Disclaimers: As much as I may want to claim ownership of this famous series, I can't because both Harry Potter and Star Vs the Forces of Evil belongs to a whole lot of different companies that I can't remember the names of at the moment. Any characters that appear in this fic that is not a part of the original series, belong to me so don't take them without asking first.
Word Count: 892
Marriage Law Rejection Letters
Letter #121
By: Sakura Lisel
Requested by: eternal king of fire
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To The Losers Of The Ministry Of Magic,
Bloody hell! I don't know HOW you jerks did it, but even I am beyond impressed that you somehow managed to track me down again after all these years. Or why you even BOTHERED sending me a letter involving this marriage law of yours to begin with, seeing how over there I am supposed to be legally DEAD as of seven years ago thanks to the incident inside of the Department of Mysteries in the Hall Of Prophecies which, for me at least, ended my falling into the Veil of Death no thanks to my psycho cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange.
I do believe that my 'death' would be the perfect prank to last ALL pranks for somebody to pull if it had been done by somebody else except me. I don't even remember exactly what happened when I went through the veil, but the next thing I knew I was 'waking up' in the body of a newborn baby boy about a week after my previous life ended, somehow with all of my memories of that life intact. Trust me when I say that being a grown man stuck in the body of an infant and having to grow up all over again has been a major pain.
I truly never expected to hear from my former life ever again, and here I was happily getting settled into my new life when the ministry owls somehow found their way to my location, and dumped the announcement of my impending nuptials to a witch I don't even know upon my lap. Though it was nice of the ministry to send the news that my name had been cleared of the 'crimes' I had committed, even it had to come after I died. Thanks a lot people. Really.
Thats another thing for which I am amazed about. As far as I know, I don't even live in the same universe as you people anymore, yet somehow the ministry owls still found me all the way here. I don't even look the way I used to do anymore. Even if I was the proper age to take part in your law, I really doubt my would be wife would appreciate how I look now without freaking out first, and I also bet that she herself will flat out refuse to marry me.
Sorry to have to burst your bubbles people, but I Siriusly can't help you out in your stupid little marriage law even if I wanted to.
Not only do I not WANT to do it, but even if I did want to, thanks to my current situation, I am now far too young to be taking part in it, as my current body is exactly six years old as of last Monday. My new parents won't appreciate my getting married to complete strangers anyway who THEY didn't approve of first.
By the way, I am considered royalty now in my new life, thanks to my new parents. So if you somehow ever find a way over here yourselves, you'll have to deal with the royal guard first to get to me, and if you somehow manage to get past them, then I wish you good luck trying to get past my mom if you still have the nerve to come after me. Trust me when I say that she will literally wipe the floor with all of you, using your mangled bodies as dish rags, before feeding your corpses to our hell hounds.
Hope to never here from you tossers again.
Sincerely,
Prince Tom Lucitor
Formerly known as Sirius Orion Black
P.s. By the way, I don't know how the war with Old-Snake-Face-Who-Must-Not-Be-Properly-Named went, but if the Light side won, could you people please get in contact with my godson, Harry Potter, and my best friend Remus Lupin, and tell them that I'm alive? I really miss them.
Author's Notes:
This latest Marriage Law Rejection Letter update was recently requested to my review box by eternal king of fire who wanted a letter written by Sirius Black.
The idea to make Sirius be reincarnated as Prince Tom Lucitor of the Underworld from Star Vs the Forces of Evil hit me out of the blue, when I was trying to figure out how to write his letter. *lol* With him falling through the Veil of Death, the idea of sending his soul to be reincarnated in Mewni wouldn't leave me alone, and I thought Tom would be the perfect reincarnation for Sirius.
Thanks for the request. If anyone else has any letters they want to submit, feel free to send them in. lol