Disclaimers: As much as I may want to claim ownership of this famous series, I can't because both Harry Potter and Creepypasta belongs to a whole lot of different companies that I can't remember the names of at the moment. Any characters that appear in this fic that is not a part of the original series, belong to me so don't take them without asking first.
Word Count: 1,345
Marriage Law Rejection Letters
Letter #84
Submitted By: Lunarwolf11021
===============================
Dear Ministry of idiotic magical victims,
I am not amused by your attempts to take Rosa away from us. She is one of the few 'sane' members of our group not to mention someone that knows how to enjoy a good cup of tea. Adding on to it, she can keep Zalgo from fucking with my people which means there is no way in any level of hell or the pit you're getting anywhere near her. I am tired of dealing with him on more than a monthly basis. Here are the other reasons we will not be allowing you to take her:
1) She is the only one able to keep the likes of Laughing Jack from going overboard. Considering the fact Laughing Jack is an Angelic gift gone wrong that got turned into an entity of chaos, she is the only one able to do that on a consistent basis.
2) She is a sister/mother figure to many diffrent Pasta's and none of them are willing to give her up just because you're less than productive species is going extinct. A few of them have caused the extinction of quite a few diffrent species.
3) She is one of the few that can actually cook a decent meal for everyone. Considering most of us have trouble doing more than boiling water outside of a few things we use on our victims and a few that can't even boil water, no one wants to go back to getting take-out constantly.
4) Rosa is soulbound to Candy Pop. Do you really want to fight with an incubus that has been around for almost two thousand years? You will lose and lose badly.
I could add more, but there are others that wish to say something.
The Slenderman
The Operator and Watcher Of The Ark.
Are you fucking idiots? She's the only non-game glitch Creepypasta that can keep up with us!
-Ben Drowned written in Sharpy
She's the only one that can keep up with my pranks and give me new ideas! No way am I giving up my favorite pranking buddy
-Laughing Jack written in Blood.
She is going nowhere near you magical regects
-Splendorman
Dear magical simpletons,
The only reason I'm not coming to kill you is because my lover asked me not to. If you keep pushing, I will come over there and rip you all to pieces.
CanyPop
Dear Magicals,
You will not be taking the one girl that my brother can actually stand to be around that is tolerable. Adding on, I am waiting eagerly for when they finally start having kids.
Candy Cane
Dear Ministry,
Really? You're not only attempting to take me away from my new family, but insulting Poppy by saying our bond is fake? You can't fake soulbonds you idiots! Ask the damn goblins. As for attempting to pair me with Ron? Are you idiots? He'll be dead before he can even think about trying to touch me. If you keep attempting to drag me back to that creator forsaken crap hole, I will enact a barrier that kills all magicals over the age of eleven that is not a muggleborn. Before you start saying that I can't do something like that, you should know that the Ark has a library filled with books on every magical subject since the beginning of time. I have to say, Merlin was one evil fucking bastard. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be spending time with my SOULMATE that will include being fucked into unconsciousness multiple times.
Goodbye it was not a pleasure,
Lady Rosa Lumire Potter-Black.
(Ministry Of Magic, London)
A very tired Auror coming off of working the nightshift patroling Diagon Alley entered the Ministry with the intent to get his report in and head home for some much needed rest. He didn't think much of the fact that he didn't encounter anyone since it was so early. It wasn't until he had almost reached the atrium that he realized something was wrong.
The air seemed colder than normal even for winter and the scent of something terribly sweet reached his nose. As he started to get closer, he noticed that there was something under the sweet scent. It was something that reminded him of copper mixed with the scent of shit. Wondering if some idiots had dropped a dung bomb, he strode into the atrium intent of scolding someone only to freeze.
All of the Aurors and hitwizards that had been sent to apprehend Potter were strung around the atrium like demented party decorations. All of them were lacking a majority of their organs which had been used to further create the image of a demented party. Each had been killed in various way with a few of them lacking a head or one that had clearly been bludguned with a heavy object multiple times. The sweet scent was coming from a few bodies stuffed to the brim with black and white candies.
The Auror didn't bother attempting to keep his breakfast as the sight was far too terrible. He stiffened as he felt a hand on his and turned his head to find a bloodstained child staring up at him with glowing green eyes. The extreamly disturbing part was that it looked like she was bleeding from a head wound of some sort.
The child smiled wildly at him, "Hi! I'm going to play with you!"
(An Hour Later)
Rosa walked into the ministry building and clucked her tongue at the sight of so many bodies. She saw Sally standing over a freshly killed corpse and said, "Sally, where are the others?"
"Mama Rose!" Sally darted over to her and hugged Rosa, "They're setting up gifts."
"I see," Rosa bent down to pick up the blood drenched child, "And you guys had Poppy distract me so you could do this?"
Sally nodded with a light hum as the raspy voice of Laughing Jack sounded, "Can ya blame us, Kit?"
"Nope, but we really should get going," Rosa smiled as she saw everyone that regularly lived at the mansion show up covered in blood, "I'm planning on making a big meal for everyone since the brothers and so many others are coming for the big party tonight. I need you guys to set things up for me."
They nodded and started to leave only for Toby to shout, "W-wait! We forgot to leave the letter!"
The letter was removed from Jeff's hoodie and stuck in plane view on the statue in the center of the atrium before the group left.
Rosa only paused long enough to leave the Operator's symbol painted in blood on the walls that weren't already covered.
(Hours Later)
Pansy looked at the scene before her in horror and swallowed thickly as she heard someone ask, "W-what do we do?"
"All missions to retrieve Potter or any requiring contact with the Creepypastas are hereby no longer accepted," Pansy struggled to keep her tone even, "Please take down the bodies and inform their families of what happened. I want the wizarding world to know that going after Potter is not an option."
Author's Notes:
This latest Marriage Law Rejection Letter update was recently submitted to my review box by Lunarwolf11021. Thanks for the submission. If anyone else has any letters they want to submit, feel free to send them in. lol