Luke looked up from his laptop and smiled as Noah entered from the kitchen with a tray carrying two mugs of coffee and a plate of Grandma Emma's oatmeal raison cookies.

Noah almost dropped the entire thing at the sight of him.

"What?" Luke asked, noticing Noah's slight stumble.

"You look amazing."

He really did.

They'd returned home from the foundation dinner only a few minutes before, but already Luke had removed his offending tie and was sitting at the dining table with his shirt unbuttoned almost to the navel. Noah had a clear and tempting view of his husband's fine blonde chest hair and one enticing nipple.

Luke's hair was ruffled and messy. The gel he'd used to tame it had long since worn off and the longer front bangs were darting around the sides of this face.

But it wasn't just this that was making him look sexy as hell. It was also the way he was sitting; lounged back, legs open wide, with one foot elevated up on the empty chair beside him.

"Thanks." Luke smiled, accepting the compliment, "you don't look so bad yourself."

Noah placed the tray on the table and straddled Luke's elevated leg so that he could sit on the chair beside him.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked in a singsong voice, loosening his own tie before stretching forward to rub both his hands up and down Luke's shin.

Luke stretched his arms briefly up in the air and then turned his attention back to the computer screen.

"Just checking my e-mails and stuff. Catching up on my online life."

Noah chuckled, "Your online life?"

"Yeah! You know?" he answered like it was obvious. "You have your real life and then you have your virtual life; where you make friends with other online people and share your common interests."

Noah pressed his lips together in his attempt not to laugh but Luke noticed it.

"What?" Luke playfully asked.

"You're such a geek!"

Luke chuckled and bent forward to give Noah a light punch. "Whatever you say Mr. Classical Movies!"

Grinning, Noah reached over for a mug of coffee and handed it to Luke before lifting the second mug for himself.

Luke clicked a few times on the mouse and then read something off the screen as he lifted the mug to his lips for a sip.

"What is it?" Noah asked, noticing a slight frown on his brow.

Luke took another swig of coffee and then placed the cup down on a coaster next to his laptop.

"Do you remember Tony?"

"Tony?" Noah tried to conjure up a face to match the name but with no success. "I don't think so."

"Yeah you do!" Luke insisted. "Okay… What if I were to say Cyndi Lauper."

"Oh! Reg's Tony?"

"Yes, Tony de Franca, the guy you went on a date with."

"Luke. It was not a date."

Luke tilted his head at Noah and lifted his eyebrows to indicate his opinion to the contrary.

Noah sighed. "Okay. Fine. Maybe it was a date. But by the time I realised that, it was too late for me to pull out."

"Humph."

"Hey! I was really new to all that relationship signal shit back then! Besides, I only went because I couldn't stop thinking about a certain somebody..."

"Don't worry about it, Bubby. I totally forgave you the moment you ditched him to kiss me."

They smiled as they stared at each other, sharing the memory of that moment.

"So," Noah asked, breaking the contact to reach over for a cookie. "What about Tony?"

As he took a bite he watched Luke clicking around the screen.

"I don't know." Luke said, frowning once again. "It's just, I haven't heard from him in a while and I've noticed lately that he hasn't updated his Facebook status either. It's just not like him."

"I didn't know you guys were such good friends."

Luke looked up and then seemed to realise something.

"Oh!" he said, "You wouldn't know about that."

"About what?"

Luke looked past Noah and then bobbed his head at the coach, "Let's get more comfortable."

Noah nodded and stood, reaching for his coffee mug with one hand and the plate of cookies with the other.

They made their way over to the coach and arranged their drinks and snacks on the coffee table.

Luke sat first and then gestured with both his hands, "Come here."

Noah smiled and lay back into the crook of Luke's arm, munching another cookie.

"Okay," Luke began. "The last time I saw Tony with you was at Reg's funeral. Do you remember?"

"Yes."

"And I tried to contact him a few times after that, to see how he was. But he never responded and so eventually I gave up."

Noah nodded, remembering how crazy those days after Reg's death had been. Luke had run off on one of his crusades, determined to catch the culprits who had sold Reg the dangerous pills that ended his life.

And, as usual, Noah had been left to fly along behind him, trying to make sure his boyfriend didn't get himself killed in the process.

"And that's one thing that hasn't changed." Noah briefly thought.

"Anyway," Luke continued…

...

Luke had just read the same report for the third time. Not because he had to; not because he didn't understand it the first time around; not because it was the most riveting piece of business literature he'd ever read. But totally and utterly just to keep his mind from drifting off the rail he'd managed to keep himself travelling along for months.

But this work train was slowing. His mission to rid the Oakdale branch of Grimaldi Shipping from corruption had been a success and now the business was running smoothly. His office door, which previously had opened and closed a hundred times a day; now remained mostly shut. His phone, which had rung non-stop in the beginning, remained stubbornly silent.

And that meant his mind was free.

He couldn't allow that to happen. He had to keep busy. He had to keep occupied. He had to forget.

Otherwise he'd think about… it.

Sighing he sprung up from his seat, grabbed his car keys and coat and headed out of the office without even letting anybody know where he was going.

He drove nowhere, just around in circles really. And when that didn't work he tried cranking up the radio and singing along to the music at the top of his lungs.

But that definitely didn't work. The words to the songs simply served to jog more memories.

He found himself outside the hospital; walking the path around the side to where the new neuro extension had been added and seating himself down in the small garden courtyard. The bench on which he sat faced a plaque on the wall.

"This stone contains the ashes of Dr. Reid Oliver, genius and hero."

Luke fixed his eyes on that stone, but it wasn't helping. Being there wasn't helping. Talking to Reid wasn't helping.

"Because it's not Reid that you miss."

NO!

He bolted from that place, driving aimlessly for at least another hour; leaving the Oakdale limits, where every turn just reminded him of… it… and finding himself parked outside a roadside bar.

His fingers were interlaced in front of him as he leaned forward over the steering wheel. His teeth gnawed one thumbnail down to the quick; until it was painful and bleeding.

But his eyes were focussed, staring at the door to the bar.

"…don't you get that?" a deep and wrecked voice broke through, "I'm still in love with you… I'm still in love with you… I'm still in love with you…"

"Stop! Please stop!" he yelled, banging his arms down hard and cupping his face in his hands.

A terrible realisation was snaking its pitiless way through Luke's heart.

He was alone and Noah was gone.

Before the blink of an eye he'd slammed the car door behind him, entered the bar and ordered vodka… neat… on the rocks.

It had been a long time since he'd tasted it. A very long time since he'd wanted to. He knew where this road went. He'd travelled it before. He knew he should call somebody.

His dad.

His grandmother.

His sponsor.

But he wanted to forget! And that's what drink did for him.

They wouldn't understand. They'd tell him to go to L.A. and he couldn't. He couldn't!

He was too afraid.

The cool liquid was running down this throat before he knew it. He dropped the glass loudly on the bar, his breath shuddered, his body shivered.

The barman arrived, fastidiously drying the inside of a wine glass.

"Another?" he asked Luke.

Wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, Luke could only nod in response.

And so it began.

Halfway through a bottle Luke felt a hand slap around his shoulder and he stumbled on his stool as the unsteady figure beside him righted itself up.

"Luke! My old buddy! My pal!"

Already quite hammered Luke had to gaze closely at the man for a few minutes before he realised who it was.

"Tony?"

"Hey! Hey!" Tony hiccupped, "Long time… no… see… and all that."

They spent the rest of the afternoon finishing that bottle, discussing how unfair the world was; before making quick work of one more bottle and deciding to take a walk through the park.

It was all going great! Luke was having a blast with Tony. He was a really fun guy to be around. He certainly knew how to let loose and party. They laughed as they walked, telling stupid jokes and pushing at each other, jumping on each other's backs and carrying each other around.

And best of all Luke didn't once think about… it.

At one point he was laughing so much he could hardly breathe. He playfully pushed Tony back because he needed a moment to catch some air.

But when he turned to face the lake and he realised exactly where they were, everything became suddenly too much; started crashing in on him.

His jolts of laughter turned suddenly into sobs and he dropped to his knees, cries raking through him.

"Hey, Lukie?" came Tony's slurred but caring voice and Luke felt himself being wrapped up in warm arms. "Shh. It's okay, buddy. You're okay."

"I think I make a big mistake." Luke blubbered. "I made a mistake!"

...

"Where were you?" Noah asked, threading his fingers through Luke's.

"Can't you guess?"

Noah thought for a moment and then nodded, "By the lake…?"

"Yeah. Where I took you that first day Reid let you out of the hospital. I drank because I wanted to forget, but the drinking couldn't mask the memories some places hold… you know? Not when they're that strong."

"I know." Noah squeezed Luke's hand then. "So… what happened next?"

Luke shrugged, "I talked to Tony. I told him everything. The accident. Our breakup. Reid. I told him about that day by the lake. About how confused I was and how I tried to explain to you about Reid…"

"Wait!" Noah sat up sharply and turned to look at him, leaning his arm on the top of the couch. "You took me out there to tell me about Reid?"

Luke nodded.

Noah looked away for a moment as he processed what he had just heard.

"All this time," he eventually said, "I always wondered how you managed to keep something so important from me."

"I couldn't keep it from you." Luke said. "I always wanted to tell you. It's not natural for me to lie to you. I didn't want to keep anything from you; least of all that! It was Reid who didn't want me to tell you."

"He didn't?"

"Noah you must understand Reid. It wasn't because of what was happening between me and him. Really it wasn't. It was only because he was worried it would hinder your recovery."

Noah shook his head, staring down at the beautiful man that was now his husband.

"That's what you were trying to tell me? And I totally wasn't getting it. I made the whole thing so much harder for you, didn't I? Because… because I'd never have believed that…"

Luke nodded "…that I'd be thinking about… that I'd be considering… someone else…"

Noah dropped his head down to Luke's; forehead to forehead.

"That's because you're mine. You belong to me… you always did."

He kissed Luke's cheek and then nested down into Luke's neck; pressing his body as close as he could get; needing to re-claim him somehow.

"Before you woke up from that surgery I thought it was certain. I thought I'd reached the point where I could move on… with someone else. But then you woke up and you looked at me… You SAW me with those amazing blue eyes and… and… it was YOU…"

"What do you mean?"

"It was MY Noah. And the more you healed, the stronger you got, the more I'd see those flashes of you; like you were waking up from some dark slumber. MY Noah, who I loved and who I'd missed since the day he fell from a rooftop. I was suddenly so confused that day because I had thought MY Noah gone for good. I lost him. I grieved for him. I got over him."

Noah hugged even tighter into Luke at that.

"At least I thought I had." Luke continued, rubbing an affectionate hand down Noah's upper arm. "And I was trying to explain that all to you by the lake that day. I wanted you to understand that I still loved you but that I wasn't sure what I wanted any more. I wanted you to know. I wanted to talk to you about it. Clear up some of the confusion. But then you scared the hell out of me by having that migraine attack and you pushed me away again and…"

"It means a lot that you tried to tell me." Noah said into Luke's shirt. "Even if I now understand why you never did."

Noah lifted up to look down at Luke and they shared a tender kiss. All this was in the past and long forgiven between them.

Luke sighed deeply, "Anyway… we've gotten sidetracked! I got to talking with Tony… Drunken talk mind you but still… And I discovered that Tony was pretty lonely and messed up too. He'd pushed all his old friends out of his life after Reg died. He was drinking heavily. He blamed himself because he was the one always pressuring Reg to relax and experiment."

"Wow. Poor Tony… It was obvious at the funeral how upset he was."

Luke nodded. "We decided to meet up the following evening."

"You went on a date?"

"It wasn't a date."

It was Noah's turn to lift up and give Luke the frown of disbelief.

Luke couldn't help snorting. "Noah! It wasn't a date. Okay? I've never thought of Tony in that way before. He's always just been a friend."

"Mmm Hmm." Noah hummed; lying back down in Luke's arms.

"Anyway,"" Luke continued, "we began to see a lot of each other after that. Obviously, with both of us messed up and drinking, it could hardly have been called the healthiest of friendships. We just cheered each other on to drink more really. Then I met Troy and all that stuff happened with my grandmother and rehab."

"So, did you ever see Tony again?" Noah asked.

Luke nodded. "Just after I got back from rehab. I ran into him at Java. He wasn't alone."

"Oh really?" Noah could tell from the tone of Luke's voice that Tony was with a love interest.

"His name was…" Luke paused as he tried to remember. "It was foreign so I can't remember. He was as doctor as well. Tony looked good, you know? Really happy. I think this guy was good for him. Sorted him out."

"That's great."

"Yeah. He said he was going to Africa with this guy. That they planned to treat Aids infected babies. And since then Tony has always e-mailed me and we've kept in touch. Plus Tony is a prolific Facebook user so it's hard not to know what he's up to."

"Until now?" Noah suggested.

"Well actually since before our wedding. I just find it strange. He never even said anything about that. The wedding, I mean. It's like he just disappeared or something."

"Are you worried?"

Luke sighed. "I guess not. Maybe he just moved on with his life."

"He's not the only one who did." Noah turned over just in time to catch the contented smile on Luke's face. "I love you Luke Snyder."

Noah came down for a kiss, following through with kisses down his neck and a nibble of one earlobe.

He heard Luke's breath hitch.

"I'd really like to take you for a shower..."

"Oh?" Luke exclaimed, "Cloakroom wasn't enough for ya?"

"Not. Nearly. Enough." Noah said between kisses down the inside of Luke's unbuttoned shirt. "I could never get enough of you…"

Luke groaned as Noah shifted his thigh between Luke's legs and rubbed up at him.

"Feels to me that you need some seeing too yourself…"

"God, Noah…you're so… hot…when… you're…ah…"

Noah silenced him with a tongue laced kiss, before lifting just slightly, noses touching, "You should have known this was going to happen the moment you buttoned down that shirt and sat there looking that this!"

Luke smiled.

"You did it on purpose, admit it!"

"It's working, isn't it?" Luke laughed.

"What do you think?" Noah asked, grunting deeply into Luke's hair. "Come with me. I wanna finish what we started in that cloakroom."

Luke whimpered as Noah's body lifted off of his even as he knew the loss was only temporary.

Noah held out his hand and Luke allowed Noah to lift him up off the coach. Noah headed down the passage, tugging Luke along behind him, tiptoeing past the kid's room and heading into their bathroom.

"Get these off." Noah said, impatiently tugging at the last of the button's on Luke's shirt and then, while Luke worked to undo them, unbuckling Luke's belt, unzipping him and stepping back to watch Luke undress; smiling at his husband's perfect nakedness.

"Stop ogling me and take those clothes off." Luke beamed.

"Get the water going and I will."

Luke stepped into the shower and ran the water while Noah removed his own clothes, following Luke into the steam.

He wrapped his arms around Luke's waist, chest to back, and kissed the rise of his neck. Noah leaned past him to grab the shampoo bottle and squeezed a small blob on Luke's blond hair; before lathering it up.

"Did I tell you how much I love this new hairstyle?"

"You do, ha?"

Luke turned and Noah nodded at him as he continued to lather up Luke's hair. Luke briefly parted to pour shampoo into his hand so that he could return the favour for Noah, also lifting his hands up and lathering up Noah's black waves.

They both stood for a moment under the full force of the shower and Noah enjoyed the view as the bubbles from the shampoo ran down the groove of Luke's back, pooling for a moment at the start of his buttocks before flowing clean to the floor.

Noah was incredibly turned on by the visual and could no longer wait so he again enfolded his arms around Luke, grabbing hold of him with both hands and beginning to stroke, using the last drops of soap to help.

Luke moaned, falling forward, hands pressing into the shower tiles.

Noah turned him and knelt down, pulling all of him in.

"AAAH!" Luke threw back his head, leaning back into the shower wall; hands finding the back of Noah's head and pushing down. Noah hummed, feeling Luke respond to the sound and twitch madly.

Luke's eyes widened as Noah reached behind and inserted fingers as he continued to bob his head.

Satisfied that Luke was ready, Noah slid back up to standing.

Enclosing Luke in his arms he kissed him first before flipping him around and wrapping his arms tightly around Luke's slippery waist. Luke bent forward to the wall and Noah pushed in.

Slowly, Luke began to move; rocking slightly back into Noah. They both moaned and Noah kissed the back of Luke's neck, licking and nipping at him. Noah picked up his speed, bouncing Luke; panting. Luke's head rolled back onto Noah's shoulder as Noah continuously buried himself in Luke's heat.

Noah almost released too soon when Luke turned to look back at him. The blonde's face was flushed with passion and lust.

Keeping that eye contact for as long as they could, Noah ploughed on, simultaneously working his hand around Luke's hardness, trying to keep in time with each thrust.

Eventually Luke had to let his head fall forward again. Noah shut his eyes, feeling that intense pressure build and build, he tried to keep it down, mindful of the children asleep in the house, but with Luke bucking back into him and making those sounds, then constricting against Noah, he couldn't.

Noah reached for Luke's hand, which Luke gladly gave him, squeezing it as the final shake and moan past through him.

...

"You love this man very much."

Noah broke his gaze which had been fixed in the hypnotising flames of the large outdoor fire around which they sat.

He wasn't sure how long Kikongo had been watching him for, but he knew that the conversation had died ages ago.

"More than I think he knows."

"You will be happy? If we find him?"

Noah's fists clenched. "I'm not sure Kikongo. I'm not sure how I'll feel."

He tilted his head and observed the millions of stars up above. It was far more stars than he had ever seen. This was a different sky from his childhood. A whole different world; so far removed from what he was used to.

He ached for home and for Luke.