Nicholas enjoyed making Ethan cry. He didn't want Ethan around!
He certainly didn't enjoy the way Ethan ran straight to Luke! And Luke looked at him, Nicholas, like… like…
Then Luke HELD Ethan…
Why did they love Ethan more than him?
It made Nicholas feel… feel…
He didn't know what it was. He had never felt anger before, only fear. And he could feel fear now too... He was scared. He was scared because Luke and Noah loved Ethan. He could tell… And what if Luke and Noah got tired of him and then they sent him back? What if they sent him back to his mommy and they took Ethan instead of him? Thinking about his mommy made him shiver, so he rocked himself, but he couldn't stop remembering and then he…
"Nicky?" Noah's concerned voice broke through his thoughts. Noah had come back! He was walking quickly towards him with bags in his hands and then Nicholas remembered he went to the store. Noah carefully placed the bags on the grass and knelt down beside him, "What is it? What is it baby?"
But he couldn't speak, he was still shivering and he felt very cold, so he just kept on rocking.
"Noah?" He heard Luke arrive, "What's happened?"
"I don't know…" Noah sounded very worried. Nicholas wondered why. He could feel one of Noah's hands on his back and one on his forehead. "He's boiling and shivering and he's wet himself."
Nicholas lifted his terrified eyes into Luke's as Luke lowered himself, to join them on the grass. Luke was going to be mad at him. He knew. Luke would be mad because he broke Ethan's egg. And Luke loved Ethan more than him!
"How long has he been like this?" Noah asked.
"Um… I don't know…"
"Think Luke! When was the last time you saw him?" Noah sounded angry and that scared Nicholas. Noah was never angry.
"About twenty minutes ago I guess. Look Noah, something happened… with Ethan… and I was sorting that so…"
"You're supposed to be watching him! You know what he's like!" Noah was yelling so Nicholas put his hands over his ears and scrunched up his shoulders. Stop! Stop yelling! Don't be mad! Don't hit me…
"Noah..."
"Ethan HAS parents Luke! He's not your responsibility! Nicky is! I can't believe this!"
"You're being crazy!"
"Oh! Oh right? Crazy? LOOK at him!" And then Noah did look and he seemed even more shocked than before, "God, I'm sorry. Sorry baby. Hey?" Noah was gripping his hands now, trying to move them from his ears but he didn't want to. He didn't want to hear the yelling. Noah stared right at him, his eyes were very scared. "Nicky? I'm not shouting anymore now okay? Nobody's angry. I'm sorry… Okay?"
Nicholas realised he was crying and things were quiet now so he let Noah take him. It felt so good with his cheek on Noah's shirt. It was warm and safe. He felt better.
"Let's get you cleaned up buddy…" Noah said in that soft voice.
As they walked towards the house Nicholas heard Luke saying, "Noah?"
But Noah didn't stop or turn around.
...
Luke was sitting at the kitchen table when Noah came downstairs, after putting a much improved Nicholas to bed. A nap before lunch would do him good. He wondered where everybody else had gone. The kitchen was empty, but he could hear pots bubbling and gurgling and, despite the situation, the smell of the roast lamb in the oven made his stomach rumble, reminding him it was lunchtime.
"So," Luke asked, "Were you really that mad at me about Nicholas or was it THIS that had you so upset?" And he held up the brown paper bag with Troy's details written on it.
"Where'd you find that?"
"I unpacked the grocery bags while you were upstairs."
Noah recalled how he'd simply dropped the paper bag to go after Troy. It must have landed on top of the groceries. He rubbed his eyes with his palms and sighed. He had overreacted! He knew that. And Luke was right. Meeting Troy had stirred up some deep seated feelings. His nerves were already on edge when he'd found Nicky in that state. The unexpected situation had just intensified them making it easy for him to lash out. He was trying to be strong and not let IT get to him, but the thought of IT? Even though he and Luke were broken up at the time he still felt betrayed in some way. He knew how ridiculous it was, but he couldn't seem to stop it.
Luke stood up and walked over to him and Noah leaned against the doorframe, still standing on the bottom two stairs.
Luke's hazel eyes were staring at him intently.
"I'm sorry," Noah admitted. "I guess…"
"Did you go looking for him?"
"What? No!" Noah walked past Luke and into the kitchen.
"Then why did he give you his number?"
"He was in the queue at the store. I didn't have my wallet so he offered to pay, and then I realised who he was when he wrote his name down."
"Shit! That must have been a shock for you." and then gently, "Are you okay?"
Luke was so concerned for him that Noah immediately softened further. "It was fine. I just acknowledged who he was and who I was and then he left. It's just…" he rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he struggled for the words, letting out the shuddered breath he had been trying to hide, "Do you have any idea how relieved I was when you told me you never slept with Reid? And I'm sorry because…" he sighed and griped the back of a kitchen chair for support. It was always hard for him to get these kinds of things out, especially when he felt he might hurt Luke in the process, "I know it's something you really regretted. The main thing you regretted you never had with him."
Luke nodded. Noah saw that familiar shadow of pain pass over his face. It always did when they spoke about Reid. He felt bad bringing up the issue because he knew what it meant for Luke, but at the same time he couldn't explain his feelings without doing so.
"The thought of you with anybody…" He slowly let out a breath of air, "It drives me crazy! So when I saw Troy it just… there were all these thoughts of you with him… I'm sorry!" He shook his head, knowing how stupid he must sound to Luke, "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat like I did. I know you love Nicky! And of course Ethan's your brother so you should help him if he needs it! I was just being a stupid jealous boyfriend!"
"Partner." Luke corrected.
"What?"
"You're way more than just a boyfriend Noah! You and me are partners! And that means it's okay if sometimes we get frustrated with each other. It's not the end of the world Noah! We won't always agree and we might fight sometimes. We might yell at each other! But… that's what a partnership is, right? So long as when everything is said and done, we can come to a standstill, like we're doing right now, and we can tell each other how we're feeling."
Noah lowered his head and then smiled lightly up at him. God, he'd always known it, but Luke was incredible.
"It's okay, Noah. It's okay for you to feel upset. Hell! You KNOW what I'm like when I get jealous! If anything you're handling the whole situation way better than I would!"
Noah laughed, "Maybe we're just as bad as each other!"
"And you can tell me…" Luke continued, "I'm not going to run away!"
"I know."
"So?" he stuck his hands in his pocked and swayed from side to side, something he did when he was being sheepish, and he smiled that cute and totally irresistible smile out the corner of his mouth, "Do you think I could… maybe… get a hug?"
Noah laughed as a few tears fell, "I'd love to hug you…"
So he did.
...
Luke came up behind Noah and gently massaged his shoulders as he sat at the kitchen table, recovering from the story Luke had just told about Nicky.
"So what do we do?" he asked sadly.
Luke leaned down and kissed the top of his head, before resuming the pressure on Noah's back and neck. "Maybe we need to call someone in…"
"You mean a shrink?"
"Yeah. A child Psychologist. Maybe Betty knows someone we can use."
"And in the meantime?"
Luke dug his elbow into a particularly tight spot near to Noah's spine making him wince and groan with that combination of pain and relief. Noah waited for him to speak. He laughed to himself thinking how strange it was that he could almost hear Luke's mind turning.
Finally Luke spoke, "Maybe we should try to talk to him first. Explain things to him. Nicholas has this acute and vivid awareness of everything around him! Have you noticed?"
Noah nodded. He had noticed. It was clear in the artwork he presented.
Luke continued, "I think… I think it might be like a survival mechanism that he's developed over his life. You know? Like he had to be aware of his environment to stay safe."
Noah slumped and shook his head sadly. Yes, that made sense.
"I think you're right." He told Luke. "It's the same with how he hears and sees everything and then sometimes I think he gets scared like this because…"
"…because he misinterprets the information." Luke completed.
"Yes."
Luke sighed and came around to sit opposite Noah in another chair, placing a hand on each of Noah's knees and leaning on him slightly, "Poor kid."
Just then Emma and Lilly popped their heads through the back door.
"Is it safe?" asked Lilly jokingly. She could already see the two of them were no longer at loggerheads. Both Luke and Noah laughed.
"For now…" Noah smiled.
"Well that is good news!" exclaimed Emma, already putting on her gloves to check on the oven roast, "I've got some seriously hungry mouths to feed out there!"
"Come on you…" said Luke, pulling Noah up on his feet and steering him outside where the family had decided to dine alfresco that afternoon. Emma kept commenting on how mild it was for the time of year, so although it was far from warm, it was reasonably comfortable for them all to enjoy the fresh and dry air of near spring.
"Is Nicky still asleep?" asked Ethan, bitterly disappointed. He had long since forgotten the incident in the garden, as only a small child could, and he was still eagerly trying to win Nicky's friendship.
"Yes he is buddy." Luke replied, rubbing his hands through Ethan's hair before taking his seat at the table.
"Will he play with me later maybe?" Ethan asked, hopefully.
"We'll see baby." Luke replied. "I hope so."
Noah locked worried eyes with Luke from across the table. Luke stretched out his hand and Noah instantly took it to share a quick squeeze of comfort before Emma started the prayer.
...
"Be careful Nicky! Don't fall okay?" Noah called after him as he began to climb the makeshift ladder that, years before, Holden had nailed with large iron bolts, now slightly rusted, neatly into the trunk of the tree. The blocks of cedar wood that formed the rungs of the ladder, ran up the tree at an angle until they reached the solid wooden platform erected above. Adorning the platform was a crude hut-like shelter proudly displaying a rather battered and tatty Jolly Roger flag, tied via string to an old broom handle. It blew softly in the light wind.
Noah wondered at how he'd never noticed it before. He supposed it took a child's viewpoint to discover something like that.
"It's The Walrus!" Luke stated proudly, as they stood watching Nicky's slow progress upward.
"The what?" Noah asked laughing.
"You know?" explained Luke, as if it were obvious, "From Treasure Island? The story?" And then using his interpretation of a pirate's accent he said, "…so it was with the old Walrus, Flint's old ship, as I've seen a-muck with the red blood and fit to sink with gold!"
Noah laughed loudly at him, in that way only Luke could ever make him, "You are ridiculous sometimes!"
Luke snorted. "Dad built it for me when I was eight I think… I sailed far and wide in that pirate ship, let me tell you!"
"You did, ha?" And then seeing Nicky slip slightly he yelled, "Carefully baby! There's no hurry to reach the top!"
The child climbed each rung tentatively, but seemed determined to reach his goal. The tree-house was miles from the farm. The three of them had taken a walk after Nicky had finished eating his lunch, just to give the child some space from the family. Now as he watched this child, Noah couldn't help but imagine the boy Luke, dropping his bags in the farmhouse and running first thing to his little escape in the woods. Playing long hours purely through the use of his wild imagination! An imagination he would later use to write amazing stories. Noah found himself wondering about that. It seemed a long time since Luke had written anything.
"Luke?"
"Mmm?"
"Why don't you write anymore?"
Luke looked surprised by the question. "That's funny?"
"What is?"
"I was just wondering that myself! I used to sit up there for hours writing. I loved it! It just seemed to come naturally to me."
"Well, you're great at it, so… why did you stop?"
"I don't know really." Luke contemplated, "I guess when I started the Foundation I had less time for it. And then I had Grimaldi Shipping and then the Neuro Wing. So…"
"Well," Noah suggested, his eyes firmly fixed on Nicky, "With Grimaldi Shipping on the way to being sold, maybe you should think about it again."
"What? Become a writer?"
Noah nodded.
"You mean full time?"
Noah's attention returned fully to Luke, "Well, yes, why not? You always wanted to be one! And if you don't become an author maybe you can get a job at a paper. Be a reporter instead?"
Luke bit his lower lip in thought, a kind of dreamy smile on his face.
"I can tell you like the idea…" Noah teased.
Luke looked across at him bending a twig he was playing with in his hands, and finally smiled fully. "Well you do know me better than anyone. I'll think about it!"
"Good!" said Noah, happily. "I'm glad."
Just then they were interrupted when Nicky yelled, "Lookit! I did it! I climb-ded up!"
Sure enough he was now atop the platform, beaming from head to toe in pride for his achievement. Luke and Noah both laughed and then clapped and cheered loudly for him.
"Bravo!" yelled Luke through his cupped hands.
"That's brilliant, Nicky!" Noah agreed. "Aren't you a big boy?"
"That's easy!" Stated a self assured voice beside them, making both of them jump. It was Ethan. Apparently he had followed the threesome on their stroll. "I can do that too, watch how fast, okay?"
Luke and Noah nodded at him with smiles on their faces.
Ethan strode up to the tree in what was clearly an imitation of his father. He gripped the first rung of the ladder and then whipped his way up the trunk like a cat, reaching the top with practiced ease. He stood next to Nicky with his hands firmly placed on his hips, now obviously imitating Peter Pan, glowing with smugness.
"Wow Ethan!" Luke agreed. "That was really fast!"
"Oh yes!" Agreed Noah, clapping his hands, "Well done! I'm sure nobody is quicker than you." Ethan giggled then, loudly
And both Luke and Noah saw it happening…
They lunged forward screaming, "No!" simultaneously, as Nicky placed both palms flat on Ethan's back and pushed with all his might, sending the other child plummeting with a scream to the still frozen ground below.