Divide
Two cats, two sides, two ideologies. Despite how similar and unified we both may have felt about each others place and beliefs, eventually enough time will pass to unearth the truth.
The clear rock fell from his mouth, clattering to the ground. His eyes weren't playing tricks on him, no matter how unbelievable the sight was. Pristine and poised as always resided Fernleaf, the BoulderClan medicine cat herself.
She gestured to the spot in front of her. "Why don't you sit down."
With some pause, he forcibly moved his stiff limbs into motion and assumed the spot as indicated. They now sat directly across from each other, her expression one of measured calm while he still struggled to fully accept the full truth of the situation.
"So the assessment isn't over?" he carefully asked. "Is this actually the final part then, or is there another surprise waiting after?"
Redpaw did his best to not come across as sounding accusatory. Fernleaf had never once given him cause to distrust her, but he'd just spent the better part of the night being deceived by Swiftstep. Even the most trusting of cats would hesitate a bit before taking any comment at face value. It was less a sleight against her and more a matter of him not wanting to let his guard down further.
"This is the last of it," Fernleaf replied, reassuringly.
Redpaw physically relaxed then. A taut knot of tension that had been building in-between his shoulders blades lessened at once, and he let loose a relieved sigh in response. Fernleaf openly laughed aloud, her voice ringing warmly throughout the chamber. She'd noticed the genuine, almost kit-like, look of relief wash over his face and couldn't help herself. Redpaw tiredly joined in on it–the pressures of the night slowly ebbing away now that the end was truly near.
"So, what's first?" he eventually asked, after their laughter had finally died down. "Do I need to prove how quick my reactions are? Or are you gonna list a bunch of herbs or something and ask me to recite them back to you?"
She shook her head at all of them. "We're only here to talk, Redpaw. Nothing more."
"Really?" He couldn't hide the skepticism in his voice.
All the work and effort he'd put in to get here, ultimately just to sit down and have a conversation with Fernleaf? Redpaw would never be against getting to spend time around her, but this, this almost felt like a poor use of her talent. No matter how kind she was, he couldn't envision a scenario where she'd agree to be away from camp just to sit in a cave and talk with a bunch of apprentices.
As if appearing to read his thoughts somehow, Fernleaf gave a tiny smile in reply. "Just talking. I'll ask you a few questions, maybe, and you only need to respond as honestly to them as you can."
"Did you do this with everyone else?"
She nodded. "I did."
That explained their weird behaviors, he thought to himself. Sagepaw, Hollypaw, and Lilypaw had all drifted down here before him and returned different. Somber. Assured. Contemplative. How different would he leave?
"Okay," he began, making eye contact with her, "what do you want to talk about?"
"Why don't we start simple. How are you feeling?"
"Tiered," he admitted, which garnered a smile from her. "I don't think I've ever been run this ragged before in my life."
"How was the assessment itself?" she asked. "I didn't get the chance to ask the others, so I don't know what Swiftstep actually put you all through."
Redpaw sat and happily detailed the various events of the night to her. He recounted everything and in-between from their rough awakening to the eventual trek here in what they originally thought was the successful aftermath of their assessment. Fernleaf listened attentively without interruption.
"Did he really ask you about how to deal with an injured kit?" she asked, after waiting patiently for him to finish. Redpaw nodded and Fernleaf rolled her eyes. She visibly rolled them for him to see. "That mousebrain." She sounded genuinely annoyed. "He doesn't know the first thing about healing another cat himself, so why would he think it's an appropriate question for apprentices? It's one thing to make things challenging, another for them to be unreasonable."
The medicine cat's face adopted a scowl for the briefest of heartbeats. Redpaw had never seen her like this. So even she could get fed up? It was almost endearing in a way, seeing her pelt slightly ruffle at the thought of some cat not an expert on medicine asking others how to heal someone. He stored away the image of her in his head for later.
Fernleaf's sour mood tempered shortly afterwards, and they resumed their casual chat. The things they discussed Redpaw found largely inconsequential: how he felt working in hunting and border patrols, tending to the elders, and really any general activity that most apprentices partook in. It was odd. He couldn't discern why she'd be so interested in the aspects of Clan life that didn't align with her own duties.
Talk slowly drifted over into a conversation about Crowstar, and Redpaw made it a point to speak highly of their prestigious leader. There was a lot he personally owed to him. Not long after he'd resumed his apprenticeship, Crowstar had personally come to visit and welcome him back. Despite Redpaw's every attempt to apologize for suddenly running away, Crowstar wouldn't hear any of it. He expressed in no uncertain terms that he was simply glad to have him back safe and in one piece.
A somewhat subdued breeze blew through the cave at that moment, hitting them with a flush of filtered morning air. Redpaw glanced up to the hole above in the chamber top where the air currently stemmed from. He decided to ask something that'd been on his mind since coming there.
"What is this place?" he asked curiously, looking back to Fernleaf.
"I'm not entirely sure," she answered, honestly. "I was told Cedarshade was the one to originally discover it though."
This caught his attention immediately. He sat up straighter. "My mother did?"
Fernleaf nodded. "She apparently came across it during one of her infamous explorations through the territory back when she was just an apprentice herself."
Redpaw glanced around the chamber, from the walls and ceiling to the very ground itself where they currently resided, trying to absorb it all in. Almost reflexively, he rubbed his paw across the smooth floor of the cave, before being acutely reminded that Fernleaf was watching him.
"Sorry," he said, hastily. "I was just–."
"You wanted to feel closer to Cedarshade, I understand," Fernleaf said gently, echoing his own thoughts back to him aloud.
Was it that obvious, Redpaw lamented? Cedarshade, who despite giving birth to him, he knew so little of in actuality. There were threads, tiny fragments of her presence left over that he'd done his best to grab and assemble–desperate for some semblance of a better idea of the sort of cat she was. No matter how vivid the descriptions were, however, accounts of cats who'd known her were only imitations of a genuine interaction he'd never get.
"Yeah," he admitted. "I...yeah."
Fernleaf nodded in understanding, seeming to pickup on what it was he was trying and ultimately failing to convey. She didn't push. It wasn't in her nature to do so and he appreciated her for it.
"I know something that's interesting we can talk about next," she said, expertly moving the conversation right along. "Now that you're on the verge of becoming of a warrior, how would you sum up your experience as an apprentice?"
What a question. What a question to ask, indeed. There were so many thoughts, so many varied emotions that all bombarded me at once, vying for attention. In a moment of clarity that I swear I've never managed to replicate to such a sharp and transparent degree till this very day, I sliced right through the tumult, easy as a claw through air, to settle on the answer instantly. It flowed from me as though second nature.
"Necessary."
Fernleaf's eyes glowed with surprised. "That was fast. You sound so certain with that word choice."
"I feel like it sums up everything I've been through," he said, honestly. "The good and the really bad–it was necessary for me to make it to this point, and I owe all of it to Oakclaw. He's literally the reason I'm able to sit here with you today. From saving my life to training me, it's all thanks to him."
"What sorts of things have you done with Oakclaw?" she asked, curiously. "I've heard his training methods are a bit from the norm, but never thought to ask for details."
Redpaw thought for a moment. There were several that immediately stood out in his mind. He decided on one that still stayed fresh in his memory as the day it'd happened.
"He once hid seven pinecones in a tree and wouldn't let me come down until I found all of them. I must've spent half a day up there, scaling limbs and shaking branches, until he came by and said he'd misremembered. There were actually only five pinecones and not the seven he'd said originally."
Fernleaf laughed aloud. "That sounds exactly like the sort of thing Cedarshade would've done as a prank on him. I wonder if that's where he got it from?"
Oh? This was news to him.
"She pulled pranks on him too?" he asked.
"Only rarely. She knew one too many in a row and he'd stop speaking to her out of protest. Cedarshade had enough sense to know how far she could push without genuinely upsetting him."
That made his ears perk. It was difficult to recall a moment where he'd seen the tabby so much as flustered, let alone upset.
"I hear a lot about Oakclaw as an apprentice and he sounds so different from how he is now," he said.
Fernleaf shot him a knowing look. "Not as different as you'd think," she replied, surprising him. "At least not to cats who personally knew him before you were born. No matter how old a cat gets they still retain aspects of their past self. Those sorts of things never really go away, Redpaw. You've properly witnessed some it and just didn't know."
An old memory materialized in Redpaw's mind of his very first conversation with Oakclaw. It'd ended with the tabby unceremoniously refusing to train or speak to him. Was that the sort of thing Fernleaf referred to?
"I think I get what you mean," he mewed in reply.
She nodded her head at him. "Let's stay on Oakclaw a bit more. I don't think I've ever heard a cat speak more highly of him than you do. When talking about Crowstar earlier you didn't speak with half as much luster or praise in your voice. He's very important to you, isn't he?"
Important? Where could or should he even begin? To call Oakclaw important was like asking if air was necessary for living, food a necessity to survival.
"He's probably helped me more than any other cat–I mean he was the only one to volunteer to be my mentor after all. From him I learned it was an obtainable reality to actually be useful to others. That one day I could live my life in service to something greater than myself. More than anything else, I want to be useful."
There was a sudden shift in Fernleaf's demeanor. It was almost minuscule, a minor change via a flicker in her clear eyes. She seemed to lean forward then, studying his face closely.
"You're already useful, Redpaw," she spoke slowly. "You've been such a big help to the Clan."
He shook his head as politely as he could. "I've still got a long way to go before I've reached that point. Right now I'm only doing the bare minimum."
"What about Sagepaw?" Fernleaf lightly brought up as a counter. "You really helped him in a time where a lot of others struggled to do the same. You don't really consider something like that to be doing the bare minimum, do you?"
"That's because–" I'm the one who killed Brackentail, his inner voice finished for him.
As a result of his death, it was Redpaw's responsibility to take care of anything that went wrong as a result. He owed it to the former deputy for his sacrifice, not to mention Sagepaw for what he'd ultimately done to him with his choice. It was his burden to carry.
"Because what?" Fernleaf probed. Her eyes hadn't left his face.
"Because–" he shook his head. Reeling his emotions back into a neutral state, Redpaw met Fernleaf's gaze. "I was just doing what any Clanmate would do for the other," he stated. "It's what Oakclaw taught me."
There was a long pause, wherein the two simply sat there meeting the others gaze. Redpaw knew what to do. He'd had enough practice during the aftermath of Brackentail's passing, on top of moons watching Oakclaw, to pickup on how to subdue certain emotions to those searching for them. She was one of the last cats he wanted to do this to, but he couldn't risk with how astute she was to glean something that was better off left unknown.
It's necessary.
Fernleaf eventually broke the stare. "I think that's enough," she mewed quietly.
Rising to her paws then, she seemed to indicate to something behind Redpaw with her nose. Following her gaze, he turned around, spotting the clear rock from before that he'd been task with bringing down there.
"Why don't you try placing it in the light?" Fernleaf recommended.
Not exactly understanding what this would accomplish, Redpaw did as he was told and slid the rock over into the center light of the chamber. A dazzling explosion of sparkling light materialized into existence, illuminating the recesses of the chamber in something akin to a star filled night sky. The source exuded from the rock like an artificial sun, highlighting the various grooves and imprints in the curving walls and floor. The sight was breathtaking.
"I like to think of this as a sort of gift Cedarshade left behind," Fernleaf said, watching the dancing lights along the walls with him. "What do you think?"
There was only response.
"Yeah," Redpaw agreed. "I do too."
He and Fernleaf stepped out into the bright light of the morning sun together, where a surprise lie waiting. When venturing down below, Redpaw had left four other cats, consisting of Hollypaw, Sagepaw, Lilypaw, and finally Swiftstep. There was currently double that amount now.
"And there's the last of our group!" Swiftstep said upon seeing them. "That means he should be here quickly then."
He stood standing alongside Ashfur, Roseblossom, and Duskpelt. Respectively Sagepaw's, Hollypaw's, and Lilypaw's mentors. Redpaw shot a questioning stare over to Hollypaw and the rest, but the apprentices could only offer up noncommittal shakes of their heads.
Bushes rustled to the side and out emerged Oakclaw a moment later.
"Well, you all certainly look like you've had the time of your young lives!" he remarked cheerfully, taking stock of the four apprentices. "I'd say our attempt with this new approach has worked out quite well then."
There was some shuffling around in the intermediate. The four apprentices were lined up together while the five warriors, including Fernleaf as a sixth, stood across from them. Oakclaw looked at them, a tiny smile playing at his lips.
"Being a warrior isn't just about who can run, jump, fight, or hunt the best," he began. "In many ways you could argue being a warrior has absolutely nothing to do with any of those things. Initiative, judgment, focus, and dedication are the sorts of things we're looking for. These are the valuable traits a Clan desires and need in a warrior–someone who puts its best interest first. This past night you were subjected to trials that tested just these sorts of things, but that wasn't all."
Oakclaw took a moment to let his words settle in before continuing.
"Here's what you all knew: you were tasked with walking into a cave. From there you discovered Fernleaf at the bottom and ended up having a discussion with her. Now here's what you didn't realize. While having that one on one discussion your respective mentors, standing here before you, were listening in from above through that hole. We'll individually be taking all that we heard today, along with Fernleaf's input, into account when making our final decisions."
"You were spying on us?" Hollypaw growled, looking to all the warriors incredulously. "I–."
"They weren't spying," Fernleaf mewed, speaking up suddenly. The medicine cat stepped forward, surveying all four apprentices, meeting each of their gazes individually. "The thing I feel gets the most overlooked when trying to care for a cat is how they personally feel and think. My herbs can heal a lot of physical ailments, but does absolutely nothing for a broken heart or mind. You've all already proven that you can hunt, track, and fight. What we wanted to learn today was the sorts of cats you are and could grow to be. Please don't misunderstand. That was the point of our conversations. It wasn't to trick you or violate your privacy."
Oakclaw bobbed his head happily. "Well said, Fernleaf. That sums up my sentiments perfectly. Things have been rather dour as of late for BoulderClan, and it's important that the young ones coming up are well within a mentally healthy enough state to handle it. As an apprentice I know it can be difficult to open up and express these sorts of things honestly. To quote a certain tom from my past, 'You have a great inventive mind. Don't let your best asset become your biggest hindrance'. And I feel exactly the same way he did about me that I do for you." And he then looked directly at Redpaw as he finished speaking.
And with that final message, once and for all, ended our final assessment. Much of what happened after is largely a blur to me. I know there were some words exchanged with our mentors before eventually being led back to camp and collapsing into my nest to sleep. I'm uncertain of how much time past while unconscious, only that I awoke to the nudging of another paw in my side. This is how it all started. Where the rift would begin.
"Wha–" Redpaw groggily groaned, rising his head up.
From the thin amount of amber light in the den it was somewhere close to sunset. He'd slept the majority of the day away.
"Will you come with me?" a low voice whispered into his ear.
It took him a couple of heartbeats to recognize it as Hollypaw's. She lie wide awake, crouched next to him and his nest.
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"I said awhile ago that there was somewhere I wanted to take you, and asked would you come. You said yes then, and now I'm asking if you'll still do it?"
"Right now?"
"Right now," she affirmed.
There seemed to be no space for negotiation on this with her. And Redpaw had given his word, although he hadn't expected to keep it after such a laborious day, especially for both of them. Where did she find this energy, he wondered?
"Okay, I'm getting up," he relented with a mew.
Hollypaw was already slipping out of the den as he stood up. Redpaw resisted a groan at the strain on his muscles. He'd need to remember to stretch properly later or risk waking up stiff tomorrow. Padding outside, he found Hollypaw pacing back and forth by the tunnel leading in and out of camp. Catching sight of him, she signaled with her tail for him to follow.
He sped over to her, and together they both dived into the tunnel, emerging out into the forest on the other side. Hollypaw instantly began moving at a quick pace, giving him no choice but to follow else be left behind.
"Where are we headed?" Redpaw huffed, somewhat sluggishly.
He was still carrying a lot of the lingering effects from earlier. Physically, he wasn't in prime condition, nor was running around in the forest again so soon helping matters.
"Someplace important," she replied, staring straight ahead. "Lilypaw would've been with us, but she couldn't make it, too busy talking to Fernleaf or something."
Lilypaw had been meant to come with them? This only served to raise his curiosity even more. Hollypaw was being incredibly vague here and he couldn't understand why. She'd done things like this in the past, suddenly running up and dragging him off somewhere, but never in this way. She just did it–never stopping to give warning or asking ahead half-moon prior like she'd done.
"But where exactly?" he questioned again.
"The meeting spot," she stated, as if it explained everything.
Redpaw abandoned further attempts. It was clear now he wouldn't get a clear answer until they reached their destination. He soon noticed they were coming up on the border that separated their Clan from MeadowClan. Without an ounce of hesitation in her step, Hollypaw crossed straight over the border.
"What are you doing?!" Redpaw yowled, halting before a single paw could cross over.
Was she some sort of mousebrain? Had she suddenly lost all sense of herself?
Hollypaw stopped in her tracks and turned to look at him. "We have to, Redpaw. The meeting spots over this way."
"It's also MeadowClan territory!" he shot back, angrily.
"I know, I know! But it's for a good reason, I promise."
"We're trespassing on another Clan's territory for a 'good reason'?" Redpaw shook his furiously. "Hollypaw, the Warrior Code states–."
"Who cares about the code! Redpaw, have I ever lied to you?" Hollypaw demanded, marching back across the border to stand less than a whisker away from him. Her eyes were hard and assured. "Can you think of a single time I've lied to you, when I've deceived you? Of all cats, have I ever done something to get you in trouble or put you at a disadvantage? Make you distrust me? Because if I have then name it!"
Furs bristled, eyes narrowed, and flanks heaving heavily, a sharp tension circulated between them. Who cares about the code? He cared. Oakclaw cared. An image of a dying tom flashed through his mind. So did Brackentail.
"Trust me," Hollypaw urged. Her gaze latched onto Redpaw's, refusing to release. "You know I wouldn't ask if it weren't important. I want you to see what I've helped create. The sort of change coming to the forest as a result of it. It's–."
"Hollypaw?" a faraway voice called out.
The deadlock broke as they both turned to stare behind Hollypaw. There was a tom, light brown with black spots, several foxlengths away slowly making his way towards him. What caught Redpaw's attention about him instantly though, was the fact he knew Hollypaw's name.
The spotted tom stopped just a few pawlengths away, directly in front of the border between them, and fixed the most luminous golden eyes Redpaw had ever seen onto him.
"Redpaw, I presume?" he spoke matter of fact. "It's nice to finally put a face to the name and stories."
A mixture of alarm and surprise prickled across Redpaw's back. This cat knew him, how? He couldn't recall a single instance where the two of them could've crossed paths. He turned to Hollypaw, searchingly, desperate for some sort of explanation.
"Redpaw, this is Falconpaw," she said, motioning to the black spotted tom. "He's a friend I made sometime ago who's been helping me out with something very important. That's why I asked you to come with me. I wanted to introduce you to it all at once."
"Introduce me to what?" he asked, though his voice felt hollow as he did.
"Our group, or maybe it's better to refer to it as a movement of sorts," the tom he now knew as Falconpaw spoke up. "We can explain it on the way if you want, but I personally would recommend that you actually see it for what it is with your own eyes to fully understand."
There was a strange buzzing in his ears that he couldn't shake. A group? Some kind of 'movement', as Falconpaw put it. Dazedly, he turned to Hollypaw. What in the stars had she gotten herself involved in?
"Please, Redpaw," she mewed, her tone surprisingly pleading. "I'll explain everything to you clearly, if you just come with us. I've debated for a long time now when the right time to involve you in this should be, and after you telling me the story of what led to your birth, it sealed it for me. You've never had a reason to doubt me before, so I'm asking you again. Will you trust me?"
Redpaw glanced from the face of Falconpaw and then back to Hollypaw. He was at a complete loss for words, his entire body feeling foreign to him in that amount. One, two, three, four, five heartbeats passed by before, mutely, he nodded his head.
They traveled as a trio afterwards through the sloping hills of MeadowClan, as Hollypaw and Falconpaw took turns detailing to him the moons worth of progress and work they'd put into this neutral assembled group of Clan cats.
They went on about the group's shared ideals of a future away from fighting and strife, Clan ties and loyalty, shared hunting grounds, and more that Redpaw simply just could not keep up with. So much of the talk he barely registered half of, trapped in a numbness barren of emotion and feeling. The talks continued on until eventually he was led to a gigantic slab of rock that rose out of the ground.
He was brought beneath it, to an open alcove where he saw it for the first time with his own eyes. There were cats everywhere. From pelts and height alone, he could discern their respective Clans and age. There was nothing but apprentices here, ranging from MeadowClan, SwampClan, and CloudClan. With he and Hollypaw here, and had she mentioned Lilypaw as being a part of this, they represented the cats of BoulderClan.
Hollypaw and Falconpaw led him in, introducing the crowd of cats to him. There was a long speech from them that he didn't listen to before Hollypaw eventually led him around the alcove to meet and speak to each and every last cat present.
Greetings were exchanged that he barely remembered taking part in. Cats from different Clans nodded and smiled at him, though he couldn't be certain of how he responded back. Soon, after a significant portion of time had gone by and night was starting to take claim of the sky, the group dispersed. Falconpaw followed Hollypaw and Redpaw all the way to the BoulderClan MeadowClan border before giving them a parting farewell.
With him gone it was the two of them alone again. They traveled in silence up until coming up on the tunnel that led back inside camp.
Hollypaw looked to him then. "Thank you," she said simply. "You have no idea how good it is to finally have someone like you in on this. If there's any cat in BoulderClan who understands why a group like ours is necessary, it's you. I'm honestly just happy that I can have you in on it now. Now that we're working together things can only get better here for the future cats after us." She glanced to the tunnel. "I should probably go in first. It'll look more suspicious if we come in together. Wait a bit until after me, okay?"
She left shortly after, disappearing into the tunnel. Redpaw did as he was told and waited a decent enough amount of time before reentering the camp when it wouldn't seem peculiar. The camp was largely bare of outside inhabitants, except for a few warriors. One of the warriors in question just happened to be the cat he most wanted to speak to at that moment.
Padding over to the freshkill pile, he sat down besides a certain sizable tom who had just finished eating the last of his meal.
"There's a secret group amongst the Clans," Redpaw stated quietly, keeping his tone low as possible.
Oakclaw's eyes appeared to widen ever so slightly. "Oh, really?" he replied, as if it were the most casual thing to hear. "Why don't you tell me more."
This was the moment, wasn't it? After believing this entire time that nothing could ever tear us apart, it ultimately came at a point where we should've been at our absolute happiest. You did something that I couldn't abide by, and in return I did something that would make you come to detest me to this very day.