Disclaimers: As much as I may want to claim ownership of this famous series, I can't because both Harry Potter and Disney's The Little Mermaid belongs to a whole lot of different companies that I can't remember the names of at the moment. Any characters that appear in this fic that is not a part of the original series, belong to me so don't take them without asking first.

Word Count: 507

Marriage Law Rejection Letters
Letter #134
Submitted By: Architeuthis
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To the Ministry of Magical Imbeciles,

I will give you points for that impressive piece of magic: Your owl somehow managed to reach our underwater grotto without drowning or getting eaten by my boys. Well done.

But, dears, I am going to have to dock points for the contents of that absurd letter. You seem to be laboring under the impression that you can order my son to marry some witch he has never even met, in order to help you rebuild your population in the wake of some war.

First off, dears, we're Cecaelia or "Octopus People", if you have questionable upbringings. As such, we can't mate with humans. Oh, we can… enjoy them, but we can't have children by them. So much for your repopulation program. And, oh, we aren't under your jurisdiction either.

Second, my son Phorcys has not used the name Neville Longbottom in a very long time. Back when he was human, one of his uncles used to like to frighten him in order to scare a display of accidental magic out of him. This gentleman threw him off a pier one day.

I cast a little spell to help him breathe underwater and took him to my home where he'd be safe. Any idiot could tell the child was magical. There was no need to try to drown him!

To make a long story short, I eventually blood-adopted Phorcys, so he became my son in all ways. That means he's now a Cecaelia like me. He is also strongly magical, also like me. Your letter mentioned sending "authorities" to our home if my Phorcys doesn't present himself to marry… Lavender Brown, was it? I urge you to rethink that. While I'm sure your... "Aurors" have spells that enable them to breathe underwater, Phorcys and I know all sorts of cancellation spells. "Finite" barely scratches the surface. And there are ways to render artifacts useless.

In other words, dears, to put it in plain language, Phorcys and I will drown any and all uninvited guests from your Ministry. Or we may add them to our garden or feed them to our pets. None of those will help your repopulation program, either!

With great displeasure,

Ursula the Sea-Witch

Author's Notes:
This latest Marriage Law Rejection Letter update was recently submitted to my review box by Architeuthis. Thanks for the submission. If anyone else has any letters they want to submit, feel free to send them in. lol