Disclaimers: As much as I may want to claim ownership of this famous series, I can't because both Harry Potter and Urusei Yatsura belongs to a whole lot of different companies that I can't remember the names of at the moment. Any characters that appear in this fic that is not a part of the original series, belong to me so don't take them without asking first.
Word Count: 797
Marriage Law Rejection Letters
Letter #147
Submitted By: Pyeknu
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To The Umale of the Tribe of Britain,
Wow! How in the name of the Great Crystal did you actually teleport that cute avian over to Yiziba in the damned first place?!
That's a pretty impressive show of lomtumsam...for a pack of homr'bu umale!
In the background, the whole of the Wizengamot chambers seemed to DRIP with the level of scorn that one statement just made.
Now, let's get to the climax of the scene, shall we.
After all the near-death scenes you umale put MY Harry through, you are demanding that Harry actually return to your pitiful planet of sames and norms and actually become a pillow scene partner to someone who looks like his late MOTHER?!
To borrow the common script line on Earth: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMOKING?!
First of all, Harry doesn't care to have this umale Weasley as his pillow scene partner. I actually handle that rôle quite well.
And believe me, Harry is all worth it.
Secondly, Harry is now Gifted. That means Harry is now a METAHUMAN. Yes, Harry became the new incarnation of Lokrole (the Warlock), one of our planet's most powerful users of lomtumsam, but Harry is still a METAHUMAN.
Atop that, Harry's a YIZIBAJOHEI metahuman!
Which means Harry can't mate with the umale Weasley!
After all, Yizibajohei CANNOT mate with non-Yizibajohei!
In the background, frightened cries echoed from many of the Wizengamot as they remember the METAHUMAN side of the Second World War...which made Grindelwald's War look like a summer tea party in comparison.
And thirdly, because the new incarnation of Lokrole has to be female, Harry James Potter is now Rose Jamie Potter.
In the background, twin outraged shrieks escaped Molly Weasley and her daughter.
And I know that two GIRLS can't mate and bring little ones into this world!
Never mind what I wrote above.
Now...!
Thunderous crashing noises made the Minister for Magic look up to see CINDER BLOCKS smashing down on the heads of various members of the Wizengamot.
You just probably saw all your umale friends get their heads smashed in.
I did that!
Me?! I'm a REALITY WARPER, umale! In other words, I'm a master of something that is even BEYOND lomtumsam, especially the pitiful stick-waving stuff you can do!
You want to start a fight scene?!
I'm always game for that!
So is Rose, by the way!
Last time I visited Britain to help someone get Gifted, the STENCH of you homr'bu umale just seeped out of every one of your hidden hidey-holes!
It's a wonder to me how the norms in Britain can't detect it!
You want the fight scene?
Do it with me...
...and kiss your precious "Statute of Secrecy" goodbye!
Cheers!
Tariko Katabarbe
Tuyuki (Coyote)
Trickster of the Great Show of Life
On reading the signature block, the Minister for Magic then got his head caved in by a cinder block.
Author's Notes:
This latest Marriage Law Rejection Letter update was recently submitted to my review box by Pyeknu. Thanks for the submission. If anyone else has any letters they want to submit, feel free to send them in. lol
Notes from Pyeknu: Directly inspired by The End of the Circus: A Tale of the Yizibajohei, written by Pyeknu.
As Quartermass has done to shamelessly plug his stories, let me do the same in this list when it comes to my own story The End of the Circus: A Tale of the Yizibajohei.
As for translations and explanations:
-Umale — Same/Sameness. In other words, you're a drone and doomed to die due to the fact that the same metahuman power is shared between people of the same culture. In effect, it's seen as the Yizibajohei version of inbreeding.
-Lomtumsam — Literally "pure chaos", the Yizibajohei word for magic.
-Homr'bu umale — Literally "scripted same", the worst type of umale in the eyes of a Yizibajohei, demanding to be EXTERMINATED with extreme prejudice. Basically applied to any group of people who act, dress and behave alike.
-Getting to the climax of the scene — Yizibajohei way of saying "getting to the point".
-Common script line — Yizibajohei term equivalent to the idiom "old saying".