Troy had changed.

The man Lucinda introduced Luke to just the year before had been confident, self-assured… even arrogant. Not this timid, quiet, introvert of a person he had become. He had changed, and not for the better, and Luke couldn't help but feel as though he was responsible for it.

Luke was imprisoned within an emotional whirlwind during those days. It was Troy's game. He would push and push until even a man like Luke, a man who treasured the act between two people, could no longer hold back. Every man and every woman had these natural carnal needs. Eventually anybody would give in; you just needed to work out which buttons to push. And Troy, attractive, fun-loving, with seemingly little expectations, was an expert at that! Luke knew!

Yet, at some point over their last few meetings together, the tables had turned. Troy was the one to became nervous, unsure, withdrawn. He would wait for Luke, obedient almost; waiting for Luke's instruction on what to do next… fearful. At the time Luke was falling apart, almost always drunk and definitely incapable of recognising that Troy had fallen for him. That very slowly, in the process of destroying himself, he was destroying Troy as well.

And worse than that, after rehab and therapy, when, although his heart still ached for Noah, Luke almost felt like himself again, he'd left Troy. He'd walked away and not looked back once! He hadn't wanted to look back. That part of his life was over and it was time to settle things with the man he loved. The past didn't matter.

So now if Troy was having difficulties, as Luke suspected he was, then Luke felt he owed it to him to help. He wasn't sure what he could do, but he would try none the less.

...

Luke was nonchalantly walking away from him, hands in his pockets, engulfed by a green C.G.I. background.

"Luke?" he called. But there was no response; Luke just continued to walk away.

Noah followed but he never seemed to be able to catch up.

"Luke?" he yelled again, "Now isn't the time to go missing on me!"

At this, Luke turned around and the look on his face caused Noah to start awake and sit up in the bed. A dream! It was just a dream. He sighed when he saw the familiar walls of the farm. But then hitched a breath to find the space next to him empty…

No need to worry. Luke had most likely headed downstairs for a drink. Noah rolled out of bed, yawning and scratching his stomach through his shirt. He walked barefoot down the passage, trying to remember where all the squeaky floorboards were, so as not to wake Emma or Holden.

He checked in on Nicholas, still fast asleep in the bed. He couldn't resist running a hand along his rosy cheek and kissing him once more. Just to make sure he was really back. Then he made for the kitchen.

He was almost at the bottom of the staircase, when he called softly, "Luke?"

The kitchen light was on but he wasn't there. Noah noticed a familiar smell in the air and checked the hob. Sure enough he found the tell tale signs of warm milk and cookies.

"Insomnia…" Noah whispered to himself, knowingly. "Only one place he'll be then…"

He grabbed a quick glass of water before strolling into the sitting room, where he knew he'd find Luke watching television. But he almost dropped the water when all he was confronted with was an empty room; the untouched milk and half eaten cookies abandoned on the coffee table.

"Luke?" he called, but he knew Luke wasn't there.

"What the hell?" he said softly to himself.

Starting to worry, he headed out the back door and right away noticed the empty space where the hire car had been.

"Dammit Luke!" he complained, heading back upstairs to find his cell phone, "Now's not the time to go missing on me!"

He paused as the de je vu hit him! His dream! His concern was quickly changing into something else.

...

Luke stood at a front door he'd never expected to enter again. So many unwanted memories were associated with this house. That feeling of sickness that had plagued him during those days. That feeling that wouldn't go away not matter what he did. It sat in the pit of his stomach constantly gnawing on him, torturous, an invariable feeling of anxiousness.

That everything was wrong.

That something was missing.

And admitting to himself what that something was, admitting the feeling was not in any way related to Reid's death, was not an option! So he drank and he slept with Troy! Trying to wipe out those thoughts…

The thing was, the more he drank and the more sex he had with Troy, the worse he felt and the more he hated himself. And the more he remembered the wonderful times he'd had before… with Noah.

He shook his head of those memories, breathed deeply, and rang the bell. He waited for a minute but nobody came so he rang again. He was just about to walk around the side of the house when the door opened and his mouth gapped at the sight of Troy. He stood there in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. His eyes were misty and glazed over. He looked terrible.

"It's you!" he said in amazement.

Luke swallowed, "Troy? Are you okay?"

"Come in!" Troy said, completely ignoring Luke's question.

Luke hesitated for a second, but then entered past Troy and into the entrance hall of the massive house.

"Are you alone?" Luke asked.

Before he had even turned Troy was on him, pushing him back against the front door and forcing yet another unwanted kiss.

"Get… off!" Luke yelled angrily. He pushed hard, but Troy was gripping his upper arms this time and he barely budged.

Luke glared razors into his green eyes, "I mean it Troy! I mean what I say! You know that! GET OFF!"

Troy's fixed eyes waivered suddenly at the tone of Luke's voice, and, as if he realised what he was doing, he backed off. Luke stepped quickly away from him, leaving at least four yards of space between them.

Troy looked worried, afraid even, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Will you stay? I didn't mean it!"

Luke was about to answer when his eyes happened to sweep over the dining table in the adjacent room and there on the surface, was an open pill bottle, the lid laying right next to it. He stared in terror back at Troy, as he realised what this could mean.

"You okay?" asked Troy, noticing the change in Luke's demeanour.

Luke stammered, unsure of how to handle the situation, "Yeah! I'm fine… it's just…" He cocked his head at the other man and then opted for the direct approach. After all, if what he was thinking was true then time was of the essence. "Okay... um… Troy? Did you swallow any pills?"

Troy looked back through the open door of the dining room and realised what Luke had seen. He grew even more edgy, "Okay… I know what you're thinking…"

"Troy?"

"I'm sorry!" his voice started to shudder; "I always mess up don't I?" Then out of the blue he screamed, "WHY DO I ALWAYS MESS UP?" And to Luke's horror he turned and slammed his head hard into the wall, once, twice… until Luke pulled him back.

"Troy! STOP! Stop this!"

Suddenly the other man, blood running down his face from the gash in his forehead, leant on him and then clung to him, crying, heaving in sobs, "Don't go! Please don't go! Please don't leave me!"

"Okay." Luke felt way out of his realm of emotional experience. He had no idea how to help Troy and so he promised, "Just calm down, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry…" Troy said again, still holding onto Luke's arms by his elbows, but his voice was much calmer.

"Troy." Luke knew he had to buy some time. He quickly assessed Troy's condition. He was obviously drugged but he didn't seem to be in any immediate danger from it. Luke spoke in the softest voice he could. In a tone he would often use with Nicholas. "Why don't you take a shower, put some clothes on and I'll drive you to the hospital, okay?"

But Troy shook his head, "It's alright. I threw up anyway."

"Still! You took a whole bottle Troy! Please…" Luke begged.

Lucky for Luke Troy was still in the habit of listening to him and he nodded all confused and lost. He didn't seem at all present but rather trapped in some sequence taking place in his mind. Luke turned him and Troy allowed himself to be steered up the staircase and into his en suite bathroom.

"Now I want you to get ready for me, okay?" Luke asked hopefully. "If I wait downstairs, will you manage it?"

Troy nodded, "You'll wait?"

"I promise."

"Okay then." And he started to remove his boxers, prompting Luke to make a quick exit downstairs.

Having bought himself some time, Luke quickly dialled Noah's number. It seemed to ring for ages, "Come on… Come on… pick up! Wake up Noah!"

Then finally a frantic voice answered, "Hello? Luke?"

"Yes it's me!"

"Luke what's going on? Where are you?"

"I'm at Troy's house on Lemmington Way, number seven! I can't really talk right now but he's… he's going crazy and now I can't leave. He's completely weird!"

"Weird, how?" Noah asked.

"I mean like BRIAN Wheatley weird!"

"You mean Brian trying to kill himself, weird?"

"Yes! I think he's already swallowed a whole load of pills!"

"Jesus!"

"He says he threw them up, but I just don't know… "

"HANG UP!" Troy appeared suddenly from nowhere. Wearing just a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms, he came storming into the entry hall with purpose, brandishing a handgun by his side. Luke froze.

"Please hang up the phone! I can't let you stop me!" he cried sorrowfully.

"Troy? What are you doing?" Luke asked cautiously.

"Luke? What's going on?" He heard Noah say in his ear.

"PLEASE!" Troy said anguished, "Please hang up!"

...

Noah was a little out of breath from running up the stairs to find his phone when he realised Luke was missing. But as he'd arrived in the bedroom, Luke was already ringing him. Now Noah staggered as the phone cut dead. He tried to call back but there was no answer. Quickly he pulled on his jeans and then stormed into Holden's room, switching on the light so that Holden squinted up at him. He never thought he'd be happy that Lilly and Holden hadn't quite moved their relationship onto Holden moving back into the house yet. At that moment he was more than grateful to have Holden sleeping at the farm.

"Noah?" He asked worriedly,"What is it? Is it Nicky?"

"No!" Noah could hardly speak through his sudden fear, "It's Luke! Something's wrong! Something's very wrong!"

"Where is he?"

"Can you get dressed and come with… He might need backup. I'll explain in car, okay?"

Holden didn't hesitate, he shot out of bed to change as quickly as he could and the two of them sped off from the farm in the direction of Lemmington Way.

...

"I'm sorry!" Said Troy, really meaning it, "I heard you call him and I didn't know what else to do!"

"It's okay Troy." Luke tried to sound as relaxed as possible but it was difficult, "It's fine. I'm fine and you're fine… so why don't you just put that down and we can talk. Would you like that? We can just talk."

Troy looked down at the gun in his hand as though he didn't know how it got there, "This was in the parlour…" He said softly to himself, drifting briefly off somewhere and then he remembered Luke's words, "We can talk?"

"Yeah." Luke insisted.

"Like we used to?"

Luke couldn't remember much about the few conversations they'd had but he wasn't about to admit that now, instead he nodded.

"I can't put it down…" He said with a mixture of regret and frustration.

"Why not?" asked Luke.

"Because then you'll leave! You always leave! And I know… I know this time you won't come back!"

"Troy. I can't be what you want me to be. I can only be your friend."

"Friend? I can't be your friend! I fucking love you!" And he sobbed violently a few times, drawing in a strong breath and lifting his gun totting hand to rest against his head.

Luke cried tears for him. What had he done? What had done to this man? "I'm so sorry! Please believe me! I'm so sorry, Troy."

"You're the only person that matters to me."

"Then why would you put me in danger?"

Troy looked shocked by that. Then he stared again at the gun in his hand.

"This?" he asked as though Luke would have meant something else, "No… no… I don't… I bought this yesterday… I'd never hurt you! This is for me! Because it will never be me! It will never be me so what's the point? Why should I hang around just so that people can leave me?"

Luke's felt his face fall. He felt sick for this devastated man.

"Don't look at me like that!" Troy said sternly, "I don't want your sympathy or your pity! Oh poor lost, pathetic Troy, right?"

"That's not what I'm…"

"Shut up! Don't even bother! You'd be lying!"

Luke kept quiet, thinking that maybe in this situation it would be best. In the back of his mind he wished to god he hadn't called Noah. The last thing he needed was Troy turning his anger and frustration about life onto him.

At least not while he held a gun in his hand…

...

Noah didn't even bother with the bell, he immediately tried the front door, but it was locked.

"LUKE?" He yelled and he banged on the door and pressed the buzzer a few times. He locked worried eyes with Holden, who left to try and find another way in.

"LUKE!" Noah tried again.

Then he recognised Luke's voice yelling back, "Don't come in! He has a gun!"

"Why would you TELL them that?" He heard Troy moan like a small child. "WHY?"

"I'm sorry Troy." Luke's trembling voice answered, "Please stop this! Please!"

Noah had called Margo on the way over and she appeared suddenly by his side.

"Stand back, Noah!" she said as two of her officers used a battering ram to break down the door. Noah was first to burst through it, before Margo could stop him.

"Put the gun done!" Margo ordered, following Noah inside and pointing her own weapon at Troy. The two officers stood just behind her, also with guns drawn.

"Or you'll shoot me?" Ask Troy, lifting his gun to his head, "Do it! It'll save me the trouble of doing it myself!"

"Come on kid." Margo pleaded softly, "You don't want to do this."

"YES I DO!" he insisted, "I had it all planned out but you've all messed it up! It's all messed now!" Tears streamed down his face.

Just at that point Holden arrived from the back of the house and startled Troy so that he lifted the gun closer to his head. Noah held out his hand, indicating to Holden to stand clear.

"Troy." Said Noah softly, his kind eyes fixed on him, "Put the gun down."

"WHY? I would think you'd want me dead! I'd think you'd hate me. I mean I HAD HIM you know?"

Holden started, looking over at Luke in surprise. Noah couldn't help but grimace at the words. It stabbed deep, there was no denying it. But he knew the desperate man was just lashing out.

"I even HAD HIM right here in the hall! I HAD HIM real good!"

"Troy!" Luke yelled angrily, "That's enough!"

Troy looked like a child that had been told off and he immediately slunk back from his verbal attack.

"I didn't mean it!" he said to Luke, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.

"I know." Luke placated, "I know you didn't."

"It's just he doesn't know… he doesn't know what it feels like! He doesn't understand!"

"Yes I do." Noah replied.

Troy whipped back to Noah, "In this world there is only one person you're supposed to be with! HE understands me! HE get's me! HE's who I'm supposed to be with! You get that?"

Noah didn't reply. He was still recovering from the sting of the unpleasant detail Troy had just revealed to him.

"But you see…" Troy continued, "The thing is… HE's not supposed to be with me! HE's supposed to be with you! I see that! I know! It's obvious! Its fate! And you can't fight fate! So where does that leave me, hey? Where?"

Noah looked down and then back up at Troy. Leaning over he pushed down on Margo's extended arms, asking with his eyes that she lower her weapon. She hesitated but then relented, maybe thinking Noah could help.

"Troy." Noah said slowly, "I know you think I can't understand..."

"You can't!" he insisted.

"Yes, I can. I know what it's like! Okay? I know what it's like to feel alone and deserted. I felt that my entire life! I didn't have a mother and my father was never around! We moved so much I never had any friends for long."

Troy seemed to respond to something in Noah's words. Some kind of pain or emotion passed over his face and both Luke and Noah saw it.

"And," Noah continued, "I know what it's like to love Luke and not have him. I lost him once. So…" he closed his eyes, remembering old feelings, "So, I get it. I know you love him. I can see that. But if you love him, that means I also know you don't want to hurt him."

"I'd never hurt him!" Troy insisted absolutely, the gun slowly beginning to lower.

"You're hurting him now, Troy."

Troy frowned. "What?"

"Look at him… Troy, look at Luke."

Troy looked across to where Luke stood, tears streaked Luke's cheeks and his eyes bore a deep sadness.

"You're hurting him now Troy! And if you kill yourself? He'll never be able to live with that! So you WILL hurt him. You will hurt him badly Troy."

Troy's welled up eyes stared deeply into Luke's and he started to shake his head from side to side, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Then put down the gun." Luke whispered. "Please put down the gun."

Troy was at war with himself. It was clear he was making his choice, one way or the other. Then he stared intently at Luke and said clearly, "I love you."

Luke nodded and smiled softly.

Troy looked back at Noah, "He always loved you, you know? I always knew it."

"I know." Noah replied to Troy but looked right at Luke as he said it. Then he returned his attention back to Troy, who bent over and placed the gun on the tiled floor.

Everyone in the room let out a collective breath and Luke walked forward to take Troy into a comforting hug. The police officer's quickly moved forward to secure Troy's weapon.

Luke locked eyes with Noah over the other man's shoulder and a deep level of understanding passed between them.

"Thank you." Luke mouthed and Noah nodded, smiling a little.

...

Thanks for reading! Please comment!