A single tear fell from his lashes, tracing a wet streak on his cheek. He was alone - truly, after everything he had done, this is the fate he deserved. He breathed in a shuddering gasp. Yes, he had played a large role in the downfall of the Jedi Order. Councilor, Master to the Chosen One, General in the great Clone Wars, harbinger of destruction. A wry smile twisted his lips. He never could have guessed he'd be one of the last.
Tatooine. The place everything began. And now, the place everything will end. Sand settled in his boots as he mulled over his fate. How, in all nine levels of Sith Hell, was this balance? Anakin - Vader, he corrected solemnly - was supposed to be the child born from the Force, brought to correct centuries of instability. That, Ben reckoned, was where he always got caught up. How was the Force unbalanced? I could meditate, he thought, though the Force had never been one for straightforward answers.
He thought back to his conversation with Yoda. Despite everything, he was given another chance. Dare he hope? A second tear threatened to escape and he blinked to be rid of it. Qui-Gon. Even thinking his name brought back old emotions of guilt, his actions tainting the memory of his deceased Master. He sighed. There is no death, there is the Force. His mind settled on the image of the thousands of noble Jedi littering the floors of the Temple. The younglings, the Masters, his friends...
Abruptly he stood, shaking out his limbs. He had done enough moping. Grabbing his lightsaber he headed outside of the cave he now called home and began running through Katas. Regardless of everything, he still had his training. As his body danced through the movements he let his mind be overtaken by the Force. He felt it surround him, penetrate his very being, flowing through him with a familiarity born from a lifetime of it using him as a conduit. Subconsciously he released his emotions, the Force graciously filling him with peace as it had done so many times before. As he fell deeper into his meditation he began to feel something odd appear on the edges of his consciousness. It was elusive; he tried to focus on the sensation - do or do not - but eventually pulled back, figuring patience was the best course of action. He felt it grow, enveloping his mind in a familiar calm. He stuttered in his movements.
"Hello there," he opened his eyes to see a shimmering, blue Qui-Gon Jinn standing not a few feet from him, arms crossed in the folds of his robe.
"Hello, my dear Padawan."
Ben drew in a faint, shaky breath. As much as he wished for the comforting presence of his former Master to support him, he would not shy away from what he had done.
"Qui-Gon. I have failed you. Anakin-" the dead man held up a hand to silence him. He had heard enough.
Qui-Gon moved towards the hermit, eyes never breaking contact. A stern look settled on his pale features and Ben couldn't help but become apprehensive. What would the Jedi have to say about his failure? He couldn't bear to see the disappointment in his former Master's face, but he would not allow himself to look away. To his surprise all he could find was sadness.
"Little One," he placed a ghostly hand on Ben's shoulder; he could not feel the touch but nostalgia creeped its way into his heart at the action nonetheless. "You have done well. The Force presented you with many challenges, and not once did you succumb to your emotions. You never strayed from your path as a Jedi. I am proud of you, Obi-Wan."
Ben's gaze sharpened incredulously at the words. Proud? Of all things...his body stiffened as he replied, repelling any forgiveness Qui-Gon might have offered him.
"Thank you, Master, but I am undeserving of your praise. The Jedi Order has fallen, leaving death and chaos to run rampant in the galaxy. My training led Anakin to the Dark Side. I and Yoda are among the last, assuming others escaped. I have failed you and your teachings." He looked down, focusing on the sand beneath their feet.
Qui-Gon sighed.
"Let us go inside. Perhaps we can have this conversation over a cup of tea, yes?" A smile graced his transparent face. Not that he could drink anything, of course. Being dead had a tendency to get in the way of things like that.
Ben allowed himself a huff in amusement; here he was, drinking tea with the ghost of his dead Master. The Force certainly is full of oddities, he mused, though it is just like Qui-Gon to defy all odds and overcome death. Ben eyed the Jedi, basking in his presence for the first time in decades.
He must be quite the sight for the old Master, he realized mutedly. The man hasn't seen him since he was in his twenties; before he became a Master, before the Clone Wars, before Vader...
"Obi-Wan."
His gaze snapped back to the older man. Qui-Gon's voice had a tone of authority, one that Ben would never dare to defy. Even though he and Qui-Gon weren't too far off in age anymore - that is an odd thought - the hermit had a feeling he would always view the man as his Master.
"You do know Anakin's Turning isn't your fault." The words rang with sincerity. But, try as he might, Ben could not bring himself to believe them. He dipped his head in shame, finding the now-lukewarm tea in his hands to be a much more interesting subject than the other man.
"Oh, Padawan. You always were much too hard on yourself," Ben's gaze flickered back up at the ghostly figure; his eyes shone with unshed tears as he spoke. "This is not your failing alone. I should not have pushed you to take him on as your apprentice after my death. Anakin was a special case with his past and lack of control over his emotions, and forcing you to become his teacher while you too were suffering was cruel of me. Will you ever forgive me, Little One?"
Ben started. Why couldn't Qui-Gon see this was all his fault? He had been the one to train Anakin and he was the reason the boy Turned. There had been other factors, of course, but the blame ultimately fell on Ben.
"There is nothing to forgive, Master. I am who should be apologizing to you. After your death," Ben swallowed a large lump in his throat, "I let my grief consume me, and it in turn affected my relationship with Anakin. I was not right to train him. If only you had been the one to survive Naboo-"
"That is enough, Obi-Wan," Ben's old frame shuddered slightly at the words; no one had spoken to him like that in over twenty years. Qui-Gon's eyes bore into his soul, seeing everything the man so desperately tried to hide, to release. The ghost's gaze softened.
"Do you think Xanatos's Turning was my fault?" Immediately Ben's head shook, fervently denying the mere thought.
"Of course not, Master. You did everything you could. Xanatos alone is responsible for his turning to the Dark Side." Even as the words left his lips he understood the point his former mentor was making.
The twinkle in Qui-Gon's cerulean eyes said everything words could. Not that he was ever the type to quietly teach me a lesson, Ben chuckled inwardly.
"Much the same is true of Anakin, Little One. Anakin chose to Turn. Life presents us with many opportunities to fall, it's up to us to choose whether we will rise above." At this the man stood from his seat across from Ben and moved to sit directly next to him, putting a transparent palm on his back.
"We must not let our pasts define us. Focus on the here and now, Padawan." The dam Ben had spent decades constructing finally cracked - a flood rushed from the deepest parts of his soul, gathering in his eyes and spilling over in a perpetual stream of sorrow. Blue hands reached up to cup his cheeks, an unfeeling finger following the path of his tears.
"You have done well, my son."
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this quick one-shot! Please review, I do adore constructive criticism as well as any thoughts you have. This fic - much like my other work - has not been reviewed by a Beta, so I apologize for any mistakes.
Yes, I know, I'm already working on something. And trust me I am indeed working on Humanity - and by working on I mean completely rewriting after my computer crashed and deleted all my progress. It needed a clean up anyway. I would like to upload stories like this while I'm finishing the fic so if you have any suggestions please feel free to review or PM. I have some ideas I'm mulling over, one of which I would like to make into a full length book. Let's see if my procrastination will let me lol.