Day 17: Quarrel/Holiday Cards
A/N: I'm not going to lie, this one is more than a little ridiculous.
The annual Hummel-Anderson holiday party was drawing to a close. Only a few of their closest friends remained, scattered in two small groups on opposite sides of the living room. Once Blaine had gotten Kurt to finally sit down and relax after running around seeing to everyone else's needs during the party, he settled into a conversation with Sam about the latest Star Wars movie. A while later, his attention was drawn away by the slightly elevated voice of his husband.
"I'm telling you, it's true!" Kurt exclaimed.
"Uh-oh," Blaine muttered, shaking his head and smirking as he crossed the room.
"Just because you refuse to see it, doesn't mean it isn't true," Kurt continued to argue, his words slurring slightly. "The facts speak for themselves. Santa is gay," he insisted, tossing back the last bit of his drink.
Blaine sidled up next to him on the couch, carefully removing the glass from his hand and taking a surreptitious whiff to determine its contents. "All right," he interrupted, eying Rachel and Santana suspiciously, "which of you two gave him tequila?" Santana's answering snort told Blaine all he needed to know. "Santana," he whined, "you know how he gets when he drinks tequila!"
Santana laughed even harder. "He gets entertaining as all hell," she replied.
Kurt, seemingly oblivious to their exchange, continued his rant. "I mean, come on. The fur-trimmed red suit? A fabulous red sleigh as his chosen mode of transportation?" (Blaine would always be impressed by Kurt's command of the English language, slurred though his pronunciation may be, when he was completely hammered.) "Plus, he lives with all those elves, way up in the North Pole, nobody around for miles and miles? What you think is going on up there? It doesn't get much gayer than that!"
Blaine dropped his head into his hands and tried to keep from laughing out loud.
"But Kurt," Rachel retorted, "what about Mrs. Claus? She's legendary! You can't just erase her from history. Ugh, typical male attitude," she sneered, crossing her arms angrily across her chest.
Blaine looked up at her incredulously. Clearly, Kurt wasn't the only one drinking something harder than hot cocoa.
"Oh, please," Kurt answered, reaching blindly backwards to the table behind the couch and plucking one of the holiday cards that was displayed there. "This? This is a fantasy created to play into the heteronormative agenda!" he ranted, stabbing his finger fiercely at one of the figures on the front of the card. Apparently, he was under the impression that he was pointing at an image of Santa's famous wife, who did appear on one of the cards they received that year. Blaine did not have the heart to interrupt him to tell him that he was, in fact, jabbing at the face of a cartoon penguin.
"Okay, okay. That's enough of this quarrel for one night," Blaine said soothingly, gently removing the rumpled card from Kurt's hand and placing an arm around his waist. "Come on, now. Let's get you to bed," he continued, helping Kurt to rise and walking him toward the bedroom. He knew their guests wouldn't mind. Rachel was staying over at Santana's apartment across the hall, and Sam would see himself out as he had done in the past.
"Fine," Kurt huffed, "but I'll tell you one thing. I'm calling that greeting card company in the morning and telling them they've got it all wrong!"
Blaine chuckled to himself and murmured words of agreement in his husband's ear. Placating him was much easier than arguing when he was in this state. A short time later, having gotten his adorably tipsy husband undressed and tucked warmly into their bed, Blaine settled beside him for the night. A soft sigh escaped Kurt's lips as he cuddled into Blaine's side. Blaine kissed the top of his head and snuggled into his pillow, ready to drift off himself.
After a couple of moments, however, his eyes popped open as a realization struck him. "Damn," he whispered into the darkness. "Santa is gay!"
"I told you," Kurt mumbled, smiling into his shoulder.