Secrets
Fear isn't something I normally like to indulge in, but that morning I felt it fresh as morning dew on grass. I clamored about and darted out into the brisk wilderness without a single ounce of hesitation in my body, morosely wondering in the darkest corner of my mind if it was already too late to do something. I searched high and low, wide and far, but despite it all you eluded my sights.
Where are you?
Sharp gusts of wind blew through the forest, lashing out in long whining whips of air, sprinkled with fragments of ice. Gritting her fangs, Hollypaw trudged forward, sloshing her way onward through several depths of deep snowfall while being buffeted by an endless cascade of snow. The snow clung, coating her fur in thick layers of frigid white that shot shivers of sheer cold trailing down her spine.
Leaf-bare had staked its claim of the forest after siphoning all the fertility out of the earth. Gone were the once verdant and vibrant sights of old, now replaced with complete bleached landscapes of bone white, devoid of any warm colors. Treetops lay frosted over in pale renditions of stone spires while the lushful scenery of the vegetation were stricken away, submerged in the powdery substance.
Hollypaw continued her steep trek through the snow. Bunching her legs together, she became airborne, landing a few foxtail lengths away from her prior set of pawprints before repeating the motion again in steady repetition. There was a sufficient crunch as the weight from her body crushed piles of snow in her wake. Her imitation of a frog was at least proving somewhat useful when it came to clearing some ground.
Pausing for a breath, she hunkered down near the base of a nearby tree, momentarily offering herself a reprieve from the harsh gales as they billowed on. It was just her luck that an emergency would occur in the midst of such a awful season where tracking prints and scents were essentially rendered futile. She squinted up to the murky backdrop of the sky. The infestation of clouds and steady drift of snowfall had all but eroded traces of light by bloating out the sun. Picking up on anything through this staunch haze of cold and white was near laughable, which only soured the she-cat's already burdened state more.
Incensed didn't begin to capture the rage brewing inside her. She'd had little time to do nothing more than move and fester since Crowstar had roused the alarm this morning. Sometime near late last evening, when the majority of camp was settling in for the night, Redpaw had departed the BoulderClan camp without a word to anyone.
No one had any idea where he'd gone or why he'd left, only a rough estimation of when it'd occurred. Hollypaw pressed her forehead into the trunk of the tree, feeling the chilled grooves of its bark press into her fur.
You mousebrain! I honestly can't believe you.
If something was bothering him, why hadn't he come to her? They were friends. Surely he had to know that. All those times he'd sat and quietly listened to her as she rambled about, fuming about whatever nuisance had infuriated her about another cat or training, he had to know she was more than willing to do the same for him.
It'd been a jolt to the system to sit and hear Crowstar proclaim to the camp he was gone. She'd been caught completely off guard, bleary eyed and yawning away lingering traces of sleep, when Crowstar's words dropped. It was as potent as a frigid, brisk slap of wind to the face. He'd just up and disappeared. Why? Why? Why? WHY?
She slowly exhaled then, trying to release some of the tautness in her shoulders. The time for brooding wasn't now. She could mull that all over later once she actually managed to find him. And once she did, Hollypaw thought grimly, she'd bash him on his little ginger furred head and berate him for being an even bigger mousebrain than the entirety of the full moon and sun combined.
Her ears suddenly perked at the sound of sloshing. Peering as best she could through the snowfall, there was a fogged image of a rather sizable shape making its way towards her. Something clicked, and at once she recognized the figure. Feeling imbued with a wild haste then, she broke into a romp to meet it.
Stumbling briefly and swaying thanks to the misleading depths of the snow, she awkwardly managed to waddle her way along.
"Anything?" she called out breathlessly to the figure once within earshot.
There was pause, wherein her eyes took a moment to adjust. At once there was sudden splash of reddish tinged fur as the coat of a large tom materialized among the sheet of white, like a flame flickering into existence. Sagepaw peered down at her from under the cover of a blanket of snow.
He shook his massive head, clumps of flakes flying from his fur in the process. "Nothing," he rasped out. Frosted breath exuded from him with every heave of his large form. "No tracks, no stray fur, not a thing."
Hollypaw barely withheld the yowl of frustration. "Where in the stars are you Redpaw?" she muttered to herself.
It felt as though they'd scoured the entire length of the territory to no avail. The familiar red pelt of the reserved apprentice was nowhere to be found within the confines of their home. The thing that bothered her most about this situation was the severity of the weather. Why in the stars would he ever dare venture out in a climate like this? Nothing but misfortune lay out here for a cat in times like this.
She pointed her nose southward. "Let's try around the MeadowClan border," she said to Sagepaw. "I don't think many of the search parties headed in that direction."
Sagepaw gave only a grunt of affirmation before falling in step behind her. The two apprentices traversed the frigid terrain in silence, the only audible noises arising from the crunch of their pawsteps and howling of the wind. At some point, Sagepaw overtook her steps and was now leading. Hollypaw didn't pay much attention, too focused on getting to the MeadowClan border. The problem itself didn't become noticeable until Sagepaw suddenly decided to halt in place.
"Let's stop for now," he said, turning back to look at her. "You're falling behind."
Vitriolic denial was the first thing on her tongue as she bared back her fangs to snap on the russet tom.
"Just look," he implored, gesturing down to the ground with his nose.
She followed his direction and felt surprise ripple across her pelt. There had to be at least a solid hundred foxtail lengths of distance separating them. Sagepaw hadn't been lying, she really was falling behind.
"I get it, you want to keep searching, so do I, but we'll never cover much of any ground if you keep lagging behind." He glanced around the area. "There," he indicated to a clump of trees, "we'll regain our energy and then head back out. Sound fair?"
She wanted so badly to argue with him. As far as she was concerned time spent resting was time that could be dedicated to finding Redpaw. Sagepaw drifted back near her again, hovering close to her body.
"Look, your entire body is shaking."
"So wha-aa-t?" she attempted to growl back. Her fangs chattered together painfully, making most threats sound kittish in that moment.
Sagepaw rolled his eyes in annoyance before fixing her with a expected stare. Hollypaw grunted in exasperation. It was the only sensible choice, but it really gnawed at her to admit he might actually have a point for once. She gave a weak nod and allowed him to lead her over to the trees.
Their duo hunkered down under the base of a large oak tree. Hollypaw immediately let loose a sigh of exhaustion she hadn't known she'd been holding. Sagepaw slid slightly closer so that now they pelts were touching and Hollypaw felt herself being partially warmed by the heat from his body. She gave a grateful nod, appreciating the sentiment. A bit of the exhaustion and chill from before were slowly starting to fade.
"The first thing I'll do when we see Redpaw again is shove his face straight into the snow for having us out here all morning," she growled eagerly.
Sagepaw snorted. "Nice to see you can still find the bright side of all this, despite the situation. I-" the russet tom appeared to hesitate for a moment. Hollypaw noticed the pause and gazed at him questioningly. Sagepaw seemed slightly disconcerted to continue, but then cleared his throat and said, "I know he's been having trouble since we were kits, but was there anything in particular that happened lately to trigger something like this?"
Hollypaw shook her head, frustration evident in her features. "Not that I can tell," she replied. "I...I just hope it wasn't because of something I did. I can't help but wonder if its because I've been a bad friend somehow, that I've been neglectful and wasn't there for him when I should've been." She shook her head fitfully. "I don't know. There's just so much to take in right now and its all confusing."
In her mind it was completely plausible that something inadvertent on her part could've driven him away. At the very least being as preoccupied as she was lately with Falconpaw and the others, there was a good chance she'd been absent during a moment where he desperately could've used a confidant. The more she sat and mulled over it, she couldn't recall the last time she and Redpaw had actually even shared a word of greeting in passing to each other. Something as small as that could've made the difference between him being here and not out there somewhere.
She could spend all day speculating over the matter. The only thing truly for certain is Redpaw was most certainly gone.
"I doubt you have to worry," Sagepaw said. "If there's one cat in camp he wouldn't resent, it's definitely you. Honestly, I'm wondering if this has to do with something I might've said."
She swiveled on the russet tom instantly. "What do you mean? What did you do, Sagepaw?" she demanded.
"Calm down, I didn't do a thing to him," he retorted, crossly.
She had invaded the space between them, hovering a mere whiskers breath away from his face. The simmering boil of honey yellow challenged deep auburn. With a slight nudge, Sagepaw bopped Hollypaw back to her original place in the snow, releasing a long sigh of exasperation at the continued death glares she directed at him.
"At least give me a moment to finish first, okay? Afterwards you can try ripping my face off all you want, though I doubt you'll still want to." He took a moment to recollect himself, continuing then with, "About a few days or so ago we were out together collecting bedding for my father's nest when I remembered something I'd overheard him muttering earlier about Oakclaw. When I brought it up to Redpaw, he got really defensive about it."
Hollypaw eyed him dubiously. "What was it about?"
"His parents or more specifically his father, I guess. Apparently, from what my father said, Oakclaw wasn't too fond of him, and I found it weird that he would later go on to volunteer to mentor the kit of someone he disliked. Something like that is just odd."
Oakclaw. Hollypaw felt her insides squirm wildly. A low seething loathing bubbled just below the surface at just the thought of him. Now that Sagepaw mentioned the warrior's name, she couldn't recall having seen the colossus tabby around camp that day. Did he have something to do with Redpaw's abrupt disappearance?
Without realizing it, Hollypaw had unconsciously began gouging her paws deep into the snow, eyes narrowed. She hadn't forgotten the last interaction between Oakclaw and her. The near mocking, dismissive mood and tone he'd use to agitate her, as though lording over her, she kept those words etched on her heart as she along with Falconpaw and the others pushed for change within the Clans. She'd prove to him cats were truly capable of change.
That was just her own personal grudge against the warrior, however. Concerning Redpaw, she couldn't imagine what sort of vile rhetoric he'd used on the ginger tom. A memory of moons ago, one that felt like a lifetime now, was of their first day as apprentices and how she'd discovered Redpaw huddled alone within the den. At that time she'd managed to coax out of him the fact that Oakclaw had refused to mentor him until he answered some asinine riddle about the warrior code. Redpaw had persuaded her to let the issue go back then, but if she discovered the blithe tom had something to do with why Redpaw was missing, Hollypaw would do what she should've done the last time.
I don't have any poof, but if, just if, I find out you've done something to him I'll-.
"Say, how much do you know about Redpaw's family?" Sagepaw's voice slithered into her ears then, cutting off her line of thought. "Did he ever mention anything, even in passing?"
"Next to nothing. I know his mother passed away when we were kits, but that's about the extent of it."
Sagepaw glanced down at his paws, a look of contemplation taking precedence over his features. "That's about the same for me. I was hoping maybe there might be a connection there were aren't seeing. Maybe-."
"There you two are."
The two apprentices jumped, the sudden interjection of another voice having caught them both off guard. Whipping around, they were met with the windswept appearance of Roseblossom, Hollypaw's mentor.
"Has he been found?" Hollypaw inquired instantly, shoveling through clumps of snow to scramble to her paws. Hope bloomed in her chest as she stared expectantly at Roseblossom.
The she-cat gave a tired shake of her head. "He's long gone from here, but that's not why I'm here. The calls been made for all searching parties to return to camp. Come on, let's go."
"Go?" she exclaimed in outrage. "How? Redpaw's still out here!"
"I'm not in the mood to hear your backtalk, Hollypaw," Roseblossom replied steadily. "We've spent close to half a days worth of time, ignoring important things like hunting and risking other cats health in order to find him. We've done our part. It's time to head back to camp now."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. 'Ignoring important things'. Redpaw could possibly be submerged under snow right now in desperate need of their help, but Roseblossom was treating this more like a tedious assignment than search and rescue. He was a Clanmate!
"I'm not going," she boldly declared, standing her ground in the snow. "You may not care what happens to him, but I do."
Roseblossom's eyes flashed darkly. "This isn't me asking, Hollypaw, it's an order. Return to BoulderClan now or I'll be forced to speak with Crowstar and have you restricted to camp for the see-able future under constant watch."
Like that'll stop me, she thought, curling her lips back to retort when her sight was suddenly blocked by a wall of russet. He stared down at her, eyes pleading.
"Let's not fight now, Hollypaw."
She snorted disdainfully. "And since when are you the voice of reason, Sagebrain?"
"You can't look for Redpaw if you aren't allowed to leave camp, now are you, mousebrain!" he shot back. "Look," he whispered lowly then, "let's go back to camp for now and then later we'll head back out again to search. Deal?"
Every fiber of her being was yowling at that point, telling her under no uncertain terms were they just going to abandon Redpaw now. She'd keep searching till nightfall and beyond if that was what it took. However, the fervent glow in Sagepaw's gaze was giving her some pause. It would make things more difficult if she was essentially tethered to camp, and the best way to find Redpaw was with the least amount of resistance possible.
"What's it going to be, Hollypaw?" she heard Roseblossom ask from behind Sagepaw.
She cast one final look at Sagepaw. Fine then, she gruffly relented before marching pass to face the warrior again.
"Yes, Roseblossom, right away," she chanted, derisively. "I'll just do as you say, like the good little ol' apprentice I am."
The warrior gave her a sharp look, which she returned dourly. A taut tension bubbled just below the surface. Roseblossom looked away.
"Just head back to camp," muttered the warrior. She appeared absolutely drained.
With a hiss of contempt, Hollypaw began to walk when she noticed Sagepaw hadn't move. The russet tom appeared frozen in place, staring dazedly in awe, his gaze pointing northward. She followed his eyesight and froze as well, her eyes nearly bulging out of her head. Before them, speckled in layer of snowfall with stiff, frozen whiskers plastered to his face, there hovered a pale tom. And on his back lied the motionless form of a significantly smaller ginger cat.
"Oh, don't mind me," Oakclaw merrily mewed, his sing song voice somehow managing to cut straight through the wind. "I'm just passing through along on my way."
The moment Oakclaw came in, hauling your near lifeless carcass, I swore he'd killed you. You hung limply on his back, the bare depiction of death. As much as it sickens me to say now, it was probably the most frightened I'd ever been in my entire life up to that point, and somehow the most thankful.
They flooded into camp like a tide, Roseblossom and Sagepaw yowling and raising the alarm for any and all cats present to hear. Bringing in the rear of the group came Oakclaw flocked closely in tow by Hollypaw. Her eyesight was trained intently on the seemingly lifeless figure of Redpaw.
"Is Redpaw okay?" she demanded of the towering tabby.
"Jumping straight to the most important thing first, I see," Oakclaw replied, before playfully adding, "I'm doing okay myself, by the way."
She ignored his comment. "What happened to him; why'd he leave?" she pressed more fervently, steering the conversation directly back unto Redpaw.
"It's a private matter. One I'm not at any liberty to freely speak on."
"That's mousebile, and you know it!" she growled.
For a second, she thought she saw Oakclaw smirk. "Well, since you asked so nicely, it'd be difficult to say why in its whole totality, but if I had to guess, it's probably just a culmination of everything having finally added up."
"That's not telling me anything!"
"Of course not," he replied, and this time for certain she saw that he was indeed smirking.
You smug, conceited foxdung! Hollypaw snarled at him, reflexively unsheathing her claws, spitefully glowering at the tabby.
"Hollypaw, stop harassing Oakclaw!" Roseblossom jeered at her, having noticed the interaction. She strode swiftly between the two of them, meeting Hollypaw's glare with a hardline one of her own. "To. The. Apprentice. Den. Now." she thundered.
"It's quite all right, Roseblossom," Oakclaw lightly mewed from her side. "She's just concerned for her young friend's well-being; I take no offense."
Around them, the residents of BoulderClan had started to stir, the commotion in the center of camp having caught their attention. The most prominent of those being the BoulderClan leader himself Crowstar. He descended down from the highrock in one bounding leap, landing directly in the center of camp where Hollypaw and the others resided. His face stood impassive as he cast one long sweeping take over them before the brunt of his intense gaze solidified onto Oakclaw.
"What's his condition?" The warrior didn't directly specify who he was referring to, but the implication as to who was clear to everyone present.
Oakclaw briefly glanced at the bundle of ginger fur on his back. "He'll live," he stated, and Hollypaw felt a flood of relief wash over her. "He's also worked himself to exhaustion. Staying out in this weather and traveling as long as he did can't be well for his health."
With a single commanding flick of his tail, Crowstar pointed towards the mouth of the medicine den without ever once breaking eye contact.
"Take him to Juniperleaf immediately, and get yourself checked out as well. Once that's over with, I want you in my den, Oakclaw, and not a heartbeat later." Hollypaw noticed the vaguest underlining hint of something layered in the leader's voice.
Oakclaw nodded once. "Understood."
With that, he turned and headed directly for Juniperleaf's den, hunkering down to vanish a moment later into the mouth. Crowstar's eyes trailed after his retreating, and once gone, turned his attention back to the rest of the Clan.
"The rest of you back to your dens," he ordered. "This isn't the sort of weather to be mulling around outside for."
"Crowstar, sir, I-," Hollypaw began to speak.
"Not now, Hollypaw," he replied, cutting her off almost immediately. "There's a lot I have to tend to right now. You've had a long day of searching, and I'm sure Juniperleaf will take very good care of Redpaw. So try and go get some rest."
Not even giving her the opportunity to interject a word of her, the dark pelted leader then swung around to swiftly strode back through the crowd and up into his den, leaving Hollypaw alone in the now slowly being deserted remains of the camp.
She felt a nudge at her shoulder then and turned to see Sagepaw beside her. "Come on," he said. "There's not much we can do now."
Was that really true? Hollypaw glanced back at the mouth of the medicine den and then up to the perch where Crowstar's den resided. A thought began to form in her mind. No, this wasn't the end of what they could do. Although there was nothing that she could do for Redpaw while he lay under Juniperleaf's watch and care, she could get to the bottom of why this had even transpired from the beginning. If that tone she'd picked up on from Crowstar was anything to go off on, there was a lot to be learned.
She turned to Sagepaw with a glimmer in her eye. Upon noticing it the russet tom furiously began shaking his head in protest.
"I want no part in it. I don't know what it is, nor do I care. Count me out. I'm tired and I'm going to bed."
A few moments later, Sagepaw was sulkily hovered next to her underneath the ledge to Crowstar's den, glaring vehemently at her. Hollypaw ignored the stare, focusing her attention on the mouth to the medicine den.
"We're gonna get caught, I already see it happening," he was muttering under his breath. "I can't believe you're actually doing this. Crowstar's gonna kill us for this."
Hollypaw turned and shushed him. "We won't get caught as long as you remember to shut up, Sagepaw."
He didn't have to tell her the consequences for what would happen if they got caught. She was willing to risk that if it gave her the information she desperately craved. As far as she was concerned, the warriors of BoulderClan had gone long enough hording secrets to themselves. It was time they shared, whether it be willingly or not.
Time ticked by as they sat in silence, awaiting Oakclaw's arrival. The wind had finally settled some. No longer was it blowing so wildly uncontested throughout the forest and camp. Even the snowfall had started to recede in volume, though this ultimately did nothing to reduce the wintry chill of weather, which would cause Hollypaw to involuntarily shiver from time to time.
Hopefully things to expedite themselves soon. As much as she wanted to know the intimate details of the conversation between Crowstar and Oakclaw, she also would rather avoid getting sick. As if somehow reading her mind right then, the hulking figure of Oakclaw materialized at the entrance to the medicine den.
Hollypaw sat up erect and engaged, stoically trailing the tabby's path across the camp towards their direction. She held her breath as Oakclaw paused at the bottom of the ledge. Beside her she felt Sagepaw's body stiffen as well. Hollypaw sat and watched as Oakclaw tilted his head slightly back, casting his gaze upwards towards the cloying haze that was the sky. He remained there, stationary and silent, as though drinking in the sights.
Will you just hurry up and go! Hollypaw desperately fought the urge to stop herself from blurting this out loud. For stars sake, he was literally doing nothing but waste time.
Seemingly to have gotten his fill, Oakclaw realigned his sights onto Crowstar's den and then slowly began his ascent up the ledge, leading inside. There was a sizable creak as the weight from Oakclaw's body entered.
Hollypaw turned to Sagepaw instantly, dropping her voice to a low whisper, quickly saying, "Come on, now's our chance."
The russet tom glanced anxiously above them before back at her. "I don't know, Hollypaw. This really seems like a bad idea the more I think about it."
"Suit yourself, then," she replied, having already slunk out into the open. "I'll just do it myself."
Sagepaw or not, now that she'd come this far there was nothing that was going to dissuade her from this. She exhaled slowly to steady her nerves before slipping low into a deep crouch. With a measured practice, she began methodically prowling her way up, taking time in-between to quickly scan around behind her. Thankfully, the Clan had bade Crowstar's command and the camp was scarce of any life. There was no obstacles stopping from preventing her from moving ahead further.
Drawing closer, a small chattering of words could barely be made out emanating from the den. Hollypaw strained her ears in a effort to gain a more coherent hearing, but it mostly came back muffled. The only way to actually hear more would mean risking it by getting even closer.
Hollypaw slunk down even lower, hoping somehow that doing so would help her blend in more, and drew further up the ledge until she was only a few cats heads away from poking her own head into Crowstar's den.
"Not to worry, its been resolved," she heard Oakclaw's light and airy voice replying to something.
"I'm going to need more than that," came the resonate, urbane tone of the BoulderClan leader's commanding voice. "You have a lot to answer for with what's occurred. I have neither the patience nor the want to entertain your vague and noncommittal responses. You endangered the life of one of my cats. Worst of all, it was a apprentice, and not just any apprentice. Do you have any idea what he's had to endure to make it this far?"
"Better than anyone. I'm his mentor."
"And that's the problem!" Crowstar snarled. The fur along Hollypaw's spine rose at the sheer ferocity of it. She'd never heard such a verbose and intense response from him, the power of it having reverberated throughout the den and out to where she lay crouched in stealth.
"Mentors don't do what you did, Oakclaw," Crowstar's vivacious voice continued. "Mentors teach, aide, and lead by example. They don't intentionally antagonize their pupil. They protect and help nurture their talents, not ignore and silently ridicule them for having emotions. You have emotions, Oakclaw. Regardless of how much you like to pretend as though you don't. You experience pain and joy regularly just as the rest of us do. There's nothing weak or misguided about being able to do so. And Redpaw isn't some play thing. Nor is he a tool. You're too smart to believe something so mousebrained, which is why it's so infuriating whenever I hear you say it."
Hollypaw could feel herself physically reeling back from the tirade of words that had spilled from the great leader's mouth. This certainly was not what she expecting! Her thoughts ran frantic with the information. Was Crowstar accusing Oakclaw of being the reason Redpaw had disappeared? Had he done something to bully and shun him into running away?
There was a shift of movement behind her, and she darted her head back to find Sagepaw a few steps behind her, eyes wide as two full moons. He'd caught Crowstar's words as well.
She refocused her attention back on the conversation, wondering briefly if she dared trying to catch a peek at the two toms inside. It was one thing to hear this being said to Oakclaw, but she wanted to see the tabby's reaction. Just as she was debating over whether to risk it or not, Crowstar began speaking again, and what he uttered next made her heart skip a beat.
"He idolizes you."
There was pause, wherein several heartbeats passed by before, in an oddly neutral tone, Oakclaw said, "So I've heard."
There was a sharp sigh of frustration then, one she assumed came from Crowstar.
"You don't get it, do you?" the leader said. "I was the one here listening to him brokenly rant after you'd left. The only thing he talked about was you, Oakclaw. He's obsessed with wanting to please you, wanting to feel like some portion of all his hard-work is getting through to you. He wants your acknowledgment. I was hoping being together would've done you some good and open the two of you up to one another."
"With all due respect intended, Crowstar, it is my duty as a mentor to train Redpaw, not befriend him. And despite your accusations, I've more than fulfilled that duty so far. He's excelled well pass the scrawny cat that stood before you during that fateful ceremony. He has a definitive passion and drive now for this Clan and himself, something he most certainly lacked before. Don't allow this little mishap to dissuade you from that."
"'little mishap'?" Crowstar's growled in disbelief. "I can't- you.." there was a sudden sound of thudding pawsteps, as though Crowstar had started pacing the room. "This is what I'm talking about. That, right there, is the mentality I have an issue with, Oakclaw. You're a great asset to this Clan, near irreplaceable. You've been an incredible help around the Clan since Brackentail's injury, and I couldn't envision things as they are now without your contribution. But, and there is a but, Oakclaw, you make it extremely difficult with statements such as that. This isn't some minor incident. Redpaw could've died."
"I'm well aware of that fact, which is why I originally went after him in the first place. There's no reason for him to perish in such a manner."
Silence enveloped the den then.
"Is that the only reason you went after him?" came a soft whisper from Crowstar. "Was there nothing else that made you go?"
"You're confusing my reason for some hidden intent," Oakclaw mewed lightly. "I had no ulterior motives outside of rescuing a Clanmate."
There came a heave of another sigh from Crowstar. "Cedarshade wouldn't want this happening, you know."
Cedarshade? Hollypaw and Sagepaw traded alarmed looks. What did Redpaw's mother have to do with this?
Oakclaw's tone was dismissive and carefree. "And why should I give any credence to the feelings of a dead cat?"
"You know exactly why!" Crowstar responded. Another sharp thud came from the den, giving the impression he'd just slammed his paw down. "We both know exactly why, and stop speaking in that ludicrous tone. I've known you since you were an apprentice, for stars sake. You don't naturally speak that way. You – what? What is it now?"
A mysterious hush fell over the den. It was sudden, as though some foreign force invaded and then sucked all the sound out of the area. Hollypaw strained her eyes to peer inside. The silence had to be due to something happening in the den. All she needed to see was to get a bit clos-.
"It seems we'll have to postpone this enchanting chat of ours for a later time, Crowstar," Oakclaw's voice carried from out the den. "Apparently, there are apprentices in this Clan who find it appropriate to eavesdrop on private conversations."
Hollypaw stiffened immediately. Foxdung! She angrily cursed, realizing at once that they'd been caught. Besides her Sagepaw appeared equally as mortified, if not more. The accusation and reveal had come so swiftly and direct from Oakclaw that the two of them barely knew how to react.
"I knew this would happen," Sagepaw groaned, gruffly climbing to his paws. "Time to die then, I guess."
Rising to her paws as well, Hollypaw bared her fangs challengingly. "You can go die if you want, but I'm not going down without a fight."
Donning a mask of stone, she marched into the den, coming to a halt before the two towering toms, glaring boldly at them both.
"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," Oakclaw said upon seeing her. "But you, Sagepaw," he mewed, swiveling his head to view the other apprentice, "you're not the type to skulk around."
"Sorry!" he mewed, dipping his head so low to the floor that the tip of his nose touched it.
Hollypaw didn't dip her head. The tortoiseshell she-cat wasn't sorry for what she'd done, nor would she ever pretend to be. Still, this didn't help make her feel anymore confident when faced with the smoldering dark gaze of Crowstar.
The dark gray tom's voice was incredibly taut with repressed rage as he addressed them. "Hollypaw, Sagepaw, what's the meaning of this? Didn't I give a clear order for you and everyone else to head to your dens?"
The intensity of his gaze engulfed her. Being reprimanded wasn't new. She'd endured her fair share of disciplinary scoldings from several warriors, but never one with the level of clout or aura that Crowstar carried. For a moment she hesitated to speak.
Go! She urged herself on. Speak up for yourself. Don't just sit there like a clueless kit!
"I- I couldn't just go back to my den after seeing Redpaw like that!" she blurted out, causing Crowstar's face to flicker with surprise. "I need to know what's been happening with him. Did he actually try to runaway, and if he did is it really Oakclaw's fault?" She glared at the massive tabby then, her spite filled gaze intently upon him. "I swear if he's hurt because of you I'll-."
"You'll do what, dear Hollypaw? Snarl and huff at me like earlier?" Oakclaw replied, faintly smirking at her, as though in challenge.
Her hackles rose. "I'll do more than that, you filthy-."
"Hey, Hollypaw, maybe not threaten a warrior in front of the leader!" Sagepaw growled, pushing her away from Oakclaw.
She made to bowl him out of her way, but the russet apprentice held firm in his place, continuing to act as a barrier between her and Oakclaw. Sagepaw's size wasn't just for show. Underneath all the fur was stout and heavily refined muscle made for occasions such as this.
"Stop!" Crowstar's brisk voice crackled through the air like thunder.
Heaving and with a snort afterwards, Hollypaw fell back, ceasing her attempts at trying to get pass Sagepaw. She sat silently fuming, glaring at the pale warrior who stared back with a mildly curious expression on his face. Sagepaw released a deep sigh of relief, slightly shaking his head.
Crowstar glared at her. "I can't believe the behavior I'm witnessing out of you, right now. Regardless of your reputation in camp, I know for a fact you're usually more level headed than this."
He was right of course, though it wasn't something she was willing to admit right then. Oakclaw's mere presence was enough to infuriate her. It didn't help matters that she already couldn't stand him since they'd been apprenticed.
The BoulderClan leader continued looking at her fitful demeanor before sighing resignedly. "I'll get to your punishments in a moment, but first I much ask how genuine you were being earlier. Did you really sneak up here just to find out more about Redpaw?"
"Of course!" she said. "He's my friend. Anything that involves him involves me."
He quietly studied her expression before swinging his gaze over onto Sagepaw. "And you, Sagepaw? Do you feel the same as Hollypaw here?"
His eyes widened at suddenly being put on the spot. Sagepaw slightly fidgeted, averting his gaze to the floor and scuffling his paws.
"I guess so," he murmured, refusing to look up.
Crowstar's gaze darted between the two of them. There was a prolonged pause wherein the great leader appeared to consider something.
"I want you both to listen very carefully to what I'm about to say," he uttered steadily. The expression upon his face was one of complete seriousness. "To understand why he left, you first need to know something very important about Redpaw and his past."
"Do you think that's wise?" Oakclaw suddenly inquired. "By your own decree, you thought apprentices shouldn't have to know about that."
Hollypaw perked up at this. "What does he mean?"
Her question went unanswered, however, as Oakclaw and Crowstar continued to stare at each other.
"There's no need to worry, Oakclaw," Crowstar mewed. "I'll only tell enough to give them a solid idea of what their young friend has had to shoulder alone."
"Is...is this about the thing at the apprentice ceremony?" Sagepaw hesitantly asked.
Three different sets of eyes stared at him then, and the russet tom's fur bristled under the overwhelming attention.
"You're on the right path there," Crowstar slowly responded. "What occurred then has a lot to do with what I'm about to tell you. I believe that day, you yourself Hollypaw, said that you all deserved to know why the older members of the Clan behaved the way they did towards Redpaw. For a long time since then, I've contemplated if ever a time would be appropriate. For now at least, I feel the two of you, who are probably the closest to Redpaw of any of the younger cats, will suffice for now. Red-."
"Redpaw's had a very interesting past couple of days, you see," Oakclaw interjected. "A significant chunk of it concerns something that I told him moons ago would severely alienate him if he went poking his nose into it. And apparently," he said, glancing in Crowstar's direction, "someone told him, which in turn made Redpaw leave."
"You're undermining the portion you've played into that," Crowstar replied, sternly. "The only reason Redpaw was even in my den yesterday was entirely because of you."
"Yes, of course, but he was still here, despite that."
"Will you get on with it!" Hollypaw snapped.
The two warriors cast stray glances in the others direction before Crowstar refocused his the brunt of his gaze upon Hollypaw and Sagepaw.
"There was an incident long ago, before any of you were born and your parents were no more than apprentices or young warriors themselves, that tore the very foundation of BoulderClan apart. It nearly halved our population by its original size and left the remaining half in disarray. The thing many of the Clan point to as the cause of it all was a strange loner discovered collapsed in our territory that was allowed in. Though there was never a confirmation of this fact, we've all been led to believe that the cat in question is Redpaw's father, and many fear that Redpaw may possibly be in possession of the same devastating ability that his father supposedly used to ruin us before. In reaction, they've chosen to mostly shun-."
"That's the most mousebrained thing I've ever heard in my life!" Hollypaw yowled out in fury. "Punishing someone for the actions of another? Please tell me you don't actually believe in something so moronic!"
"No, I don't. But fear is a very powerful thing, Hollypaw, and once you've witnessed something as traumatic as the rest of them did, you'd understand why. That isn't to excuse their behavior, wrong is wrong, but even today when I gave the order to send out search parties to find Redpaw, did you notice how none of the warriors wanted to look alone or search in groups no smaller than four? Even after all this time with no incidents or trouble involving Redpaw, they're still fearful."
"What in the stars could have happened that would make a bunch of mousebrained, old cats scared of an apprentice?" she inquired intently. "He's not some sort of monster. There's nothing he's capable of that any of the rest of us aren't, so what? What is it that you're all so frightened of that he might do?"
"I'm afraid that's more than I'm comfortable with divulging," Crowstar replied regretfully.
Her blood flared. It took everything in her being then to slowly and ardently resist the temptation to yowl her lungs out to the heavens and demand Crowstar tell her everything or nothing at all. Incensed as she was, Hollypaw still had enough common sense to know not to order the leader to do anything. Things wouldn't go well in her favor.
Still, it didn't make matters any less frustrating. She'd known Redpaw since their time in the nursery and there wasn't a hint of danger about him, but his entire life had been dictated by this one thing that didn't even concern him.
Now that Crowstar properly drew her attention to it, though. she guess there always had been this odd weariness about the warriors and elders whenever Redpaw was around. Today, when assigning groups of cats, she and Sagepaw had been the only ones willing to search off on their own while the rest flocked together in large groups. Did they truly believe that much precaution was needed to look for one cat?
Something occurred to her then, and she turned to Oakclaw. "You went out alone and found Redpaw by yourself. You don't believe it either then, do you? You know Redpaw is harmless."
Her thoughts began to race as she drew further into her mind. So what made Oakclaw different from them? He even offered to mentor Redpaw when everyone else had refused. What was his reasoning behind it?
She looked to the tabby for some sort of confirmation, but Oakclaw remained oddly silent. His attention wasn't even on her, having drifted to staring at the roof of the den aimlessly. She was being ignored.
Act that way then. If you both want to deny me answers, I'll just have to search for them elsewhere.
"It's getting late," Crowstar said. "I don't think I have to tell you two that what was discussed inside this den doesn't leave it." She and Sagepaw nodded in tandem, though her's was slightly less willful. "Head back to your nests and get some rest. And I mean it this time," he added, giving them both a hard glare. "I'm not sure how long Redpaw will be out of commission, but I'm entrusting you two to be there for him."
They departed the den in silence. Hollypaw was consumed in her own thoughts while Sagepaw looked similarly contemplative. They'd simultaneously been told a lot and nothing at all at the same time. Some great tragedy had occurred that involved Redpaw's father, a cat that was foreign to all of them. Whatever it was he'd done, it was substantial enough that the fear carried over to his son.
"I wonder if it's the same for him?" Sagepaw murmured, staring forward.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Doing your all to stand out on your own, but only being seen as the reflection of someone else. That's how its always been for me with my father. To the Clan I'm just the deputy's son, the spitting image of Brackentail. When they look at me they see promised potential for good, but when they look at him it's the exact opposite. For me, it's always been, can I live up to the expectation? With him, I wonder if it's, I'll never shake the comparison?"
Hollypaw registered his words in silence. She thought about how all this time Redpaw had walked amongst them withholding stuff like this. Even though they were friends, she never once tried to pry more than he would let her, but now she knew for sure that she should have from the very start. It might've saved him some pain.
They drifted into the apprentice den together and retired to their respective nests. Hollypaw found she couldn't rest, however. Too much about what she and Sagepaw had overheard and been told was disrupting any sort of sleep she could've gotten. There was a tingling in her paws, as though her body was telling her what needed to be done.
Allowing some time to transpire by, she arose for her nest and silently slid her way back outside. Sticking close to the shadows of the camp, she wiggled her way through a groove in the back of the Clan's defenses, and out into the chill night of Leafbare.
The chances of anyone being out at the exchange spot were minuscule in this weather, but she couldn't rest unless she checked for herself. She traveled all the way to the border separating BoulderClan from CloudClan and followed along it westward.
She traveled for a sometime until coming up upon a felled, hollow log that resided between the two territories. She slowly came upon it and reached out with her right paw to quickly tap against it three times in rapid successions. Afterwards, she crouched and then listened.
There was nothing but silence before a sudden, tap, tap, tap, responded in earnest. The signal given, Hollypaw tread over onto the CloudClan side, rounding the side of the log to find a short haired, pure as the snow beneath them, towering she-cat.
Surprised flickered in her eyes as they took in Hollypaw's appearance. "I wasn't expecting to see you out here tonight," she said. "We don't get together for another two nights from now, right?"
Hollypaw nodded. "That's right, Whitepaw. I took a chance tonight and hoped I find one of you guys out here at the exchange spot."
"Lucky you for then I have trouble sleeping when it's cold. So, what's up? Falconpaw got a message for us?"
"Not from him, no, but I do need you to do something. Spread the message as far and wide to as many of our members as possible. I want to know every bit of information you can uncover about an incident that occurred in BoulderClan some twenty moons ago, as well as anything you can discover about the warrior Oakclaw."
I was done being kept in the dark. Secrets and old traditions had held sway over our lives for far too long. At the time, I was probably too naive to see what digging up those buried secrets would ultimately lead to, but it was always meant to serve a better cause. I just wish I'd known it'd have the inverse impact with you.