"Oh no you don't!" Luke yelled, grabbing Benoit roughly by his wrist and spinning the frightened boy around. "He's dead, Benoit! Dead! From some crap that YOU gave him!"

"N…n..no!" the boy stammered.

By now Holden and Noah had caught up with Luke and were trying to break his grip on the boy.

"Luke, stop!" Noah cried, "Stop! Can't you see how scared he is?"

"I don't fucking care! He knows something, Noah!"

Luke was still gripping tightly to Benoit's wrist.

"You aren't leaving until you tell us the truth!" Luke said turning back to the boy, "Do you understand?"

Benoit shook visibly and began to cry.

"It is joke… yes?" he begged.

"No joke, Benoit!" Luke said, "Josh really is gone! Please. We need to understand what happened, okay?"

Sniffing, Benoit nodded and Luke cautiously let go of the boy's arm, ready to grab him again should he try to flee.

"I show you…" Benoit whispered and then gestured down the sidewalk for them to follow him.

Luke looked in the direction he indicated, wondering where Benoit needed to take them.

But Luke nodded and they followed Benoit down the sidewalk, leaving Lily watching them from the front door.

A few yards down the road they came across a maroon BMW and Benoit took them around to the passenger door.

The car window had been smashed.

Luke heard Noah gasp.

"Yesterday I find Josh, um, very misérable… 'ow do you say?"

"Unhappy." Luke nodded.

"Oui. We drive up… et… I give Josh my lunettes de soleil…"

"Sorry what?" Noah asked.

"His sunglasses." Luke translated. "Then what?"

"I tell 'im to put in ze compartiment…" he fisted his hand palm up and then gestured with a downwards opening motion that Holden eventually interpreted.

"You mean the glove compartment?"

The boy nodded.

"I 'as ze H there…"

"Heroin?" Noah swallowed.

The guilt-ridden boy nodded again.

"Josh didn't 'ave anything… no smoke… but 'e get angry and 'e go. But today I find my car…"

Benoit gestured toward the broken window.

Luke nodded, looking back over his shoulder at Noah in comprehension.

"He was tempted…" Noah said.

"… and he saw the stuff there when he put Benoit's sunglasses away." Luke finished. "He must have snuck out during the night to steal it."

Noah bit his lip, letting out a small shuddered breath as his eyes watered. He nodded in agreement.

"'e didn't know…" Benoit said in shock.

"He didn't know what?" Holden asked, Luke and Noah now both too choked up to speak.

"I sorry…" Benoit sobbed. "Eet is stronger… eet is not like before."

"What are you saying?" Luke asked, although he already understood.

"You use much less…" the boy replied. It was obvious from his face that Benoit was devastated, but Luke couldn't find the energy to feel sorry for him.

"Oh God! He used too much…" Both hands flew up to cup Luke's nose and mouth as he breathed deeply into them; suddenly understanding once and for all that Josh never meant to take his own life…

Holden rubbed a flat hand against Noah's back as his son's husband stumbled slightly.

Luke ran his hands through his hair and looked back up at the boy.

"I think you should go now." He said, turning and taking Noah's hand. They walked together back to the house.

As they left Luke was just able to hear Holden comforting the distraught boy as Benoit broke down.

...

It wasn't raining.

If it had been raining Noah would have considered it too much of a movie cliché and spat at the world, burying himself under the covers and refusing to leave the house.

But it hadn't rained.

He also knew this thought was a lie. Noah knew he would never abandon Luke to attend the funeral without him.

Even though his head screamed and his heart ached he would draw on those reserves of strength, deep wells he'd dug over a lifetime for just this purpose. His father would be proud.

He didn't say anything to Luke or to anybody as he arrived from the bedroom dressed in his suit.

In fact he hadn't said much at all since it happened.

Luke, to his credit, had tried to open those doors of communication, but Noah simply couldn't. Not yet. Not while things were still so raw.

He would be what Luke needed him to be. That was what mattered.

"Are we ready?" Lilly asked, taking charge and heading toward the door in her black dress and heels. She looked beautiful, Noah thought.

Holden stood to follow her, holding out his hand for Natalie, who had travelled down from Oakdale for the funeral.

Natalie observed Noah sadly from her position in the armchair, before sighing and following her parents.

Noah was glued to the passage doorway. He couldn't feel his legs much less will them to move, but he did feel Luke's hand take his.

He looked down at their fingers intertwined, but he couldn't bring himself to look up at Luke.

He couldn't see the pain there. It would be his undoing.

Lately he'd been having strange dreams in which he told Luke how much pain he was in. How the loss cut through him with each passing day. And Luke's angelic face would begin to crack and to crumble like a building during an earthquake.

In the dreams, Noah would frantically try to stop Luke's face from being destroyed and he'd put his hands out crying, "It doesn't matter! I didn't mean it! I'll be fine, I promise!"

But it was always too late by then and he'd be left standing with handfuls of a powdery stuff that had been his husband's face.

Luke knew. Luke sensed his thoughts and that was why he now said nothing. He simply began walking toward the front door, tugging Noah along beside him.

Noah angrily burst through the front door of Marion's house shouting her name to the surprise and shock of the funeral guests gathered there.

Marion's mother looked small and pale, her eyes hollow and her lips trembling with grief, as she sat in a corner surrounded by her family and friends.

Before two large male relatives could step forward to hold Noah off; Luke and Holden arrived from outside, each taking an arm and pulling Noah back.

"Come!" Luke gritted, trying to lock eyes with his incensed husband. "Noah!"

Marion was shaking like a leaf as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"Just what the hell is the meaning of this?" A bearded man with a Texan drawl asked, moving to stand between Noah and Marion.

Noah ignored both the man and the hands of Luke and his father as they fought to pull him back, speaking directly to Marion.

"You gave us the wrong time for the funeral!"

Marion sobbed, looking to the floor and a woman placed an arm around her.

"We missed his funeral, for God's sake Marion!" Noah yelled at her, pain breaking through to crack his voice.

"Okay now!" Another man said, "I don't know who you people are but this really isn't the time or place. I think it would be best if you left."

"Oh, really?" Noah asked him, "Why? So that she can continue to lie to you? To all of you!"

The people in the room began to softly mutter together at Noah's words.

"What are you implying?" The bearded man asked, taking another step closer to Noah.

"Wait!" It was Marion. She shot up from the chair and all eyes turned to her as she spoke directly to Luke and Noah. "I would like to speak to you two alone please."

"Marion?" The man asked her.

"It's okay, Ed." She assured him, "I'll be fine."

She began to walk away and stopped to gesture that they should follow. They left Holden waiting in the sitting room as she led them to a home office. She closed the door behind them.

"You can't even deny it, can you Marion?" Noah immediately asked her. "You didn't want us there because you didn't want to have to explain why two gay men would be attending your son's funeral. You wanted to continue the lie just as you lied to your family that day with Josh."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was weak as she shook her head and the look in her eyes was so like an expression he'd seen from Josh that Noah's stomach burned at the sight of it.

"What you did to Josh was hateful!" Noah continued. "But what you just did to us was pure evil, Marion!"

"Noah." Luke chastised. "Take it easy, okay?"

"They don't even know, do they?" Noah asked after taking a moment to calm himself. "They don't even know the truth about how he died. You couldn't even give your son that?"

"Give my son what?" Marion asked. "If I tell those people out there that Josh believed he was gay then they will leave and pretend that my baby never existed! This way, at least he dies as he was… remembered… my little boy. Smart and fun-loving and…"

"Perfect?" Luke interrupted.

Her eyes darted up to meet Luke's. "You can't possibly understand. In my family this is…"

Noah looked to the floor for a minute before returning her gaze, glaring at her. "It's your fault he's dead."

"Noah!" Luke exclaimed in disbelief at this husband's harsh words.

Marion staggered as though she'd been stabbed.

"He deserved so much better for a mother than you!" Noah shook his head at her in disgust. "He had a right to be respected, Marion! He had a right to speak out about who he was! And today, of all days, you still couldn't put it aside and give Josh what he needed from you. You couldn't even acknowledge him in death…"

The woman seemed to be shrinking before them under the pressure of her loss and the lies she'd spun to keep her family secret.

Noah felt Luke's gentle hand on his arm and the touch caused him to deflate. He felt suddenly so tired and devoid of energy, realising that nothing he could say to this woman would make the slightest difference.

"Came away, Babe." Luke whispered. "This isn't helping."

Noah looked at him and nodded.

"Let's go say goodbye to Josh." Luke said.

They left Marion just after she fell sobbing to the floor. The guests parted to let them through, watching them leave, curious as to what their conversation with Marion had entailed.

...

They could see Lily holding Natalie to her chest as mother and daughter waited.

When they'd first arrived at the church to be told they'd missed the service, Noah had taken off and Luke and Holden had been forced to chase after him. Lily and Natalie were left to spend the time by Josh's grave.

Noah had remained seemingly stoic throughout the drive back and the walk up to the gravesite. He held Luke around his shoulder as Luke openly cried. But outwardly Noah showed little emotion himself.

But as they grew closer and they saw how the arrangement of flowers on Josh's stone had already wilted in the sun, Noah suddenly began to have difficulty breathing. His chest heaved like bellows. And Holden could see the internal fight going on as Noah tried desperately to reign himself in.

Luke noted this instantly and immediately clasped both of Noah's hands.

"Come." Luke said, finding a way to distract him. "Let's clear these old flowers away and we can make room for the fresh ones. It will look good as new in no time."

"He's truly something our son, isn't he?" Lilly observed from Holden's side, watching as the two men and Natalie worked silently at fixing up the flowers.

Holden nodded, "They really do bring out the best in each other."

To Holden, Luke's nature wasn't difficult to define. Luke had an immediacy and a strength. He allowed Noah to fuss over him, as though he knew Noah needed to do it, and he was willing to give Noah that as his outlet for the grief.

And Luke was so vocal in his pain. He wasn't afraid to let those around him know how he felt.

Noah, on the other hand, knew exactly what Luke needed him to say or do in ways Holden and Lilly had never been able to. And Noah would never hesitate to be the rock that he felt Luke needed.

His only mistake was to always underestimate just how strong Luke was.

Luke, Holden knew, found Noah's composure more unsettling than a hysterical grief-stricken display would be. Luke wished sometimes that Noah would cry and release the tension that was making him so rigid.

Holden had to admit that he too found Noah's lack of tears faintly ominous.

Just how long could a person bottle that level of feeling inside before they exploded?

Eventually they all stood silently at the grave, each holding on to the other.

"Josh," Luke began first, "we are standing here and I can't believe that you're gone. We can still feel you in the house. We can feel you in every room. And it helps." Luke nodded and cleared his throat. "But now we know it's time…"

Luke waited as Natalie sobbed slightly.

"…it's time to let you go."

Luke took a shuddered breath.

"We didn't know you for that long, but, I have to tell you, kid, it… it really felt like you were a part of our family. The way you could make us all laugh and smile and the love you had for Nicholas and Mia…"

Holden noted how Noah's arm tightened around Luke.

"And that's because you have a generous heart. I just wish… I really wish you had come to us that night… Woken us up so that we could have helped… I know you didn't feel loved by your parents, but I want you to know that we loved you. We're going to miss you so much."

Noah sniffed before he began to also say a few words.

"I keep thinking I'm going to wake up. And I keep thinking how I can't say goodbye to you. I don't know how to say goodbye. 16. Just 16, with so much to offer!"

Noah's body shook slightly and it was suddenly as though Luke were holding him up.

"I admired so much about you; your incredible strength and compassion, but most of all your bravery. The way you would stand up for yourself, even with all you risked in doing so. I wish I had half your guts when I was your age. And I'm sorry… I am so sorry that we couldn't get you to see yourself as we did. We'll never forget you, Josh. We'll never forget what you came to mean to us. We love you."

As Noah finished Luke stretched up to kiss Noah on his cheek.

...

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