It was like one of those strange dreams a person has sometimes. When your mom's your dad or your sister deliverers one hundred baked buns on your doorstep. Just muddled and completely out of context… wrong… But this wasn't a dream. Here he was, Noah's best man! Noah's wedding! To a girl! All completely wrong!
It wasn't fair! He and Noah were just starting to get to know one another as a real couple, without the added stress of Noah's dad or his paralysis or having to hide their true selves. For a while it had seemed like they had the whole world ahead of them, waiting to be explored…
And now this?
Sure it was a sham marriage… Everyone there knew it, except the minister of course, but somehow his heart wasn't getting the message. It burned in his chest, his stomach in knots so tight he struggled to breathe. He couldn't kick the feeling that somehow, by doing this, he and Noah were on a slippery slope to potential relationship failure. This feeling just magnified as the ceremony officially started and Ameera appeared, looking every bit the bride she was pretending to be.
"Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today with these witnesses to join Ameera Ali Aziz and Noah Mayer in matrimony…"
God! This was happening! This whole crazy thing was really happening!
"…not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly…"
Yeah! Right! He wondered how Noah was feeling. Terrified most likely.
"And to this holy estate, these two persons present, now come to be joined and if any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
'Forever' sounded so loud to Luke! It stood out of the sentence, screaming its presence. And Luke wanted to object! He wanted to express the millions of reasons why Noah and Ameera should not get married, but he was bound… bound by fate to carry on in silence. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them only as the minister continued.
"Who supports this couple in their marriage?"
"We do." He spoke automatically along with this family. Following the pre-agreed script, the group lie they would all tell and play a part in.
"I understand that Noah has prepared a special reading?" The minister asked.
Luke watched as Noah removed the sheet of paper from his pocket. The paper Luke had given him.
"Love is a gift that lacks meaning until it is shared. I see in you the love that I am truly blessed to know, the life that I'm sure…" Noah seemed unable to stop himself and he looked back at Luke, "we'll be blest to have together."
Luke felt his heart clench at the look on Noah's face. It was a look of regret. A look of defeat…
Those were his words! Noah's words to him! Stolen, however unintentionally, by this young woman at his side. A young, scared girl who needed their help to live. Who needed them to make this sacrifice so that her life could be saved…
"Noah Mayer, do you take Ameera Ali Aziz to be your wedded wife? Will you love her, comfort, honour her and respect her? Will you share all life has to offer, your hopes and dreams, your achievements and disappointments with her, from this day forward? If so, please say I will.
"I will."
The small words were like two bullets through his skull.
"Ameera Ali Aziz, do you take Noah Mayer to be your wedded husband? Will you love him, comfort, honour him and respect him? Will you share all life has to offer, your hopes and dreams, your achievements and disappointments with him, from this day forward? If so, please say I will."
"I will."
Luke wanted to hate her, but he couldn't. He didn't even think she truly understood how painful this whole event was for them. How could she, when she could barely understand their relationship at all? And how could he hate her, when her very survival depended on this marriage.
"What token of your love do you offer?"
Their eyes locked as their fingers touched over the rings. He had known for some time that he held extraordinarily strong feelings for this guy, but he was only now truly coming to understand how strong right in that moment. So much was said in that look. Noah's eyes pleaded for forgiveness and for understanding, and at the same time were sorrowful. Hurting Luke was the last thing Noah wanted to do; Luke knew from just that look and drew strength from it. He felt a little better.
The minister droned on, the entire event feeling agonisingly slow, "As we are gathered here today in celebration of the marriage of Noah Mayer and Ameera Ali Aziz, we ask that these rings and their marriage be blessed with peace, love and prosperity in all things. Noah, take this ring and place it on Ameera's finger and repeat after me. With this ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."
Every time Noah spoke, his voice would reach deep down into Luke's soul. "With this ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."
"Ameera, take this ring and place it on Noah's finger and repeat after me." The minister instructed, "With his ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."
"With this ring I thee wed and offer a symbol of our everlasting love."
"Noah Mayer and Ameera Ali Aziz have made a commitment to each other in marriage. An invaluable part of their new life together will be the love, support and encouragement of the family and friends in attendance here today. And now, under the authority vested in me by the state of Illinois, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."
Kiss? Hell no! But to his relief Noah leaned forward and placed a gentle and unassuming peck on Ameera's cheek.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present, Mr and Mrs Noah Mayer."
...
"Noah?"
The bulk, totally covered by comforter and pillows stirred slightly.
Luke, sitting up against the head of the bed leaned over to shake him, "Noah, can you wake up for a second?"
"What?" came a confused voice from somewhere within. Finally his dark and scruffy head emerged from the folds of material and he looked about, disoriented. Then, noticing the clock he said, "Luke? It's just after three-thirty! What are you doing up?"
"Sorry bubby… I just need to ask you something, okay?"
Noah yawned broadly but nodded, "Make it quick!"
"How badly, no scratch that, how important is it to you that we hold the wedding on the farm?"
"You woke me up at this time to ask me that? Couldn't it wait until morning?" It was at that moment that Noah noticed the notebook Luke had rested up against his raised knees and the pen in his hand. "Please tell me you're not planning the wedding in the middle of the night?"
Luke looked sheepishly down as the pages before him, "I couldn't sleep so I thought I might as well make use of the time."
Noah sighed and pulled himself up so that he was seated beside Luke, before placing his arm around him. "What is it Luke? Are you worried about Gareth's visit tomorrow?"
"Yeah, a little."
"It will be okay. Gareth's a good lawyer. He'll get you the best deal. You know that."
"Oh Noah! I'm not concerned so much about that. Whatever the state decides should be my punishment I deserve it! It's just, if I have to serve a sentence…"
"Luke! That's not going to happen! Any judge will be able to comprehend that you weren't yourself that night! It was your sister for god's sake! That's hard for anybody! Even the court Psychiatrist said it was an understanable reaction."
"But Noah, it's a possibility... and if that's the case, if I have to go to prison, then I'll do it. I'll take whatever comes my way, but it's just, I'll really miss you and Nicholas, you know?"
"I know." They rested their heads together, "Same here."
"And I want to be able to set a date for this wedding! And we can't do that until we know my fate so… in the meantime… I'm going to make sure that all the planning and preparation is ready to go as soon as we can get a date in the diary. I don't want to wait anymore!"
"Me neither." Noah stroked his hair with one hand, up the back of his head and then reached with his fingers to let them glide down, entwining his locks and then tracing his shoulder. His blue eyes gazed at him, not breaking the look, and then, very deliberately, he leaned forward to kiss him. Soft lips pressed firm against his mouth inducing another flood of memory...
...
The door was locked. Sealing them in. Alone… free… at last!
And it was Noah that pulled him in. It was Noah initiating things. Noah's face that was lit with a fiery seduction Luke had never seen before. And Noah's hand was at the back of his head while they kissed.
"Do I seem scared to you now?" Noah asked as they pulled apart.
"No." Luke felt himself smile, "No… not really…"
And his shirt was gone, before he'd even noticed Noah's hands grabbing at the hem of it. Both their eyes were soaking up everything, chests heaving and Noah's face awash with burning desire.
Luke allowed himself to be led...
Pretty soon they were a mass of arms and legs and flesh on the double bed. Luke felt Noah's hands like a heat all over his back, his chest, curling up around his neck, and from nowhere, suddenly shirtless himself. Luke stopped kissing him and lifted his head back to gaze at the wonder that lay beneath him. Noah's skin was smooth and perfectly contoured, his jeans open at the fly, revealing a tantalising hint of underwear.
Luke looked. He devoured every inch of Noah with his eyes. He was so beautiful that Luke, feeling suddenly chocked with want, could barely swallow. And then suddenly, Noah, his love, his sweet, was rolling him over and tugging at his belt and removing his jeans while his eyes roamed over his chest.
And soon Luke found himself naked.
They kissed again; Noah's mouth was hungry against his. It was a frenzied, delirious passion; a wild and reckless abandon. After such a long wait, they were desperate for each other. There was a breathless pause as Noah looked Luke in the eye and then moved downwards, his gentle touch the most exquisite sensation of Luke's life, happening… happening right in this moment.
"Stop!" Luke begged, his fingers finding Noah's head. He was on the brink already and tried to hold back by steadying his breathing.
Noah stood then. By the side of the bed. And right there, before Luke's eyes, removed the last shred of his clothing, standing there all naked like some Egyptian king, before climbing back on top of him and pressing the tightness of their stomachs together.
It was the first time Luke had ever really touched, kneaded, clasped the skin of him and he marvelled at its softness, it's rich scent of animal lust. Stoking Noah's skin with the tips of his fingers, Luke leaned upwards, licking a path and delicately tasted the salty sweat of his chest.
This time it was Noah's turn to plead, "Stop! Luke, stop!" Noah's eyes rolled and his eyelids fluttered as he came back to earth, "God, I'm so close." He pressed his forehead against Luke's and whispered, "We need to slow down." Then he collapsed to the side of him, so that they lay side by side.
"I don't know if I can." Luke managed to shudder.
Noah kissed him again but this time slower, more leisurely, not quite with the crazy passion of before.
"Noah," Luke whispered shyly, "I think you should be the one…"
Noah placed a finger on his lips and nodded. "You're stunning." he said, pushing Luke to lie back again.
Luke felt his nerves rising. He had read how this could be painful, but was amazed by how much he still wanted it. Everything seemed to have slowed down and Luke found himself gazing up in dumbstruck awe at the incredible and divine man above him; his hair a brown halo and his skin aglow; who wanted him…
They were the most perfect blend of love and passion. It pulsed through them like blood and life. Luke stretched out his body and lifted his legs in submission to Noah.
He watched as Noah made preparations, drawing on a condom, lubricating it before kissing him again and saying, "I've never done this… like this… so… I don't want hurt you, okay?"
Luke nodded.
"Let me know if you need me to stop…"
"Okay." It was a breathy whisper from a quivering body.
Luke felt Noah's fingers enter him, one by one. With each intrusion he let out a gasp of surprise. He had messed about with this on his own before, but it was a completely different experience when another person did it. Noah's face was always against his, forehead to forehead, cheek to cheek, breath in ear or mouth upon mouth. And then that moment… The moment Luke could never, ever have dreamt possible, the moment when Noah started to make love to him for the first time. Gazing all the while deep into his eyes, Noah entered slowly all the way up, and it hurt. It hurt a lot.
"You okay?" Noah asked worried at the cry of pain eliciting from Luke. He wiped a tear from Luke's eyes. It was a tear from pain but also from intense love.
"It hurts a little." He managed to stammer, but as Noah made a move to withdraw he gripped his legs around this thighs, "No! Stay! Stay! Just wait a bit." His breath was solid and quick and soon the pain started to transform into a pleasure he could never describe in words. "Okay." He said.
Noah nuzzled his neck lovingly before withdrawing and plunging gently back in, gasping himself and struggling to hold back. But he didn't need to because, at that instant, a rip-tide of ecstasy washed over Luke and he moved beneath him. It was a natural instinct that Noah instantly seemed to understand and pretty soon they were moving together with more vigour.
It didn't last long, Luke experianced the most intense feeling of his life build and build until he could no longer control it and the wetness spilled between them just as he felt Noah spasm within him and heard his cry of release.
They looked and they smiled, with pleasure, with relief and with gratitude.
"Incredible," Luke said, "Just incredible."
As he withdrew, Noah tugged at the comforter on Luke's bed, wrapping the folds over them so that they could lie there, revelling in their love, smiling in the knowledge that they were immune in that moment to anything but the sensation of each other.
...
"I keep thinking about the past." Luke said quietly, moving closer into the crook of Noah's arm. "Do you remember the first time we made love?"
"Like it was yesterday."
Noah didn't question him further and Luke was grateful.
He took a moment before spilling what he had needed to say since he'd woken Noah up, "Noah… I don't want to get married on the farm."
Noah took a deep breath and then knowingly asked, "Ameera?"
Luke nodded, "And not only that but, I don't know, I guess Reid's ashes are there and… I just want it to be us! You know? I want a place that's just for us!"
"I like that idea." Noah whispered back, "Do you have anywhere in mind?"
"No. I was hoping you might."
"It will come to us, don't worry."
Luke smiled at him, rubbing their noses together. "Thanks for understanding…"
"I love you Luke."
"I love you too."
"Now… do you think I could maybe go back to sleep?"
Luke laughed. "Yes, but can I cuddle you?"
"As if you need to ask…"
Luke placed his notebook and pen on the bedside table as Noah wriggled back down into the bed, and he turned off the light before spooning Noah from behind, suddenly feeling like he could sleep well that night.