those. I did not earn much illustrating, washing dishes, selling newspapers. Bucky did hard manual work, never enough for necessities never mind luxuries. We still snuck into the movies and to the ball games more often than paying. We were poor. Most of the time, I went to Madam Luzentia for her medicines and heal hands as I could not afford the hospital, doctors or pharmacy bills."
The gentle giant paused and came clean about his current dark mood. "My journal is detailed, since I came out of the ice, its good that I have something real to keep track of my days, the impossibility of everything, of lists of things to do, learn, prioritise. I know Tony gave me one of those pads but pen and paper are more familiar. Lately since Washington, I've been eating like I did as a kid. I miss simple things, like my mom's oatmeal, cabbage and potatoes, her bean soup. Even butter and milk doesn't taste right. Artisan bread is OK, I guess. Getting to the point, I didn't want to eat. Sleeping's been hard. I see Bucky fall, all those kid's who died and aren't in the history books, my perfect memory notes all the details, all the times I could have, should have done better. I know Sam's worried. Its time I called for backup. I need to be on my toes, so I don't make anymore mistakes, that I notice the inconsistencies and act on them. I should have acted on my concerns over SHIELD, then again hindsight's a wonderful thing."
….
The trip to Robotics facility in Maine had been routine and a boring waste of his valuable time for the billionaire genius, definitely a case of been there and done that better. Tony Stark was glad to be home, as Avenger's Tower in New York now was. His piece of prime real estate in Malibu was still being refashioned by the third set of architects, as he wanted more, bigger, better; not a rehash of what had been. Tonight Tony Stark was glad of company, as two of his fellow Avengers were home. Of most interest was the presence of their Captain had finally resurfaced after he and five others had taken down both SHIELD and HYDRA.
In the elevator he emailed the news to Pepper, who was in Russia haggling over a joint venture Stark Energy plant for the Roscoe-Drevin Satellites Launch Facility. She had been copied into the round robin of Steve-watchers, as both the Falcon and the Black Widow had kept tabs on the man with a plan.
Once Tony had finished catching up on his urgent messages, Jarvis informed him "Captain Rogers has been in Dr. Banner's Laboratory all afternoon, sir. The Biometric sensors and all routine surveillance have been disabled. Dr. Banner insisted on a Level One Security Blackout. You are the only person with clearance to disturb your team mates."
That peaked Tony's interest, it suggested either their was a problem with the serum or the facts known about Erskine's enhancement was erroneous in some way. Quite likely since the scientist died taking his secrets with him and any attempts to replicate it had resulted in high mortality in the test subjects and horrific side effects in those that survived. As a side project, Jarvis had data mined the Hydra files on the Serum that Schmidt had been working on and those files as shown by the defection of the Dutch scientist Clara Ghent to the British in 1941 had meant Project Ophion had been close to cracking the problems of the serum to produce a super soldier army. The reason for Hydra bombing the research facility in 1944. No project could get off the ground now, not when 95% of your test subjects died and there was more than a 75% chance of the ones that had survived were deeply flawed. The CIA position was shoot to kill on the Winter Soldier, the only known HYDRA success to date. The rumours of a back-up were still just rumours. Test Subject AJR-1987 had not been traced, yet. Then again, for fifty years, the Winter Soldier had been just a ghost story. The destruction of the bases in Serbia, Montenegro and Slovenia pointed to the fact the Winter Soldier was destroying all research facilities connected to the super soldier serum.
Bruce was sat, hunched over in full concentration going over data. Tony was not going to disturb his colleague and pulled the data up on his Stark pad.
"Is this for real? The Serum is still enhancing Steve? It is correcting for starvation, over work and making him stronger, more resilient and more intelligent?" Tony looked through the data collected over months. Steve had kept a meticulous journal of his bad habits.
Steve had shared all the details about the real genius behind serum based human enhancement and could remember every detail of Project Rebirth. Bruce knew this knowledge was extremely dangerous, not one whisper could get back to Ross. "Thats the thing, I'll bet every cent I ever earned that Erskine knew exactly how his serum worked and is still working. At a sub-molecular level it has to be correcting flaws in DNA. Only its not flaws, its like evolution here, now, happening right in front of us. Cell regeneration means enhanced healing, no illnesses, no scar tissue and also no ageing. We, I mean Betty and I.. we made assumptions and we got it so, so wrong. Look at our only test subject to be a true success, he was frail, weak, definitely disabled. Partial hearing loss, severe asthma, scoliosis, heart problems, weak lungs, kidney problems, severe iron and B12 anaemia, underweight, periodic malnutrition. I was A1 fit, so was Schmidt and look how we turned out. Big Red and crazy and Big Green and angry, not good. Not good at all. The truth was always staring us in the face. Now, the Winter Soldier, he had been a slave worker, possibly wounded, maybe with a severe infection, malnutrition definitely, dehydration, over all poor health. The serum worked correcting underlying problems then on enhancing in a controlled way. We were all fooled by the radiation. Maybe not . She uses multiple doses, increasing in potency. Her third group of subjects were all from serious injury wards from what little information that's available. The Hydra files stated their last test subject was a grandson of an Ophion surviver who dug himself out of the crater in Wiltshire. That disaster may have kicked started the serum. Steve has already told me more. I want your promise me not to tell a soul, not even Pepper about this. We take this info to our graves like Erskine. Even Jarvis has to wipe this info rather than let it be disseminated. Its a poison chalice. No more puppets for HYDRA."
….
…
At 2AM, Pepper Potts travelled up to the Penthouse, in the private elevator, barefoot. As her sky-high Louboutin heels were in her Balenciaga handbag. The elevator door opened and in the living room, Bruce and Tony were studying data over several holo-screens.
"Hi Guys, its way past bedtime," stated the tired boss of Stark Industries as she went to the kitchen for a bottle of water.
Tony with a flick of his left hand saved all open documents and put all work on hold. "Right, we have a situation with Steve. He's in our guest room and JARVIS is playing nurse with Bruce as doctor and in the spirit of not being hypocrites, when calling the good Captain out for bad habits, we shall all go to bed and try to get our eight hours of beauty sleep with a simple and nutritious breakfast in the morning."
Pepper smiled at the camaraderie and would do her best to encourage good habits, knowing her own drive to overwork and miss meals. "Good job, so take me to bed, Mr. Stark. See you in the morning Bruce".