Chapter Track: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

It wasn't until some ungodly hour of the night that the pair finally saw home in the distance. Chilly rain had started to sprinkle from the dark, thundering clouds overhead and did a decent job at covering up how they were both exhausted near tears. It left them shivering, though, so the comfort it brought was short-lived. As they approached the gates of the village they barely paid mind to the one-man watch team, gesturing at him vaguely in greeting. They hadn't even exchanged words between each other in quite a while. Their feet were dragging at this point. Shikamaru was desperate for a real meal and a hot shower but he knew better than to think he would do anything but pass out in bed when he reached home. Glancing over at Neji, disheveled and grimacing, he could only guess he felt the same.

It had been fun until it wasn't. While they had been enjoying each other's company immensely, time started to drag on as they got closer to home. The physical strain had led to mental strain, and any feeling that wasn't linked to the pain, the stress, or to finally completing their mission got pushed to the backburner. And while Shikamaru would have loved to do a little more back and forth before they parted ways, he was just too tired.

Their respective clan compounds were in the same direction up until a fork in the road that was already in view. Shikamaru didn't miss the way they both seemed to instinctively slow their steps. It could have just been the exhaustion. He just wanted to go home. He just wanted to sleep. When they got to where they had to split paths, though, his feet failed him, refusing to carry him further until he looked Neji's way.

Neji turned fully to face him. Even with his hair a mess and his eyes darkened with fatigue, Shikamaru couldn't help but to want to kiss him. He took a step closer. The rain fell just a tad bit harder. And without thinking, as if they were long-term lovers parting only until dawn break, they pulled each other into a sleepy, clumsy kiss. When they parted from each other they also parted ways, neither another word nor glance between them.

It left Shikamaru alone with his thoughts on the rest of his trek home.

When he had suggested they let whatever was between them run its course, he had assumed they were just a couple of stupid kids getting temporarily carried away with their emotions. Neji could have confessed to being head over heels in love with him that night in the Kiri wilderness and Shikamaru still wouldn't have been able to convince himself that he meant it or that anything would actually come of it. Trying to unravel his emotions while already fighting to stay conscious was proving more trouble than it was worth. It was a problem to deal with after approximately twelve hours of sleep.

The closer he got to home the easier it was to clear his mind. He passed out on the couch in the day room only seconds after he got there.

When he awoke in his room close to 3:00pm, he didn't remember how he had gotten there. He assumed one of his parents had shooed him up the stairs sometime earlier when he was too tired to realize it. He lazed about for another hour before he was being shooed back downstairs for food. It was a rare occasion for his mother not to be nagging at him; successfully completing a big mission was normally the recipe for peace and quiet at home.

His father recited Lady Tsunade's words about how well Shikamaru and Neji had done and how they had impressed the Mizukage. His mother talked his ear off, but in good nature, fussing over what a fine chunin he was turning out to be. With his chin resting on his arms on the table, he scoffed to hide a smile. It had been a productive mission, hadn't it? In more ways than one.

The more awake he became, though, the more the anxiety grew. What would happen now that he and Neji were back home? After a real meal and a full night's sleep, there was absolutely nothing left he could blame his actions on should he repeat them. There were no more stir crazy, sleep deprived excuses to give, from either side, and that shot Shikamaru's nerves right through the roof and beyond. Not enough to overpower his still very present fatigue, however. Halfway through falling asleep at the table his mother announced that someone was at the door for him. Deep down inside he wanted to cry at the mere thought of having to do absolutely anything today.

But then he heard his voice.

Anxious anticipation bubbled up sickeningly in the pit of his stomach as he got up and walked to the door. What in the world was he supposed to say? Why in the world was the guy even here?

And why did his worries melt away as soon as Neji's eyes lit up upon seeing him?

"I need to talk to you. It's about the mission," he said, though Shikamaru could tell Neji wasn't disclosing the full reason for why he had shown up at his door, "Come walk with me."

So Shikamaru did. It was quickly cleared up that the logistics were not the mission-related matter Neji had in mind. No, it was them Neji wanted to talk about. He played nonchalant, like he wouldn't care either way the coin flipped, or like this was all just a riddle he wanted solved already so he could move on with his day. But Shikamaru knew.

He wouldn't have come if he didn't care.

Truth be told, Neji was quite an emotional person. Shikamaru had him pinned down on that since he met the guy during the chunin exams. But for the longest time, the emotion he wore on his sleeve the most was anger. Now though, in the midst of Neji's ongoing personal growth, he had softened. But only in good ways.

But Neji had been hurt an insurmountable amount in his life and Shikamaru didn't want to be another reason why. So where did they go from here?

(Things couldn't go back to normal now. Not with the way they looked at each other. They both realized that.)

The same unmistakable spark was still between them. It was almost frightening. All he had to do was look into Neji's eyes to know he was just as lost, yearning but wary of the consequences. Shikamaru didn't want to let him- or himself- down. He felt disturbingly out of his element here.

"Dammit, Hyuga, you've got me all screwed up, you know?"

"I was about to say the same to you."

They walked and talked for almost four hours about everything and nothing, and in truth it was the kind of intimate conversation that Shikamaru typically tended to avoid if he could. (And they didn't figure out a damn thing, despite it all.) With Neji, though, he couldn't seem to run out of things to say. And when their time together seemed to be coming to an end, Shikamaru felt his heart strings tugging uncomfortably, urging him to say something that would make Neji stay.

Neji wasn't the type to shirk his responsibilities, though, and Shikamaru wouldn't ask him too.

But parting left an uncomfortable emptiness in the pit of his stomach. Shikamaru was not the most social of people, so loneliness wasn't really an emotion he was well acquainted with. He quickly decided, though, that he was not a fan.

When Neji showed up at his window two days later he figured he wasn't much of a fan either. ("You keep showing up. Miss me that much?" "Oh please. If I waited for your lazy ass to come to me I wouldn't see you for weeks." "Touché. Not true, FYI. But touché.") Neji explained to him how he hadn't wanted to disturb his family this early in the morning, but he had no qualms about disturbing Shikamaru.

Shikamaru somehow found it endearing.

The outcome sat so well with them both that Neji's spontaneous visit became a newfound habit and soon it had reached its three-week mark. Shikamaru typically liked to sleep in every chance he got but in the wake of this plot twist he had started going to bed earlier in order to wake up earlier—sometimes long before Neji even arrived. It was strange behavior for him, but what was more out of the ordinary was how natural it felt, and how content he was to do it.

Today, though, Shikamaru's laziness returned to him full force and with a vengeance. It had been long enough since they had started playing this game that today Shikamaru figured it was about time to make Neji really work for it. A test, if you will. He was awake but still drowsy, sitting in bed with his back against the wall, arms crossed comfortably over his chest. He had left the window open for him.

Neji showed up just as he knew he would and when he heard him letting himself in he cracked on eye open, watching him. He smiled.

"How about instead of walking, which is a drag, you just lie down so I don't have to get out of bed," Shikamaru suggested, already letting his eye fall shut again. He felt Neji grab his wrists, unhooking his arms so he could grab his hands and try to haul him up.

"You think I'm going to let go of the satisfaction of being able to get you out of bed?" he asked, tugging, albeit gently, "No. Get up."

Despite Neji's best efforts, Shikamaru made a face, almost akin to a pout and flopped sideways, going limp in Neji's grip and making it clear that he didn't want to venture out of his room quite yet. The noise Neji made in response had Shikamaru smiling to himself. He knew Neji liked this routine they had picked up and that he was completely trashing it. But riling him up was starting to become funny to him. He liked knowing he could get a reaction.

"Alright, fine," Neji sighed good-naturedly, "We'll do this your way."

Shikamaru kept his eyes shut, trying to fight off another smile as he felt Neji crawl into his bed beside him. He rolled over and opened his eyes to see Neji smirking at him.

"Yes?" Shikamaru asked, his tone almost teasing. Neji looked like he wanted to say something for a moment but stopped himself and just gave Shikamaru a little smile. He looked like he was thinking hard about whatever it was but trying to hold his tongue and Shikamaru wasn't quite able to pinpoint what exactly it could have been.

"Okay, I'll bite," he said after a long moment, amusement evident, "What's on your mind?"

Neji chuckled, "This might be a bad idea. If I stay like this I'm not going to want to leave."

Shikamaru raised a brow, "Well, lucky for you, I already don't want you to leave."

Neji gave him a long, meaningful look that sent a pleasant shiver throughout his body. Neji didn't even need the Byakugan to see right through him. It was oddly exhilarating. Neji reached for him first but Shikamaru wasted no time in returning his sentiment. With one hand on his neck and the other on his chest and with Neji's fingers already tangling themselves in his hair, Shikamaru was definitely starting to pat himself on the back for choosing to be extra difficult this morning. He pulled Neji closer to him by the front of his shirt, sighing against his mouth when the other bit his bottom lip and tugged at it. They'd both definitely been getting bolder lately. But neither of them ever really had the upper hand.

(They liked it that way.)

Shikamaru nipped Neji's bottom lip right back and it got him pushed up against the wall, much to his delight. In return it earned the Hyuga a hand in his shirt, scratching down pale skin. With an intense shiver, Neji sighed, "This is what I meant. About this being a bad idea." He laughed under his breath, kissing the side of Shikamaru's mouth. "This could be a really bad idea."

Shikamaru opened his eyes, dragging his nails down Neji's chest once more, but gentler. Neji quivered again and Shikamaru sighed in elation. But god, Neji was right. This was a terrible idea. Both of his parents were downstairs and nobody but the two of them knew that anything at all was going on between them. It hadn't been discussed in a while what they actually planned to do. They had just been enjoying each other—with a special emphasis on making sure they didn't fall in too deep. And if they were honest with themselves, this kind of intimacy was probably pushing that boundary a little too far.

They already didn't know if things could ever go back to normal. If this went any further they would just have to throw any hope for future normalcy out the window entirely.

The next few moments went by quietly. Neji still had a hand on Shikamaru's neck, eyes shifting between his lips and his eyes, whereas Shikamaru had yet to remove his hand from Neji's chest. The shared touch was a comfort for them as they sat and wondered to themselves where to go from here. As embarrassing as it was for him, Shikamaru had almost been able to convince himself lately that maybe they had both just fallen victim to their hormones and that this was all just a little misadventure they'd refuse to talk about for the next few years. That would have been the easy way to feel. Easier in comparison to the truth. Because with Neji still inches from his face, touching him more gently than he thought Neji could ever be, he knew he would have been content to never let him go.

"Shikamaru," Neji said softly. His tone made something in the Nara's chest ache, especially when Neji avoided his gaze. Neji sighed, "Shikamaru, I think we need to talk about-"

The creak of the stairs silenced them both instinctively. The shout from Shikamaru's mother that followed was enough to make them both flinch. With no time for a game plan, Neji moved, scurrying clumsier than he normally prided himself on being right out of Shikamaru's bed. He moved to the window, straightening his hair and sitting on the sill, trying to look natural. Shikamaru was a little behind, fanning his face knowing full well it was probably still a nice hue of pink from previous activities. When a figure appeared in the doorway, it wasn't Yoshino like they were expecting. Instead, it was Shikaku, and it didn't take a genius to notice he was perplexed by what he was seeing.

"Shikamaru, your mother wants you to come down for breakfast already," Shikaku said, though he didn't even pay more than a glance to his son. He was more interested in the extra presence Neji was providing. "And good morning, Neji," he said politely, nodding once at him. It wasn't that he seemed particularly bothered, but suspicious for sure. Neji bowed back politely and Shikaku nodded once more, contemplated something for a moment, then said, "You're more than welcome to stay for breakfast if you want to."

"Oh," Neji was surprised, glancing at Shikamaru for help in responding. Shikamaru, though, had also momentarily lost his voice. Shikaku most definitely noticed. "I would appreciate that, thank you," Neji said suddenly, his polite smile stuttering ever so slightly. Shikaku returned the smile, but it wasn't much less awkward.

"We'd be glad to have you," he said before turning his attention back to Shikamaru, "Up. Come on. If I'm gonna get nagged at today so are you."

He shut the door as he left and a heavy silence befell them. It was only broken by Shikamaru's distressed groan as he flopped backwards a moment later. Neji knew what he did. He could tell because Neji started mumbling something that vaguely sounded like an apology. "Why did you- Ughh," Shikamaru groaned again, rubbing his eyes as if this was a dream and he was trying to wake himself up. He sat straight up suddenly, frowning at Neji who was now standing at the foot of his bed, looking almost ashamed. "As much as I would just love to take the guy I was just making out with downstairs to meet my mother-" Speak of the devil; Shikamaru's name was shouted up the stairs once more. With a glance and a sigh, Shikamaru hauled himself out of bed and motioned Neji to follow him. Shikamaru dreaded every step he took closer to the kitchen where he could hear his mother going on about something already. She stopped almost immediately, much to his surprise, when she noticed they had a guest.

"Oh, I didn't know we had a visitor," she said, cocking her head at Neji. She looked expectant, like she wanted him to explain why he was here. He opened his mouth to say something to appease her but Shikamaru put a stop to whatever he was trying to say.

"Mom, he was just here about work and didn't know you get up at dawn."

"I didn't want to be a disturbance," Neji agreed.

"Well both of you sit, then. If you have another mission you'll need to get your energy up," she smiled, motioning with her hands, "Sit, sit. You don't have all morning, do you?"

Shikamaru almost chuckled over Neji's surprised look as he pulled out a seat. When his mother and father were both distracted, though, he elbowed Neji, giving him an incredulous look and mouthing 'mission?' Discussing work didn't automatically mean a mission, Shikamaru thought. But he supposed it was the best cover they had. Neji did nothing but shrug and mouth back 'we'll figure it out.'

"So how is your training going, Neji?" Yoshino chirped suddenly as she went about serving everyone their plates. Neji, again, was momentarily taken-aback.

Shikamaru wasn't too surprised by how off-put Neji was by his mother. Not just because his mother typically had that effect on people, but also because he doubted this was how people conversed with one another within the Hyuga compound. He momentarily found himself daydreaming about how things would go down if the situation were reversed and he was the one who found himself having breakfast with the Hyuga's.

"It's going well," he answered. He looked confused when she seemed to expect him to say more. Oh yeah, Shikamaru thought, Neji was not used to such friendly chitchat from his elders around the table.

"So," Shikamaru interjected, but his mother wasn't having it.

"Shikamaru! Let our guest speak! Don't be rude!"

Shikamaru huffed, slouching in his seat. Neji was wearing that smug look he had become so disgustingly fond of lately. It seemed like that was just the icebreaker to get Neji to relax, so at least there was that. The man that he had become progressively more attached to and his own mother bantered across the table using him as the punchline. And he couldn't even be mad. In fact, he had to resist the urge to smile at how Neji's shoulders had untensed. If he was at ease Shikamaru supposed he could allow it.

But Neji was the kind of person who could only keep polite chitchat up for so long before he was just over it. Small talk wasn't one of his fortes. Shikamaru always appreciated that. It made things easier. More profound, even.

When he noticed Neji was running out of ways to keep the conversation going he finally interposed.

"Neji, the time," he said, nodding curtly towards the clock on the wall. Neji followed along without missing a beat, barely paying a glance to the clock in question before nodding in response, standing and pushing in his chair silently.

"We should get going, shouldn't we?"

Going along with their chosen concept, they got themselves put together quickly, responding to Shikamaru's mothers' well wishes as they were leaving. His father tipped his mug to his lips and watched them pointedly on their way out.

They avoided talking until they were out of site of the house. Once they finally were they sighed in unison, both bordering on out of breath. "That was… a lot," Shikamaru said. Neji gave him a look, "You think?" He shook his head, sighing again. Now that they were supposedly on a mission, what were they supposed to do for the next couple of hours? He really only had one idea in mind.

"Let's head to the training grounds. One of the out-of-the-way ones."

He couldn't help but be amused by Neji's surprised reaction. They took turns making the bold statements but Neji had really been on a roll with it lately. He looked pleasantly surprised, but just below the surface of that he looked hungry for him again, just like this morning. It was suddenly all Shikamaru could think about.

"Let's go," Neji countered, raising a brow confidently in a way that was so him. But Shikamaru had already decided it was his turn and he knew he had gotten that hint. So when he grabbed Neji's wrist and starting leading him in a new direction, he was met with no objections.

Maybe, sensibly speaking, they knew they couldn't spend a majority of their day making out. But in theory it sounded like the perfect plan, and right now it was the only thing of interest to them. One of Neji's preferred training spots was a ways away, isolated and quiet the way the Hyuga fancied. And perfect for keeping a secret a secret. Within minutes they were overcome by one another. Roaming hands and tiny little gasps fallen from parted lips clouded their minds. Shikamaru didn't typically like to wear his hair down because it was bothersome but he had learned he didn't mind so much as long as Neji's fingers were buried in the loose strands. Maybe it was his explementary chakra mastery or his excellent hand eye coordination—Shikamaru didn't know, but he was always surprised by how good Neji was with his hands. He felt confident that Neji felt the same about his. After all, he'd never seen the Hyuga in such a beautifully disheveled state.

Shikamaru had never known a god he believed in, but Neji Hyuga might just have been the closest comparison he could make.

Sudden shuffling from the foliage behind them interrupted the heaviest of their contact. Neji whipped his head up before Shikamaru could even breathe. His expression made Shikamaru dread who he would be face-to-face with if he turned around. But the hammering suspense in his chest gave him little choice. He glanced over his shoulder and he almost groaned aloud.

It could probably be worse, he reasoned with himself. But Sasuke still wasn't high on the list of people whose nose he wanted in his business.

Shocked couldn't even begin to describe the look Sasuke was sporting. He looked between the two of them wordlessly, absolutely baffled by what Shikamaru could admit must have been the last thing he had ever expected to see. He could feel the negative aura just pouring out of Neji; he didn't even need to look. He knew he had to be a barrier between what could have turned ugly.

"Sasuke," he said, eyes narrowed, "just walk away, alright?"

An awkward pause fell over them, heavy like a smoke screen, and Sasuke's expression softened into what Shikamaru could only label as a look of bewildered acceptance. He turned to walk away without a single word, but Neji chimed in with his own instructions.

"Only take away one thing from this- You didn't see anything."

Sasuke only gave a thumbs up as he disappeared. He was either too shocked to construct a full reaction or he had decided he didn't care enough to question it. Either worked for Shikamaru and Neji. Sasuke, they knew, was far from a gossip, and that was as much comfort as they were going to get from the exchange.

The silence didn't dissipate once he was gone. And it was the most awkward one they had shared yet. Being caught off guard aside, they knew they had each been deathly serious about their words, and now they had to address the elephant in the room. But neither wanted to be the one to start that conversation: Why had they both reacted so aggressively? Why were they both so intimidated by their relations with each other that they had to become defensive? And what were they really if they themselves were guarding the information like some shameful little secret?

Neither of them were the type to beat around the bush. They had discovered that early on. If something was broken, that something needed fixed—or disposed of entirely—lest it cause them more trouble down the road.

So what in world had they been doing?

The reality hit them both like near-fatal blows; so hard that Shikamaru, though perfectly still, felt something akin to motion sickness. Neither of them spoke for a long time.

"Have we taken this too far?" Neji asked after their heartrates had had enough time to return to reasonable levels. Shikamaru shook his head, because he didn't know. He rested his head in his hands, ignoring the way his elbows dug into his thighs. It was too early in the day for so much to have happened.

"Look at me."

It wasn't a demand. It was almost a plea. As close as Neji could come to voicing one, anyway. So Shikamaru met his eyes, and he found there the exact emotions he was feeling inside: anxiety, fear, something similar to regret. The air between them was overwhelming, and for the first time, it wasn't in a good way.

"Neji," he said, "What.. Should we-"

"Not yet, Shikamaru."

And that was final. Shikamaru couldn't pretend like he was ready. He was thankful that Neji had found it in himself to come right out and sum up what they both felt in so few words. This place no longer felt welcoming, though, so they relocated. They found themselves on a wide creekbank basking on thick, flat rock. The sun filtered through the tree branches surrounding them, casting a warm light that would be tranquil under different circumstances. They had yet to speak again.

Shikamaru lied on the warm rock floor and stared up into oblivion, unable to even notice the clouds that normally held his attention so easily. Beside him Neji sat in his usual meditation stance, though he was in a very different kind of trance than mediation was meant to promote. They soaked up the others presence while they delayed what they believed was the inevitable. It was golden hour before they found enough combined strength to breach the subject.

"I don't know what I expected," Shikamaru chuckled, though it lacked any trace of actual humor. The bitter truth was that he was putting the blame squarely on himself. What in the world had possessed him to cling to the likes of Neji Hyuga, and how in either of their right minds had they thought this could end any way other than badly? For all their combined intelligence, this was how much common sense they apparently possessed, and Shikamaru was not impressed.

"I guess I somehow convinced myself that the consequences wouldn't catch up to us. At least not so soon."

Shikamaru couldn't disagree with his sentiment. He supposed he had managed to make himself believe the same. But you could only make so many impulsive decisions before they caught up to you. He looked up at Neji but his gaze was purposely avoided. The ache he felt in his chest was so sharp he almost winced. He momentarily felt like the air had been knocked out of him as Neji continued to stare off into the distance with an unreadable expression.

It was so sickeningly real. They both knew without even discussing it that things would never quite be the same. A line had been crossed, and there was no retracing their steps and forgetting the path they had gone down. They had become too invested in desires that they hadn't fully considered the costs of and now it was time to own up to them.

It was the only thing they could do at this point.

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru let out a long breath, rubbing his eyes until he felt disorientated, "I never should have dragged you into this."

"I made a choice the same as you did," Neji said.

But he still couldn't look at him.

They were dragging it out even now. They weren't ready to take responsibility for what they had gotten themselves into. Shikamaru, lazy and unmotivated as he might be, had never felt quite this irresponsible. He crossed his arms, shut his eyes and briefly dug his nails into the skin of his arm, willing the stinging behind his eyes to dispel. It was getting dark.

"Do you want a little distance?" Neji asked.

"No," Shikamaru replied without thinking. He frowned, "But maybe we both need it."

Another drawn out silence followed. The stalling was making it so much harder, though, and Neji conceded first. He finally looked at Shikamaru, and for a minute the magnetism between them had returned. Shikamaru could barely fight it, but he managed. Suddenly Neji stood. He looked down at him, offered his hand, then withdrew it when Shikamaru didn't take it.

"Are you going to stay here for a while longer?" he asked softly.

Shikamaru nodded weakly, putting his arms behind his head. The stone underneath him was chilly now and he had to repress the shiver that threatened to shake his whole body. "I just need a minute," he said, though he didn't know whether that minute would stretch to much longer. He just wasn't ready to officially face the mess he had gotten them both into. The longer he stayed here the longer he could pretend.

"Okay," Neji said, smiling a sad little smile. He had never looked so soft or so vulnerable, and Shikamaru's heart had never in his life ached like this. "Goodnight, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru could barely get out his response, "Goodnight, Neji."

He had only taken a few stops, not even up on the bank yet, before Shikamaru broke down and attempted to break the tension before they parted ways. "It's not like they're expecting an heir from you or anything, so at least we'd have that on our side." He knew Neji wouldn't take offense to him saying it. They had long since learned to find the humor in each other's snarky remarks. Finally, they both managed to crack hints of smiles.

"If only it were as simple as that," Neji mused, sounding almost hauntingly forlorn.

They had known this was coming all along. They just wanted to play pretend for as long as they could. They had been too hopeful. Childish, even. It wasn't like them. Both of them had been in a confusing place when this had all began, and now, at the end, it didn't feel like they had actually figured anything out at all. Except maybe how it felt to break up with someone you were never with.

It was poetic in a way. Shikamaru hadn't given much thought to the idea of poetry before this evening. Now he was pretty sure he hated it.

Neji said his goodbyes once more and took his leave. Shikamaru turned his eyes back to the calm water and mentally counted Neji's steps until he was gone for good. That's when the regret truly started to set in.

He allowed only a single moment of self-pity in the form of lone tear slipping from his left eye and burning down his cheek. He willed himself to not let his emotions overtake him, to steel himself and accept what had just happened. He had functioned just fine before this whole debacle so he should be able to function just fine in the aftermath. It had just been new and overwhelming and exciting, that's all. The curiosity and the hormones had gotten their way for a time but now it was time to lock all that back up. They had had their fun. They had gotten to experience this new thing they had both been craving. Now it was time to move on. After all, what were they really losing given they had not been in love? He just hoped Neji could hold onto a fond memory or two from this whole experience, because Shikamaru knew he would cherish them all, even if he'd never say so.

Still though, he didn't feel quite okay. Over the crickets chirping and the water flowing, Shikamaru admitted his sins to nothing and no one in particular.

"God, I'm fucking stupid."