Seeing Worth, a detective conan/case closed fanfic

The kiss soon becomes the only thing that Ran can feel, even when hands start to tug on her clothes and breasts press against hers. Shinichi never kissed me like this, she thinks but the words do not linger and no sound is louder than her own breathing. Her world has become nothing more than Shiho's lips on hers and for now, it is all that matters.

But Shiho pulls away all too soon, her face broken into a harsh exhale, teal eyes turned black by an expression Ran cannot read. One brow is raised in question as she feels fingers tighten on her arm. Ran finds that she cannot look away from her gaze, her hand moving on its own as though entranced. Her fingers touch the top of Shiho's brown curls, trails her touch downwards as she strokes the flushed cheeks. Shiho must have been as affected as she is because she closes her eyes and leans to her.

Ran tugs her closer, this time her heart beating louder than her own breathing. The second kiss is more calculated, intentional and Shiho starts to move her lips against her. Her tongue prods and Ran opens her mouth for her.

Ran moves her hands lower, placing them on Shiho's lips. She feels the other woman shiver beneath her, even through the multiple layers of clothing she wears within her office. Her fingers move to their own accord, slowly trailing higher and higher again before Shiho puts all of her strength and reverses their position without breaking the kiss.

Something clatters from the tabletop and distantly, Ran knows it must be one of the flasks Shiho had been cleaning when she came here. The sound reminds her of the clinking of glasses, like those that you hear from a wedding, when the guests want to see the groom kiss the bride one more time.

Shinichi never kissed me like this.

It is louder this time and so, Ran abruptly wrenches away. She takes a few steps back, only stopping when she hits the other table. She hears Shiho's heavy breaths and can almost feel the trembling but Ran does not attempt to look because she does not know if she can.

"Oh, Shinichi." She moans, covering her face with her hands. She feels tears leaking out of the gaps. "How could we…?"

"This is a mistake." Shiho drawls. Ran feels fingers reaching to pry her hand off her hand. When she sees Shiho's face again, Ran thinks that she has not seen her so gentle until now. "You're getting married in a week."

"And you don't think I've realized that?" she snaps and she sees Shiho flinch but her only response is a look of guilt on her face. "I have to go."

"Wait." Shiho catches her wrist and Ran hears more than sees the desperation in her face. "This… does not change things between us, right?"

The tentative friendship they have established within the last few weeks since she has been back in their lives seems to be an old memory now. Shiho's grip tightens as she waits for her answer. Ran tries not to think of the other woman's lips and the way she felt when it was pressed on hers.

Ran shrugs herself free and bolts from the lab and out onto the street, the sunshine bathing Beika a stark contrast to the storm that she feels inside her.

….

Two months ago…

"I'm sorry I cannot come with you." She heard shuffling on the other line and she imagined her fiancé stepping out of the crime scene perimeter with a hand covering his handset. The receiver picked up sounds other than Shinichi's words. She thought she heard Takaji-keiji exclaim something. "I would love to have been there when you meet each other again."

"Oh. Don't worry about it. I'm sure Ai-chan… Shiho-san… I mean, we go way back. There is no need for an introduction." She felt herself frown thoughtfully. "Although how come I'm only meeting her again several weeks before our wedding?"

She attempted to silence Sonoko's voice and her suspicious mumbling in her head to no avail, remembering those nights she found Shinichi awake and on his phone, exchanging messages with a woman she only knew to be a child that barely could reach her waist. But the way Shinichi scoffed on the phone made lingering thoughts of an affair vanish in a puff of smoke. "Maybe I am scared of her telling you embarrassing stories about me." He joked. Ran felt herself smile.

"From what I remember of Ai… Shiho-san, she probably will."

"Yeah, I'm sure. But Haibara… Shiho… had immediately flown abroad when the Organization fell and when she finished whatever degree she pursued, she started to work for the FBI. When she finally moved back here again a couple of weeks ago, she had been too busy settling down in her new job that it took most of her time and when things started to quiet down, we were in too deep in the wedding preparations…"

"Except, it was me who did all the preparations and you were in your cases the entire time."

"Well, yeah about that…" She could almost see Shinichi sheepishly rub the back of his neck. Ran almost felt sorry for springing that one up to him. Almost. "Hattori and I will meet up for the fitting of his best man suit. I have convinced him against wearing a yukata at our wedding but the stag party would be a hard case to crack. Does Sonoko have any plans for a bridal shower?"

"I am sure she does. I will hear it later during the bridesmaid fitting." A chuckle. "And most likely will attempt to convince her to tone It down a notch."

"Good luck with that." She heard him say something to someone and Ran knew this call phone call would draw to a close soon. She is just glad that Shinichi has now taken to calling her when something comes up, instead of merely disappearing like her used to. "Good luck with Shiho too. I'm sure you will have a lot of fun with her around."

"I'm sure I will."

…

Sonoko was enthusiastically saying something from the changing room but Ran had no ear to spare when her eyes were glued to her phone.

Mouri-san. Apologies for the short notice. I may be running late. Please proceed without me.

Sonoko's head peered from between the curtains, her friend's face flushed from exertion. "I don't understand why she had to be one of your bride's maids." She remarked as she went back inside to straighten her gown. Her voice carried on the partition when she continued on. "I mean, it is not like you two are friends. You haven't even seen each other in five years…"

Sonoko trailed off, emerging again from the curtains with a raised eyebrow. "She is Shinichi's best friend." Ran replied, relieved that Shiho-san was busy now and would not be subject to Sonoko's hostility. "Besides, I was the one who offered. She was the one who brought Shinichi back to me. She deserved to be with us on that day just like everybody else."

If she had been a few years younger, she might not have considered the idea. Miyano Shiho was a figure of mystery, the one woman who could bring something in Shinichi that Ran could not even see between them. But she was not that teenage girl anymore and she could see that although Shinichi thought the world of Shiho, they had become nothing more than extremely good friends.

"If you say so…" Sonoko sing-songed as she yanked the curtains open, showing off the off-shoulder pink dress that Ran had commissioned for her maid-of-honor. "How do I look?"

She thought her bestfriend looked beautiful and she said so. Ran could not wait to see her dab her tears as Ran walks down the aisle.

…

Shiho arrived hours later just as Sonoko was called for a staff meeting in Suzuki Corp. For the second time of the day, Ran was met with an apology that she had to be left alone with Miyano Shiho.

The apologies had been unnecessary. The tall woman looking expectantly at Ran seemed friendly, teal-colored eyes filled with warmth and soft auburn curls falling gracefully to her shoulders. She was dressed in warm but comfortable clothes, the Burberry coat draping her looking like it was made for her. Ai-chan had been a pretty little girl. It was no surprise then that Miyano Shiho would turn out to fulfill the promise of beauty she had as a child.

"I—" Ran had no idea what robbed her of her words. She had practiced her greeting in the last two hours that she waited in the dress shop."Shiho-san." She settled, going for a bright smile.

Shiho nodded in acknowledgement but despite the warmth exuding in her eyes, it was stiff and formal. Ran shifted. "Mouri-san." She greeted, bowing. "I apologize for being late. Someone pesky called in a favor and I had to give him back the results immediately."

"It's no problem. I did not catch you a bad time, did I?"

"If anything, I was the one who imposed too much." Shiho said. "Would you allow me to make it up to you after this? Or are you still going somewhere?"

"I have to go to the florist to choose the flowers."

"Then we can go there before we can go eat somewhere."

Ran had always gotten along well with Shinichi's friends and she had fully expected to have a similar dynamic with Miyano Shiho. She did seem to make an effort too, if her invitation for dinner was of any indication, Ran deduced that Shinichi may have a hand in this. Shiho may have thought the world of Shinichi too.

She was quiet, sophisticated and every bit like the Ai-chan she knew, except, it no longer felt out of place. Shiho wore the bridesmaid dress like a second skin and the compliment that came pouring out of her mouth did not feel one bit like how she said it to Sonoko, even when they were the same words.

"Yellow roses?" Shiho cocked her head to one side, looking over the catalogue with a curious expression. Ran suddenly felt self-conscious of her choice, even as the florist looked at her with no discernible judgment. "Yellow roses represent friendship."

"Well," she reasoned. "Shinichi is my bestfriend."

Ran tries to not think about the fact that Shiho is Shinichi's bestfriend too and yet, they are not getting married.

…

A month and a half before the wedding

Heiji's stag party and Sonoko's bridal shower somehow had morphed together into a dinner party between friends after much prompting from the engaged couple to keep things low-key and so Ran finds herself seated between three sets of couples and Miyano Shiho.

"I fully expected you to bring that police officer guy here, Shiho-tan" began Heiji, face flushed from the beer he had been chugging non-stop the entire night. His Kansai accent was more apparent in drunkenness. "I did see him being chummy around you in the HQ. Did you finally give him the lunch date he had been asking for since he came?"

Ran leaned forward, unsure why she was suddenly interested. "Do you have a boyfriend, Shiho-san?" She cringed at the false tilt in her voice.

Their dinner on the first day they met again was nothing short of awkward and Ran partially credits her own jitteriness for it. Since then, Shiho had been nothing more than polite and civil to her. Ran had been looking forward to this dinner party mostly because she thought it would be a chance to get to know the other woman better. She was Shinichi's best friend and she would be one of her bride's maids. Besides those two reasons, Ran was not entirely sure why she wanted Shiho to like her so badly.

Shinichi was laughing. "I doubt anyone is ever good enough for Miyano Shiho." It might be the beer and tipsiness brought by the alcohol but Ran heard a note of wistfulness from the way Shinichi said that which spoke more about the way he stayed past his bedtime to chat with someone than his words ever did.

Shiho scoffed. "I just haven't met the right one yet." she responded, earning a triumphant, teasing grin from Shinichi.

….

…

They were halfway into a drinking game when Ran noticed that Shiho had disappeared. Shinichi and the others were all too drunk to look for her and so Ran sprang up from her seat, because the thought of the other woman leaving without saying goodbye makes Ran strangely uncomfortable.

She managed to locate her at the Kudo mansion's library, perusing a dog-eared book that Ran immediately recognized as Shinichi's copy of The Hound of the Baskervilles. Around her were mountains of case files stacked around haphazardly. It was the most well-used out of all the rooms in the mansion. Ran would be the last to claim any deductive skills within the room but even she could see that.

"You should have a bed over here." Shiho began drily, pointing at the space on the floor that were not conquered by books. "In the event that you kick him out. The couch can be uncomfortable."

Ran smiled, finally hearing the sarcasm Shinichi had not shut up about whenever the topic of his erstwhile best friend was brought up. "It does sound like you know him well enough."

"It looks like you did consider that."

"He already spends a lot of time here as it stands now. I know him. I am getting married to him, after all." Ran shrugged. "It is the next logical thing to do, Shiho-san."

For several beats, Shiho was silent as she continued to peruse the pages of the old book. Ran was about to tell her that she had to get back to the living room when Shiho eventually started again. "I never thought this day would come."

"This day?" Ran prompted in confusion.

She was answered by a stiff nod. "I never thought this wedding would actually happen. Kudo and I… we talk a lot. I never met anyone so enamored with mysteries and puzzles, even Hattori-kun could not hold a candle against him. I once asked him what he could not live this world without, he had responded 'mysteries'." A snort. Ran realized that Shiho had not been as impervious as she made it seem to the alcohol and it made her a talkative drunk. "It was ridiculous but I knew then that unless he changes that, his priorities will always be turned the other way."

"I know." uttered Ran. She could not look at Shiho anymore because it was true. Shinichi and her had only slept together twice this year and the number of dates they had fell into that digit. It was really none of Shiho's concern on how they chose to go with their relationship and yet Ran could not stop herself from recalling all those times she felt like Shinichi was doing all these simply because he was expected to.

"I just think you deserve more than a man who have his heart divided in two." It was a strange thing to say and Ran has an inkling that Shiho was not solely referring to the cases anymore.

Ran finally looked back at Shiho. This time, she saw the unusual redness on her face and her unfocused gaze. It was an unusual look on her, but not unattractive. "It was all that I knew." She said. "Waiting for him to choose me is all that I knew."

The strange smile was back on Shiho's face. "I am glad he chose you then." She said softly. And Ran did not say that she knew it was merely because Shiho herself did not choose Shinichi but if she had, then he would have gone to her in a heartbeat because she was beautiful, smart, perfect in every way that Ran would never be.

For some reason, it was not harsh claws of jealousy that Ran felt when she thought of that.

….

…

Three weeks before the wedding…

Ran was poring through the wedding invitations when her phone buzzed from her pocket. Shinichi's name blared up from the screen and she knew without picking up that it was yet another cancellation.

She had told herself that she was used to it and this was only one of the consequences that came with loving Kudo Shinichi. But she remembered Shiho's words that night, the darkness that took her perfectly symmetrical features. That was not calculated or deliberate. Ran prided herself to be a good judge of emotions and she had the feeling that Shiho was simply being honest that time.

Shinichi's words crackled from the speaker and for a moment, Ran was not sure of what she heard. "Huh?" she prompted.

"I said, I got you a date. You know, to join you in choosing the wedding cake and catering." She heard him sigh from the other end, a perfect rendition of regret. "You know how there is a serial killer at large in Hokkaido… well, I asked Shiho if she can accompany you in my stead."

"I, um—" Ran began and she could almost imagine Shinichi frown. "I don't think that is a good idea."

"Why not? She has good taste. She excels in stuff like this. I am hopeless compared to her." There was a shuffle, as though he was moving, which he probably was. "And besides, I already asked her. She said she does not mind."

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Ran did not know what to make of it. "Really?"

Shinichi grunted. "Plus, she would hate us if the food in the wedding contained anything she considered unhealthy for the Professor which is a lot of things, mind you. So good luck, I guess."

….

The Suzuki corporation are restaurateurs among other things. She had known Sonoko for a long time and until now, Ran still had no idea to the extent of the businesses her family was involved in. Shiho met her right outside her father's detective agency, wearing a cashmere scarf that stood out from the bleak, cold streets. They were walking towards Shiho's car when Ran started:

"Has Shinichi told you anything about this…" Ran drew air quotation marks. "…'date'?"

Shiho shook her head, squinting suspiciously. "Nothing."

"Well, first of all, it is not just the two of us. We will be meeting Sonoko and Kazuha in a restaurant. There is probably gonna be four of us. But this is more a shopping trip than anything. The plan is to go on the taste test at one of the Suzuki's family restaurants and then hang out, or something."

Shiho stops midway to her car, huffing. "I did not know this would be a girls' day out."

A smile crept into Ran's face. "Me neither. Sonoko is always full of surprises so I guess I should have expected the unexpected."

"Kudo set me up. He planned all this."

Ran was grinning this time. "Might be. A little bit, I think."

Shiho rolled her eyes and opened the car door for her.

…

They were driving towards the restaurant when Shiho suddenly said. "I have to apologize for my conduct that night in the library." Her full attention was onto the road but her eyes were looking sideways towards Ran. "I should not have said the things I have said that night."

"I think you are just being honest." Ran replied, feeling a weight from her chest being lifted off. "And it is refreshing to hear something you do not really want to hear but has to anyway. And he ended up choosing the case again, big surprise."

There was none of the sadness in her tone that was to be expected. The surprise was enough for Shiho to tear away her gaze from the road for one second.

"Let us hope nobody dies in your wedding then."

Ran realized Shiho was teasing her. Another smile broke from her face. "Only Kudo Shinichi can make a wedding into a funeral. But at least it will be quite entertaining. Just make sure you help him solve it."

…

Miyano Shiho did not exactly fit into the threesome like a jigsaw puzzle but she did not feel like much of an outsider either. Sonoko was maybe one of the people Ran loved the most but even she could be insufferable at times. Watching Shiho effortlessly knock her off her overenthusiastic cloud was nothing short of satisfying. But how they differed in energy was also how similar they were when it came to fashion choices and that was a bonding moment Ran never thought she would ever bear witness to.

"Oh, she wasn't so bad huh." Kazuha, who bonded with Shiho over their shared passion for cooking, drawled. "Maybe your husband's bestfriend will be your bestfriend too."

Looking at Shiho, Ran doubted that. They have virtually nothing in common, aside from being called by Shinichi's "bestfriend". And she was so intelligent, so articulate. Ran thought she was the type of person who would only hang out with people in the same intellectual level.

But it was her that Shiho walked with as they exited the mall, the comfortable silence meaning more than any of the words she exchanged with Ran's two other friends.

…

Shiho was the one to volunteer to take her home while Sonoko would take Kazuha to the station. Kazuha had hugged Shiho goodbye, much to the other woman's surprise. Sonoko had wrapped one arm around her shoulder and said something like inviting her to a Prada fashion show next week. On the way back to the car, Ran suddenly turned to Shiho. "Do you want to get some drinks?"

Shiho looked around. "It is too early for alcohol."

"Coffee? Tea?"

"Sure. Okay."

It had been a while since they were alone and it was fascinating how something had changed since then. The coffee shop's ambience was comfortable enough for Ran to start sharing about her job as a PE teacher in Teitan Elementary, another one of the few things that she shared with Shiho.

"Thanks for accompanying me today." She finished, bashfully setting her cold coffee down. She smiled brightly. "I had a good time."

She realized that she had been waiting so expectantly for her answer when Shiho nodded. "I had a very nice time. Thanks for putting up with me."

Ran exhaled, feeling apprehensive before finally deciding to bite the bullet. "Can I ask you something? I know it is none of my business but I am curious."

Shiho's brows knot together in askance. "Okay."

"Why did you not choose Shinichi?"

Ran had known then. Even when Shinichi had started dating her as soon as he went back to his body. The Shinichi that had emerged from the ruins of the Black Organization was not the same Shinichi who disappeared in Tropical Land. The Shinichi that came back had a first choice and it was not Ran.

"I have never thought about it. I guess I thought I did not deserve him." Shiho said simply.

"But you said I did not deserve him either."

"He does not deserve you." Shiho corrected. "Not with how he is right now." Her eyes widened and suddenly Shiho was closer than ever, her thumb touching Ran's face. "Hey. Don't cry."

The tears came unbidden, leaking through Ran's closed eyes. She felt Shiho's fingers wiping the moisture off, the other hand squeezing her hand. When she opened her eyes again, Shiho was still very close, so close that Ran could smell the rosy perfume she wore and the chocolate chip frappucino in her lip. Somehow, she wanted to know if she could taste it too.

"Ran." Shiho said, jerking away as though burned. She stood abruptly from her seat, waking Ran from her trance-like state. "I need to go." And she left in flash, leaving Ran dejectedly staring at the chocolate-chip frappe Shiho did not bother to take with her.

…

Two weeks before the wedding…

Shinichi was at the library, frowning over some text when Ran came up from behind him, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Shinichi groaned, dropped the folder and placed his hand on the small of her back to return the kiss.

It was always like this: her initiating the kiss. Kudo Shinichi was forever content in letting her take the lead in the relationship, never going further than what they had done previously. It was like he was simply going through the motions, like his heart was not completely on it. Ran realized that there was no doubt that Shinichi loved her and that she loved him but Shinichi never had made her feel like she wanted to taste what chocolate chip coffee tasted on his lips.

When they parted, it was this realization that made Ran realize that maybe, Shiho was right. Perhaps, they did not deserve each other after all. There was no desire when Shinichi stared back at her, just questions. "What's up with that?" he asked.

"Nothing." she told him.

She felt nothing.

….

…

One week before the wedding…

They let her in the forensics lab because she was Shinichi's fiancée and it was easy enough to find her. When she strolled through the room, Shiho's eyes glowed with askance like Shinichi's did after she kissed him. She set down the flask she had been cleaning. Ran closed the door, turning the lock from behind her.

Shiho was quiet, merely waiting with a patient, curious expression.

There was no one around. It was now or never. Ran breathed and started: "You said I deserve more than someone who will forever make me his second choice."

"Yes." Shiho said slowly. She looked like she was waiting for Ran to explain.

"I almost kissed you."

In this, Shiho hesitated before answering. "Yes."

Ran stepped forward, straightened her posture. There was no alcohol, nothing that could have made her say all these except for a curiosity to know that she never felt until now. "I have never wanted to kiss anyone the way I wanted to kiss you that night."

"Mouri… " Shiho started before correcting herself. "Ran-san…" She could hear the apology in Shiho's voice.

But the last thing that Ran wanted was an apology. "No. You told me that I deserve more than what Shinichi can give me. And I deserve to know what you mean because I think… I think that you may be able to give me that."

Ran stepped forward, took Shiho's face into her hands and when she sensed that Shiho would not stop her, closed the distance between them.

But Shiho pulls away all too soon, her face broken into a harsh exhale, teal eyes turned black by an expression Ran cannot read…

…

Present

The self-loathing is immeasurable. The days leading to the wedding had induced more than enough anxiety for Ran that it could no longer be explained by wedding jitters. For once, Shinichi is there and not somewhere in a case, to ask her if there was anything wrong. For the first time for as long as she could remember, Ran lies to Shinichi.

The crease in Shinichi's forehead does not clear. If anything, the lines burrow deeper. His lips curl and he crosses his arms. Ran watches him pace around the room, suddenly looking more panicked than she feels.

"Shiho said she would not make it to the wedding anymore."

Ran could not have blamed her if that was the case but the news was a splash of cold water nevertheless. Shiho had kissed her back like nobody had ever done to her before. Surely, Ran was not the only conflicted soul here.

The thought does nothing to reassure her one bit and so Ran merely dismisses Shinichi because she does not know what to say to him anymore.

….

…

The Wedding

Mouri Kogoro does not ask her questions and she loves the lack of inquisitiveness when he leads Shinichi to the limo, calling him all the way from the altar. She tries not to think of the whispers that must be resounding from the church now, of the questions in their minds. She thinks that the only questions that need to be answered at this point is her own and Shinichi's.

Shinichi looks handsome in his suit, every bit of the prince charming she had dreamed of. Except, she is no longer the teenager who once believed that highschool romances is good enough for an adult relationship. He would have been the perfect groom, she thinks as he smoothens his white tuxedo. She stares at the skirt of her wedding dress and realizes that she would have been the perfect bride too if they were not marrying each other.

On the backseat of the limo, Shinichi waits for her to say something, anything so she decided to break it in a way she knows he deserves: the pure, unvarnished truth. "I kissed Shiho."

"I know." says Shinichi and Ran meets his eyes. Of course, she realizes, wanting to slap herself. Kudo and I talk a lot. "She told me right after it happened." He explains.

"You never said anything."

"Neither did you." Somehow, the detective who brought criminals to justice manages to not make that sound like an accusation. Shinichi just looks sad. "I just thought that we can make it work. That somehow, you may still want to marry me." He pauses and averts his eyes. "I did not mean to keep you from the relationship you wanted."

"No." She protests, feeling her heart break as she looks at the unbearably sad eyes of her best friend. "I love you. I have loved you for the longest time. You deserve to have the relationship you want too but—"

"—you deserve yours too."

"I love you." Is all she croaks out, knowing it is not enough. "You are my bestfriend."

"And you are mine." And there is a bitter smile in Shinichi's face and Ran realizes that he had this conversation before. He leans forward and kisses her on the temple. "I want you to know that I understand but I need some time to think about this for now."

"Okay."

"So you're a lesbian?"

"I—" she swallows. "I haven't had time to think about it."

He laughs. "Maybe it would have been better if you realized that before all the wedding preparation."

Ran chuckles darkly. "Probably, yes." She trails off, remembering the church full of family friends expecting a wedding. "Do you want me…?"

"No. I'll tell them." He makes a move to leave before stopping, seemingly pondering over something before he fishes a piece of paper from his pants pocket. He hands it over to Ran. "She left for America yesterday but she left me her address." He smiles and the sadness is gone, just resignation. "She deserves happiness too, you know. After all that she has been through. You deserve it too."

That day, there is no wedding. There is no funeral either, thank the heavens. She stares at the paper in her hand, Shiho's neat penmanship a signal for a beginning.

Ran has never been to America.

…