Noah drove his family home, his heart in his throat. After those words left his lips Noah didn't encourage Luke to continue and Luke didn't offer any more information. Even under these conditions they both knew Nicholas had to come first.
Back in the house, Noah left Luke sitting on the bed like a zombie while he attended to Nicholas as quickly as he could. Somehow the child had slept through the whole event and it didn't take more than five minutes to tuck him in.
He stood staring at a devastated Luke from the doorway for a while, tying to work out what to do. His attention fell once again to Luke's feet and so he crossed the room to the en-suite and ran the bath water. While it filled he gently led the man he loved into the bathroom. He took his own wet clothes off first and then helped Luke with his and held his hand as he stepped into the bath. Luke, although not mentally present, seemed to know what was expected of him, without Noah having to instruct him.
The water steamed as Noah slipped in behind Luke and Luke automatically lay back against him. Noah gripped him tight. Luke was still shivering despite being substantially warmed up, but Noah knew the shakes weren't from being cold.
He leaned forward and pulled Luke's leg up so that it rested against that of his other thigh and then spent time paying special attention to the ball of his foot, applying pressure and soaping it up to clean out the cuts Luke had received during his walk. Then he swapped the legs to repeat the process on the other foot.
All Noah could think to do in that moment was to be there for him. It was the least he could do for the man he loved. Occasionally, as he worked, he would place soft kisses on Luke's shoulder blade, until once finished they simply lay there for a while.
Repetitively Noah would cup some water in his hand and pour it soothingly over the parts of Luke's chest and upper arms exposed to the air. After each distribution he'd run his hand down the side of Luke's face. Luke lay, cheek to chest, with his eyes closed, still breathing quite heavily in and out, but Noah could feel his heart rate decreasing.
"Noah…" he began again once calmer.
"Shh. Just lie here for a while longer." Noah said it because he thought it was what Luke needed, but also because he dreaded what Luke had to say.
So it wasn't until later when, dried, dressed, and back in bed, Luke painfully, difficultly, tearfully, spun out the series of events as he had come to remember them…
...
An angry crack of thunder and lightening woke Luke. He quickly realised he'd drifted off and, sure enough, when he checked the clock, the display read 18:30. His hair was still slightly damp from his shower and he yawned as he sat with his feet over the side of the bed, pushing the unruly strands off his face.
Walking down the passage he noticed that Natalie's door was still closed, so before attempting to tackle the teenage wrath once more, he quickly checked in on Nicholas. He thought it was a good thing the child had eaten early that night. Natalie had kept him busy all day and he grew hungry quickly, so Luke had relented and fed him his dinner. Of course afterwards his little body automatically decided it was bedtime and now he slept soundly. Luke was grateful. He was shattered.
He contemplated cooking dinner, but he knew Noah wouldn't be back until late and he'd just be using it as a way to prolong the inevitable. He spent a moment psyching himself up for Natalie's onslaught and then knocked at the door.
This time she would talk to him whether she wanted to or not.
He waited but nothing happened.
"Natalie?" he called.
The silent treatment, hey? Typical teenaged response!
"Nat!" he said again, with a little more gusto, "I'd like you to come out and talk to me about this please!"
Still no response.
"Nat, I mean it!"
Nothing.
"Okay, I'm coming in!"
He pushed the door with authority. He needed Natalie to understand that he might be her brother, but he was still the one in charge. His determination was quickly deflated however, when he found the room empty.
He knew instantly that she had defied his wishes and left the house regardless.
"FUCK!" he screamed with frustration, and then remembered Nicholas and silently chastised himself. He listened for the child's voice but the house remained silent.
He shouldn't have fallen asleep! He should have given her time to calm down first! Now she'd seized the opportunity to slip away and he had no idea where she'd go!
"Calm down!" he told himself, "Think rationally! You were only asleep for half an hour and she's on foot, which means she can't be that far ahead."
He grabbed his car keys, slipped on his shoes and headed for the door, not bothering to change from his sleepwear. He didn't have time to waste. He considered leaving Nicholas, figuring she couldn't have walked more than a ten minute drive away and that if it took any longer he could come back for him. But something wouldn't let him. What if the boy woke up and found the house empty. He'd be afraid. So instead Luke wrapped the child in a sheet and left the house.
It was only when he saw the empty spot on the garage wall that he even considered the bicycle. Of course! Isn't that what he'd have done at that age! He felt like kicking himself! She was so like him! He should have been able to anticipate her!
Nicholas woke up just as Luke was securing him in the car and then complained groggily of being thirsty. The typical bad timing of a young child. Luke ran back into the house to collect a juice box for him, piercing the tiny foil dot with a straw on his way back to the car, before handing it to him.
"Thank you." Nicholas said politely, Noah's knack at teaching him manners seemingly paying off.
It was as he pulled out of their road that the heaven's opened with a thick sheet of heavy rain that pounded on the roof of the car. He turned on his headlights and wind-wipers, but they were almost useless against the onslaught of water; greatly reducing his visibility of the road ahead. Large puddles and flows were quickly turning the roads into rivers and he had to slow down considerably.
"Damn!" he thought to himself as he imagined his sister soaked through. "Stupid child!"
The road suddenly seemed to empty of cars. He assumed because most people had pulled over to wait it out. He on the other hand was driving with a purpose and needed to find Natalie as soon as possible.
"Oh nooooo!" he heard Nicholas exclaim from the back of the car.
He checked the mirror instantly, instinctively, to see what had happened.
"My juice!" He said sadly, stretching his fingers towards the floor of the car as if he thought he could reach it if he struggled hard enough.
It was only a fleeting moment that Luke took to look up at that mirror… just a second… but when his eyes returned to the road he was momentarily blinded by the dazzling lights of a large HGV delivery truck. The monster vehicle was so wide it spilled over into the oncoming lane. The lane Luke was in. The truck let out a loud and long hoot of protest making him jump.
"Shit!" Luke exclaimed, quickly veering the car left just in time to avoid it. Still blinded, he felt the car shake as half its tires hit the gravel on the roadside, and it was as he turned back onto the road that he heard the distinctive thud, like the sound a large stone makes when it flips up and hits the hubcap of one wheel. In fact that was what any other person would have taken it for, but this was Luke and this wasn't the first time Luke had hit a person. He'd run his cousin Jade down once. So he knew. He knew that sound. You never forgot it.
And not only that… He had briefly seen an indefinable object flash before his eyes and heard as it hit the roof of the car.
He slammed on the breaks and they squeaked in protest before the car jerked to a holt.
No! No! No! Please no! Please tell me I didn't just hit someone! Please! Please! Please!
He sat staring wide eyed at the road ahead gripping the steering wheel and it was Nicholas who brought him round.
"Luke? I drop-ted my juice!"
Trying to steady his breathing Luke unclipped his seatbelt and stretched behind the passenger seat to grab the box and give it back to him.
"Thank you." Nicholas said again before innocently resuming his sipping, his eyes drooping as he slowly began to fall back to sleep.
"Snap out of it Snyder!" he thought, "it was an accident and the person might need help!"
Quickly he flew open the car door and ran behind the vehicle, searching through the rain and darkness for the person he felt certain he'd hit.
"Hello!" he yelled. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Hello! Anybody here?"
He stood beside a slight depression on the side of the road. It was pitch black, he was soaked through, and he couldn't make out a thing.
"Hello?" he called again.
But it was the sky and not a person that answered him in a deep and rumbling growl. A bright flash of lightening lit the space before him, illuminating clearly the outline of trees and bushes, a fence, and a crumpled bicycle with ribbons tied to the handlebars. His bicycle!
Things went black again and that was when his brain stopped working. He couldn't deal with this! There was no way! There was absolutely no way this was true! There was no way this was real. It was a dream! He had fallen asleep at six and this was a really, really bad nightmare, and when he woke up everything would be okay. He just needed to retrace his steps. He just needed to rewind the series of events and then, then they wouldn't have happened, right?
So Luke drove back home. He parked the car, hung the car key on the hook, put Nicholas to bed, threw away the juice box, removed his shoes, and went back to sleep. Like a robot, inhumane and therefore unable to feel anything and most of all with the ability to delete its memory bank.
...
One of the effects of a disturbed sleep pattern is that the person stops dreaming coherently. Any dreams that occur are merely fragments and flashes, restless flickers in the dark, a protection… a protection from the truth. But after three weeks without sleep, Luke's troubled mind finally forced him to replay the full story of that night. His mind would no longer allow him to pause at six o'clock. And that's what he had been doing Noah now realised. All this time since the accident… freezing at six o'clock…
...
Noah bent over and Eskimo kissed him, "You're already asleep?"
"What?" Finally Luke opened his eyes and seeing Noah turned to look at the clock by the bed. "Oh my god! I only meant to rest my head at six! I can't believe I fell asleep!"
...
Ever since that night Luke's mind had been relentlessly attacking him, fighting his urgent desire to stay ignorant… Because to remember meant realising he'd left his sister on the side of road. He hadn't even waited around to find her. He saw the bicycle and that was all he could deal with.
Noah stood outside the closed garage door. He'd left Luke, finally released from the repetitive torture on his brain, sleeping fretfully inside the house.
Noah placed a hand on his own chest and felt as his heartbeat stuttered and the muscles in his throat moved in a convulsive swallow as he pressed the remote button in his hand.
He waited shakily for the garage door to open. The rain had stopped and large droplets fell from the door as it rose. He turned on the light and stood looking at the car. Afraid to move forward. Part of him still held onto the hope that Luke had dreamt it. That he was so cut up over Natalie he'd made this crazy story up in his head.
For three whole weeks Luke and he had driven this car around, back and forth, back and forth, and never once did they notice! Why would they? Why under these circumstances of anguish and pain, pressure, tension, uncertainty, would either of them have noticed?
But it could no longer be denied, especially as Noah squatted before the front of the car and distinctly made out the extra dents above those caused by Natalie herself from driving Luke's car into a streetlamp. His hands traced the marks and then came up to cup his face. Tears fell. He released a long breath, his heartache for Luke drowning him.
He stood and ran his hand over the door frame, lifting up slightly on his toes so that he could examine the roof of the car. Sure enough, there in the very centre, was a small dent and a scrape, where the bike had hit.
What now? What would happen now?
...
When his father returned from telling his mother, Luke broke the silence and asked, "Dad?"
His voice was chocked with the need for acceptance and understanding from his father.
"Your mother wants to see you…" his tone was flat.
Eyeing Holden, Noah asked Luke, "Do you need me to come with you?"
Luke shook his head sadly and Noah kissed his cheek, stepping out the door to watch him walk down the long corridor.
When he returned to the room Holden was staring out the window with his back to Noah.
"Holden…" he said, feeling almost angry and definitely disappointed by Holden's behaviour towards Luke, "It's BECAUSE he loves her so much that he did it…"
Holden faced him then, his eyes were just short of spilling the tears, "I know son." He stepped forward and gently cupped Noah's head, "I know." He pulled Noah against his shoulder, "Come here, it's all going to be okay…"
...
Lilly stood as Luke opened the door and the look on her face made him want to run.
"Oh my god, Luke?" she asked, "What have you done?"
...
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