Broken Chapter 36: Broken, a warriors fanfic

Broken

The cracking started long before I'd noticed. I thought I'd find clarity, some sort of solace down this path, but its only brought about conflict and ruin to those I know. I'm in pieces now, a scatter of wasted potential, or rather none ever to begin with. I wanted to prove it wasn't true, though. Like a ravenous leech, I latched onto anything that could prove reality otherwise. This is how it all finally came to fruition.

"Go and live your life."

Those were the last words shared to him by Oakclaw in over a moon. He'd spoken them at his warrior ceremony in a quiet tone, nearly too low to have properly heard. Why had it sounded like a goodbye? He wanted so desperately to ask him, but couldn't. There was no way he could face Oakclaw now.

I ruined everything.

A snake had made its home inside his stomach. Everyday for the past moon it'd been slowly constricting itself around his organs and bones, painfully compacting them in place. Menial tasks like breathing or sleep became increasingly difficult to maintain. The few moments of reprieve where he could exhaustedly fall asleep were disrupted by nightmares.

The dreams changed constantly in terms of their content. Sometimes it'd be the agonized yowls of the rogue who'd broken their leg, the haggard and thin face of a dying Brackentail, a closeup of the sightless eyes of a dead Falconpaw, or even worse, the genuine look of surprise on Oakclaw's face upon discovering him alone with Falconpaw's lifeless body.

He woke with a muted flinch every night in his nest, heart pounding to the beat of numerous paws knocking against earth. None of the other warriors ever took notice, for which he was grateful. He would've found himself in Fernleaf's den being ask to answer questions he honestly couldn't.

Days as a warrior largely went by in smears of color inter-cut with murmurs of sound. Relations with MeadowClan were akin to a forest and fire. At the last gathering Amberstar had sworn retaliation of some kind for Falconpaw's death. The fact her own son had led a secret faction of cats under her own nose was being ignored due to her grief. She wanted something to direct her anger towards and BoulderClan served as that distraction.

This meant frequent patrols of the MeadowClan border, numbering in the dozens. Several teams of cats would be sent out to check and renew the scent markers while scouring the hills for any invading adversaries. Due to the threat level of the situation, Crowstar placed a ban on apprentices roaming anywhere near that specific portion of the forest. As a result only groups of warriors were able, thereby straining the amount of cats that were used to cover other borders.

Dedicated stationed guards were also implemented. Some were located at the border, others around camp. Crowstar didn't want to take any chances of them being caught vulnerable and unaware. All these causes for alarm and safety were the direct consequence of Redoak's own folly.

What would the warriors who warmly welcomed him to share meals think of that? The tension in his stomach only grew just wondering.

Being surrounded by cats who viewed him as one of them now should've made him fulfilled beyond belief, taller than any tree, more agile than any squirrel. Instead Redoak found he was lonelier than ever before. Never had he felt so foreign and other from the cats of his own home. Seeing their kind expressions, exchanging pleasantries, it was pure torture.

Compounding all together with the lack of sleep, nightmares, hunting, and coiling tension in his gut, Redoak found it near impossible to cope. In response, he'd taken to eating poppy seeds in secret. He'd spent enough time with Fernleaf to know their general purpose, and so used them to momentarily alleviate the pressure in his stomach. They didn't aid much with his lack of sleep, but Redoak had largely given up on a proper night's rest by then. He numbly reckoned after a while his diet probably consisted of more poppy seeds than it did freshkill.

I was solely existing as less than half a cat. This should've been the biggest indicator I was crumbling apart. The slightest of nudges at that point would've toppled me right over into a pile. My delusion was still intact, however. It convinced me I could still fix everything.

An overcast of clouds had taken to covering the sun lately, though it did nothing to erase the brittle texture of the air for the past moon. Dry heat radiated from every pore and nook of the forest. It made enduring the temperature akin to what he imagined was the same as inhabiting the sun itself.

Redoak lie crouched near the outskirts of the border separating BoulderClan from MeadowClan, alongside Sagebrush. The two were assigned to sentry duty earlier in the day and had spent the better part of it in relative silence.

I just need to talk to Crowstar again. This time he'll listen. He has too!

Thoughts similar to this had consumed him for the majority of time. A general goal had been circulating his mind, spurring him onward to approaching Crowstar whenever he had a chance. Redoak knew the source of this persistent unease that haunted him for over a moon, and if he succeeded in getting the leader to listen to him surely it'd vanish. He was convinced of it!

"You up for a mouse or something?" Sagebrush's voice slid into his ears then, pulling him from his thoughts.

Redoak slowly turned his attention away from surveying the MeadowClan territory and shook his head. He'd eaten a bushel full of poppy seeds earlier, though to little avail effective wise. His body had apparently developed a tolerance for it, making their previous use for the tightness around his gut pointless now. The snake stretched and coiled tauter.

"I'm good."

He wasn't, but what was the point in mentioning it?

A few heartbeats went by when Sagebrush made a noise that sounded something akin to a sigh. "You ever plan on saying what happened between you and Hollyfrost?"

"Why would you think something happened?" He mewed, his tone flat while answering.

Sagebrush shot him a look then, annoyance clear in his features. "Because I've got eyes, mousebrain," he snarked back.

Redoak offered a halfhearted shrug in response. "Cats drift apart sometimes. Is it really that unusual?"

"Generally? No," Sagebrush replied at once. "When they're close like you two have been in the past? Not a chance. In all the moons I've known her, I've never seen Hollyfrost act that way. She genuinely wanted to hurt you, if not worse."

"Maybe."

Sagebrush's nostrils flared then and the hackles on his neck slightly rose. He was trying to keep his temper in check and having some trouble doing so.

"Okay, enough of this!" Sagebrush rose to his paws, towering over him high as a tree. "What's been up with you?" he demanded. "I know things haven't been easy lately, but you and Hollyfrost are operating on completely different planes from the rest of us. Redoak, you look miserable."

Redoak didn't respond. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have. He didn't want to think about the subtle concern reflected in Sagebrush's eyes. He didn't want to talk about Hollyfrost. If only you knew the truth, he thought forlornly.

The snake took that instance to twist itself tauter, making the crack of creaking bones echo in his ears. He hunched over in pain, releasing a short gasp of air. The pressure was growing intenser.

"Redoak, what's wrong?" Sagebrush's surprised mew called out. Redoak felt him by his side in an instance, hovering close. "I can run back to camp and get Fernleaf now. Just–"

"No!" he wheezed out forcefully. He put a paw on one of Sagebrush's and locked eyes with him. "Don't get Fernleaf. She..doesn't need to know."

Sagebrush met his gaze back just as strongly and shook his head. "No, you need a medicine cat. I don't know what's wrong with you, but she can help. It's better than just pretending I didn't see anything."

"We're not suppose to leave our posts unless we're relieved or it's an emergency," he attempted to argue back, doing all he could to dissuade Sagebrush.

"Your health is an emergency." Sagebrush stated it with finality and turned to go. "Try not to move too much. I'll be back as fast as my paws can carry me."

He left me there in a hurry, ignoring my every plea not to. True to his word, Sagebrush returned in relative time with the familiar sight of Fernleaf tailing not too far behind him. Because it's likely I won't ever get the chance to say this to you, thank you. Thank you for caring Sagebrush. I don't deserve it and didn't then. I'm sorry for everything.

"It's stress," Fernleaf announced after a time. She took a paw and ran it down his flank. "That and exhaustion, most likely."

"Will he be okay?" Sagebrush asked. He'd hovered nearby quietly while Fernleaf had checked him over, but now moved to stand closer.

Her eyes lingered on him a heartbeat before looking to Sagebrush. "You were right to come fetch me when you did. Could you run back to camp and inform Crowstar that I'm placing Redoak on nest rest. I don't want him roaming around for at least three days."

"Of course," Sagebrush said, dipping his head. "I won't take long, promise."

She watched him off, the last of his back and tail quickly disappearing into the Newleaf foliage. This left him all alone with Fernleaf now. Her paw still rested on his flank, having not moved an inch since checking him over.

Redoak's eyes were averted downward to his paws, avoiding her gaze. He wasn't clueless enough to not notice the fact she'd purposely sent Sagebrush away. Whatever she had to say next, she hadn't wanted to in front of him. The small intake of a breath made his ears twitch expectantly.

"Redoak, have you been eating properly?" She spoke in a soft, measured tone. "I was feeling along your flank and you seem a little thin."

There it was. This was one of the reasons why he hadn't wanted to draw Fernleaf's attention in the first place. Medicine cats were far too observant.

"Probably not," he admitted, trying to keep his tone casual and light. "I've been swamped lately with duties, so I might've missed a few meals." More like multiple. I can barely stomach to eat anything other than poppy seeds.

"Is that so?" Fernleaf murmured aloud. Her tail fell on his shoulder, and using the tip slid it under his chin to gently lift his head. Their eyes met. "Redoak, you know you're always free to come see me whenever you want? It doesn't have to be about anything in particular."

Her choice phasing of the question gave the impression of her managing a soft egg she knew was fragile. Deep down he knew Fernleaf's concern derived from a honest place. Her being a medicine cat seemed to only reinforce it. However, it was precisely why he shouldn't worry her.

"Of course," he answered brightly. The lower half of his face split into a reassuring smile. "Things are a bit hectic at the moment, but I'll be fine. A good night's sleep should definitely help."

He wasn't certain how potent his honeyed words were in enticing her to believe him. Fernleaf was no mousebrain. He also didn't know how he was currently being perceived in her eyes. Internally he was a raging thunderstorm of tumultuous emotions and only hoped his exterior didn't reflect the same.

Fernleaf peered at him closely for an extra three heartbeats before appearing to relent with a sigh. "Okay," she mewed. "Focusing on your health is what's most important. When we get back to camp I want you immediately in your nest." She took a step back, removing her paw and tail from his flank and chin. "Do you need help standing?"

Redoak shook his head. "I can manage."

As poof, he slowly rose to stand beside her and smiled. Fernleaf gave him a tiny smile in return. They stood together, chatting quietly, while waiting to hear the familiar pad of Sagebrush's pawsteps. Beside him, Fernleaf's gaze drifted over to the MeadowClan border and its territory. A surge of emotion flooded into her eyes.

"Do you know how Oakclaw's been?" she asked. "I haven't seen much of him since your warrior ceremony, and I can't imagine it's been easy dealing with everything."

The snake suddenly reapplied its pressure tenfold, compressing his chest in a violent vice grip. It felt as though the air itself was being barricaded from exiting or entering his lungs. Why? Of all the things she could've asked about in that moment, why that one?

Oakclaw had been given a wide berth by a significant portion of BoulderClan. No one would voice it openly, but there was an undercurrent of resentment brewing among them towards him. The fallout from Falconpaw's death and the current tensions with the ever looming threat of MeadowClan was heavy on all their minds.

It wasn't so much the accident itself, but the ramifications that inadvertently now involved and concerned them all that spawned the reaction. No matter how pure your heart, having to carry a burden you were led to believe was brought about by someone else would eventually sour any mind with thoughts of bitterness.

The more stress and uncertainty that arose from the paranoia of not knowing when MeadowClan would strike, the sharper the ire directed towards Oakclaw became. And it was all his fault. With one action he'd swiftly destroyed all Oakclaw's dreams and broken his promise to Brackentail. How could Oakclaw successfully lead the Clan if that same Clan didn't have any faith in him?

'Go and live your life.'

That was what Oakclaw said. He was severing any relations the two of them had left with those words. It was why they hadn't spoken since then, not that Redoak could blame him. Placing faith in someone like him had been foolish beyond belief.

"Stay silent and out of the way. I'll explain everything to the other deputies."

He'd spoken quickly with a level of urgency in his voice Redoak could never recall ever hearing before. Oakclaw had taken charge as he'd mutely stood there not saying anything. Redoak mentally cursed himself for allowing Oakclaw to take responsibility for Falconpaw's death. Because he was such an incompetent cat, so incapable of following the simplest orders, Oakclaw had been forced to cleanup the mess for him and take blame for something he'd never done.

Hollyfrost's right. I am a plague.

Redoak abruptly hunched over as his insides clenched and then up-heaved itself out onto the grass. Far off he vaguely heard snippets of a shocked cry from Fernleaf. Redoak retched again, his throat and stomach burning as if he spat out fire. The sensation of the coil around him only tightened, forcing him to spew out more and more dark puddles of spittle. A pungent stench wafted up from the puddles, invading his nostrils and causing him to retch once more.

Fernleaf was instantly at his side, talking, chanting, saying anything she could to calm him somehow. She kept up the stream of soothing chatter until eventually his retches died down to him heaving in deep, long shallow breaths.

The world doesn't need you; don't let false hope deceive you. Those words were on loop in my mind, ringing out deafening in my ears. If my heart could talk it would've spilled every secret to Fernleaf in that moment. The truth behind Brackentail's death, my ruined friendship with Hollyfrost, Falconpaw's death and my failure to aid Oakclaw as I'd sworn, my dependency on poppy seeds, the anguish and turmoil eating me from the inside out, everything! Maybe it could've changed something. Maybe...

Redoak awoke in one of the back chambers of the medicine den. The familiar scent of pine and mint tickled his senses, and for a brief momentary heartbeat he felt at ease. How he wished he could capture this fleeting sensation in his paws and clasp it close to his chest.

"You're awake."

He slowly shifted around in his nest, turning his head in search for the source of the voice. His eye immediately caught the pure white coat of a she-cat in direct contrast to the rest of the den, standing near its entrance. It was the first time they'd been alone together since–No, don't think about it, he urged himself, disrupting the thought before it could form. It was better if he didn't resurface those emotions. The nightmares were enough on their own.

"Lilypaw...what happened?" he croaked out. A ripple of shock slid down his spine to hear how dry his voice sounded.

"Fernleaf said your body went into shock from stress and then collapsed," Lilypaw said, remaining at the mouth of the den.

Collapsed? It explained why he had no memory of ever returning to camp with Fernleaf. A glimpse of the events leading up to him leaving the contents of his stomach out on the ground flashed by. Fernleaf had triggered it with a question. It was something he desperately needed to fix now.

Redoak fixed Lilypaw under his gaze. "I need to speak with Crowstar," he rasped out.

A aura of surprise exuded from her in response. "I'm not suppose to let you leave your nest under any circumstances. Those were Fernleaf's instructions."

"Then ask him to come here. Lilypaw, please, it's important. I know I..." I know I don't have a right to ask anything of you. "I just have to see him," he finished weakly.

Look at what he'd been reduced to. Unable to adequately do anything for himself, he was left begging cats whom he'd wrong in someway. First Sagebrush and now Lilypaw. The white she-cat stood silently watching him, meeting his desperate gaze with her clear one, before slowly turning and going, having not uttered a single word in reply.

He knew it. He'd asked too much, and who could blame her? Lilypaw had been generous enough even to listen to what he'd had to say to begin with. Redoak couldn't find it in himself to be angry at her silent refusal. There lingered an aftertaste of disappoint, but it was more so directed at him more than anyone else.

Maybe I can sneak out? He debated. There was a heaviness to his limbs, most likely an after effect of emptying out the last of the contents of his stomach. Redoak couldn't imagine how well he'd fare struggling up into Crowstar's den on barely any energy. In the space of that same thought though, he was immediately reminded of when Oakclaw criticized him in the past for his lack of conviction in not doing everything in his power to further himself as someone who wanted to be looked upon favorably by his Clanmates.

He had to fix what he'd tarnished, otherwise how could he ever look Oakclaw in the face again?

"Redoak?" he heard a surprised voice call out his name. "I was told by Lilypaw that you insisted on seeing me."

Redoak looked up from his nest, instantly recognizing the glossy gray coat of the BoulderClan leader. Crowstar was there! He'd actually come.

Redoak hastily made an attempt to rise from his nest. In the same instance, a tremor ran throughout his body and nearly caused him to fall as his legs buckled under him. Crowstar appeared within a heartbeat next to his side, holding him up.

"You shouldn't be trying to sit up," the gray tom chastised him. "Fernleaf informed me that you collapsed in the forest from exhaustion. You need to focus on regaining your energy."

"Forget about me. I'm not what's important right now," Redoak rasped back, fitfully. "Crowstar, you have to reconsider your decision!"

Blinking in surprise, the great leader took a few pawsteps back to get a clearer look him. "Redoak, I–"

"You have to reconsider!" he urged, cutting off Crowstar. "It wasn't Oakclaw's fault Falconpaw died. I–"

"I'm well aware of what happened."

The fervor within him wilted at that. Crowstar's face was expressionless as he stared at him. He already knew the truth? If that was the case, then why the hold up?

"So you understand then, right?" Redoak prompted. "Oak–"

Crowstar's head was slowly shaking. "No, Redoak, what you don't seem to understand is that at the time it was Oakclaw's responsibility to keep track of you. He was the mentor and you the apprentice. Your mistakes reflect on him, especially after I gave him explicit orders to involve you as little as possible."

Redoak could hardly fathom what he was hearing.

"That shouldn't matter," he argued. "Oakclaw is the future of this Clan! If there's any cat that deserves to be leader it's him. You can't take that away from him!"

"It isn't up for discussion. Oakclaw has already accepted my decision and decided to relinquish his status as deputy. Swiftstep is his replacement."

He's putting the Clan at risk, Redoak realized in frantic. By deliberately choosing to not go with the best choice for our survival, Crowstar is endangering everyone else.

He couldn't allow it to happen. Even if he had to turn BoulderClan from the inside out to accomplish, he'd make sure this choice wouldn't stand.

"Then I'll tell everyone the truth," he announced defiantly, meeting Crowstar without an ounce of hesitation in his voice. "I'll let it be known that I was the one who killed Falconpaw, not Oakclaw."

"You'll do no such thing!" Crowstar's front paw slammed viciously onto the ground with a resounding thud, stunning Redoak silent with the sudden act. He'd never heard Crowstar raise his voice before. His eyes glowed with an imposing force of will behind him, which made Redoak tense in expectation of a tirade. What he heard though, was even more shocking. "For the first time since your birth, the Clan has become unified in its view of you," Crowstar said in a gentle, vulnerable tone. "Redoak, you're a hero. You're the cat that uncovered a great threat to us all. The Clan finally views you as one of them. I can't–I won't sit back and allow you to tarnish that. Cedarshade wouldn't want that, nor would Oakclaw."

At the mention of his mother and Oakclaw, the familiar sensation of the snake twisted around inside his stomach wildly. It thrashed about, threatening to puncture one of his organs in the wake of its fury. All the panic and desperation he'd felt up till end came pouring out at once.

"I...I don't care about that! Oakclaw–Oakclaw is giving up his dream for my sake! Don't you understand? I ruined everything! It's all my fault! MeadowClan wanting war, Oakclaw being isolated, I did that! But if I let them know the truth, you'll have to reinstate him as deputy! He can help you lead. I can still fix everything and make it the way it's meant to be!"

He gasped for breath as his chest heaved hard. Crowstar watched him in silence while he did the same back. I won't backdown. I won't just roll over and let things stay the way they are. Oakclaw's done too much for me and this Clan to let it be that way.

"Redoak, have you ever considered for one instance you may not know Oakclaw as well as you think you do?" Crowstar quietly asked.

He eyed the BoulderClan leader warily. "What're you trying to say?"

"Oakclaw's not the one currently demanding for him to remain deputy. You are." He let his words hang in the air for an extended heartbeat. "Let that sink in," he mewed. "Have you stopped to think why Oakclaw decided to take responsibility for Falconpaw's death? Or why he relinquished his role as deputy without so much as a strand of hair out of place on his pelt?"

"Of course I know. Goosefeather had warned me to not get involved and I did anyway. The fact Falconpaw died afterwards would've been even worse for us, because now it looks like I killed a cat from his Clan intentionally. Oakclaw realized it and knew he had to cleanup my mess otherwise it might not just be MeadowClan who wants our pelts. The fact Oakclaw didn't protest you suspending him is because he's not the sort of cat to publicly dispute against a leader's ruling. He never has."

Crowstar's tail flicked once behind him. "Did Oakclaw tell you that himself or are you just assuming?"

"Am I, what–" Redoak shook his head furiously before hotly replying back, "He stopped speaking to me after my warrior ceremony, so he hasn't told me anything!"

"Did he actually stop speaking to you, or is it you who stopped speaking to him?" Crowstar questioned, continuing in the same quiet tone as prior.

Redoak felt his eyes narrow to slits. What was Crowstar trying to accomplish with all of these questions? Are you trying to belittle me?

"I know you won't believe me, Redoak," Crowstar said. "But this is actually for the best. I've made mistakes in the past when it concerns you and Oakclaw, but this isn't one of them. Listen to me and go and talk to Oakclaw after you've recovered. The fact you're both warriors now should make it easier for you two to address the other as equals now. Speak to him as Oakclaw, not from the dynamic of you to your mentor, you to someone you admire, or even you to Cedarshade's kin. Just Oakclaw, a tom same as you."

"So, you're really not going to reconsider?" Redoak asked in a hollow voice, feeling the conviction start to leak from him.

Crowstar padded forward and placed the tip of his tail on Redoak's shoulder in a fatherly manner. "I'm sorry, but no. I know it's not what you want to hear, but believe me when I say none of this was done lightly. The moment you get the chance, please go out and speak to Oakclaw. I'm sure it's a conversation a long time in the making for both of you."

And then Crowstar left, leaving him all alone with his directionless anger and angst. Redoak just stood there, allowing the silence of the den to overtake and engulf him. What now? The question echoed in a resounding collection of confusion within him.

He'd kept insisting on him talking to Oakclaw, but there was no way he could manage to muster up the courage needed to face him after the disaster that was Falconpaw's death. Oakclaw had sacrificed so much when in comparison he'd had to give up very little. Crowstar was wrong. There was no avenue open for the two of them to meet as equals. Not as long as he allowed this lie to stand as truth.

For the sake of Oakclaw and the Clan, I have to sacrifice something as well. Brackentail did it. Oakclaw did it. Now it's my turn.

Redoak took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He knew what to do.

"Can I have the attention of everyone present in camp, please."

Cats across camp suddenly looked amongst each other in confusion. The sudden arrival of the voice addressing them didn't match the urbane tone of Crowstar. Their eyes drew towards the Highrock. The sky was a muddled haze of dark gray clouds obscuring the Sundown backdrop. Highlighted in the midst of it was bright ginger coat that stood out like a singular flame within night.

Redoak knew he didn't have much time before one of the senior warriors realized he didn't belong up there. Capitalizing on the confusion, he was going to say everything he needed before it came to that.

"Oakclaw is your rightful deputy!" he yowled out. "He's the best cat in this Clan suited to be your next leader! Crowstar doesn't understand what he's doing by replacing him!"

He could vividly see the confusion evident on each one of their faces. They couldn't figure out why he was saying any of this. Well, he'd help them understand.

"Listen to me clearly now; I killed Falconpaw! Oakclaw is innocent! He should've never been stripped of his deputy title! He deserves justice!"

A chorus of stunned and outraged yowls suddenly responded to his words in a tumult of sound. Warriors, queens, and elders were a mass of conflicting conversations and blaring emotion. In the midst of the crowd he caught sight of the expression of disbelief etched across Sagebrush's face. Not too far away from him he witnessed similar expressions of incredulity on Fernleaf and Lilypaw's face, who'd just poked their heads out from the nursery.

"What've you done?" a hollow voice sounded from behind.

"The right thing," he mewed back, not needing to turn around. "I did what was necessary, Crowstar. It's the sort've thing Oakclaw trained me to do."

"I did no such thing."

The coiled tension in his gut suddenly became unbearable. He wouldn't mistake that voice for any other cat in camp. Turning to look behind him, there he stood. Besides Crowstar at the back of the Highrock resided Oakclaw himself. He was staring up at Redoak with an expression he'd never seen from him before. Disappointment.

"I can't believe it," he mewed out in a resolute tone unbecoming of his usual vibrancy. "You've actually ruined everything."

Ruined? A strangled cry slipped from Redoak's lips as the snake slithered its way tightly around his throat.

"What do you mean?" he cried back in pain, struggling to talk clearly. "I'm fixing what I ruined now! I'm trying to help make your dream a reality! You said I could help you one day. So let me do it!"

Something splattered on top of Redoak's head, and then another right after. It took him several heartbeats to realize that it was raining.

The large tabby slowly shook his head before staring back up at him. "This isn't what I was talking about, Redoak. You've misunderstood. I've never wanted to be leader. The only thing you've ruined tonight is the second chance I tried to give you."

It's all coming back to me now. The hollow laughter in his voice during that time on the burial grounds and the sudden spark of emotion I'd failed to recognize then in his eyes before he turned away. It'd been reluctance. Oakclaw didn't want to be the leader of BoulderClan. He never had. Revisiting these memories has reminded me. I'd just convinced myself he did. I'd convinced myself of a lot of things that weren't true. The reason why Oakclaw had taken ownership over Falconpaw's death was for my sake. He didn't want me to become even more isolated than before from the Clan. "Go and live your life", that was his final order to me as my mentor. Crowstar did everything in his power to make me understand this. With his actions, Oakclaw was trying to give me a new chance at life, one I hadn't fairly gotten from the start. Crowstar was right. I didn't understand Oakclaw. I'd never understood a single thing about him from the start. Not even now.

Redoak swayed on top of the Highrock, nearly losing his balance in the process. His thoughts were a frazzled mess. Even attempting to string two pieces of words together immediately resulted in the thread disintegrating. I..I don't–I can't.

"MeadowClan! A MeadowClan group of multiple cats is headed towards the camp!" a frantic voice yowl out.

Everyone's attention was instantly snatched away from Redoak on the Highrock towards the mouth of the gorse tunnel. Before Crowstar could issue an order of defense or attack, a wave of dark pelts flooded into the camp, swarming them.

Redoak simply sat there in stunned silence, mutely watching as the camp became a frenzy of flashing claws and flying fur. I did this. Watching his Clanmates struggle to repel a surprise attack in the midst of their home only made the reality all that much more cruel to witness. This is your fault. Embrace it, you piece of foxdung. Witness your failure.

The space above him was suddenly illuminated in a blinding white light that seared across the sky and struck a oak tree next to the camp. It ignited the surrounding foliage in a gleaming orange wave of heat that quickly consumed everything in its wake.

"Fire!" someone shouted in fear.