Winded and with no notion of what else to do, Josh remained on Luke and Noah's doorstep; shivering even though it was far from cold.

Banished again!

His only hope at this point was Luke.

But even Luke might struggle against the wrath Josh had witnessed in Noah's eyes. He never even knew Noah had the capacity to get that angry.

Fuck! He had really screwed up this time!

The longer he sat there; and as the door remained closed; he began to ask himself the question.

"Why would they let you back in? Why should they, after all you've done? You're nothing to them! You're nothing but a fat liability! They're better off without you around!"

As he realised this he got up to leave. He'd taken only a few steps from the front door when he was bathed in light and it opened.

Noah stood in the doorway and Josh couldn't help feeling a surge of hope.

But then Noah dashed that hope by saying, "If you're going somewhere, you should have your shoes."

He held Josh's Nike sneakers out toward him.

Josh depressively sagged and nodded, accepting his fate. He was just grateful that unlike the last time, he wouldn't have to leave barefoot.

Where would he go this time anyway? Benoit's was the obvious choice. But how long could he stay there for?

Cautiously, without eye contact, he approached Noah and took the shoes from him. He sat back down on the step to put them on.

Noah silently watched him.

When Josh was finished he stood, but before he could go anywhere, Noah had closed the door and was walking past him toward the road. He reached the pavement, stopped and looked back.

"I can't guarantee I won't shout." Noah told him, "And in case I shout, we have to do this away from the house."

Josh gapped at him for a moment.

"So?" Noah asked, "Are you coming or not?"

Barely believing it, Josh made his way down the garden path toward Noah and the older man fell in step with him, steering them in the direction of the beach.

No words were exchanged on the walk down to the sand; nor whilst they removed their shoes and started strolling along the deserted shoreline, following some long abandoned footprints.

Eventually Noah came to a stop and took a seat in the sand, drawing his knees up and looking out over the moonlit water.

Josh did the same and they sat for a while, listening to the sound of the waves and the wind until Noah said, "Okay… I'm calm… I'm listening."

Josh took a deep breath. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."

They didn't look at each other. Both of them merely continued to gaze out over the shifting water.

"I kept seeing it in my head." Josh continued. "All packaged up, laying there where I hid it… And I kept replaying the picture of myself preparing it and taking it in. Over and over I'd see myself do it, until it was everything."

Noah sighed.

"Up until this morning I hadn't had the urge for it. I mean the hit's been there all this time and I didn't use it." Josh assured him, sensing Noah start to tense again. "But… the thing is… I knew that… for one moment… just for one fucking moment…" Josh's voice broke as he continued with passion, "… it would stop me be from feeling like shit!"

Josh sobbed loudly into his hands then. His shoulders heaved.

"I thought why should I even try when she…?"

Josh squeezed his hands together as he thought over what he was about to say.

How?" Josh asked, "How can she just stop caring like that?"

"She hasn't Josh." Noah's voice was soft and full of concern. "Your mother's been through a lot too. She's lost her husband. She's lost you. And maybe she's only just keeping herself together; functioning just enough to take care of the house and your sisters. Maybe she simply can't handle another problem..."

"I am a problem." Josh said with certainty, nodding his head.

"No!" Noah drew Josh into his body, an arm around his shoulder. "That's not what I'm saying! How many times have I told you how much I admire your courage? You have a great strength inside of you… and it's rare that strength! Trust me… I know! You aren't a problem, but this addiction is. And it has to stop!"

Wiping away a few tears, Josh nodded. "I did stop, you know? I mean, until today I really did stop. I just… today I couldn't…"

"It's okay." Noah told him. "I believe you."

"I'll try really hard this time, I promise."

Noah briefly closed his eyes and drew a long breath, expelling it slowly through his nose.

"Josh, there is no second chance." Noah said sadly. "I'm sorry. I can't give you that. If it were just Luke and me, that would be one thing. But Nicky has already had to live through this kind of shit in his life and I won't risk exposing him to it again. He deserves to be protected."

"You're still kicking me out?" Josh asked in a small voice.

Noah patted his knee. "For now… But just out of the house, not out of our lives. We will be here for you whenever you need us. We will help you through this. But…"

Josh looked up at Noah.

"…but we're going to book you into a rehab clinic for 90 days."

Josh looked down at his toes, nerves swallowing him up all of a sudden.

"Luke and I… we don't know what we're doing… and the specialists at the clinic do. So… that's what I'm offering you here Josh. It's all I can do right now."

Josh nodded and swallowed hard.

"The place won't hold you prisoner or anything! So that means you can come and stay with us on weekends… if you want."

He continued to nod, accepting his fate.

"I'm scared."

Noah squeezed his shoulders again. "I know you are. But this isn't a rejection, Josh. I want you to know that. This is purely about the babies. Once you're totally clean, if you still need a place to stay, then you can come back. Alright?"

Josh nodded. "I'm sorry about Nicky."

"I think it's Nicky you need to apologise too."

"I will. I'd never hurt them, you know?"

Noah smiled. "I know."

...

"It's not a chicken! It's a duck!"

Of course Dr. Mishra knew this. Nicholas was certainly talented when it came to drawing. But Nicholas was of high intellect and she felt sure, if she pressed hard and for long enough, eventually he would talk to her out of pure irritation.

"If it was a chicken," Nicholas tutored, oblivious to the fact he'd just been tricked into speaking. "Then it would have funny sticky-uppy thing on it's head."

The child stuck his hand up on top his own head to illustrate this.

"Oh!" Dr. Mishra said. "Really? I didn't know."

Nicholas shook his head in childish disdain; throwing his tiny arms up as though he'd given up teaching her the ways of the world since she was incapable of learning anything.

She smiled, pretending to study his drawing once more. He certainly was an interesting little guy.

"Well I really love your picture of the park, Nicky. It's amazing."

"When's Noah coming back?" he asked, ignoring her statement and looking longingly at the door through which Noah had left only a few minutes before.

"He'll be back."

"When?"

"Nicky, do you get worried Noah won't come back?"

The blue eyes grew decidedly suspicious at that question. "He is coming back."

It was almost a threat, she thought. As though Nicholas was saying, "He'd better come back or there'll be hell to pay!"

She nodded, "Yes, he is."

He studied her for a moment and then lay flat on his stomach, picking up a coloured pen and setting to work on a new drawing.

"What about Josh?" She asked, seeing whether she could steer him down a different path.

The pen stopped moving and he stared down at the paper.

"Nicky?" she asked again.

"Josh didn't come back."

"Why not?"

Nicholas sat up on his backside and scratched his nose, "Luke says Josh is sick in the hop-i-tal."

Again she could see his little mind working as he frowned to himself.

Nicholas stared back at the door. "Josh got mad."

Dr. Mishra held her breath, waiting to hear what he would say next.

"Josh got mad like Mommy."

And there it was!

She didn't push anymore. She kept silent and watched as he eventually returned to his drawing.

By a stroke of fate they had made two breakthroughs that day. Nicholas spoke to her for the first time, and he mentioned his mother.

Slowly and with more sessions, the rest would come.

...

Kneeling in her floral swimsuit, Mia would carefully consider of each bucket of sand. She'd load the blue bucket using the matching spade carefully, pile of sand by pile of sand, until the bucket was full. Then she would carefully pat the sand down, nice and tight like Luke had shown her.

She'd tip the bucket, shake it gently and then slowly lift it up.

But no matter how careful she was, the top of her castle would always get grazed by the edge of the bucket causing it to collapse on one side.

And Luke thought her funny, because even if she did eventually master the art enough to create the perfect shape, she was building her structure way too close to the shore, and a dying wave would eventually wash past her feet to steel the castle away.

Still, she was obviously enjoying the challenge and he and Noah enjoyed watching her.

He lifted his eyes to the ocean and searched to find Josh and Nicholas playing in the water.

Josh stood waste deep and the ocean was calm, so he had Nicholas lying flat out on his surfboard. He would hold the board steady and wait for the heavy set of waves to pass, before sending the overjoyed Nicholas riding along on a softer, gentler wave.

"I think it's time to get him his own board." Noah said, sitting by Luke's side on the large beach towel, "He really loves it out there."

Luke smiled and nodded, before using his thumb to wipe a blob of mayo from the corner of Noah's lips.

"Mmm," Noah said, nodding and taking the final bite of his chicken mayonnaise sandwich. "Thanks."

"He looks good, doesn't he?" Luke asked.

"Hmm?"

"Josh? I mean, I know he's only been gone for a week, but he looks better somehow."

Noah waited until he'd swallowed his mouthful before saying, "I really hope so, Luke."

Luke sighed, turning his gaze from Noah and back to Josh.

"I kinda miss having him around." He said.

"I know."

"Three months! It's a long time, you know? Especially for a kid."

"Well, the school agreed to take him back as soon has he's done, and the centre are schooling him in the meantime. He has everything he needs there."

"Just no parents and no us."

Noah stared at Luke until Luke looked back at him.

"Are you having second thoughts about this?" Noah asked.

Luke shrugged. "I guess I'm just remembering what it was like for me. And how I'd read something negative into everything my parents did to try and help. And I can't help but wonder what Josh really thinks about us sending him away. I don't want him to feel deserted or betrayed in any way."

Noah wiped his hands on a strip of paper towel so he could rub circles on Luke's shirtless back.

"Look, I know I'm looking at this from a completely different perspective from you. And I realise that I can never fully understand what it's like. But, I really believe we've done the right thing here."

Luke's plaintive brown eyes met his and Noah reached behind his neck to pull their foreheads together.

"Luke, the kids are safe and Josh is in a place that can really help him. In more ways than we can hope to at home."

Luke nodded, "I know. But what if it's not enough?"

"What do you mean?" Noah drew his head back.

"What happens if we try everything and we still can't help him? I mean, the person has to want it, right? A point must be reached where it all comes down to Josh. "

Noah nodded and then he too let his gaze fall on the two boys frolicking in the water, for all the world like their greatest problem in life was what to have for dinner. From the outside they just looked like two happy brothers, but inside; inside they both harboured a painful past.

"I guess we just have to hope, Luke." He replied. "And we try to make Josh understand who he is to us. He needs to know just how much we care…"

"…love, Noah. How much we love him." Luke smiled.

Noah's eyes shined in response to the smile, "He needs to know that we will love him, whatever happens."

...

Being in rehab was one of the scariest things Josh had ever had to go through. He shared a room with eight other boys, sleeping on bunk-beds. Each boy would suffer withdrawals at different times, which meant sleep was hard to come by.

When it was his turn to suffer, the lack of privacy would make Josh bite the pillow in his attempt not to be heard, not to appear weak.

He hated it.

He missed his early morning surfing and his daily chats with Nicholas. He missed Mia's amazing smile. But most of all he missed Luke and Noah.

He wasn't angry at them. Josh understood why they sent him away. And like Noah said, it wasn't as if he didn't get to see them on weekends.

But he hated rehab.

To get through the week, he had put his head down and kept mainly to himself, losing himself in his schoolbooks. Consequently he had already managed to ostracise himself and the other boys teased him constantly.

Josh couldn't help but wonder what had happened to his old self. Where had the self assured, confident and successful guy gone? It was like he'd had a complete personality transplant.

When the family picked him up from rehab on the Friday night, he'd put on his bravest face. He wouldn't make this difficult for them. He wouldn't admit how hard he was finding it. If he had to get through these 90 days for their sake, then he'd do it. His reward would mean he could move back in with them.

But as much as he loved living with them, what he really wanted more than anything was for his mother to accept him for who he truly was. More and more it felt like that would never happen.

The phone rang just as he came up the passage after his shower. Luke was tickling Mia on the carpet and Nicholas was trying to jump in on the act, squealing alongside Mia.

It was Noah who picked up the phone.

"Hello Marion." He said and his eyes locked with Josh's. "How are you? Good, I'm glad… Yes, he's right here."

Josh vehemently shook his head and hands to indicate he didn't wish to speak to her, but Noah continued to hold the phone out toward him.

Josh blew an annoyed whoosh of air from his nose and took the phone.

"Hello?"

Both Luke and Noah were keeping an eye on him as they entertained the kids.

"Hello, Josh." His mother said.

"Hi."

"Um, I just wanted to ask how the week went." She began, "Noah told me they checked you into a rehab clinic?"

"Yes. It was fine."

"That's good. It's good, Josh."

"Thanks."

"Anyway," she continued. "Next Saturday we're having a family lunch. Uncle Ed and Aunt Fay will be visiting from Texas with your cousins…"

"That's nice."

"Yes and, I guess I wanted to know whether you would come?"

Josh lifted at this. She wanted him to go? She wanted him to attend a function where family would be present? Did that mean what he hoped it meant? Was she ready to accept him?

"You want me to go?" Josh asked.

"If you can make it, it would mean a lot to me, son. I… I really want you here. It won't be the same without you."

Josh smiled even as a few tears fell.

Luke and Noah were both looking at him questioningly.

"Okay, Mom. I'd really love to go."

"Good." She replied. "So… I'll see you next weekend. Saturday at 12:00."

"Yes."

"Bye then."

"Goodbye."

He hung up and looked at the receiver in his hands for a few moments. Then he beamed at Luke and Noah.

"Well?" asked Luke, smiling back. "It's good news I take it?"

"Yeah! She invited me for a family lunch."

"Really?" asked Noah.

"Yes!" he laughed. "That's good, right? I mean if she's willing to have me there with the whole family… that must mean something, right?"

"Sounds like it!" Luke agreed, also getting excited and hopping up off the floor to give him a quick hug.

"That's great, Josh. Another step, hey?" Noah said.

Josh nodded with happiness. Suddenly things were looking up.

"Well, what do you say we celebrate with some choc-chip ice-cream?" Luke asked.

As if the word 'ice-cream' were a coded message for 'get up and run to the kitchen', Nicholas disappeared in that direction before either one of the older men had made a move themselves.

They all laughed and Josh lifted Mia up on one hip as they followed him.