Hello. Long time no see :D
Mind vacant and eyes unfocussed, it took Tala around ten minutes to realize they weren't driving towards his house.
He couldn't find it in him to question Kai. He had gotten a hold of himself, wiped his tears and runny nose, calming the heaving sobs he had never experienced before tonight, and a sense of such bone-deep exhaustion had replaced the panic that he felt he might black out any second now, even though it was practically impossible he would ever be able to sleep peacefully now. His hands won't lift from where they lay limp, palms up on top of his thighs. His eyes won't let him look away from the blurry images passing them by at a frantic pace outside, adamant on burning it into his consciousness that he might have let the best thing in his life pass him by just like that.
Something heavy landed in his lap, rolled off his thighs and hit his feet. Tala looked down to see a bottle of water.
"Drink up.", Kai muttered.
Tala's limbs refused to budge.
"Tala, take a sip. You're going to need it."
"I'll have a rat-kill tablet too, then."
It was a struggle, opening his mouth, forming words, delivering them, and most importantly, reaching down to pick up the bottle. Once it was in his hands, he realized how parched his throat was. A chuckle rolled out of his open mouth and the voice sounded so unlike his own, he took a second to wonder if it actually was. Then, deciding he damn well deserved a sore throat and worse, he rolled down the window and tossed the bottle out of it. Somebody on the road screamed. He rolled it back up.
Kai gave him a glance but said nothing. It felt like disappointment. Eager to escape it, Tala asked,
"Where are we even going?"
"The hospital." Kai said.
"Why?" In the back of his head, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Bryan's, mocking, cruel, hateful, reminded him he never actually called Kai. A vague sense of doom started clawing its way up his chest and Tala regretted throwing the bottle away as he had nothing to clench his fingers in anymore.
"Lee broke Mariah's jaw."
…
Once Mariah was permitted to leave the hospital, they drove her over to Kai's place, which was the closest, ordered late take out and kicked back.
It took a while before she told them about what had happened.
She had left for her own place minutes after Tala had left for Ray's and she came back home to a very drunk Lee, and per-usual absent parents. That wasn't new to any of them. Her parents had barely been in the picture, ever. That was one of the major reasons why Lee was such a fuck nut now and why Mariah had learned to look after herself sooner than most kids did.
She told them how after taking one look at his face, she had known something was wrong. He looked troubled and he begged her to sit with him. They hugged each other for the first time in years and Lee broke down crying in her arms. He apologized for ruining their relationship, said he wanted a second chance in her life and that he would be a good brother. Mariah confessed for a while she thought he was being honest.
Then, after she had fixed two screwdrivers for each of them and a plate of pancakes for him, he confronted her about the video she had made Kevin delete from his phone and laptop.
Here, Mariah laughed and Tala's heart broke a little as tears started flowing down her cheeks. She seemed so hurt and he told her she didn't have to talk about it, that they could wait, that her jaw must be hurting, but she was adamant about continuing.
While under normal circumstances she would've never admitted the truth to Lee, she had been so moved by the mere idea of having at least one family member back by her side, that she confessed and told Lee what he was trying to do was wrong and she had only been looking out for everyone.
Knowing Kai, Tala threw him a warning glare to keep him from blurting out any of the stupid shit he was bound to be thinking, like 'you should've known better' or 'Lee can never change'. Judging by the petulant nod, Tala knew his assumption wasn't wrong.
As expected, Lee started screaming at her. Betrayed and angry herself, Mariah had screamed back. What they could gather from Mariah's broken sobbing was that he had threatened to hurt Queen and Mariah had sworn she'd call the police on him for any of the multiple offenses he knew she could book him in for. That was when the punches started flying. He had gotten her ribs good too, breaking nothing but injuring enough, before storming out.
Michael held her as she sobbed, then put her to sleep in the guest room. It was late enough so he crashed next to her. Tala was supposed to take the couch but he knew he won't be able to sleep anyway, so he stepped out into the balcony with a cigarette and a mug of coffee.
It took minutes for Kai to join him.
The Russian took one look at Tala and sighed. He looked tired.
"Come here." He murmured.
Like a robot, he walked into Kai's warm embrace and let his head rest against the man's shoulder, as wave after wave of realization washed over him, how much he had fucked up here, how many people he had managed to hurt, how stupid he had been. Images played behind his closed eyelids, twisted and broken from timelines and contexts, overpowering him and making it difficult to breathe. So much had happened, and all of it was his fault.
He should've just keyed Bryan's car, told Ray the truth the first time he met him and be done with it.
… because even now, the idea of never meeting Ray made his chest ache.
He didn't know how he could ever close his eyes and not immediately be reminded of the hurt, pained expression in Ray's. He didn't know how he could ever make those hateful words the Chinese man had said about himself stop playing over and over in his head, a steady reminder of how brutally he had crushed Ray's fragile, only just mending heart. He didn't know how he could look at himself in the mirror and not want to make everything just stop.
Except he couldn't. He'd have to face the consequences of what he had done, every single decision that he had willingly, consciously made to further his sick revenge plan that was bound to do nothing but hurt everyone.
He felt a shudder rack his frame. No tears came.
"What have I done, Kai?" He trembled, wrapping his arms more fully around his best friend's waist.
"What have we done. This entire mess was my idea since the beginning."
If Kai was expecting Tala to deny it, he was going to be disappointed, for the mere idea that somebody was there to share his burden, relieve some of his guilt was too enticing to be given up.
"What happened?" Kai asked when he realized he wasn't going to get a response from him.
"Bryan caught us making out. Put two and two together and told him everything." He couldn't say more, he couldn't tell him how broken Ray had looked, how he had begged Tala to stop hurting him and leave.
"I don't want him to hurt over this, over something that wasn't his fault at all. I don't know how to help him."
A long, weighted pause stretched and just when Tala decided Kai wasn't going to respond, he said,
"Leave him alone."
…
Tala woke up in Kai's bed and his sadistic heart decided to remind him, first thing in the morning, of the picture Ray had painted of him. He threw up.
When he told Mariah about what had happened, she gave him a very disappointed look, before hugging him and telling him he'd be okay. He didn't believe her, she didn't believe herself.
…
Tala didn't dare to try to contact Ray again, pretty sure he would be blocked from everywhere now. He didn't want to confirm it, because he knew if he wasn't he'd end up gathering the guts and messaging him again.
Ray really didn't need that, and Tala needed to finally start thinking about what Ray needed, instead of what he convinced himself was the best for everyone.
Out of some need for punishment though, he made Mariah show him the guy's Instagram one day. The first thing Tala noticed was how lonely it was.
There were a lot of pictures, really good ones with multiple fawning comments from different people. There were pictures of him from parties, in restaurants, on beaches, at the shelter and several other places around town. There were posts about his art projects, and a lot of pictures of his cats but barely any shots of him with others. Sure, there were those one or two group pictures thrown in here and there, but there were no mentions of family members, or lovers, or even any really close friends that would pop up frequently. It was just… bare, like a desperately lonely man trying to cover up for the emptiness in his life by dazzling everybody with how gorgeous he, himself was.
He wondered if anybody else ever noticed to what an extent Ray had isolated himself from people.
When he compared it to how Ray's Facebook looked when he was with Bryan, Tala felt a familiar ache build up in his chest again. He had seemed so happy in all of those pictures, so full of life. Guaranteed, his relationship with Bryan was flawed, but Tala was no one to decide to wrench it away from him, all behind a man he didn't even want anymore. Bryan had been cheating but it didn't seem like they had any other issues before Tala decided to get involved. He had created a jealousy problem, which had led to Bryan's unfaithful ass self-projecting and hurting Ray over. Tala was the one to blame for all the pain Ray had felt the past few months.
"Its good that you're finally acknowledging this." Kai said.
"I have always known it."
"Have you?"
…
How two months passed, Tala didn't know. The melancholy of his days had bled into the monotony of his life, so much so that not being sad wasn't a thing he knew how to do anymore.
The more he thought about it, the more he felt guilty. The more he felt guilty, the more he wanted to set things right, which ultimately translated to him missing Ray so much, every second of the day felt like another step closer to an overdue combustion any day. He was filled with longing he didn't know how to deal with, and the weight of an overwhelming realization kept him from breathing freely.
He was in love with Ray.
When he tried saying it to Ray, it had been half panic and half honesty. He wasn't really sure, so in the end, it was another half-truth he was blurting out to manipulate the Chinese man. Now, after having thought about it and slept on it and then repeated the same again and again and again, all the while aware of the fact that he may never get to see Ray again, it had become extremely clear that he had fallen for him.
He still couldn't bring himself to contact him.
Mariah met him once after that disastrous night and he had asked point-blank if she knew what Tala's plans were. Unable to lie to him anymore, she had told him the truth. That was the last they saw of each other.
If he were perfectly honest, this entire fiasco had caused friction between her and Tala as well, but it was nothing they won't get over. It was Ray's friendship with Mariah that was sacrificed.
Inadvertently, he had cost Ray another one of the few people he seemed to trust. What hurt more was the hope Mariah described seeing in his eyes when he confronted her. Well, the girl who hadn't lied for his own brother won't lie for an asshole trying to hurt him, definitely, he must have figured. Tala's heart burned.
"He agreed to see you one last time."
The words made his heart halt in his chest and stole his breath away. Tala could feel his head starting to spin, even as Kai held out an arm to steady him.
He couldn't believe it.
"What? Who?"
Kai grunted, but his eyes were soft. "Kon, who else?"
"You talked to Ray?" Tala was aware his eyes were wide and he had lost the ability to close his mouth, but he didn't care.
Kai nodded.
"I can't believe this." Betraying the confines of his heavy, and reasonably so, doubts a small smile spread on his lips. He couldn't believe, but he had been dying to hear those words for so long now.
"Don't look like that, Tala. He made no promises. He hasn't forgiven you. He just agreed to hear you out. In public, and he said he reserves punching-without-provocation privileges." Kai smiled, a little.
A chuckle fell from his lips at the last part, so, so Ray. He could almost imagine the Chinese man's irritated frown when he said that, hear the short, clipped tone of his voice. Ray was angry, it was clear, and that was good. He'd rather he be mad at him than continue to degrade himself over this mess.
"When?" He asked.
"Tomorrow, at eight. The same bar you first met in."
That would be painful. For him, yes but he could see why Ray would choose that place. The memory attached to it immediately put Ray in a psychological place of power. It was a small concession and it hurt Tala to see him grasping at straws like that, but he didn't say a word in complaint.
"I'll be there."
…
By the time it was seven-thirty the next evening, Tala had already been seated at the bar for four minutes.
He couldn't stop grinning, even as his nerves flailed in a mild panic. Kai had warned him this was his last shot as if he didn't know. He was scared of fucking up again, and he was determined to be fully honest. It couldn't get worse than this, only better. He wouldn't make any excuses, apologize, tell Ray he loved him, properly, and hopefully walk out of here more successful than the last time he had been here.
Practicing a nice, unassuming smile again, he smoothed down the front of his shirt. He had gone in for simple, but flattering clothes since he didn't want to give Ray the idea that he was still trying to get in his pants and yet convey that this meeting was important to him. He couldn't just run in without a thought like the last time, after all. He needed to be on his best behavior, look right, talk right, smile right and do everything he could to comfort Ray, and hopefully, win a second chance.
Yes, that was the priority. Comforting Ray and making him see that this was in no way his fault and that he was worth the stars plucked right off the sky, and nothing less. He had run a couple of scripts in his head, all varying only in terms of wording. He didn't want to risk anything though. He was well aware that this was literally his last shot at the only person in the world he had such intense feelings for. He wasn't going to go in unprepared and screw up, by mistake.
Anxiously, he checked his watch, every minute. He couldn't remember ever being this nervous before, while also being incredibly impatient. He wanted to see him, see those golden eyes and that cute, button nose that he always scrunched up just a little before ordering anything at a restaurant. That round little nose was such a contrast in his face full of sharply angled features that it had somehow become Tala's favorite part of Ray, like a reminder of the endearing softness and vulnerability of the man's heart hidden under layers of cool and composed charm.
Tala could feel himself grinning like a madman.
For the hundredth time that night, he opened the singular picture they had together. Kai had taken it in Mariah's party. A hammered Ray was cuddling into Tala's side, his face upturned as he gazed adoringly at the redhead. His mouth was open as if he was in the middle of speaking and his cheeks held a pleasant blush.
Tala himself looked positively smitten.
Checking his watch again (it was 7:47, now) he sat back, ordered himself a whiskey and started scrolling through Instagram, though hard as he tried, he always ended up going back to that picture of them together.
He smiled, and waited, sniffing himself once or twice like a heathen to make sure he still smelled good. He still couldn't believe this was happening… and it wasn't.
For, 8:00 rolled around and ticked away into 8:15. Tala was trying to keep his doubts at bay, at this point. It finally occurred to him that Ray might change his mind.
It turned 8:30 soon enough, and Tala was now aware of the sympathetic looks he was receiving from people in the bar. Everyone seemed to have realized the truth, including him.
He waited till 9:30. Ray never showed up.
Outside the bar, he beat his fist into the wall and screamed till his throat was sore. The entire drive back, he never stopped crying, as it finally, properly sank it.
Ray Kon had left him for good, and he was probably never coming back.
A very short update because I needed to tie a couple of threads here. The rest of the story moves according to Ray's perspective.
Also, I am sorry but this will probably be the last update on my account for a while. I have a super important, national-level exam coming up that I absolutely HAVE to ace if I want to do anything with my life. I am thinking of taking a break from reading and writing fanfiction for a while. I have updated everything that needed to be updated for now so I can take a break in peace. I am just completing a funny little one-shot for a friend and then I'll be gone for a while. Thanks for your patience and wish me luck!
Don't forget to review!