It was the man's wife who paid both the cabs for the trip over. She also paid one to take them back to the hospital. She didn't say anything to the distraught young man on his knees in her flowerbeds or to his friend standing by his side, looking helpless. What could she say?
"Luke?" Casey tried as he closed the car door and they drove off.
Luke shook his head and was grateful that Casey didn't push him to talk.
He couldn't talk…
As he watched Los Angeles flash past the cab window he bit into his fist, replaying, as he had done over and over for hours, the events of the night before... trying to work through things, find a reason…
Trying not to dwell on that moment when Noah had shoved him…
Trying not to fear it…
...
It was Noah who first responded to the doorbell.
Luke lay serenely in the afterglow from another sweaty and passionate session that had left him spent and vaporized. His hair was tousled and framed his peaceful face. His mouth was slightly open and his lips were still moist. There was nothing but relaxed satisfaction etched on his brow.
He was stunning.
His husband.
They had spent the entire day inside together creating their own piece of heaven. He hoped that one day he and Luke would be able to go away on a proper Honeymoon, but in the meantime the past day of continued love making and togetherness had been simply magical.
Nicholas and Mia were with Holden and Lily and the rest of the family in a hotel not far from their house. He was grateful they had offered to watch the kids for a day so that they could spend some badly needed and well earned time together; but Noah had to admit that he was looking forward to seeing them in the morning. The house suddenly seemed so quiet without all their little squeals and giggles. And he knew that Luke was also desperate to spend time with Nicholas and keen to get to know little Mia. Noah grinned to himself suddenly, thinking about how easily Mia, with just one smile, was going to wrap Luke around her little finger.
He was just starting to drift off himself when he heard the doorbell chime. He stretched up to check the alarm clock and it read 02:24.
"What the fuck?" he whispered, immediately expecting the worst. What else could it be at this time of the morning, especially when everybody they knew had been told to stay clear of the loved up couple.
The bell rang again and this time it stirred Luke awake.
"Noah?" he mumbled confused.
"Shh, go back to sleep, must be the wrong house or something."
He left the bed naked and searched the dark floor for his sweatpants and shirt, accidently kicking one of the crystal bowls over and wetting the floor.
"Shit!"
He dressed on his way down the passage to the door.
Considering the time, Noah was cautious, turning on the outside light and peering through the peephole. He jerked his head back in surprise when he recognised the person standing outside and unlocked the door to the tear and snot stained mess that greeted him.
"I'm so sorry." He sniffed pathetically.
"Noah?" Luke called softly, rubbing his eyes as he made his sleepy way to the lounge, "Who is it?"
The kid's face was devastated when he saw the shirtless Luke and he started to shake his head, "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have come here… it was a mistake… I…I… I'm sorry…"
He started to back away down the garden path.
"No, wait!" Noah reached out to him, "It's okay Josh."
The frightened boy considered him for a moment, looking just like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Josh, it's okay. Come in."
Noah gestured with his hand and finally Josh limped into the house. As he past him, Noah noticed how much the kid was shaking and he couldn't get over the sight of him. He looked like he had gone three rounds in a boxing ring and come out the loser. His eye was black and swollen shut. He stood there by the entrance looking small and uncertain. Noah closed the door and gently placed a hand on each of Josh's shoulders making him jump in fright.
"You're safe. Come sit down over here…"
Luke was staring at them with wide-eyed amazement and confusion as Noah lowered the boy onto the couch, sitting on the coffee table to face him. Their eyes met and Luke nodded at Noah, immediately reading his thoughts and disappearing into the kitchen to find an icepack.
"I'm so sorry!" Josh said again, "I was walking around the city and… and I didn't know where to go… and this man scared me in an alley and then… then… I thought… I thought maybe if I came here…"
It was then that Noah noticed Josh was barefoot and his feet looked painfully black and swollen.
"Okay Josh, just calm down. Try to catch your breath." Noah reached up and grabbed the icepack as Luke handed it to him, "Here, hold this to your eye. It will help bring down the swelling."
"Here Josh," Luke handed him a glass of water and an aspirin, which he took gratefully and drank in one quick gulp. Luke took the glass back from him, quickly threw on a shirt he'd grabbed from the clean laundry, and sat down on the coffee table next to Noah.
"Who did this?" Noah asked, pulling Josh's hand back to move the icepack slightly so that he could survey the damaged eye more closely. He frowned with concern, "Who did this to you?"
"It was your wedding…" he said in a small ache filled voice, "I thought… I thought if you two could do it… You know?"
Luke and Noah didn't know what he was talking about so they kept quiet and Noah gently pressed the icepack back into place.
"I told them." His voice was small, like a child's.
"Told who what Josh?" Luke asked.
"After your wedding, I spent the night thinking about it… how happy you are and how your family is so okay with everything…" he sniffed, "…and so yesterday I told them."
Noah cocked his head sadly at Luke and Luke reached over to find his hand and squeeze it.
...
Attending Luke and Noah's wedding with Natalie had awakened a strength and a want within Josh that he never knew existed. He lay awake all that night, counting the stars through his window and thinking about how happy those two men were together; how much they loved each other and how much they were loved by their friends and family. And he especially thought about how being gay didn't even seem to come into the equation as far as they were concerned.
It was amazing!
They were amazing!
They made him feel inspired!
He didn't know exactly how his father would react but he did have some idea. His father would hold barbeques at the house and he and his friends would crack nasty gay jokes every so often. And his father always changed the channel if a gay couple featured in a programme. It was his father's attitude towards gays that scared Josh into staying quiet.
He certainly couldn't imagine his father ever walking him down the isle to marry another man, the way Luke's father had.
He wasn't sure about his mother either. He had a very close relationship with her, and she didn't seem to mind him attending a gay wedding, so he thought perhaps out of the two, she would be the one to support him. He hoped so anyway.
He bunked school and spent the day going over how he would tell them. Formulating the words in his head…
At supper that night he sat at the table listening to his father talk about his work day and his mother talk about hers, listening to his little sisters arguing as usual. It was a normal everyday family dinner and he wondered whether his actions would change that forever. But he had to do it, because he definitely didn't want to spend the rest of his life in a lie. He definitely wanted what Luke and Noah had one day. That was one thing he knew for certain.
He waited until his father was seated in his easy chair reading the newspaper, and his mother was reading her book on the couch, before standing nervously before them.
"Mom? Dad?"
They both looked up and noticed him there for the first time.
"Yes Josh?" His mother asked.
"Um… you got a minute?"
His parent's glanced with confusion at each other, and Josh thought he must have looked guilty or something because his father asked, "You're not in more trouble over weed, are you boy?"
Josh bit his lower lip and shook his head, "No Dad. I'm not in any trouble."
"Well? Spit it out then?"
Josh looked from one to the other and suddenly realised that this was going to be a whole lot harder than he at first thought. This was the biggest thing he would ever have to tell them, he knew. His throat felt extremely dry and he wrung his fingers together in front of him.
"I can't tell you."
"What can't you tell us, Josh?" his mother asked kindly and he was grateful to her for that.
"No. I mean I don't know HOW to tell you."
"What's this about?" his father asked, obviously getting annoyed by Josh's hesitancy and keen to return to his normal nightly routine and his paper.
Josh considered pulling out, but then thought back to the wedding and planted his feet. Standing firm he said, "There's something I've known for a while now and I've not been able to tell you."
"Why not?" his mother asked.
"I was too scared."
Both his parents frowned at him. He stood staring back at them as one leg started to shake and he had to steady his breathing.
"Mom. Dad…" it was so hard. He couldn't get the words out but he was resolved to doing it. Finally he whispered, "I'm gay."
"What?" his father asked after a long and silent pause, "What did you say?"
"I'm gay Dad." He said it with as much conviction as his tiny voice would allow.
"Don't talk rubbish! Where the hell would you get such a crazy idea?"
His mother sat in shock, her mouth gapped open.
"It's not a crazy idea. It's the truth. I'm gay and I needed to tell you."
"But…" whispered his mother, "but Natalie?"
"She's just a friend Mom. She knows I'm gay."
"Now you listen to me, son!" he was caught off guard by the tone of warning from his father, "You are NOT gay! Somebody has led you to think that you are!"
Josh shook his head, "No Dad…"
"It's that girl's brother isn't it? It was that fucking sham of a marriage you went to yesterday!" His voice was sharp and cold as he turned to his wife, "I told you! I told you he shouldn't go! Now look! Are you happy? Now the kid's decided he's gay too! WONDERFUL!"
Josh felt suddenly like he was drowning, trying to fight against the current, theoretically holding his arms out for one of them to pull him aboard… hoping for it… desperate for their approval...
"Miles please…" his wife pleaded, but the man's anger was growing quickly.
"Dad, Luke and Noah have nothing to do with this. I knew I was gay before I even met them!"
Josh didn't know what to do or say. Everything was happening so fast. His father's anger was building so quickly…
"You are NOT gay! Stop saying that!" by now the man had flown up from his chair and was looming over him.
"Dad… Dad please?"
"Miles, can't you see how hard this is for him…"
"Shut up Marion!"
Both Marion and Josh shuddered in disbelief at his father's reaction. Neither of them had ever seen him like this.
"Dad… I can't hide anymore… please understand…"
"The only thing I understand is that some sick perverts have twisted my son's head!"
"I'm gay!"
"Shut the fuck up, okay? You're talking shit and I want you to stop this right now! I'm warning you!"
Josh was shaking like a leaf. His father had never sworn at or in front of him before. From the corner of his eye he could see his two sisters cowering by the door, crying with fear at the anger blasting from every pour of their father. Even his mother was a timid heap of sniffles on the couch. Josh started to sob and couldn't hold back the tears.
This was wrong. This was all wrong.
"There is no WAY that you are gay! There is NO possible WAY that I have a gay son! Do you understand me?" He waited for Josh to answer, obviously expecting Josh to agree, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
But that strength Josh had found within himself took hold once more and he knew he would have to fight on this. It was either fight or live a life of agony. "This is why I didn't tell you guys! I knew you would act this way. Do you think it's easy for me? I spent the whole day worrying about this! But you HAVE to know the truth! You have to know it Dad! I AM GAY!"
The blow to his eye was so hard and unexpected, it knocked the wind out of him and he collapsed easily to the floor. He thought that would be it but his father seemed suddenly possessed and to his shock the man continued to pummel him; hitting him with blow after painful blow until finally stepping back in a breathless huff of fury.
Josh wasn't sure what hurt most, the physical violence or the emotional disregard.
He could hear his mother and his sisters screaming in terror.
"GET OUT!" Miles yelled and then pulled Josh harshly up off the floor by his arm, ignoring his wife's plaintive pleading and dragging his son over to the door; chucking him out of the house, "Don't you ever think of coming back here unless it's to apologise for upsetting your family in this cruel way! Until you can behave like a proper man I don't' want to see you again! YOU GOT THAT? You come back here straight, otherwise I'll KILL YOU!"
Josh flinched in terrorised shock as the white door to his home slammed right in his face.
...
"I told them I'm gay." He shook his head and sobbed at the memory of it, "He was so angry! I've never seen him so angry."
The child broke down, his back jerking with the sobs and Luke moved immediately to the couch to hug him into his chest.
"I… didn't… know… where else… where else to go!"
"It's okay." Luke said, gently stroking his head.
"I thought you… you would know… you would understand…"
"We do." Oh yes they did!
"He hates me! He said he'd kill me! He's never done that before…" His voice cracked in pain, "He's strict but he's never hit me before…"
They sat with him for a while until Noah showed him to the bathroom so that he could shower, loaning him a pair of Luke's sweatpants and one of his own shirts. Noah sat on the end of their bed, waiting for him to finish. The child was clearly emotionally and physically exhausted and Noah put him to bed in the guestroom.
"You can stay here for now, okay Josh? Don't worry." Noah told him before he fell asleep.
"Thank you." He whispered.
The kid's story was all too familiar to him and Noah's heart broke for him as he closed the bedroom door. He wondered what they could possibly do to make things right again.
He ran both hands through his hair as he made it back to the lounge where Luke was waiting on the couch. Luke took one look at him and quickly approached to wrap him in a close hug.
"Kind of brings it all back, doesn't it?" he asked sadly, rubbing his hands up and down the small of Noah's back.
"Yeah." Noah sniffed, "Sometimes, especially when it's just us, I forget, you know? I forget how hard it was... how scared I was of him… How much I wanted him to love me."
"Poor kid." Luke sighed as he gripped Noah tighter.
"How many are out there Luke?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, how many like Josh? How many kids are out there afraid of who they really are?"
"I know."
"We're really lucky aren't we?"
He felt Luke smile against his chest, "Well! I don't know about you... stuck with me! But I know I sure am!"
Noah laughed and then grew serious once more, "I'm going to talk to them."
"What?"
"Tomorrow. You can stay here with Josh, wait for your folks to bring the kids home, and I'll go over to his house."
"Are you sure?"
Noah nodded, "Yeah, I feel like… I feel like I'm meant to do this. Do you understand?"
Luke pulled back from his chest so that he could kiss him, "I do. I love you."
"And I am lucky Luke. I'm more than lucky... I'm blessed!"
...
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