Folly
'I want you to name and list, by Clan, every single cat involved'. Those were the instructions given to me back then. I made the choice and did what I saw as the right thing to do. Everything that transpired afterwards, from the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, are all on me. They're all a direct result of my actions and my actions alone.
He'd done something terrible. Never in the moons since Redpaw had become an apprentice would he have ever envisioned actively taking part in a betrayal. Days later, it still made his insides squirm. The taste of treason was sharp and pungent on his tongue, leaving behind an awful wretched taste he couldn't erase.
From the moment he decided to spill everything Redpaw knew there was no turning back. This was something he'd have to carry with him for the rest of his life, like the secret of Brackentail's passing. No matter how much he tried pushing the feeling away–telling himself that he had a legitimate reason for doing it, the sense of disgust stayed. He knew what he'd done, and that was all it took.
The fullness of the pale moon signified the impending gathering. Cats young and old were neatly assembled in front of the Highrock. Crowstar could be observed from atop, addressing the crowd on who would be accompanying him tonight. This would be the first gathering since Leaf-bare and Oakclaw's ascension to deputy, making it important to display strength and solidarity among BoulderClan as a whole.
After a season of severe hardship like the one they'd just come through, rival Clans were always on the lookout to see how well their adversaries fared. It was never a guarantee it'd incite desires of opportunism on a weakened Clan, but in situations where anything was feasibly possible it'd be fleabrained to chance it. BoulderClan itself was in an even more precarious spot because of Brackentail's passing. Losing a deputy, especially one as well respected and acknowledged, could be disastrous for power standings among the other Clans if the new deputy in question wasn't someone they held in high esteem.
Redpaw sat near the very back of the crowd only partially listening. His gaze was firmly secured on Oakclaw, who resided next to the Highrock while Crowstar spoke. Their private conversation of a couple of days ago still lie fresh in his mind. Oakclaw had quietly absorbed all of the information Redpaw had given him before remarking that he'd do something about it come the night of the gathering.
Redpaw wasn't certain what that would entail, but seeing as he wouldn't be attending the gathering he'd simply have to wait until after and ask the tabby how things had unfolded.
His gaze swiveled over to lock on the familiar tortoiseshell pelt of Hollypaw. Like the rest of the camp, her attention was focused solely on Crowstar. Redpaw's thoughts became a jumbled mess when trying to rationalize how he felt about her and the situation. What she and the rest of those cats were doing was clearly against the code. 'Changing things', as they'd called it threatened the current balance of the four Clans in the forest. It couldn't be left alone.
She'd openly told him to his face that she, along with Falconpaw, had created the group, thereby choosing to go against the established order. She was proud of opposing the code. When they were arguing, Hollypaw had brazenly said, 'who cares about the code', to his face. This wasn't some kind of mistake on her part or any of the other cats involved. He'd spoken to each of them, seeing the glee and determination in their eyes. They saw the current way of life as a disease that needed to be remedied. All that he'd experienced, suffered, and strived for they saw as a problem.
What Oakclaw had been through and climbed out of the pits of despair, using as his perch on sanity, they were against. The beliefs that Brackentail had willingly given his life up for to provide for the ones left behind, they were essentially treading over. It was all in direct opposition to what he'd been taught would make him better, make him useful to others and be someone that made a difference!
So why? Why then, despite knowing this and making the decision to inform Oakclaw of the group's existence immediately, had he chosen to lie to the tabby for the first time in his life?
When asked to give up the names of all the cats involved in the secret group, Redpaw had conveniently left out two. One was Hollypaw's. The other was–.
"Hey," Lilypaw mewed, quietly sliding next to him. "Do you have a moment to talk?"
Redpaw's body reflexively tensed as she looked at him. It was difficult to meet her gaze in the same way, knowing what he did. It felt like even the wrong movement right then would somehow give him away.
"Sure," he replied, taking care to sound natural as possible. "What did you need?"
"I..." she seemed to falter for the briefest of heartbeats. "I don't know how you did it, but I wanted to personally thank you for helping out Sagepaw."
It was Redpaw's turn now to falter. He hadn't expected to hear something like that from her, especially not when coupled with the raw sincerity in Lilypaw's voice. The earnestness in her eyes forced him to look away. After all this time he still wasn't used to experiencing emotions like this from other cats.
"It was nothing," he mewed, somewhat sheepishly. "Everyone else was doing their part to help, so I just did mine."
"Yes, but only you were able to get him to leave his nest," Lilypaw expressed fervently. "Not Fernleaf, not Oakclaw, not Ashfur, me, or even Hollypaw. It was you by yourself. He's so much better now, and I can't take credit for any of it. I.." she trailed off again.
She seemed frustrated with herself. Redpaw had no idea where Lilypaw was trying to go with this, but the ardent glow in her eyes was enough of an indicator that whatever it was meant something strongly to her.
"I've been talking to Fernleaf since the assessment," she revealed. "After seeing how you were able to help Sagepaw and later on speaking to her in the chamber, its made me start considering things differently. More than I had before. For awhile now I've been trying to think of a way to help my Clanmates and I think I might've finally found the path that best works for me. I guess I just wanted you to know it, since you're partly the reason why."
Should he be flattered or wary? On the surface Lilypaw's words didn't sound malicious in the slightest. The problem was though, neither had Hollypaw's. Lilypaw expressed she wanted to help their Clanmates, but how far was she willing to take it to get her idea of that truth?
"Redpaw?" Lilypaw asked, staring into his face worriedly. "Are you okay? You suddenly just zoned out there."
"Sorry, I'm fine," he lied seamlessly. "I'm really glad to hear you say that. You have my full support in whatever you choose to do."
Unable to discern her motives, Redpaw ultimately decided to just keep an eye on her. It wasn't a good notion, feeling as though he couldn't trust his Clanmates, but circumstances had made it so that she and Hollypaw were now his responsibility. Choosing to leave their names out meant that anything they did in the future to possibly harm BoulderClan, even accidentally, now fell on his shoulders.
"All cats attending the gathering tonight please assemble at the front of the tunnel!" Oakclaw's voice rung out.
Crowstar's speech had ended while they were talking. Cats had begun migrating around them, some headed to join the group forming near the tunnel. Lilypaw turned to him, offering a polite smile.
"I'm part of gathering tonight, so I guess I'll see you later."
Redpaw nodded. "Sure, take care."
She headed off, joining up with the rest of the cats. Redpaw could see Hollypaw also a part of the group, padding up to greet Lilypaw as she arrived. Emotions convulsed inside of him as a complex brew of disconcert. Just a bit further away from Lilypaw and Hollypaw he caught sight of Oakclaw at the front, and the sour taste in his mouth intensified.
Wasn't he meant to be better than this, Redpaw lamented to himself? Where was the resolve he had supposedly found? He forcibly tore himself away then, knowing lingering on it would do nothing to wash away the confusion.
Redpaw instead averted his eyes to the starless night sky, using the full moon as a focus for his unstable mood. There was a sort of soothing allure to it that made it a bit easier to keep everything at bay.
My discomfort would be pivotal to how I acted later. Desperate to quiet the roaring beast in my chest, I took any chance to prove my loyalty, to reinforce the oath I'd made as fact. It's interesting to observe in retrospect now how the cracks had already started to make themselves known then. I was simply blinded by my own foolishness to see the problem.
It was a little before moonhigh when the group of cats returned from the gathering. Redpaw had busied himself in the meantime by hanging around the mouth of the apprentice den with Sagepaw. Similar to him, the russet tom didn't seem much in a mood for talking or sleeping, making the two of them the perfect companions for each other in this instance.
Redpaw's ears suddenly perked at the familiar sound of several pawsteps moving in tandem. He looked towards the tunnel entrance expectantly. Sagepaw sniffed the air and slightly tilted his head sideways.
"Something's off," he said.
Cats were sliding into the camp before Redpaw had much to consider his words. From a casual glance there seemed nothing particularly wrong. On closer inspection, taking pause to taste the air, Sagepaw's guess had been correct. There was an air of tension wafting from the group. Not quite fear scent, this was a bit different–more anxious or uncertain than outright frightened.
Redpaw was on his paws in an instance, Sagepaw as well, nearly matching him in motion. They made move to approach the group when Hollypaw and Lilypaw came running up to intercept them. Like the others, an aura of confusion radiated off of them.
"What's going on?" Redpaw asked, instantly. "Did something happen at the gathering?"
"There was some kind of commotion with the deputies," Hollypaw responded. "The one from MeadowClan was irate about something."
Redpaw's blood ran cold. No, please say it wasn't because of that, he thought pleadingly?
"What sort of commotion?" he asked, breathlessly. "What was it about?"
Lilypaw was the one to reply next. "No ones sure, but it was enough of an issue that the leaders needed to get involved. The gathering had to be paused while the eight of them walked off together to diffuse the issue."
"I don't know if something happened to him, but right after the gathering ended Crowstar told Oakclaw to go with Fernleaf straight to her den," Hollypaw added.
It was true. He'd done something to get Oakclaw in trouble, or worse, hurt. He was sprinting full pace for the medicine den before he even realized his body was doing it. Sagepaw, Hollypaw, or Lilypaw might've called out to him then, but Redpaw's thoughts were single-minded in their focus.
He barged his way into the medicine den, immediately calling out, "Oakclaw!"
"Oh, you certainly seem energetic tonight, Redpaw," an amused voice greeted him.
Oakclaw resided before him, sitting as Fernleaf hovered nearby his right shoulder. On the other side of him stood Crowstar. The BoulderClan leader cast a glance in his direction, not seeming particularly surprised to see Redpaw present.
"I can see you'll be busy for awhile," Crowstar said, turning to look back at Oakclaw. "Come see me in my den once you're done here."
Oakclaw nodded to him. "Of course."
Pausing to give Fernleaf a brief dip of his head, Crowstar made move to leave the den. On his way out he made eye contact with Redpaw before giving him a nod as well and exiting.
"Well, Oakclaw," Fernleaf spoke, after Crowstar had gone, "like I was just telling Crowstar before, outside of some slightly tussled fur, you're perfectly fine. There's not a scratch on you."
The tabby nodded gratefully to her. "And I thank you again for your patience and help, Fernleaf. Now," he said, casting a knowing look in Redpaw's direction, "would it be too much to ask for a bit of privacy with Redpaw? I promise not to take up too much time in your den."
Fernleaf's gaze drifted over to Redpaw as well. "There's no need to rush," she said. "Take your time. One of the elders was complaining about sore joints earlier, so I'll be heading out over there to tend to."
The medicine cat wasn't gone less than a few heartbeats before Redpaw was already questioning Oakclaw.
"Are you okay?" he asked, instantly.
"Perfectly fine. There's not a scratch on me," Oakclaw replied, quoting Fernleaf's precise words back to him with a smile.
That filled Redpaw with some relief. His jolly demeanor was still intact.
"What happened? I heard there was some kind of dispute with the deputies."
Oakclaw released a tiny sigh before saying, "It seems in my haste to do the right thing by notifying the others of the secretive undertakings of some of their own cats, I misjudged how they might've taken it as an affront. I was questioned quite relentlessly by a few of the other deputies on how I came about such enticing information, and once I calmly explained the full story to them in the exact detail as you did for me is when things took a rather sour direction."
That 'full story', as Redpaw had originally told it, involved Falconpaw inviting him to be a part of his ever growing group of cats against the four Clans. Feigning loyalty, Redpaw was able to convince Falconpaw of his desire to join, and in a show of good faith the tom introduced him to all the cats involved. It was a lie, but a convincing enough of one that Oakclaw never questioned its validity. Understanding now the sort of disruption it'd caused for the tabby, he was heavily reconsidering whether or not he should've just been truthful from the start.
"Apparently Falconpaw is the son of the MeadowClan leader Amberstar," Oakclaw revealed, causing Redpaw's eyes to widen. "Accusing the kit of a Clan leader as having violated the code didn't sit particular well with Goosefeather, MeadowClan's deputy and so that's around when Crowstar and the other leaders had to get involved. They pulled our group away from the gathering to speak in private where I more or less recited a slightly shortened version of what you'd told me again."
"Our discussion was not a pleasant one," Oakclaw stated bluntly. "The other leaders demanded I present irrefutable proof of the cats meeting up, otherwise this will be seen as BoulderClan attempting to stir strife amongst the four Clans, which in turn would place us in quite an unfavorable position. I don't think I have to explain the complications that may arise should we fall under the scrutiny of three possible adversaries. One Clan in a battle is one thing, but add another, and then for sheer spite let's add a third and see how well one Clan manages to fend for itself in such a situation."
The ominousness in his words was enough to perfectly convey the message to Redpaw. There was no mistaking it for anything else.
"I see. So it's a threat."
Oakclaw nodded appreciatively. "Good, you understand then because I need your help."
Redpaw felt his heart skip a beat. Had he heard Oakclaw right just now?
"My help?" he replied, sounding just as shaken as he felt then. "Anything! Just name it."
"You know when the next meeting of this group is, correct?"
"Yes," he nodded, frantically searching through his memory for the answer. "I believe they said it'd be a quarter-moon from now around sunset."
"A quarter-moon, huh?" Oakclaw mused aloud. His gaze was shifted off into the corner of the den in thought. "Redpaw, do you trust me?" he suddenly asked, turning to face him.
Redpaw nodded without hesitation. He didn't need to think about it for an instance.
"I have two requests of you then," Oakclaw said, continuing. "There are only three cats in the Clan who know of this: I, Crowstar, and you. I ask that you keep it a secret from your fellow Clanmates. I'd rather not unnerve them anymore than I already have tonight. Secondly, an ultimatum was given to us at the gathering. They want you to personally lead a team consisting of the other deputies to the secret location of the cats or else. Crowstar is vehemently against it, but considering that he isn't the one being tasked, I ask will you accompany me come that day and do it?"
There was trouble in accepting this offer, he realized. Come the time of the next quarter-moon, Hollypaw and Lilypaw would be going to join the meeting. The same exact one that Oakclaw desperately needed to prove existed or risk danger for BoulderClan. He'd also taken all the blame and threats meant for him, indirectly protecting Redpaw from the other Clans.
Placed in a similar position earlier, he'd chosen to save Hollypaw and Lilypaw. But if they were truly willing to go against the code and thereby endanger BoulderClan with their relationship to Falconpaw, could he really standby and let it happen. The safety of everyone here was at stake, including theirs. And never before, in all the moons he'd trained him had Oakclaw ever made such a personal request of him before. He was counting on Redpaw, genuinely and truly.
"Absolutely," Redpaw mewed adamantly. "I won't let anything threaten our way of life."
And so the final decision was made. The mistakes only seem to be pilling up in my head now. There's so much that went wrong and fast. I couldn't account for any of it. No cat could. I was driven by one goal, and only one goal in mind. This was my chance. I only wonder now if it was truly worth it in the end.
A quarter-moon passed by with Redpaw near immobilized by internal strife. Everyday that slipped by went a chance where he could've cornered Hollypaw or Lilypaw and explain to them why it'd be dangerous to try and leave the camp that day. Doing that though ran the risk of one of them slipping away one night to warn Falconpaw and the others. That'd put BoulderClan in a dangerous position then.
He didn't think either of them would ever intentionally endanger the lives of innocent cats, should they know, but there was also the matter of would Hollypaw be willing to let the others take the fall instead then? Redpaw had known her since a kit and she was predicable in that she was unpredictable. When considering the options, no matter how often he did, it seemed the safest route for everyone involved.
A threat would be removed before it could cause genuine harm to their way of life, and the threat originally levied against their Clan would be lifted. Or so he hoped.
The promised day of when everything finally came to a head arrived. He'd spent a large part of the day restlessly roaming the forest and stretching. He wanted to be nimble and loose as possible for anything that went down. He returned to camp after burning off some anxious energy to powerful cry of Crowstar's voice ringing throughout the camp.
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the Highrock!"
He looked to the gray leader standing atop the Highrock itself, awaiting the crowd to heed his command. A tightness began forming in the pit of his stomach. Paranoia that this may be Crowstar deciding to forgo the secrecy and just tell the camp everything, clutched at his sides sharply.
Anxiously, Redpaw padded away to join the rest of the cats assembling before the Highrock. Out the corner of his eye, he caught Oakclaw sliding his way beside the Highrock to stand directly beneath it and Crowstar.
"On this day we gather for a truly special occasion," Crowstar began, his carrying clearly throughout the air. For those of you unaware, we recently held a final assessment for a group of four apprentices, and today is when we witness their hard-work finally paying off. Hollypaw, Lilypaw, Redpaw, and Sagepaw please step forward."
Redpaw felt momentarily frozen in place, completely stunned. It was their warrior ceremony of all days, today! There had to be some kind of a mistake, right? If he became a warrior today than that meant he'd have to do the customary silent vigil that every new warrior partakes in. That meant Hollypaw and Lilypaw would be unable to leave tonight, releasing him from the trouble of one burden; but it also meant that he would be unable to accompany Oakclaw tonight.
Seeing no other way out of the situation, Redpaw moved along in the front of the entire camp with Hollypaw, Lilypaw, and Sagepaw respectively. A wave of nostalgia intermixed with a bit of melancholy hit him suddenly. It took him back to the last time he'd been in this same exact position before. It was the time when Crowstar's had revealed to everyone that he didn't have a mentor for him. It was bittersweet to recognize how different and yet the same things still felt, even now.
"Hollypaw, please step forward," Crowstar ordered.
Without a hitch in her step, Hollypaw marched forward to take center in front of everyone. She met Crowstar's gaze evenly and stood proudly as she waited for him to commence the adornment.
"I, Crowstar, leader of BoulderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has displayed courage and determination while training to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as a warrior in their turn. Hollypaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your own life?"
"I do," Hollypaw mewed.
Redpaw's claws partially dug into the ground, hearing her respond without the slightest hint of hesitation in her tone. They both knew she didn't truly mean what she'd just agreed to.
"And now, Roseblossom," Crowstar said, turning to the crowd for Hollypaw's mentor, who proceeded to then step forward beside her. "Being that you are her mentor, in your opinion, does Hollypaw properly meet the requirements that you determine to be necessary for a warrior to have?"
"I do," Roseblossom answered confidently, glancing to look at Hollypaw with pride shinning in her eyes.
Crowstar nodded. "Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your name. Hollypaw from this moment on you will be known as, Hollyfrost. StarClan honors your courage and determination, and we welcome you as a full warrior of BoulderClan!"
The crowd erupted into a yowl of chants. One after another, the name Hollyfrost went up as a unified cry out into the heavens, celebrating the arrival of a new warrior into the ranks of the Clan. Hollyfrost stood there, basking in the call of her new name.
"Congratulations, Hollyfrost," Roseblossom mewed, before leaning over to affectionately pressed her nose into the side of her head.
For the first time that day Hollyfrost looked genuinely embarrassed. Crowstar waited until the crowd was properly calm before resuming the ceremony. With a single nod of his head to her, Lilypaw now stepped forward, assuming the center spot Hollyfrost had originally held.
He went through the process of repeating much of the same speech as he'd used for Hollyfrost.
"Lilypaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your own life?"
"I do," Lilypaw mewed.
"Duskpelt, being that you are her mentor, in your opinion, does Lilypaw properly meet the qualifications that you determine to be necessary for a warrior to have?"
Lilypaw's mentor stepped forward. "I do...or rather I did before personally talking to her after the assessment." He turned to look at her then. "Lilypaw feels that her future doesn't lie down the path of a warrior. Isn't that right, Lilypaw?"
The white apprentice lowered her head, appearing almost bashful to speak. "Yes," she replied, meekly. Lilypaw released a deep breath before rising her head to meet Crowstar's eyes. "I've given a lot of thought over the past moon, and if it's possible, I'd like to train under Fernleaf as a medicine cat."
Lilypaw's words from the night of the gathering suddenly made complete sense to Redpaw. This what she'd been trying to explain without outright saying it. He along with the rest of the Clan looked from Lilypaw in surprise to the mildly stunned expression on Crowstar's face. A moment later it vanished to be replaced with a soft smile from the leader.
"Fernleaf?" he called out. "What say you to Lilypaw's request, then?"
The crowd separated in two to allow Fernleaf space to walk through and take up the right side beside Lilypaw while Duskpelt resided on her left.
"I would be honored," the medicine cat declared, dipping her head to Crowstar.
"That settles it then," Crowstar decreed. "Lilypaw will from hence forth be acknowledged as the medicine cat apprentice!"
A steady rhythmic cry of Lilypaw! Lilypaw! Lilypaw! Began echoing throughout the camp. Lilypaw happily touched noses with her new mentor before shooting Duskpelt a thankful dip of the head.
"There's a lot we'll have to go over, starting tonight," Fernleaf said to her new apprentice. "Are you up for it?"
Lilypaw gave a excited nod of her head. "I'm ready to start whenever you want, Fernleaf."
They exchanged a few more words between each other before retreating back into the crowd of cats. With Lilypaw a medicine cat apprentice now and Hollyfrost a full fledged warrior, that only left two apprentices remaining.
Crowstar slowly shifted over to him. "Redpaw, please step forward."
Calming his nerves, Redpaw took a deep inhale and proceeded to pad forward, now taking center of everyone's attention. It'd been a long time since he'd been in this position, but oddly or rather surprisingly enough, he didn't feel that same fervent searing stare from the crowd that he had all those many moons ago. Confidently, he looked up to meet Crowstar's gaze. Offering him back the slightest of nod, the gray leader began speaking at once.
"I, Crowstar, leader of BoulderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has displayed peerless resilience and determination while training to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as a warrior in their turn. Redpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your own life?"
The answer was out of his mouth before Crowstar even had a chance to properly finish his speech.
"I do."
Crowstar's gaze now descended below him, by the side of Highrock where his deputy had remained all awhile, silent and watchful since the start. As if catching his exact cue, Oakclaw padded casually into the center of camp besides Redpaw, looking straight up at Crowstar.
"Oakclaw, being that you are his sole mentor, in your opinion, does Redpaw properly meet the requirements that you determine to be necessary for a warrior to have?"
For the briefest of heartbeats, Oakclaw glanced at Redpaw from the corner of his eye and gave the faintest of smirks.
"I don't."
It was as if sound had been sucked from the entire area. Not even the familiar tune of birdsong could be heard. All around him, Redpaw saw reflections of what he presumed to be an accurate representation of how he currently felt inside.
Baffled. Befuddled. Astounded. There were a multitude of words and feeling, but even some of those still didn't quite do it justice. Atop the Highrock, Crowstar was like a mold of stone himself with how eerily still he sat in place. Hollyfrost seemed outraged. Lilypaw and Fernleaf a mixture of disbelief and confusion. Sagepaw's face was a blank shell, seeming to have internally been unable to reconcile the deputy's words. But the most important face of them all was obviously Oakclaw's. He was the clearest depiction of carefree, not seeming even remotely perturbed by the soundless crowd surrounding them.
Had something like this ever occurred? For the life of him Redpaw could not recall a single story or tale that told of a warrior denying their apprentice the opportunity to become a warrior. The mere thought just seemed so unprecedented.
"Is there any reason..." Crowstar attempted to speak before trailing off. He clearly appeared to be struggling for the right words to say in such an instance. "Do you have a reason for why you would deny Redpaw this right, Oakclaw?"
"A few, yes," the tabby replied, blithely. "I mulled it over for awhile and took into consideration things I've either learned or heard about during his assessment, and feel he's not quite ready yet. It's not like he'll never not become a warrior. Just not at this moment. Right, Redpaw?" Oakclaw said, turning his head to look at him. "You don't have an issue with waiting, do you?"
In front of all those cats then, Redpaw felt truly at a loss for words. After everything they'd been through, after everything he'd said to him, why would Oakclaw...The tabby's eyes locked with his own and held them in place, steady and firm. He stared deep into Oakclaw's eyes, almost mesmerized, where he saw flickers of reassurance. Oakclaw was asking him to remain calm and trust in him.
"Oakclaw's right," Redpaw stated loudly for Crowstar and the rest of the Clan to hear. "If he says I'm not ready yet, then it means I'm not ready. I trust his judgment unconditionally."
Crowstar appeared on the verge of outright disagreeing until Redpaw spoke out. Faced with an apprentice who backed his mentor's decision wholeheartedly now placed the leader in a difficult position.
"Fine," he relented after sometime, clearly unhappy. "For the time being, per Oakclaw's request, Redpaw will remain an apprentice. If there's nothing else to discuss, Sagepaw, please step forward."
The ceremony continued from there, if a bit stiffly. Redpaw and Oakclaw moved to join the crowd, leaving Sagepaw as the remaining cat left to draw attention.
"Ashfur, being that you are his mentor, in your humble opinion, does Sagepaw properly meet the requirements that you determine to be necessary for a warrior to have?"
"With everyone here and StarClan as my witness, I do," Ashfur said, proudly.
"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your name. Sagepaw from this moment on you will be known as, Sagebrush. StarClan honors your courage and perseverance, and we welcome you as a full warrior of BoulderClan!" Crowstar cried.
"Sagebrush! Sagebrush! Sagebrush!" went the chant, showering the newly named Sagebrush in celebration.
"And that will conclude our warrior ceremony," Crowstar spoke up once more after the cheering had finally dwindled back down. "As is customary of our ways tonight Hollyfrost and Sagebrush will hold their vigils throughout the night. To the rest of you goodnight, and Oakclaw, would you please join me in my den after this?"
"Of course, Crowstar," Oakclaw merrily replied. A moment later he dropped his voice to a delicate whisper, making it so low that only Redpaw was able to catch it. "Wait for me in the forest."
The crowd began dispersing around them. Redpaw watched as Oakclaw turned and began heading his way up into Crowstar's den where the BoulderClan leader awaited. He waited a heartbeat longer until he'd seen the last of Oakclaw's tail disappear inside before turning to go himself.
He was less than a couple pawlengths away from the tunnel leading outside when his ears perked. Someone was calling his name. He turned, catching sight of Hollyfrost and Sagebrush padding their way towards him.
"What was that?!" Hollyfrost immediately demanded of him, clearly incensed. "How could that foxdung of a tom say you're not ready to be a warrior? You've done everything needed and more twice over! If any of us deserved to be made a warrior today, it was you."
Redpaw did his best to appear nonchalant, offering a smile. "I just wasn't ready. Don't worry, I'm sure it won't take too long before I join you guys. Save some space in warriors den for me, will you?" he joked. It was best to assuage their feelings quickly, so he could swiftly and quietly slip out of camp. "Congratulations by the way. I'm happy for both of you, Hollyfrost and Sagebrush."
Hollyyfrost didn't seem soothed by his words. It was clear she was still upset for him and wasn't willing to just let it drop like that.
"We should get ready to start our vigil," Sagebrush said to her. "We can talk to Redpaw later." He turned to look at him then and gave a nod of his head. "I'll hold you to that promise. You better be a part of the warriors den soon, Redpaw. Don't make us wait."
"Of course." He then dipped his head to both of them. "Congratulations again you guys. I mean it." He met both their eyes and he said it. "I've gotta go now. Oakclaw wants me out in the forest. We're probably going to go over some past lessons together. Be back soon."
Redpaw dipped into the tunnel and emerged on the other side into the forest. He sat waiting anxiously for Oakclaw to arrive, his nerves a jumbled mess of conflicting emotions. There was a lot to sort through and no actual time to do any of it. He'd just have to push it aside.
The sound of pawsteps made his ears perk. He stood, recognizing the lightness in the placement of the pads. Moments later, the visage of Oakclaw greeted him, sliding into view. He gave a bob of his head towards the trees, indicating that Redpaw should follow him, and together the two of them began walking.
"Apologies for the wait, Redpaw," he mewed. "It seems Crowstar wasn't overly pleased with my actions."
"Is everything okay?" Redpaw asked.
"Difficult to say. He was really hoping to use the ceremony as a reason for you to not accompany me tonight, and was quite upset that I interfered."
Redpaw's ears drooped, hearing that. "I'm sorry," he apologized.
Without even trying this time, he'd still managed to find a way to cause Oakclaw trouble. What's more, he'd also placed Crowstar in an incredibly unfavorable position.
Oakclaw looked at him, revealing a hint of surprise in his features. "For what? I'm the one who's at fault for you still being an apprentice. The day of your warrior ceremony unfortunately lined up the same day of the secret meet up. I had to make a decision on whether or not I was willing to violate your silent vigil to bring you with me, and ultimately discarded the idea. When you have your warrior ceremony it'll be done the right way. Although he doesn't like the circumstances surrounding it, even Crowstar agrees that's the proper manner you should become a warrior. Don't worry yourself with our disagreement. It'll soon pass."
At Oakclaw's words the anxiety and guilt he'd been feeling earlier lessened somewhat. He'd put faith in the tabby saying everything would workout eventually and reaverted his focus onto the mission ahead.
"So where are we headed right now?" he asked.
"The MeadowClan border," Oakclaw replied. "That was the agreed upon location for the deputies to assemble. From there it's on you to lead us to where the group is, backing up your claims. Fair bit of warning, however. Despite giving the name and Clan of every cat that you told me you saw there, the others still hold skepticism. So, in the event where one of the cats there try to escape, I want you to hang back on lookout and alert me so I can capture them before they getaway."
Redpaw gave his most obedient of nods. "I'll do my best, but what happens if you're not able to? What if you and the others are too preoccupied with the rest?"
Oakclaw gave him an appraising look. "Well, in such a scenario, I may have to rely on you to pursue them. If it comes to that I ask that you await my word before doing anything, however. Is that understood?"
Redpaw acquiesced with no resistance.
"Good," Oakclaw mewed. "Now before we reach the MeadowClan border, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for awhile now. I've debated whether this is necessary for you to know, but I understand if I'm going to ask you to have faith in me then I should return the favor by at least being transparent with certain things. Redpaw, during your very first assessment, do you remember the rogue you encountered on BoulderClan soil?"
Remembered? It was his very first taste of genuine combat, as frightening and sudden as it'd been. It was also because of that event he'd been relegated to the medicine den where he personally got the opportunity to speak to Crowstar for the first time and learn more about his mother and Oakclaw. He simply nodded his head in silence to show that he did.
"At a gathering, about a moon after that encounter, the leader of CloudClan reported one of their border patrols coming across the body of a rogue." Oakclaw casually glanced at him then. "Apparently it'd starved to death being unable to hunt due to a broken leg."
Silence enwrapped them for several drawn out heartbeats.
"I see," Redpaw simply said.
His tone was oddly neutral, not expressing any particular emotion whatsoever. If he happened to think anything of the information Oakclaw had just revealed it wasn't clear. Oakclaw for his part didn't pry either. Taking Redpaw's response for what it was, he continued walking onward with no interest in delving further.
"We're coming up on the MeadowClan border," Oakclaw spoke up after sometime. "I'm pretty sure the others will be waiting."
Redpaw slowed his walking, allowing Oakclaw to take point. The tabby began pushing bushes aside to step out into the open where surely the rest of the patrol awaited them.
"You took your time," a gruff voice of a cat he didn't recognize growled.
It belonged to a tom of considerable size, though not quite the same in terms of sheer mass as Oakclaw. He stood with two other cats, one a slender and tall she-cat, the other a burly tom with his lower half caked in mud.
"Sorry we're late," came Oakclaw's casual reply. "There was a warrior ceremony that just finished up in our Clan. We're ready to go if you all are?"
The large tom narrowed his eyes at Oakclaw before swiveling them over to focus on Redpaw at his side.
"So this is him then?" he remarked, sounding almost dismissive. He glanced Redpaw over, the familiar sensation of being judged washing over him. "Doesn't look very certain of himself, does he? You sure he wasn't mistaken and isn't just doing this for some kind of attention?"
His tone couldn't be more mocking if he tried. Redpaw was used to being on the receiving end of dislike, but never to such a sharp and open degree as this. Oakclaw smoothly stepped in front of Redpaw then, breaking the tom's line of eyesight with him.
"I kindly ask that you refrain from slandering my apprentice, Goosefeather," he addressed the tom in a light voice. "Redpaw is the furthest thing from a liar, and after tonight you'll see for yourself. Like the rest of you, he has a deep respect for the code and doesn't want to see it tarnished with displays of whatever this is going on right under all our noses."
To actually hear Oakclaw defend him made his heart bloom with pride before wilting with guilt. He was lying though. Not entirely, but enough that it made his stomach churn to have Oakclaw so openly stand up for him. He didn't want Hollyfrost and Lilypaw to get in trouble, but neither had he ever wanted to lie to Oakclaw.
The tall she-cat took that moment to step forward. "My name is WillowFall," she introduced herself to Redpaw. There was a certain refinedness to the way she spoke. "I am the CloudClan deputy, and that," she indicated to the burly tom, "is Toadfoot, the SwampClan deputy. You'll lead us directly to where the group is meeting, correct?"
"Yes, WillowFall" Redpaw replied, dipping his head to her respectfully.
"Lead the way then," came the third and final voice of Toadfoot. "If the cats from my Clan are really a part of this group as you say, there will need to be punishments and more divided out for such offensive behavior."
I still vividly recall the last embers of sunlight dying out, creating a splash of crimson in the sky. There was a numbness proliferating throughout my body that I found solace in. It made simply moving with a singular goal so straightforward and concise. The trek through MeadowClan soil was largely uneventful, as I knew it would be, until from afar the jutting piece of rock became visible.
"Is that it?" Goosefeather demanded of him. When Redpaw nodded his head, the warrior growled, "You're to remain here. I don't want you involved whatsoever–."
"What Goosefeather means is if what you say is true, we'll handle it from here," WillowFall cut in, shooting the warrior a disapproving glare.
The warriors began on ahead. Passing by, Oakclaw gave him a reassuring nod before moving up to join the rest of the deputies. Redpaw kept at a sizable distance while they crept forward closer. He lie crouched, overlooking their progression to mere foxlengths of the jutting rock. All they had to do now was peer down below and that'd confirm everything he'd stated as an undeniable fact.
They began slinking around the perimeter of the rock, moving in pairs of two. Suddenly, they disappeared from his line of vision. Redpaw strained his ears, trying to listen in. If they'd just made their move than something should be happening at any moment now. A–.
Startled yowls echoed into the air, and at once he was on full alert. There were snippets of shouts and angry commands being tossed around, but he couldn't fully discern from who and what parties they belonged.
Something suddenly moved in the corner of his eyes. Narrowing his sight, he zoned in onto the visage of a dark form quickly slipping it's way away from the rock. They'd used a back escape through an area he hadn't been aware of. Watching the shape's swiftly fleeting form made Redpaw dart his eyes back to the alcove. Oakclaw had told him to wait for his word before he attempted trying to stop any runaways, but it quickly becoming apparent that this cat had slunk away without any of them noticing.
I'll apologize later.
And with that he took off, sprinting after the cat. Regardless of whoever they were, there wasn't a cat alive that matched Swiftstep's speed. After the final assessment there wasn't a soul in the four Clans whom Redpaw didn't believe he could sufficiently keep up with.
The gap between them lessened increasingly the longer they went. Redpaw was venturing into proximity where he could now identify the back of the cat's pelt. Light brown fur with black spots. Redpaw felt his pulse quicken. It was Falconpaw.
"Stop!" he called out. "Falconpaw, stop running!"
At the sound of his voice Falconpaw glanced behind him, gold eyes shinning with surprise. He immediately began to slow to a halt until the two of them were standing before the other on top of a grassy hill.
Sides heaving heavily, Falconpaw looked absolutely relieved to see him. "Oh, Redpaw, it's just you," he mewed, thankfully. The panic-stricken look in his eyes from earlier began to recede. "Did you see what just happened? All the deputies suddenly showed up. Is Hollypaw with you? We should circle back around and warn her not to go to the meet-up. It's been compromised. I don't know how they found out, but it's dangerous for any of us to be seen with each other. We can still possibly salvage this, but it's going to be difficult. I was thinking of–. "
"I already know," Redpaw said, interrupting Falconpaw's flow of words. He locked gazes with his golden eyes. "I led them there."
"Wha–" Falconpaw sputtered. Shock radiated off him in waves. "Why?! Why would you ever do something like that?"
"It was the only option," he mewed. "This group is threatening the sanctity of our lives here by causing division in the ranks of the Clans. There's no point in trying to escape, Falconpaw. I already gave up your and the rest of cats involved names. Not only do the deputies know about you, so do the leaders."
Falconpaw shook his head disbelievingly. He was staring at him now as if he'd just sprouted a second head.
"I don't understand it," he muttered, continuing to stare at him in awe. "Hollypaw has told me extensively about your upbringing in BoulderClan. How could someone like you, having gone through all of that believe in such a blind lie. This cycle we live in promotes and encourages conflict, Redpaw. It encourages distrust, isolation, and separatism amongst us. How can you–."
"There's nothing wrong with our way of life!" Redpaw yowled aloud, shouting over Falconpaw's words. His eyes burned spitefully as he glowered at him. Falconpaw had no right to speak of his background. "I'm sick of you and Hollyfrost saying that as though it's true!" he growled. "It's not! Everything I have now is owed to that way of life that you seem to detest so much! We're all functioning fine! Everyone is fed and safe. We only fight when we absolutely must, and never with the sole intent to kill! The code promotes a unified way of living– care for your elders and those who can't properly fend for themselves like queens and kits, as well as supporting your fellow Clanmates. The one time when someone in BoulderClan failed to abide by this, half of our numbers were wiped out! That's what comes of straying from the code. That's why my upbringing was the way it became. The problem isn't the code, it's cats like you."
He literally spat out the last of those words. So much of his life had been dictated due to mistakes in the past. He wouldn't allow that to happen to another cat for as long as he lived. Under no circumstances would he ever put someone in the position as he'd been. The next step to making it a certain thing was by putting an end to all of this.
"Cats like me?" Falconpaw mewed, staring at Redpaw with a look that could almost be described as pity in his golden eyes. He shook his head. "No, Redpaw, cats like me, cats like Hollypaw, would've tried to help cats like your mother and you. Unfortunately, cats like you would be the ones to shun her and you, like everyone else in your Cl–."
Redpaw let loose a feral yowl and dived at Falconpaw. He barreled straight into his chest and together their bodies went tumbling down a hill. A seething rage had seized him, blanking his mind and sending him in a frenzy. Redpaw only saw hate in his visage.
He was shouting or it might've been Falconpaw. At one point the spotted tom was able to knock him away and dart off, running desperately through the sloping hills in a panicked escape. Redpaw pursued with a searing vengeance. The chase led them up a steep hill, higher than any of the others around the area. Falconpaw scampered to the very top of it before suddenly stopping. The last thing Redpaw saw was the look of astonishment in his eyes before slamming into him.
Their bodies went momentarily weightless. For a heartbeat or more they seemed to float there in air before everything went fast and they were careening down below. With a resounding thud Falconpaw's head bounced off of the ground while Redpaw's body partially fell on top of his. The air shot from Redpaw's mouth in a half cry half grunt. The two of them lay motionless afterwards.
He came to sometime after the sun had set and night held reign over the sky. His breaths came out in ragged, short bursts, and with a loud gasp of pain struggled into a sitting position. Falconpaw lie next to him still on the ground.
"Get up," he wheezed, painfully. He coughed and a sharp pain ran along his back. "I said get up. We're going back so you can accept your punishment. I'll drag you there myself if I have to."
Falconpaw remained still. Reluctantly twisting his sore body around to fully look at him, Redpaw realized why Falconpaw hadn't so much as spoken. The black spotted tom's eyes were open, sightless, and dull. The luminous glow that'd been there was gone.
Redpaw reached out a paw and placed it on Falconpaw's body, shaking it. The eyes remained still and open, the body still as well. Redpaw shook him again.
"Hey," he mewed out. "You need to get up. Falconpaw, you need to get up. Everyone's waiting for us. We have..." his voice faltered, as the shock began to lessen and he started to process fully what'd happen.
He hunched over instantly and nearly retched out onto the ground. Only closing his mouth at the last moment and forcibly swallowing it back down is what stopped it. Falconpaw was dead. He'd killed him.
Acknowledging it nearly caused the bile in his throat to resurface. Redpaw buried his face into the grass and clenched his fangs tightly together to resist the yowl threatening to spill out at any moment.
Block it out and hold yourself together, he urged himself. Don't break. Don't break. Don't break. Don't break. Don't break!
"He was a threat anyway," he muttered into the soil while sinking his claws in. "Our way of life was being threatened. 'To benefit others, sometimes sacrifices are a necessary evil'," he quoted Brackentail aloud to himself. "'You did what you needed to do to protect yourself and the Clan'," he mewed, quoting Oakclaw aloud this time.
He kept doing this, on and on and on again. But no matter what, despite how much he chanted these words of cats he saw as ascertain of themselves and their paths, it did nothing to comfort him. It did nothing to erase the existence of the dead body less than four pawsteps away.
It's my fault. All of it is my fault. It hurts to revisit this memory, probably more so than any of the rest just because of how distinctly I still remember all of it. I can't get the look of Falconpaw's lifeless eyes out of my head. And I can't get the look of your horrified face out either after you found out. I deserve to have you hate me. If there's any cat who's ever earned the right to do so it's you. This is my failure, my fault, my folly.