The Charterhouse school was nestled neatly within twenty-one acres of well manicured grounds, a true testament to both its age as well as to the relative prosperity of the parents; who paid large sums every year to send their children there.

The institution had a strong academic record, but its real fame lay within the sporting achievements of its pupils, especially in swimming, athletics and tennis; all of which Josh was an active participant in.

On any given day the playing fields were abuzz with children eagerly involved in inter-school or inter-house activities.

It was still early and only a few pupils had arrived for the day. They milled around outside the school gates or under trees, books sprawled across knees.

Luke whistled as the cab dropped him off in front of the ornate gates. It certainly was one impressive looking school.

He walked the garden path up to the main grey brick building, following the signs for the reception area.

"May I help you?" asked the pretty receptionist with a shy smile, obviously taken with Luke's boyish good looks.

Luke smiled back at her. "I'd like to see the Headmaster if that's possible. I don't have an appointment but it's important."

"I see." She said, checking her computer screen. "Your name please?"

"Luke Snyder."

She smiled again and lifted her handset, pressing one button and waiting for an answer from the other end.

"Mr. Hart? I have a Mr. Luke Snyder here to see you, it's regarding…" she cupped the receiver with her hand and looked up at Luke with raised eyebrows.

"I'm here about a pupil. Josh Carmody?"

She dropped her hand and said, "It's about Josh Carmody. Right, yes, I'll send him in." She hung up. "You can go right on in. He can see you now."

"Thank you." Luke said.

He turned to open the door toward which she indicated. The name tag of Mr. Robert Hart was fixed to it in gold leaf metal.

Luke wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it was definitely not the tiny, bold-headed man before him.

"Mr Hart?" he asked.

"That would be me! Yes." The man replied, sticking out his arm to shake Luke's hand.

"Luke Snyder."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Snyder. You are here about Josh?"

"Yes. I'm not sure how much you know about Josh's current situation."

"Oh, I make it my business to know everything about our pupils Mr. Snyder. I am aware that Josh has been living with you and your partner since his father was incarcerated. Terrible business!"

"Yes."

"And how is your partner?" The man asked.

"Husband." Luke smiled, "And he's fine, thank you. Great actually."

"Well that's at least something, isn't it?" The amicable man replied. "Please take a seat."

The headmaster sat in his chair behind the desk and waited for Luke to get comfortable in one of the visitor seats.

"So," he asked. "How can I help you?"

"I'm actually not sure whether you can. You see, Josh went missing last night."

The headmaster's dark eyebrows rose instantly.

"Something happened." Luke explained. "Totally not Josh's fault. But we think, with his current mindset, that he has the wrong idea. Anyway we haven't been able to locate him since yesterday and he left his cell at our house. So we can't contact him at all. As you can imagine we are extremely worried."

"Yes I'm sure!" Mr. Hart nodded in agreement. "I have to say, Mr. Snyder, that I myself have noticed quite a change in Josh over the past few weeks, as have a number of our teachers."

Luke frowned, "Really? We didn't know Josh very well before all of this happened, so we have nothing to compare his behaviour to. From what we can tell he's a very responsible, well balanced kid. Except for the other night when he…"

"Yes?"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. It was a one off. But what do you mean by changes?"

"Well. It started small at first. Just slip ups in tests and essays that weren't normal for a pupil of Josh's skill. But now his grades have been slipping at a faster rate. And he appears to have lost interest in his extra curricular activities, where he has always excelled."

Luke looked down at his hands for a moment and then looking back up asked, "Why do you think it's happening?"

The headmaster shook his head sadly. "Children are amazing creatures Mr. Snyder, as I'm sure you must know, since you have taken this one in as if your own. And they can bring much joy! But they can also be cruel."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked worriedly.

"I'm afraid things haven't been easy for Josh at school since the news of his father broke. Or more specifically, since the reason for this father's arrest became known."

Luke felt his heart drop. "Oh."

"Boys and girls he thought were his friends, who have in fact been his friends for many years, suddenly abandoned him. He's been quite isolated I would say. We have tried to help him, but he chooses to suffer in silence. I think he is afraid of disappointing people."

The guilt Luke felt at that moment gripped him like a million tentacles rising up and pulling him under. He should have seen this! He of all people knew what this was like. Josh was just a younger version of himself.

"Why am I only hearing about this now?" Luke asked.

Mr. Hart nodded. "Perhaps we should have told you or Mrs. Carmody sooner. However we do like to give our children a chance to resolve things on their own first. It builds a sense of responsibility you understand."

Luke nodded and took a deep breath, frustrated with himself.

"Don't take it personally." Mr. Hart said, as though reading Luke's thoughts. "Teenager's are notoriously good at hiding their true feelings. Especially from those they are aiming to impress."

"Mr Hart?" Luke asked, "Do you have any idea where he might have gone? If he didn't stay at ours last night and he can't go home."

Mr. Hart thought for a moment and then smiled, "Well, he does have one friend who has stood by him through all this. A foreign student by the name of Benoit Dubois. He's a very popular kid at school and seems totally unfazed by the fact Josh is gay. In fact, he tends to be totally unfazed by just about anything at all!"

"Do you think he might have gone to this kid's house?"

"It's likely, yes."

Luke rose, "Okay. Thank you for your help Mr. Hart."

"Not at all" The little man replied, coming back around his desk to shake Luke's hand.

"Is there any way I could get the contact details for Benoit?" Luke asked.

The headmaster pursed his lips in sympathy, "I'm afraid not. We aren't permitted to give out such information. If you like I can get my secretary to call his father for you."

Luke nodded, "That would be great!"

"Okay. Leave your number with Cynthia and she can call you with any news."

Luke turned to leave, "Thank you again."

"Don't mention it!"

As Luke passed the office window he noticed a familiar symbol below them in the yard. It was painted on the side of a white van, and two individuals in whites coats were setting up for a busy day. Usually he wouldn't have thought anything of it, but it rang a faint bell in his head.

Luke paused for a moment frowning and then asked, "Do they come here often then?"

"Sorry?" Asked Mr. Hart.

"The Blood Bank. Do they often do blood drives here?"

The headmaster almost had to stand on tip-toes to look down through the window at what Luke was indicating toward but he smiled when he saw the van.

"Not really." He said. "About once a year I'd say. Why?"

Luke turned from the headmaster to look back out the window. "So they haven't been here since last year? Is that what you're saying?"

"That's correct. Is something the matter?"

Luke shook his head. "No. No. A misunderstanding I think."

...

Josh awoke during the night in the hot and sweaty grip of pure fear! Only he couldn't remember what he was so afraid of.

He gasped desperately for air and panicked further when he discovered he couldn't get any, as though his head were sealed inside a plastic bag. He clawed at his throat, willing the air past the stone lodged halfway down his windpipe.

Benoit's face appeared before him and he felt the other boy's hands cup his cheeks. But he couldn't hear a word his friend was saying. The blood roared in his ears.

Suddenly he was alone again, sure he would die. But Benoit returned, this time with a paper bag, which he held over Josh's nose and mouth.

Benoit was repeating something over and over and finally Josh heard him, "Respirer… Respirer… Calme..."

Josh's head felt light but he got his voice back, "What?"

Benoit shook his head as he tried to recall the English word.

"Um, breathe!" He said eventually, lowering the bag away from Josh's face.

Josh smiled groggily at him.

"You are better?" Benoit asked. Again he held Josh by the head and checked him over. "Your eyes are very big, you know? How do you say?" He shrugged and gave up when he couldn't think of the expression.

Josh frowned suddenly. Although he was more than happy to be swimming in Benoit's manufactured haze, he couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible had happened.

Something happened on the beach.

"Hey!" Benoit's soothing voice brought him back to the bedroom. "I 'ave a little some-ting…"

He pulled out a sock drawer and taped on the back were the supplies for a heroin fix.

"When'd you get that?" Josh asked and squeezed his eyes firmly shut as a wave of pain shot through his head.

"You 'ave the sore 'ead…" Benoit stated knowingly. "…from these..." He lifted up the bag of blue pills to show Josh what he meant. "This will 'elp."

Josh watched as Benoit sat cross-legged on the floor and set to work preparing the drug. It didn't take long before the two of them were enjoying the fruits of his labour.

Within five minutes Josh was relishing the sensation of warmth, as though a soft blanket had been wrapped around him. He fell back into the carpet beside Benoit and sank into the floor.

Josh stared up at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face. He was in utter contentment. The drug pulsated throughout his body. He was completely comfortable and, best of all, completely happy.

...

Although Noah knew he absolutely HAD to get this one scene edited by the end of the day, he was finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. He leaned back against the chair and rubbed his burning eyes, yawning.

He had decided to work from home. There was no way he'd be able to handle the studio in his current state!

He really needed to sleep for an hour or two, but he'd already tried that with no success.

He was eager to find out what Luke had learnt at the school. Perhaps he had found Josh already. Noah quickly checked his phone but there was no message.

Poor kid was mostly likely terrified.

Stretching he stood and entered the kitchen, opening the fridge and staring at the contents, waiting for something inside to speak to him and let him know what he felt like eating. His stomach growled but the thought of actually putting food in his mouth made him feel sick. He knew it was anxiety making him this way.

Instead of food he grabbed a juice box, apple flavoured. There was only one pineapple box left and he knew there would be hell to pay from Nicholas if he drank it!

He smiled at that as he left the kitchen to return to his editing software.

He had tentatively and with Luke's encouragement edited the first half of this particular scene weeks back while he was still blind.

He knew he didn't have the faith in himself that Luke did, but now that he'd re-watched the work he completed without his sight, he was surprised to discover it was actually rather good. Better almost. As though all the pent up emotion he held, the frustration, sadness and anger, translated into the way he cut the frames.

The scene was particularly moving; a son losing his adoptive mother to cancer. And once they added the final sound and music tracks too, it would be fantastic! He was rather proud of it. He wondered often whether he could reconnect to those feelings that had helped create it. Although those feelings weren't ones he particularly wanted to delve into everyday.

He smiled as he realised once again just how well Luke knew him.

At that moment his husband entered the front door.

"Was he there?" Noah asked immediately.

Luke shook his head, "No, I didn't find Josh but I did find out some interesting information."

"Take a seat…" Noah suggested. "I'll grab you a soda, you look exhausted."

Luke waited for Noah on the couch and took a long swig of the soda Noah handed to him.

"Thanks." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Then, as Noah sat beside him, Luke laid out all Mr. Hart had told him.

"So all this time Josh has been struggling at school and we didn't even know it?" Noah asked, horrified.

"I'm afraid so."

Noah sighed. "And the school has no idea where he might have gone?"

"Well," Luke began but his phone rang before he could continue. He checked the display.

"It's the school." He told Noah and then answered the cell, "Hello? Yes, this is … Hi… Ah ha… Okay… Thanks." He hung up.

"Well?" Noah asked.

"They offered to call the father of Josh's best friend, Benoit."

"And did they?"

"Yes but he says he hasn't seen Josh."

Noah squeezed Luke's hand at the look on his face. It was obvious Luke had been hoping this would lead to something.

"They won't give me this Benoit kid's home address." He rubbed at the join between his brown eyes.

Noah thought for a moment. "Well, maybe Nat knows where he lives."

Luke considered this and without saying anything called Natalie on his cell.

"Hello Nat? Yes, yes, I know! It's the brother who never calls! Gotcha!"

Noah's heart warmed at the sudden grin from Luke. It was hard not to smile when Luke did.

"Listen Nat?" Luke continued, the smile vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. "Have you heard anything from Josh lately?"

Noah could hear Natalie's voice on the other end of the line but not what she was saying.

"So he's been kind of distant with you lately, ha? Do you know why?"

Again there was a wait as Natalie replied to Luke's question.

"Okay. Look… he didn't come home last night. Has he ever spoken to you about a friend called Benoit?"

Luke's eyes widened.

"You have! That's great! Do you remember the address? No? Oh… You do? Okay, I'll give you a few minutes and then I'll check for it. Great! Thanks Nat. And don't worry, okay? We'll find him."

He hung up.

"So?" Asked Noah anxiously.

"She's been to Benoit's house, but just the once. She says she can't remember the street but she thinks she can find it on a map. She's going to pinpoint a route and e-mail it to me. Then I can head over there."

"And hopefully find Josh!"

Luke cuddled into Noah and they waited that way, periodically checking Luke's cell for the e-mail from Natalie.

"She says she's been really worried about him." Luke said softly against Noah's chest.

"Worried about what?" Noah asked.

"Well, it's just… she says he's been different and… the school said the same thing. That he's been distant. Like he's switched off or something."

"Well, Luke, the kid's had a rough time of it. He may seem okay on the outside but I mean, who knows what's going on in his head."

Luke nodded as he checked his phone once more and finally found the e-mail.

"Got it!" He typed back to this sister and then immediately dialled for a cab to pick him up.

"You don't need to do that, I can drive you." Noah suggested.

"Don't be stupid! You have work to do and you know it!"

Noah sighed. He really didn't like leaving Luke to deal with the situation, but he'd already stretched his brownie points with the film's backers as far as he dared.

"Okay." Noah agreed reluctantly. "But call me if you need help, okay?"

"I will." Luke leaned up and kissed him before leaving to wait for the cab outside.

...

"Mia! Jesus Christ, Mia!" Josh shot up off the floor, stumbling over Benoit to find his shoes.

"What is eet?" Benoit moaned, blocking the light with his lower arm, annoyed at having been woken up.

"Oh my god, what's the matter with me?" Josh muttered repeatedly as he struggled to get on his shoes. "Oh my god! I just left her there! And Nicky? Oh my god! I left them at the hospital all alone!"

He simply couldn't get the shoelace tied, his fingers fumbled madly as his clear mind suddenly remembered everything.

In his drugged out haze he'd found his way to Benoit's knowing that Benoit would do what he did best. He'd help Josh forget.

"Luke and Noah must be going out of their minds! Shit!" He cried. "Shit! What the hell is the matter with me? I'm such a fucking loser!"

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and an older man's voice asked, "Benoit, puis-je tu parler un instant?"

Benoit jumped a mile in the air in fright. "Un moment!"

He set to work hiding any evidence of their drug taking and quickly sprayed the room in manly deodorant before opening the door.

His father was about to speak again when he noticed Josh sitting on the side of the bed, still in the middle of tying his shoelaces.

"You are 'ere, Josh?" His English was a lot better than his sons.

Josh blinked confused.

"Your…" The man paused, obviously confused by the relationship, "I tink it is your brother that is downstairs. I did not know that you were 'ere so he wanted to speak to my son. But you are so…"

Josh finally swallowed that lump he'd had in his throat all night. He took a shuddered breath as the full realisation of his actions shook him once more. There was no escape this time. He had to face it.

He nodded at the older Carmody and with slumped shoulders made his way down the long corridor that led to the main marbled staircase, a part of him amazed that Luke had found him so quickly.

Josh met Luke at the bottom of the stairs and Luke sighed deeply at the sight of him.

"I'm so sorry… Mia… I… She…" Josh chocked as he began weeping in despair.

To his surprise, instead of reprimands he felt Luke embrace him as he said, "She's alright."

Josh pulled back to look Luke in the face and Luke gripped Josh's shoulders strongly.

"Josh, she's alright." Luke nodded with certainty at him.

"She's not dead?" Josh asked.

Luke shook his head and pulled Josh to him once more. "It was an accident. It wasn't your fault Josh. If anything it was ours."

"No!" said an internal voice inside of Josh, "You can't blame yourselves! You don't know the whole truth!"

Josh pulled out of Luke's embrace and walked slightly away from him, staring out of a nearby window. "Is she at your house?"

"Yes." Luke answered behind him.

"Good." Josh said softly, feeling fresh air finally reach the bottom of his lungs. He absentmindedly rubbed at his arm, as the fresh bruises there began to throb. "That's so good."

"Look, Josh?" Luke continued. "We should have told you before but Mia has a fear of deep water."

"What?"

"It was her phobia that made her freeze. You got her out of the water in plenty of time. She didn't even swallow any."

"If only you knew why she fell in the water in the first place!" Josh thought but didn't dare say.

"We've been really worried about you, you know?" Luke said softly. "I even went by your school. That's how I managed to track you down."

"I think it's better if I leave." Josh said with great effort.

"Leave?" Luke asked, gently gripping Josh's shoulder and turning him around.

Josh didn't dare look up at him afraid that Luke would read the dreadful truth there and see him for the person he really was. "I don't think I should stay with you. I don't want to hurt anybody."

He couldn't see the expression on Luke's face but Josh knew he was frowning with confusion, "Hurt anybody? Why would you think...? Josh?"

Josh shuffled his feet nervously and resisted as Luke tried to lift his chin.

"Josh?" Luke persisted until finally Josh was looking right at the man. "Why would you think that?"

Josh shook his head, a few more tears falling.

"Hey?" Luke smiled, "We love having you around! Nicky and Mia love having you around! We want you to stay, okay?"

Josh cringed inside as he realised he would never be able to leave without a valid reason. Luke and Noah would never accept it.

"Besides," Luke said with humour, drawing the reluctant Luke back into a hug, "You make for one cheap babysitter!"

Even in his current state, Josh couldn't help emitting a small laugh at that.

After a few minutes Luke pulled out of the hug and patted him on the back with a smile. "What do you say we head home? We can pick up some burgers for lunch. Noah's there too."

Josh nodded.

He would find a way to stop.

He had never meant to fall so deep into a rut of drug taking. He had never thought for one second that he would ever become addicted to the stuff. It was just for fun! He thought that when he wanted to stop he would just stop and that would be the end of it.

But that was at a time when he'd been on top of the world. Smart, popular at school, praised for his sporting ability; the perfect upbringing within the protection of a loving family.

All that was gone!

Within the blink of an eye!

Or within two words uttered one night with confidence to his parents, "I'm gay."

...

Please let me know if you are reading this... I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks :-)