"He's dead you know?"
Noah had just turned to walk away with disgust, unable to stand listening to another hurtful word pass the man's purse lips.
But after that statement, uttered so nonchalantly, like it was nothing, like Luke meant nothing, Noah's legs came to an abrupt stop even as he willed them forward. His feet stumbled slightly on the uneven earth as the air flew from his lungs.
"That's why you're here, isn't it?" the man continued. "That blonde?"
Even turned away as he was, Noah could feel the man's malicious smile and hateful eyes burning into his back. A shiver ran up his spine.
He wanted to turn around. He wanted to stride back over there and beat the truth from him; find out what he knew about Luke. But he couldn't. Not here. Not under all these watchful eyes; hundreds of them in of support and loving, this man…
Noah knew he would be arrested and then what use was he to Luke?
He wouldn't react any more than he had already. He wouldn't give this monster the satisfaction.
Without even looking back Noah forced his traitorous legs forward until he was alone and out of sight between the walls of two makeshift buildings.
He leaned forward into the rough grey brick, pressing his head to his fisted knuckles; trying to breath.
"Get a grip! It's not true! You'd know if it were true! You'd feel it!"
...
Noah sensed Luke was down so he decided to try acting extra chipper in the hopes his boyfriend would find it so cute he couldn't help but cheer up.
Luke didn't wait a moment to take a sip of his coffee.
Hey!" Noah warned, "Careful! That's a little hot…!"
Of course Luke spilt hot coffee over his hand and the table as he jerked from the burn in his mouth.
"Oh, I am such a cluts!" Luke exclaimed. Already irritable in general, this incident just seemed to annoy him even more.
"Hey," Noah placated, laughing slightly and helping Luke as best he could by passing him a paper napkin, "you really do need a break."
As they both wiped up the table a man Noah didn't know walked up to them.
"Hey!" he said amicably, "Luke Snyder! Where have you been?"
"Hey, Reg." Luke replied, standing up and shaking the man's hand. "Sorry I didn't make it to the committee meeting! I've been crazy busy!" He gestured at Noah, "Look, this is, um, my boyfriend, Noah."
As Noah stood to shake his hand he introduced himself, "Reg Addington. Pleased to meet you." Then turning back to Luke he smiled knowingly, "Now I see where you've been, um, spending your time. Good going!"
By now Noah was blushing.
"Now!" Reg continued, "We still need you on the social committee though!"
Noah was pleased when Luke immediately explained. It always amazed him how Luke never failed to include him in any given conversation; always making sure to fill Noah in on the blanks.
"Yeah. Reg is the president of the O.U.G.L.B.T. committee." Luke explained.
As Noah nodded Reg said, "And, um, otherwise known as The Alphabet Soup. Although we are thinking about adding a 'Q'"
"For queer?" Luke frowned.
"For questioning."
They all laughed and then giggled even more when Luke replied, "Oh, well… some of us are through that phase!"
"And that's a good thing!" Reg agreed. His dark eyes lit up all of a sudden and he said, "Oh! Are you guys free this weekend? Tony's parents have a house up on the lake and a bunch of guys from the Alliance are gonna be there… Should be a blast! There's an extra bedroom… If you two are interested?"
"Um." Luke looked over at Noah, obviously trying to gage him quickly, but when he couldn't get a clear reading he asked, "Can we get back to you?"
"Yeah, sure!" Reg assured him. "Call my cell. It's gonna be a blast and it would be great if you could be there." He gave Noah a quick squeeze on his arm as way of goodbye and said, "Just let me know."
They waved him off and then both retook their seats at the table.
"So…" Luke asked, looking unsure. "Do you think we should go?"
"Hell yes!" Noah thought, his imagination conjuring up images of a naked Luke sprawled across black satin sheets.
But playing it cool Noah said, "Could be just what you need, you know? Time ta chill out… relax?"
"A nice relaxing weekend at the lake-house." Luke theorised, "Get to meet some other gay couples… Socialise…"
"Sounds really great, doesn't it?" Noah asked, internally hoping Luke would agree. Then to sweeten the deal he took a chance and suggestively uttered, "Especially the part about… sharing a bedroom?"
"You hate sleeping on my Grandma's couch, don't you?"
"Way to go Mayer!" he thought. "Now Luke thinks this is because you're sick of the farm!"
"Emma's been really good to me. Your family's great!" he assured Luke, "I love living on the farm! But, you know, it does cut down on our alone time?"
"Well, there's going to be other people at this party, this weekend?"
Noah realised then that Luke had gotten what he meant all along and was just avoiding the real issue. "You know what I mean."
Luke pulled a face that Noah couldn't read.
"What?" he asked.
"I don't… I don't know! I don't know! It's weird! I…" he looked Noah over and then moved in closer so that nobody could overhear him, "You know how much I want to be with you?"
"Me too."
"I was in the wheelchair and I didn't have use of all my moving parts. And now I'm better. And things are just so messed up with my parents."
Noah was starting to feel like an ass. All he had thought about was getting Luke in the sack without giving any thought to his current state of mind. He felt like punching himself.
"Hey." He softly said, "If you don't want to go right now because you're worried about your dad, I completely get that. Okay? We can do this some other time. I want this to feel right."
To make sure Luke knew he meant it he reached across the table to hold his hand.
"This isn't about my feelings for you." Luke told him. "I love you. And I really, really, want to be together."
"I think about it all the time." Noah admitted, "I mean, sneaking kisses on the porch, and holding hands while walking around the pond, is great; but you can't blame a guy for wanting more."
"I want it to." Luke whispered, moving in still closer, "So bad." The way Luke said that caused a jolt in Noah's groin and he almost groaned out loud. Then Luke's whole demeanour changed back to how it had been all day, "But there's just so much going on with my father right now."
"I know, um, you're right. Your family has to come first. Um… it's cool."
...
Noah shifted uncomfortably on the sticky leather seat as he thought back to how disappointed he had been. At the time he had really believed a trip away from Oakdale would do Luke some good. Luke had been so wound up about the state of his family, and that was understandable, but Noah missed him; wanted him… in every way.
Noah marvelled now at how a chance and seemingly insignificant encounter with Reg that day, so long ago, could years later have brought them here, this far from home.
"He's dead you know?"
As much as he tried to ignore it that man's words kept replying in his head.
Two days had past since Noah met the person he was certain had something to do with Luke's disappearance. He'd spent every waking moment since then speaking to people and picking up information here and there; following Luke's trail through the city.
It wasn't difficult. A white man with blonde hair didn't go unnoticed.
Noah's white cotton shirt was soaked through and stuck to his skin with sweat. His hair was damp with it; slick against his forehead as droplets ran down his temple and tickled the tips of his ears.
The smell of hot unwashed bodies and various food items was as stifling as the heat. One passenger held two live chickens on her lap. Occasionally the birds would panic and let off loud shrieks, trying to flap their wings and causing a commotion in the confined space. Requiring energy fellow passengers simply didn't have to give.
Despite the open windows there was not a breath of wind; nothing but clouds of dry, grey dust blowing inside.
They'd only covered two hours of a five hour journey and it was already unbearable, especially as he'd found himself on the side where the sun beat down relentlessly.
As a distraction Noah continued thinking back to when they had first met Tony.
It was around the time that Holden was in trouble with the law because of Dusty. He and Luke had been…
...
"Who were you calling?" Noah asked as he sat down after meeting up with Luke in Old Town.
"My Dad. He says it's okay if we want to go to the lake-house this weekend."
"But I thought you didn't want to go?"
"I changed my mind."
"Why?"
"I don't know. It might be fun, you know? Meet some other gay couples. Make some new friends. Be alone together."
Worried that Luke was doing this for him rather than for himself Noah said, "Yeah, but, if you want to wait…"
"Why would I?"
"Because it's going to be a party. You know? A house full of guys. It might not be the most romantic..."
"Anytime alone with you is romantic to me."
"Me too!" Noah smiled, getting excited. "This is really going to be great! Um, I mean, I'm looking forward to it."
Luke laughed, seemingly pleased at having given Noah something he wanted. "I could kinda tell that it was a big deal to you…"
"Was it that obvious?"
"Kinda."
"Are you sure it's okay with your parents?" Noah asked.
"Well, my dad said it was. He seemed a little distracted. I mean not saying I blame him…"
Luke looked dejected down at the floor.
"Yeah… He is going through a lot…"
Luke sighed as he thought once again about his father. "It must be rough. I really hope things between my mom and my dad are going to be okay."
They sat sharing a giant bagel together and then spent the few minutes before their next classes just watching the pedestrians and chatting about this and that.
"Are you still worried about your father?" Noah asked, placing one hand on Luke's shoulder and the other on his arm.
"I will be, until he's cleared." Luke said, stroking his chin. "But, a weekend away will do us some good!"
"Definitely!" They both stood up and then Noah saw their soon-to-be host walking up with another man he'd never seen before. "Oh, hey, Reg!"
Reg smiled and acknowledged them both with a friendly bob of his head, reaching out to shake Noah's hand.
"Hey Reg," Luke began, "we decided that we will go to that party this weekend. If that's cool?"
"Oh, fantastic!" Reg exclaimed. "Luke, you remember my boyfriend Tony?"
"Yeah, hi…" Luke shook Tony by the hand.
"And this is Luke's boyfriend, Noah…"
"Nice to meet you Noah…" Tony said, shaking Noah's hand in greeting.
"Good to meet you." Noah said, "Well I have to pick up some more equipment for my film-making class, but," and then turning to Luke, "um, I'll meet you back here?"
"Yeah, sure."
He waved them all off, "See you guys later."
...
The sound of the engine's loud coughing and spluttering knocked Noah back into the present.
The white Volkswagen van looked at least twenty years old; rimmed as it was in dark red rust.
As it reached the summit of each steep hill, Noah was sure the van would run out of steam, but the driver kept his foot flat on the floor in first gear and they sailed over the top; flying down the other side at a startling speed.
The vaguely tarred roads had ended a few miles back and the van now bumped and skidded through deep gullies and pot-holes; trying to avoid stray dogs, playing children and domesticated animals of all shapes and sizes.
To prevent his head from slamming into the roof, Noah gripped the top frame of the open window with one hand and the edge of the leather seat with the other.
...
Just as Noah always met Luke in Old Town for lunch, he met him in the evening so that they could go home together.
Noah was late and Luke was already there waiting for him, standing as Noah approached.
"Five minute student film and it's like I'm shooting the hobbit!" Noah said as way of explanation for his tardiness. He suddenly had a thought and searched through his rucksack. "I think I'm missing a light…"
"So… um" Luke moved in close but Noah was busy looking for the missing light and didn't notice at first, "What did you think of Tony?"
Totally distracted Noah replied, "He seemed nice."
"Yeah? He seemed REAL interested in you."
When Noah look up Luke's head was right by his and an electric energy sparked between, them making Noah feel suddenly hot. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean is that I think you're his type." Luke said seductively, "Like he wants to see you naked in the hot-tub."
Noah smiled, "Well, in his dreams."
Luke looked away then, "I guess that's just part of the scene, you know? Guys showing off in the Jacuzzi."
"Well, not me."
"Me either!" Luke assured him. "Sounds like there's going to be drugs at the party."
"Is that a deal breaker?"
"Well," Luke shrugged, "I told them we just say no to drugs." He smiled at his own joke. "And who knows you know? If it means we can be alone together… it might be worth it."
As much as he was trying to sound sure, Noah heard the insecurity in his voice.
"Yeah! Yeah!" Noah said, trying to brighten him up, "We can leave the party boys in the hot-tub and we'll grab some time alone…"
"Yeah! Excellent. Sounds like a plan." Luke nodded.
"I'm there."
...
The van was packed with people; dangerously overloaded so the suspension sat low on the ground and scrapped occasionally along the numerous humps in the road; if it could be called a road at all.
Just like an inner-city bus in Los Angeles, this van would stop periodically along the journey; dropping off or picking up passengers. And it seemed it didn't matter how full the vehicle was, if there was a paying passenger on the roadside, the driver would find the space.
The locals seemed to have an intricate network of hand signals to indicate to the taxis the direction in which they were going. If the taxi was going that way it would stop, otherwise it would drive past.
Again Noah stared out of the window at the distant banana and eucalyptus forests. They never did make it to the party at the lake-house that summer.
...
He found Luke studying at the farm's kitchen table.
"Hey, how's it going?"
"Arg!" he exclaimed in frustration, turning in his chair and getting up to meet Noah in the middle of the room, "I'm glad my Fyodor Dostoevsky paper's due before the weekend!"
"What?" Noah smiled, "Don't want any crime and punishment at the party?"
Luke laughed at his bad attempt at a joke and Noah bit his lower lip at how adorable that laugh was.
"Actually," Luke began but Noah was about to say something too and as Luke said, "Do we… do we really have to go," Noah blurted out, "I don't want to go."
They both laughed at how in tune they were.
"I'm not really into that kind of party." Luke tried to explain. "I thought that… maybe you were?"
"Are you kidding?" Noah replied. "I want to be with you… but… not like that."
Luke released a sigh of relief and keenly gripped Noah by the arms, "Well, okay, the thing is I do." His voice became more sultry, "I do really, really, really want to be with you! Alone. But I mean like… REALLY… alone…"
Noah nodded his agreement, "We have time. When things settle down with your family… We'll know when it feels right."
Luke was grinning at him, "You're amazing! It's like… that…" he held one hand to his head, "You can read my mind." He looked right into Noah's eyes then. "What am I thinking?"
Noah looked toward the ceiling pretending to get into Luke's thoughts. "Moonlight walk around the pond?"
"I'm there."
...
Thinking about that walk around the pond, they past a vast dam. It was rare to see water in such a dry place.
To say the landscape was beautiful was an understatement and under normal circumstances Noah would already have been marking out scenes in his head, using the locations in intricate ways. This country was a director's dream!
But Noah couldn't focus. Not in this heat. Not without Luke.