Noah listened to the water running in the guest shower and felt like he could breathe properly again. Josh was home safe.

He had to admit though, that a part of him was still worried. When Luke and Josh finally arrived home around lunchtime, Josh looked terrible. And he seemed extremely withdrawn. Not at all like the kid they had first met that first day in the park. God, but that day felt like years ago.

Noah couldn't help shake the feeling that Josh was more than just tired. Luke and Noah planned to talk to Josh about everything as soon as the kids were asleep. They needed to know exactly what happened to Mia and they also wanted to ask him about school. It was suddenly clear to both of them that Josh wasn't adjusting well to the cards life had thrown him.

Noah wished there was something either of them could say to help Josh, but he knew in reality, the only person who could truly heal Josh was his mother. And she wasn't yet ready to do so.

He watched Nicholas and Mia playing on the lounge floor in their pajamas for a few minutes, frowning and ticking his pen on the table next to his editing software.

Then he stood and stretched slightly, his long legs stiff from being seated most of the day.

"Come on you two, time for bed."

To his surprise there were no arguments tonight. Both children packed the cars back into the wicker basket, as Noah had taught them to do, and pattered off to their beds.

Luke had left the window in their bedroom open, and the evening breeze had turned the room rather cold. Noah could already see the goose-bumps rising on Mia's arms as she climbed into her florally decorated bed.

"Cold tonight, hey baby?" He smiled and she nodded.

He opened the wardrobe and pulled at two blue blankets, one for each of them, and as he did so a couple of old biscuits fell to the floor.

Noah sighed and turned to find Nicholas eyeing him guiltily.

"Nicky?" Noah chastised.

Nicholas gave Noah his most sheepish expression.

Noah tucked Mia in first, spreading the extra blanket over her.

"Comfortable?" He asked.

"Yes." She confirmed.

"Okay, night then. Love you." He kissed her cheek and she closed her eyes.

Then he did the same for Nicholas, tucking the fabric tightly around him and smoothing back his hair to kiss his forehead.

"Nicky, you know we will always give you food. Right?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Then why baby? Hmm? Why do you keep hiding food?"

Nicholas shrugged, "I don't know."

Noah was sure Nicholas didn't understand his habit any more than they did.

"Nicky, whenever you feel like you need to hide food, I want you to tell me first, okay?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Really?" Noah asked him. "You think you can do that?"

"I don't know." He replied innocently and Noah shook his head with a slight smile.

"I love you baby. Sleep tight." He kissed him again and then stooped to pick up the biscuits and crumbs off the floor.

He found Luke in the kitchen wiping down the counter.

"Hey." Luke smiled.

"Hi." Noah replied, holding out his hand to show Luke his latest find.

Luke shook his head, "Did you ask him?"

"Yeah." Noah replied throwing the biscuits in the trash and wiping his hands clean on a kitchen towel. "It was the same thing. He doesn't know."

Luke came up behind him and hugged him round his waist, sticking his chin between his shoulder blades.

"Don't worry too much." Luke said. "Essentially they're both happy. That's the most important thing. I'm sure the therapy will sort out the rest."

"Yes." Noah agreed, turning around and wrapping his arms around Luke. "Assuming Nicky ever decides to actually talk to Dr. Mishra."

Luke smiled. "He will."

"Well, I hope so! Otherwise we are paying for some extremely expensive sessions of silence."

"Um, guys?" The tentative voice came from the kitchen doorway, interrupting them. It was Josh.

He stood before them in sleep shorts and a Rolling Stones t-shirt, with his arms folded protectively across his chest, looking every bit the teenager.

Luke turned from Noah's embrace to lean back against the counter alongside him.

"Hey Josh." Luke smiled, "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." He replied, shifting around nervously. "Yes. Um… Can I…?"

Noah frowned sensing his nerves, "What is it?"

The boy's blue eyes began to well up and he seemed fearful.

"Josh?" Luke asked approaching him and placing a comforting hand on his arm.

Josh kept his arms crossed tight.

"I think I need help." Josh whispered, so softly that only Luke heard him.

"What do you mean?" Luke asked.

Luke turned his head back to look at Noah who shrugged.

"It was my fault." Josh said.

When both men didn't respond, merely frowned at him in confusion, Josh continued, "Mia? It was all my fault."

Luke exhaled, "No, Josh. It was an accident."

"NO!" Josh yelled it, making them both jump in surprise. "Please…" Josh begged in a far softer tone. "I didn't want to take them swimming. I thought at least in the boat…" He stared down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

Then he took a deep breath, "I was high."

"Sorry?" Noah asked, already feeling his stomach plummet.

"I was high. So… so when Nicky jumped I lost balance and that's why she fell in. Because I was high." His breath shuddered.

Both Luke and Noah were shaking their heads in disbelief, but now that Josh had said it, it was like a dam wall had busted opened.

"And lately it's like I'm always high… and… and I can't stop. I've tried. I throw it out but somehow I just end up with more. Like the harder I try to stop the more I want it. And… and…" He stared at them both wide-eyed with fear. "It was only ever for fun. It was only ever supposed to be for fun."

Noah was flabbergasted. He stared at the boy he was seeing clearly for the first time and his heart sank. All the signs pointed toward it and they had totally missed it!

"Please don't hate me." Josh said, body shaking and tears spilling. "You guys… your family… it's all I've got left… and… and it's not even mine! How pathetic is that?"

Noah watched a shocked Luke rub his hands down his face before sighing painfully, "Oh Josh…"

Luke shook his head and stepped forward to pull Josh's head down to his shoulder. The boy collapsed into him, clinging to him.

And Noah was suddenly steaming. He could feel the anger rising. He wanted to scream at Josh! Ask him whether he truly knew what he could have cost them! But he used all his resolve to hold back.

The kid had just shown them once again how much guts he had. No matter how hard, Josh had told them the truth. And the last thing Josh needed in that moment was to be punished for it.

"Come with me." Luke said. "Let's sit down for a minute. Noah?" Luke looked back at Noah knowingly, eyes willing him to calm, and Noah understood instantly.

"Warm milk coming up." He said and swallowed hard.

As they left the kitchen he turned to grip the side of the counter and lean forward. He felt suddenly afraid, for Josh, as well as for them.

He felt totally out of his depth.

...

Luke knew coming out was a mistake.

"God it's so hot tonight." Aida said, walking by Luke and staring up at the stars.

Shit!

"Yeah." He said, hands in pockets, with absolutely no enthusiasm what-so-ever.

Damn Kevin! If only he could say no to the guy! But whenever Kevin smiled that cheeky grin it made Luke feel all gooey inside, and Kevin would undoubtedly get his way! That was how their relationship had always been. Only now Luke knew why that was!

Luke was attracted to his best friend.

Kevin, his best freind since forever, had insisted on this double date, and then ditched Luke to explore the abandoned building with his latest flame. And all Luke could do was watch Kevin go and wait outside with a GIRL! All the while burning inside with jealousy at the thought of what Kevin was doing…

"I love the summer don't you?" The girl was saying. "No school, no rules, you can do what you want… when you want."

She gave him a look that left him in no doubt as to what she wanted.

SHIT!

His only hope was to remain nonchalant and removed.

"I guess." He responded, bobbing his head.

"Kevin said you weren't much of a talker, but I don't mind."

That was it!

"Look Aida!" he exclaimed. "This place is a dump! Let me go grab Kevin and we can head back to Java."

"Hey no, Luke, wait!" She called. "It's okay, we don't have to leave. Kevin warned me you're not into girls."

What? Luke felt like screaming.

"Kevin's a jerk." He stated through gritted teeth.

Because at that moment Kevin really was a jerk!

"So?" she asked. "Do you like girls? Because Kevin seemed to think you were more in the market for a woman?"

Luke frowned at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Um, Jade Taylor?"

Luke shrugged. "Well? What about Jade?"

"Look," Aida said, almost desperately. "I know she's older but I've got just as much experience. Maybe more!"

Luke felt sick.

Look!" he said frustrated. "Let's just wait in the car."

"You're still not over her?" The girl asked, exasperated.

"No!" Luke said, "That's not it!"

"I saw you two around a lot." Aida told him. "Things looked pretty hot…"

"Look!" Luke interrupted her, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second. "I don't want to talk about Jade, okay?"

He matched away from her so that he didn't have to look her in the eye. So that she wouldn't see the truth. There was and had never been a Jade and him. Jade had agreed to pretend to be his girlfriend so that Luke didn't have to come out and admit he was gay to his friends.

"Luke? I've been into you for a really long time." She said to his back.

He turned. He didn't want to hurt this girl, but what was he supposed to do?

"Okay, look." He sighed, "It's not you. I'm just… You know I'm not in the mood to party right now…"

That was it. He wasn't taking this any further. They were going back to the car where they could wait for Kevin to finish doing whatever it was they were doing that Luke didn't want to think about.

But then –

"Well," Aida turned on her seduction, "…lucky for you, I brought a little something to help get you in the mood."

Like a true temptress, she held out a bottle of clear, crystal vodka that had already started calling his name.

"Here." She offered. "You first"

There was no way he could resist it. His nerves were totally on edge, he was uncomfortable, unhappy and that little bottle would make it all go away. And if his kidney failed and he died, who the hell cared?

He spent sometime staring at the bottle in her hand.

"Shame to waste it?" She smiled and then took a swig right in front of him.

He swallowed in time to her gulp. His mouth ran dry. And suddenly there was nothing in the world more tempting than that bottle.

"You sure?" she asked.

"No." He shook his head with determination. "Thanks."

Once he said it he thought he'd be okay. He was even proud of himself. She was screwing the top back on the bottle and that was where it would stay.

But then she started on him again.

"I didn't mean to get too personal about Jade."

"Oh… that's… that's, okay." He took a deep breath and smiled, "Look, if I seem a little weird right now? It's just… I got a lot of stuff going on."

"Like what?" she asked.

"Well, my mom's in the hospital."

"I heard. I'm sorry. Is it bad?"

Bad? He'd pushed his pregnant mother down the stairs so that now she lay in a coma!

"Yeah." He muttered.

"Look," She was now feeling sympathetic. "We don't have to party if you don't want to. We can just hang out and talk."

Talk. That he could do.

"So," she continued, walking over and taking a seat on an old wall. "What happened? To your mom?"

"Um, she fell." Luke replied, leaning back beside her against the same wall.

"Is she going to be okay?"

The girl kept twisting the cap of the vodka bottle on and off, on and off.

Luke shrugged, "I don't know."

They sat for a moment and then suddenly Kevin burst through the front door of the old house.

"Hey!" he said, looking relieved. "I'm glad you're not tied up!"

Tied up?

"Come here!" He gestured for Luke to follow him and pulled him over and away from Aida.

"Man, what's wrong?" Luke was concerned by the look on Kevin's face.

"I'm short on supplies."

"What are you talking about?" Luke was completely lost.

"Party hats! Condoms?"

Luke closed his eyes. This wasn't happening to him!

"Give me your wallet!" Kevin instructed.

Luke just wanted to go home!

"No Kevin! I don't have any condoms!" Duh!

Kevin didn't believe him, "Just let me… can you give me one?" he moaned.

Luke laughed in frustration, "Kevin, why would I lie to you?"

Kevin looked devastated.

"Look!" Luke said, "Let's just call it a night! You can come back here later when you're more prepared."

"Ah forget it!" Kevin said, waving his hand, "It's never stopped me anyway."

"Kevin!" Luke said, horrified. "You can't go have sex with that…"

"Hey!" Kevin interrupted, holding Luke by one shoulder. "Always finish what you started! Now, what's taking so long with Aida? She's hot!"

Luke shook his head with another deep sigh.

"Be a man, Snyder!" Kevin insisted, "Conquer her!"

Kevin didn't wait for an answer from Luke, he turned to go. "Okay, you guys have fun! Ah… just… ah… don't come knocking!"

He vanished back inside the house. Be a man? Wasn't he one?

Aida laughed out loud. "I know he's a pig but he's a fun pig…"

She got up and sauntered over to Luke, looking him up and down. She was just placing the cap back on the vodka bottle when Luke stopped her.

"Hey wait…"

She frowned at him confused, "Don't you want to talk some more?"

Luke shook his head, "No!" He snatched the bottle from her. "I want to have some fun!"

Those first five, six, seven swigs were the most delicious of his life.

Fuck it! Fuck everything!

Pretty soon he and Aida were a giggling bundle sitting up against the garden wall. She wasn't so bad. Once you got to know her.

"Kevin doesn't go for the cheap stuff!" he laughed.

"You mean his folks don't!" She countered and Luke nodded with a smile.

"Feeling better?" she asked.

He nodded. "I'm feeling great!"

"I wish we were at your family's pond right now! It would be so nice to cool off!"

"Well," said Luke. "Maybe next time…"

"Really?" she asked. But Luke was too drunk to notice her peeked optimism.

"Sure. Why not?" He said it softly and, without meaning too, seductively.

She got totally the wrong idea and kissed him. He was shocked but at first considered kissing back. He tried to. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy it, but…

He was instantly uncomfortable and he drew back, staring at the ground, utterly embarrassed.

She was too drunk to notice.

"That was nice." She said and immediately went in for more, touching a hand to his chin.

He didn't mean to but he battered her hand away, "Hey, Aida, don't."

She laughed at first, "But I thought you wanted to have fun?"

He was already scrambling to his feet, his brain spinning from booze and emotion.

"Just!" he said, almost roughly, "I said no!"

She was getting angry now, he could tell.

"What is your problem?" Her voice was rising.

But so was his. He was panicking now and his instinct was to run.

"Okay, just back off!" he yelled. "Okay?"

He could hear Kevin's voice in his head, "She's hot! Be a man, Snyder! Conquer!"

He took one last look at Aida. Long enough for her to cry, "Luke!"

Then he took off.

"Luke, wait!" she yelled after him, "Where are you going?"

He sprinted faster than he had ever run, stumbled into his car and drove away, leaving his friends without transport!

But at that moment, he was in a personal hell! The boy he loved was fucking some girl while that girl's friend tried to kiss him. And he couldn't respond! He couldn't because…

So many thoughts spun through his mind as he drove erratically away, and all negative. All about what a failure he was! What a disappointment to his family! A coward and loser!

He didn't see the road. All he saw was the image of his mother falling down those stairs. The image of his mother in the hospital.

He didn't hear anything either… just the words Kevin had said, "She's hot! Be a man, Snyder! Conquer!"

And then Aida, voicing the one most powerful thing in his life at that point… "What is your problem?"

"I'm the problem!" he thought. "I'm the biggest fucking problem there is!"

Suddenly he needed another dose of booze. The feelings were coming back and he needed to suppress them. Luckily, in his haste, he'd brought the booze bottle with him and he swerved over the road as he unscrewed the lid.

He didn't care! He didn't care about anything or anybody!

He drank down from the bottle as fast as he could swallow.

As he enjoyed the way the bitterness shook his brain he must have veered over so slightly into the on-coming lane, because a car passing hooted loudly in protest.

Luke jumped and quickly looked back to the road, gripping the bottle against the steering wheel, relieved that nothing worse had happened. But not freaked enough to stop drinking.

He kept going. The more he drank the better he felt, but eventually the bottle was empty and he moaned in protest.

His phone beeped, interrupting him and he lifted it from the seat.

"Now what?" He moaned, clicking the numbers and squinting down at the display.

There were messages. Urgent messages from his father! His mother was in trouble!

"Oh my god! MOM!"

As he panicked he dropped the phone to the car floor. He needed it! There were more messages on it!

He dug around under his seat, totally ignoring the road and veering directly into oncoming traffic. A car hooted and he looked up just in time to serve out of the way, but his car flew off the road and down a deep gully.

Glass and plastic shattered all around him and trees rushed past the windows. At some point his head slammed into the steering wheel.

He passed out instantly.

...

"Shit Luke!" Josh exclaimed, "Were you badly hurt?"

"No, thank god! I managed to walk away from that! But I could really have hurt somebody that night! Any of those people who had been on the road."

"Wow." Josh sighed, flopping back into the couch in shock.

"Sound familiar?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow.

Josh nodded and at that point Noah entered with a try holding three mugs of steaming and sweet warmed milk. None of them spoke a word as Noah carefully placed the try on the coffee table.

He handed the first mug to Luke, first rubbing and then kissing the top of his head. Luke reached up to grip and squeezed his arm, smiling up at him.

It hadn't gone unnoticed by Luke that Noah took a particularly long time to make the warm milk. He knew Noah had most likely waited for him to finish his story before coming in.

Noah returned to the tray to fetch Josh's mug. He handed it to him.

As their eyes met, Josh said, "I really am sorry."

Noah nodded. "We're all okay. What's important now is that we get you off this stuff!"

"How?" Josh asked, honestly.

Luke was continually amazed by the child. He had tried to deal with the drug addiction alone purely to spare them any more trouble. But at heart, he was exceptionally honest. Now that they knew, Luke hoped this honesty would be his salvation.

"Well." Luke smiled. "You've already taken the first step in telling us. Helps a bit already doesn't it?"

Josh nodded as Noah took his place beside Luke, cupping his mug with both hands.

"It will be okay, Josh. You'll see. We'll do this together."

"Thanks." He took another swig of his milk and they sat in silence for a while.

"So that's why you keep the liquor cabinet locked, ha?" Josh asked all of a sudden.

"Noticed did you?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow.

Josh realised what he was implying and shook his head vigorously, "No! Not like that… I mean… shit!"

Noah softened.

And Josh laughed. "I noticed whenever you have guests. That's all."

Luke saw then that despite his sudden joviality, Josh was shivering quite extensively.

"It's going to be a tough night, Josh."

Josh looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I'll sit with you, okay? All night and all week if that's what it takes."

"I'll try." Josh said softly.

"Good." Noah was the one to answer that time. He stood. "But first, Josh, I'm going to search your room, okay? Will I find anything?"

Josh looked down guiltily.

"Josh?" Noah asked, waiting for Josh to look back up at him. "It's a clean slate tonight. Just give me what you have."

They spent a few minutes together in Josh's room as the boy handed over what little supply of weed and ecstasy he had on him. His hands shook as he gave them to Noah.

"Josh." Noah's voice was stern. "You are never, ever, again to bring this kind of thing into the house! We can't have it! Not with two small children."

Josh gulped and nodded.

"And Josh? We care about you… we really do! But if I find of this crap in the house again, you're out! Do you understand?"

Even Luke drew breath at that. He knew Noah was right, but he also knew how hard it was to quite an addiction. He prayed things wouldn't come to that.

Noah stuck out his hand and Josh shook it, gratefully accepting Noah's forgiving hug as he drew him in.

...

Nicholas smiled broadly as he lifted the far to heavy bat over his tiny shoulder, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth and his baseball cap sitting back-to-front on his head the way Noah remembered Luke once wearing his.

T-shirts formed the four bases and Josh's rucksack made for a less than convincing home base. But they didn't care.

Having already had her turn, Mia waited excitedly at first base. She bent over with hands on knees and swayed side to side; imitating the players as she'd seen them on television. Her eyes focused determinedly on Nicholas.

Josh was pitching and Luke scrunched low behind Nicholas as catcher.

A number of eager kids had joined them in the game and they waited in the fielding positions. Others waited patiently behind Nicholas for their turn at bat.

It was a beautiful day. The ocean sparkled aquamarine in the afternoon sun. The tide was out and they'd found a relatively flat section near the surf, where the previously wet sand had baked in the sun to form a shell-like crust, that broke underfoot as they played.

Noah manoeuvred Nicholas up to the plate and stepped back, smiling at Luke who returned the gesture with a wink. Noah felt his knees weaken.

"Behave…" he mouthed, his cheeks heating up.

Josh moved in closer, as he had done previously with Mia, so that he could lob the ball in softly, giving Nicholas a chance to at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Nicholas swung clumsily, spinning right around and missing the ball by a long way off.

"Oops!" he squeaked, disappointed.

"Let me help you with that buddy." Noah tried not to laugh at him. He bent over behind Nicholas to help him hold the bat in the ready.

The next pitch came and together Noah and Nicholas, swung, hitting a soft ground ball.

Of course Josh could easily have reached the ball and pitched Nicholas out, but instead he pretended to trip.

"Run Nicky!" Mia yelled with excitement, forgetting entirely that she needed to dash herself.

The accumulated boys and girls on her team screamed at her to run, waving wildly towards second base with their arms.

Nicholas scampered down the baseline, chest sticking proudly out, positively beaming with happiness at having hit the ball.

Finally Mia realised her teammates were yelling at her to go and she blinked once before scuttling off toward second, one of the older fielders helping her along.

Both kids made it to their respective bases just as Josh casually stooped, grinning, to pick up the wayward ball.

"Well done, Nicky!" The team encouraged.

The next child to bat looked around 8 years old and Josh moved backward to lob a more advanced ball his way.

The child hit a fly-ball but none of the fielders were in range to catch it, so the 8 year old sped off toward first, yelling at Nicholas to sprint.

He didn't have to tell Nicholas twice, always keen Nicholas took off flying for second and Mia did likewise for third.

None of the fielders were anywhere near to collecting the ball and the batting team started to scream with excitement.

"Run home!" They yelled, "All of you, RUN HOME!"

Mia's little legs were quickly losing steam by fourth base, but she powered on and managed to hit home with a scream of exhausted laughter. She was closely followed by a panting Nicholas and finally by the older child.

As each kid stepped over 'home plate', the other players lifted them on their shoulders and clapped loudly for all three of them.

Josh came up and held out his arms for Nicholas to jump into.

"I think we have ourselves a future Hank Aaron!"

"Who's that?" Nicholas asked, still smiling from ear to ear.

"I'll tell you one day!" Josh laughed, hugging him.

"Okay everyone!" Noah yelled, "Time to pack up and go home I think."

"Aw, no!" Cried the disappointed group.

"Sorry you lot!" Luke laughed, taking Mia from one of the older boys, "It's almost time for dinner!"

The crowd of children dispersed, some stopping to politely thank them for the game.

"That was fun!" Josh said.

"Yeah." Luke replied patting him on the back. "You're really great with small kids, you know that?"

"I guess it's from having two younger sisters." Josh replied.

They spent a few minutes collecting their things and then started the walk up the beach toward the path that would lead them home. Noah, carrying most of the gear, dragged behind with Nicholas and Mia, leaving Luke and Josh to walk side by side up the gentle dune.

"It's been almost two weeks now, right? How are you, Josh?" Luke asked.

"Good."

"Yeah? You sure?"

"Yes. I'm good. Really."

Luke smiled, "Good. Just… if you ever get that urge… just talk to me, okay?"

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

They hadn't noticed but Nicholas had since caught up with the two of them.

"No, Josh!" he exclaimed with exasperation, "That's not how you do it!"

Josh smiled down at him as they walked through the sand, "Do what?"

"That's not how you make a promise." Nicholas stated seriously.

Luke laughed.

"Oh?" Josh enquired, "How do I do it then? You tell me."

"You hold your finger up like this." He stuck his little finger up in the air, slightly curled in a 'C' shape.

Josh copied him, "Okay, now what?"

"Now you catch…" walking backward ahead of them, he hooked Josh's finger with his own.

"Okay." Josh nodded, "Got it!"

"Now you do it!" Nicholas indicated toward Luke.

Josh smiled shyly as he hooked pinkies with Luke.

"Now say it." Nicholas instructed.

"I promise." Josh blushed.

...

Thanks all!