Hey guys! This is the first fanfic I'm posting on the internet and I hope you enjoy it. I'm forewarning you that this one is sad. I've written others but have deleted them over the years deeming them terrible. I'm comfortable posting this one and I have another WIR fanfic in the works that is much longer that I hope you'll also enjoy. I'm also planning on writing fanfics based on any of the many other fandoms I'm in. *Heart* you guys and check out the fanart this is based on, on Py-Bun (Roniña Rodriguez)'s DeviantArt account.
It seemed like such a long time ago for Penelope when she met her best friend Ralph. It was a nice July day, she was nine years old and really wanted to participate in the local annual soap box derby, but mean old Tabitha Mutton stole the money she saved and asking her parents to give her, her allowance a day early was not an option because there was no one to take Penelope to the derby with Ms. Stickler (her babysitter) not wanting to and her parents didn't want her to go that far from home alone. Ms. Stickler never knew Penelope was building her kart in the basement anyway as like clockwork, she fell asleep all afternoon only being woken up by Penelope's parents returning. It was the last day to sign up and pay the entry fee and with no money, she was upset that she couldn't participate after all her hard work. Penelope was sitting in her favorite tree in the park when she spotted a wallet. "I know it's a little dishonest," Penelope thought "but their license should be in there and I'll drop off their wallet in their mailbox and write down their address to give them their money back tomorrow." She climbed down the old oak tree then grabbed the wallet and thankfully there was enough in there to pay the fee. Penelope was overjoyed that she could race after all then she immediately started dreaming of winning first place.
She took the money she needed and put the rest back then wrote down the address of a guy named Ralph on a piece of paper she had in the pocket of her hoodie. Penelope looked at the photo then saw that according to this piece of plastic, he's a little over seven feet tall. Was that even possible!? She thought it was a clerical error but then thought that if it's right, she just stole from a real-life Incredible Hulk. Penelope heard a man shout from a distance "HEY YOU ROTTEN THIEF! GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET!" She looked up; it was Ralph coming right towards her. She realized as he was getting closer, that was no clerical error. But she wasn't afraid, she was going to race no matter what. Ralph caught up to Penelope extending a hand in front of her, and it was like a bear's paw. "Hand it over!" Ralph snapped. Penelope gave him back his wallet and started to walk away towards the sign-up booth. "And the money you took out. Don't think that I didn't see that." Ralph said annoyed. But instead of returning the money, Penelope bolted to the booth and lost him as he shouted while chasing her "Come back! I'll find you! I will find you!" the last thing she heard him shout was "Nowhere to hide!" She went through the line and paid her fee; she was in! In your faces Tabitha Mutton, Lloyd Orand, Juliana Bingley, Francis Flug, Candelaria Whitehead, Corinna DiCamillo, Mindy Zaki, Adora Winterton, Shania Reinholdt, Samuel Markley, Stacy Wipperman, Citra Fluckiger, Tovah Batterman, and Nusa Bronstain! Penelope von Scheetz is going to win!
On her way home, Penelope was stopped by a familiar voice. "YOOOU!" shouted Ralph as he crossed the street "GET BACK HERE!" Penelope tried to outrun Ralph but he grabbed her by her mint green hoodie. "Listen kid." Ralph said calmer "All I want is the money I saw you take out of my wallet and put into your pocket. Give it back and there won't be any trouble, I won't even tell your parents, I swear." "Not that I don't believe there wouldn't be any trouble and you wouldn't tell my parents but, I already spent the money to enter in the soap box derby." explained Penelope. Ralph was furious, shouting "HOW DARE YOU!" "Relax!" said Penelope "My plan all along was to give the money back to you tomorrow when I get my allowance. That's why I wrote down your address, there was even going to be an apology note explaining my actions." Ralph rubbed the bridge of his nose; he was one hundred percent done with this kid saying "Just, just give me my money back tomorrow, okay kid." "I promise." said Penelope then they parted ways. She planned on taking her kart out for a spin on her trip to Ralph's house as his street was on a steep hill. Penelope needed to practice if she was going to win and this was a good opportunity.
The next day, Penelope got her allowance from her parents like she planned and they were none the wiser about Ralph or that she was in the soap box derby after they said no. They headed off to work telling her their usual "Stay out of trouble while we're gone." Penelope promised she'd behave for Ms. Stickler and truth be told she usually did stay out of trouble while they were gone. Her parents waved goodbye as Penelope did the same and her mom blew her a kiss before closing the back door. She heard their car pull out of the driveway and head down the road as she finished her milk and cereal. Ms. Stickler had an accurate name and was always bossing Penelope around about something until she fell asleep on the couch. Ms. Stickler fell asleep and Penelope got her kart from the loft in the garage. It was a wreck of a kart but Penelope was proud of her creation, the Likkity-Split. The Likkity-Split was mint green (as it was Penelope's favorite color) with its name written on the sides in red paint and had mix matched plastic wheels, a shoddy circular piece of plywood on a metal post for a steering wheel, a wonky looking rear wing, the tall flag and squeeze horn from her bike, and an um-uh, unusually shaped and haphazardly designed flimsy body (just as haphazard as the rest of the kart). Penelope pushed her kart over to her desired street then she rode down the sidewalk honking the horn and telling people to "watch out!" and to "get out of the way!" as there weren't any brakes on it of course. She had such a great time riding in it.
She made it to Ralph's house and checked the address while holding Mr. McBun-Bun (she had him with her most times being her favorite toy) then rang the doorbell hoping he was home. "Ding-dong" Penelope heard the doorbell ring from inside then she heard some footsteps approaching the front door. The doorknob turned then the front door opened and there was Ralph with a "well look who we have here" look on his face. "So," he said "do you have my money you little thief?" "I do." said Penelope then she handed Ralph the money she owed him. "Thanks, and, good luck in the race." said Ralph then he saw the kart behind her and tried to hold back a wince. "Is that your kart?" he asked. "Yep! I built it myself!" Penelope said beaming with pride. "I bet you did." said Ralph trying to sound like she did a good job. "Well, I guess maybe I'll see you around." said Penelope. "Yeah, I'll see you around." said Ralph hoping to never have to deal with that little brat again and he went back inside. Penelope was about to go back up the hill and ride again then Tabitha and her minions showed up. Surprisingly, Stacy, Tovah, Citra, and Nusa weren't there, the fourteen of them were hardly apart from each other. Tabitha was working on a small lollipop and Penelope said "Hello fellow racers! Candelaria, Tabitha, Francis, you're looking well. You came by to check out the competition huh." then danced around as she proudly said "Well here it is, the Likkity-Split!"
Her classmates sneered then Penelope said with pride "I built it myself. Fastest kart this side of the country, check out the horn." then Penelope honked the horn with an "awesome, right?" look on her face as the others gave various gestures of disgust/oh please, including Julianna Bingley who was rolling her eyes. "Awe Penelope, it's so… you." said Tabitha then she licked her lollipop and said "But, you have to back out of the race. Yeah." "Oh, no, I, I don't. You know 'cause I paid my fee and I'm on the board. So yeeeah, I'm definitely racing." Penelope replied smugly. "Yeah well, losers can't race. You'll just embarrass yourself in the derby." said Tabitha. "I'm not a loser, Tabitha, I can beat all of you in the race." said Penelope. "I can't believe you think you'll win Penelope. You'll come in last, and that kart is such a hazard." said Tabitha as she went up to the Likkity-Split and got in then said "Say I'm you. I'm in my weird little car and I'm steering and I actually feel kind of cool for once, then all of a sudden, oh no! My shoddy kart is falling apart!" as she yanked on the steering wheel, pulling it off. Penelope was mortified as she gasped at what Tabitha was doing. "Hey!" she shouted. "You see! You're an accident waiting to happen." said Tabitha then she threw the broken steering wheel at Penelope, hitting her in the stomach. "Oh no! My kart's giving way!" said Juliana as she went up to the Likkity-Split and hit it, causing a dent. "Hey! Hey! What are you doing!" Penelope cried out then the others joined in to destroy her kart. "Stop! You're breaking it!" she begged and pleaded with the others as she tried desperately to pull them off her kart.
The others mocked her. "Please! I just wanna race like you guys!" Penelope pleaded as she continued to pry the others off her kart and managed to pull Tabitha away which angered her. "You will never win the derby," Tabitha said coldly as she walked up to Penelope making her back up "because you're, a loser," Tabitha was still making Penelope back up and poked her in the chest when she said "loser" then said "and a loser is all-you'll ever-be." then Tabitha shoved Penelope into a nearby mud puddle. "HEY! LEAVE HER ALONE!" a familiar voice shouted. Penelope looked up and saw Ralph was standing at the front steps pointing and shouting at the bullies. Apparently, the commotion got his attention and he decided to intervene after seeing what was happening to this poor girl. The bullies froze like a herd of deer in headlights then Ralph charged at them screaming and the bullies ran away screaming, scared of the giant man barreling towards them. "Let's get out of here!" Tabitha shouted as they ran down the street to get away from Ralph. "SCRAM YOU ROTTEN LITTLE KIDS, BEFORE I THROW YOU IN THE MUD!" Ralph shouted at the bullies then kicked the ground while making a small angry noise for good measure. Penelope got up as she sniffled then looked back at Ralph and said with attitude "What are you looking at?" "You're welcome you rotten little thief." said Ralph all snarky. "I'm not a thief! I was just borrowing your stupid money so I could be in the race! I gave it back to you, didn't I!?" said Penelope still distraught. "You shouldn't have taken that 'stupid money' in the first place young lady and you know it." said Ralph.
"Whatever, just go back inside and do whatever it is you do all day." said Penelope while still rummaging through the remains of the Likkity-Split. "I chase away those cretins who were very rude to you, most likely plenty of times before, and that's how you talk to me." said Ralph. "I'm sorry." Penelope apologized in between sniffles "I'm not ungrateful about you sticking up for me, I'm just upset about how I can't race now without a kart. I worked so hard on it too." Ralph looked at what was left of the little raven-haired girl's kart and felt bad for her then he had a crazy idea. "How about this." said Ralph "I don't really know much about building a soap box kart, but I'll help you build a new one. If it's alright with your parents." "You would do that for me?" asked Penelope in disbelief with a hint of joy. "Yeah. What could possibly go wrong?" said Ralph. "I could get the supplies and maybe you can come over for dinner and meet my parents so we could have permission to build it together." said Penelope. "Again, if it's alright with your folks, I'll come over for dinner." said Ralph. "I'll let you know their answer then." said Penelope then they shook hands on their deal. "I'll talk to you later!" said Penelope as she happily scampered away, back to her home. Ralph and Penelope waved goodbye to each other and it really did seem like the more Ralph interacted with Penelope, the more he liked her as he even smiled at her as she headed up the road.
He had already forgiven her for borrowing his money without permission and thought she was adorable with her hair kept in a high pony tail tied with a big red bow (save for her bangs that were split in half to make a fringe on both sides of her head), her comfy looking hoodie, her little black sneakers with pink soles, her little black layered skirt, and her mint green leggings with red and white stripes. Penelope's parents okayed Ralph coming over for dinner after Penelope explained what happened and their plan to build a new kart, also okaying participating in the soap box derby if she was right about the babysitter as most likely, the new babysitter would be willing to take her. That was because besides some scolding, there was concern about Penelope bringing up yet again since they recently hired Ms. Stickler that she falls asleep on the job and is mean to Penelope. They fired Ms. Stickler once they snuck in and found out through questions about what happened that afternoon that she couldn't answer that Penelope was indeed telling the truth. Penelope told them Ralph was thirty-two years old but they hadn't expected their daughter to befriend a hulky, seven-foot-four-inch tall man but were happy to have him as a dinner guest regardless. They didn't mind Penelope hanging out with him after meeting her new friend. Ralph returned Mr. McBun-Bun before he left, almost forgetting about the cute, fuzzy, one-foot-tall, light blue rabbit with long, floppy ears and a green ribbon around his neck tied in a bow (Penelope accidentally left him behind and Ralph washed him as he got a lot of mud on him thanks to Tabitha and most of her friends). Penelope's parents got to thinking and offered to hire Ralph as the new babysitter to which he very happily accepted.
Eventually they finished the kart and the new kart was well built but there were some hiccups cosmetically, especially with the paint job. The mint green that was on the kart somehow got mixed with other colors making it look like they just dumped random colors of paint on it with it being mostly brown and dark purple then Penelope got a little crazy with the decorations and glitter (actually, a lot of crazy). Ralph facepalmed at the abomination (well, he thought it was) thinking that Penelope wasn't going to like it based on her initial look of shock and apologized saying he tried but never built a kart before. "I love it." she said with awe in almost a whisper. "You do?" asked Ralph. "I love it." she said almost crying tears of joy then shouted "I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!" as she jumped for joy all over the darn place. She went on and on about all she thought was great about her new kart with Ralph smiling then said "C'mon, a work of art like this, needs to be signed." as she held a paint brush in each hand, one with mint green paint and the other with red paint (she remembered that red was Ralph's favorite color from when she asked him the other day). On one side of the kart, Penelope signed "made by Penelope" in her pretty cursive handwriting while Ralph signed "AND RALPH" underneath it in his kinda sloppy handwriting.
Penelope thought her new kart was awesome, sweet even, like candy. She dubbed it the Candy Kart even though she decided not to write the name on it. Penelope practiced riding in her kart every day at Ralph's house and finally the day of the derby arrived. Penelope knew from when she first heard about the derby that her parents wouldn't be there because they would be at work so she wasn't upset about it and they had wished her luck before they left anyway. Penelope could clearly see in the crowd that Ralph was there cheering her on. She smiled looking at this grown man getting overly excited about a soap box derby. The race started and the racers began their descent down the steep hill, passing each other trying to be in first place with Penelope quickly taking the lead. It was one of the most exciting moments of Penelope's life. Penelope won first place despite Tabitha and her goons trying some low-down dirty tricks. She was on the local news that night and in the local paper the next day and everything. At nine years old, Penelope thought it was the greatest thing to have happened to her so far. She was so proud.
Of course she mentioned Ralph (who was also interviewed in the news and newspaper and was in the newspaper picture holding Penelope on his shoulders) because she couldn't have done it without him. He took Penelope back to her house and before they went inside, she gave him a homemade medal that said "To: Stinkbrain" on one side and "You're my hero" on the other. She put the newspaper article her parents saved in a picture frame and kept it on her nightstand while Ralph treasured the medal she made him. He wore it every day under his undershirt but Penelope knew it was there as she could see the ribbon around his neck. Ralph and Penelope were inseparable, they did all sorts of stuff together around the city. Penelope noticed on their escapades that people would stare at Ralph and she didn't like it telling them it was because of a brain condition so he couldn't help it (although not exactly wrong, technically it was due to a hormone condition he had when he was thirteen but he told her it was a brain condition instead after she curiously asked him why he was "so tall and stuff", thinking she would understand that better). The starer would humbly apologize, usually not aware that they were staring and Ralph got a little bit embarrassed by this, thanking Penelope for sticking up for him but said that he didn't need her to as he was able to ignore it after nineteen years of it. Penelope respected this so she never verbally scolded any rude gawkers again but she did give them the death glare when Ralph wasn't looking though. She just wanted to stick up for him like how he stuck up for her was all, she never really meant to embarrass Ralph.
Eventually, people didn't really stare anymore, focusing more on how adorable they thought it was that this huge guy doted on this little girl. Ralph was like an older brother to Penelope and he was always there for her. He comforted her when her hamster had died explaining how sadly, it was the end of Mr. Chubbs's turn in the game and that it was time for other living things to play it. "What game, Ralph?" asked Penelope between sobs. "The game of life." said Ralph "Every day a person or animal dies but at the same time, everyday a person or animal is born. Death is a part of life as much as birth is." Those words still stuck with her. He was one of the adults who taught her how to drive and was even there for her after that nasty Tom Farchione stood her up on prom night. Ralph came over before that jerk face was supposed to show to take pictures of them and when it became apparent that he wasn't just late, they watched Arnold Schwarzenegger action movies all night while Penelope was in her prom dress (mint green of course) and black evening type high heels wearing a sparkling silver tiara with her hair and French tip nails looking great but her makeup smeared from tears. She punched Tom in the nose when she found out at school on Monday that he had ditched her for her arch enemy, Tabitha. Why Tabitha Muttonhead!?
There was even that time when Penelope's car had died in her senior year of college. She was near tears as there was no public transport in sight and she couldn't find a number for a local cab service (this was also before the days of Uber and Lyft). To top it all off, anyone Penelope called wasn't available or couldn't help her for various reasons. The only person left she could call was Ralph but it was a long drive for him to come get her (not that the ride over to her location would have been any better for anyone else Penelope knew except her college friends, but still). Penelope was stranded in the next city over from her college, too far away to walk back to her dorm. She called Ralph apologizing for asking him to come out this far but no one else was available to help her out of this troublesome situation. Without hesitation, the old son of a gun drove over two hours in the middle of winter to her rescue even making sure Penelope warmed up by blasting the heat in his car then giving her, her blanket and a cup of hot chocolate when they got to her dorm (with marshmallows, just the way she liked it) as he noticed when he came to get her, she was so cold she was shivering. And yes, like he has been since Penelope was nine, he was wearing the medal she made him. "My hero indeed." she thought as she sipped her hot chocolate.