Ten minutes past.

Fifteen.

Thirty.

Still, Luke quietly sat cross-elbowed on the arm of the sofa; back to Noah; shoulders slumped; eyes lowered. A feeling wriggled under his skin, terrifyingly similar to one he'd experienced during their darkest days; when Noah was blind and totally closed off to him; an old, yet shockingly familiar insecurity.

Noah had long succumbed to the floor. He was pressed against the front door, forearms resting atop bent knees. His shivering fingers slowly twisted at his shiny wedding ring; the only thing he seemed able to focus on.

Terry adjusted herself on the coffee table. It creaked loudly in the stillness; the movement startling Luke. He'd forgotten she was there.

He read something in her eyes and she bobbed her head in Noah's direction. Luke glanced over his left shoulder to regard the pitiful stance of his other half. He watched Noah carefully for the beat of a minute; face softening.

Standing, Luke padded over to the door and slid down beside his husband; their thighs slightly touching.

Noah jolted; not expecting the gesture. He couldn't bring himself to look at Luke; and pressed both his hands tightly between his thighs, as though afraid he'd reach out to touch Luke.

"Okay," Luke simply said; part whisper.

"Okay?" Noah was incredulous, cocking his head at Luke.

Luke nervously rubbed the side of his own thigh. "Well… yeah… We've been over this before. I know what I'm like. I'm difficult and spoilt and I'm used to getting my own way. And I don't listen… especially when I should… I know all of that. I get what you mean… when you say you…" he swallowed as the word tasted bitter in his mouth, "…hate me… sometimes I even hate myself and…"

"That's not it…" Noah quickly interrupted.

Luke frowned, dumbfounded. "It's not?"

Noah sadly shook his head, taking a deep breath before saying, "You have a way of forcing things out of me. Most of the time that's a good thing… but… it can also make me crazy and… sometimes I… and then…" A loud shot of air puffed from Noah's lungs. He cast his eyes over Luke's face with such fear in his features that Luke instinctively reached for Noah's hand, wrestling it loose from its wedged position between Noah's legs. But Noah pulled back from Luke. "I'm going to end up hurting you again…"

"Noah… no…" Luke knew what this was; Noah's patent defence systems activated and in operation. Truth was he didn't know what to do. It seemed no matter how much he told Noah he was worthy of love, a part of Noah still refused to believe it.

"No?" Noah loudly spat. He jumped to his feet; turning with a scrape of fingers through his hair. "Luke!" He released a cry of frustration. "Look at what just happened! Look what I did! And it's not the first time…" He flopped, lost, against the back of the sofa; eyes lowered as he once again fiddled with the ring on his finger. "It's like I want this to work so badly, that in the end… I slowly kill it. Just like before…" He began to tremble, tears forming as he stared down at Luke. "It's just like before."

Luke understood. He'd always struggled to get Noah to open up, especially when Noah preferred to keep his thoughts and, worse, his feelings, hidden. There was something bothering the man; and, as was his way, Luke had pressed too hard in his desperation to help.

Luke stood to approach Noah now; quickly taking shadowed cheeks in his palms. "Stop… please…"

"Don't you understand?" Noah pleaded, gripping Luke's wrists tight enough to burn. "He's inside of me, Luke!"

Luke felt his insides ache.

"I feel him there laughing at me, telling me 'I told you so,'" Noah continued. "That's why… it's why I have to get it right. It has to be perfect. Everything! You understand? The way he'd never expect it to be, so that…"

"So that he can be proud of you?" Luke struggled to hide the slight annoyance in his tone.

"No!" Noah released Luke and took a step back. "No! So that he doesn't beat me! So he doesn't win!"

Luke's whole body seemed to droop with tiredness. Were they really back here? Full circle? When would they be rid of the colonel's shadow in their lives?

As if reading his mind Noah said, "I'm more like him than either of us wants to admit."

"No." Luke insisted.

"Yes." Noah maintained. "And because of that, we can never be rid of him…"

Feeling completely helpless, Luke searched the room for answers, finally settling on a question instead. "Where is all this self-doubt coming from? I thought we were done with this. Noah… why have you let him back into our lives?"

Noah's eyes darted around, eventually settling on Terry; almost pleading for her to step in and stop this line of questioning.

But she remained silent; returning his gaze and slightly nodding for him to continue.

"Tell me," Luke sternly said. "'Cause this is more than just the sentencing or your film… or the way I've been… Something else is going on here… You promised you would try. Remember? Back when I first knocked on your door… No more running."

Noah nodded.

Luke cocked his head. "Let me help... Please…"

"I don't know if you can. Not with this."

Luke slowly closed the gap between them. "Okay, so we discover you're right and I can't help." He reached out to take hold of Noah's hand; and this time Noah let him. "But I can listen. I can be here. You're not alone."

A tear rolled down Noah's face as he dropped his eyes to their joined hands. "I think my father murdered someone."

Luke blinked. That wasn't what he expected to hear at all. "Yeah…" he said confused. "He did. We know that… so…"

Noah lifted his head. "Not just… not just my mom and…"

"What are you saying?"

Noah drew a shaky breath. "What if my mother wasn't the only one? He tried to kill you, after all… I've been having these flashes. Ever since Africa… and… Today it seemed to make sense." Shaking with regret, Noah continued, "I let it happen. I let him get away with it because a part of me didn't want to believe he could…"

Time passed and they found themselves once more leaning up against the front door; Noah leaning back into Luke's comforting arms.

Impatient with the sudden lag in conversation, Luke whispered into Noah's ear, "Tell me…"

"This woman my dad was seeing…" Noah continued with a sigh. "Her name was Kacy… Kacy Riley. She moved in when I was twelve and she was amazing." He smiled at the memory. "For a while, I really believed things were gonna be okay. And Dad seemed… happy even..."

He told Luke the story as best he remembered. He stopped after recalling that last night with Kacy; with the blood and the screaming.

Luke was silent with shock by the end of it; cheeks glistening with tears at the thought of all Noah had been through. "God, Bubby…"

"I never told anybody… Not even when the police came. I just said she left."

Luke hugged Noah close. "You were scared. Noah… it's okay… you were scared."

Noah gripped Luke's crossed arms like a life preserver. "Luke, I don't hate you."

"I know." Luke pressed a few soft kisses into Noah's shoulder blade in reassurance; a catalyst that seemed to break through to Noah, causing a flood of wreaked tears Luke could do nothing but hold him through.

It was impossible to tell how long they sat there for. It was Terry that broke the silence.

"Luke?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" Luke sniffed.

Terry smiled at him. "You did a good job."

Luke looked down at Noah only to discover the man was fast asleep, chest moving rhythmically beneath the thin cotton of his shirt.

"He's worth it." He replied, eyes still on Noah.

"Seems this may have been therapy for you, too…"

Luke looked up at that. "How so?"

Her smile turned into a grin, white teeth dazzling in the lamplight. "Look where you are…"

He blinked and felt a shiver as realisation hit him. This whole time, he was so focused on Noah, he failed notice his proximity to the front door.

"How do you feel?" Terry asked.

"A little nervous now that you've made me aware of it."

"Do you feel like you want to move?"

Luke sat still for a moment, assessing his reaction. He glanced down at Noah, smiling and shaking his head.

"No," he replied. "I feel fine."

"Well," Terry said, slapping her thighs and getting to her feet. "I'd say this has been a successful session then."

"Will you look into what Noah said?" Luke quickly asked as Terry made a move to leave. "About this Kacy person and the colonel?"

Terry nodded. "I'll speak to some guys I know on the force. In the meantime, I think you should get yourselves to bed. Tonight's been a trial on both of you."

…

"It's just a door." Luke cocked his head at the wall of glass a few feet before him.

All was quite and dark in the house. The clock on the mantle chimed 3 a.m. and Luke jumped slightly.

"Just the clock, Stupid!" Luke knocked himself over the head for emphasis. Then he readied himself once more. "It's just a door," he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. "It's just a door that leads out into your garden… in Los Angeles… where you live… with Noah." He softly smiled as that thought warmed him through. "Which is why you have to do this!"

With determination he took a step forward. But that freaked him out entirely and he ended up two steps back.

"Fuck!" he softly swore; conscious of the sleeping household. Again he concentrated on the world outside the house. "Maybe it's too dark…?" he wondered.

He made his way across the room until he could plaster himself to the wall. Then, slowly, inch by inch, he slid himself closer to the exit; until he could reach out his arm and flip the switch for the outside lamp.

It came to life in a misty glow that Luke prayed wouldn't wake anybody. But he definitely felt better now that he could see the decking outside, as well as a thin sliver of freshly mowed lawn.

"Thanks, Dad." He smiled at the memory of Holden pushing the mower up and down that afternoon; under the ever watchful and curious blue eyes of Nicholas.

"That's right," Luke told himself. "This is for the kids. Think about Noah and the kids."

Taking another deep breath, he began the agonising journey toward the outside. Instantly, he felt as sweat began to bead and drop down the side of his neck. His body flamed and yet shivered; making his movement ever more wobbly and uneven.

He wanted a drink so badly!

That thought scared him senseless and suddenly he was in full blown panic; gasping for air; desperate to move and yet frozen to the spot.

"Shitshitshitshit…" he muttered under his breath; willing himself to backtrack to safety.

His feet shifted like leaden tombstones. But he made it to the nearest armchair and fell back into it with an angry frustration.

He would have cried had a shuffling of little feet not caught his ear. Looking up he spotted Mia, like a breath of fresh air, innocently watching him from the doorway; ever present rabbit fisted tightly in her right hand.

Forcing a smile, Luke said, "Hey… What are you doing up, hmm?"

She tiredly shrugged; eyes drooping with sleep.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

She shook her head; eyes hopeful.

"Me either… Wanna sit with me?"

She smiled wide and made her way over to Luke; crawling up on his lap and laying her head on his chest.

He was still shaking from his efforts to overcome his fear, but felt instantly better. The child always seemed to have that effect on people. Her quiet, calming aura filled the room and he hugged her close; conscious she had no way of knowing just how much he needed her there, right in that moment.