"Ripples," Luke mused, voice slightly raised to be heard above the firm whoosh of the shower.
Blue eyes, a little less cloudy than Luke had seen them in some time, glanced up through the cascade of pressurized water droplets. "Ha?"
Brown-red mud flowed in fading streaks down Noah's cheeks; clumps dropping in little splashes at his feet; staining the dark grey tiles. His skin was red-raw from the sun; his hands bloody.
"That's what I am," Luke explained, leaning casually cross-armed against the open doorway.
Noah reached for the shower caddy, grabbing the shampoo and pouring a drop of the honey liquid into his palm. More muddy clay descended in large rivulets down his body as he lathered up his dark hair.
Hot, sweet-smelling steam swirled its way over to where Luke stood, curling tendril-like around his head and misting up the bathroom mirror.
"There were those times on the farm when we'd go for a swim just before daybreak," Luke mused. "I'd float on my back and the water would be so calm, you know? I'd hardly move. Then Aaron or one of the girls would dive in on the far side. It would take a while, but, no matter, the ripples would eventually reach me and I'd bob up and down. How hard depended on who jumped in first."
Noah softly smiled, mentally travelling through Luke's memory.
"I'm the ripples," Luke repeated.
"And what?" Noah asked, with a slight snort that echoed against the bathroom walls. "I'm the pond?"
Luke grinned shyly. "Yeah, okay... lame analogy, I know. But it's true, right?"
"I don't know, Snyder," Noah paused to scrub at a particularly stubborn patch of dirt from his thigh. "I seem just as capable of creating a few ripples of my own."
"Yeah, but don't you think I set you off? Like, you're all calm and dealing and shit, and I come along and upset the balance somehow."
Satisfied, Noah turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower, whipping a blue towel around his waist in one smooth motion.
"You know," he said. "As much as I resist and as much as I avoid... I've come to believe that some ripples are good."
"Yeah?" Luke smiled.
Noah tilted his head and nodded. "Well, I guess finding out my Dad wasn't as much of a crazed serial killer as I thought, does help."
Luke nodded grimly but pleased that Noah seemed to have relaxed on the issue.
Noah's face turned suddenly serious. "I need to say something."
Luke stood straight, bracing himself.
"I guess…" Noah closed his eyes, trying to unscramble the words.
"It's okay," Luke smiled his encouragement.
"You know how much I want to make you happy. It's all I've ever wanted. But, somehow, things keep screwing up and… it's no matter what I do or how hard I try…"
"Noah…"
Noah held a finger to Luke's lips. "I know how much you like to talk, but let me finish."
Luke smiled and nodded.
The brunette breathed deeply. "I think, from the moment I met you, I've wanted… I've tried to make things perfect for you. But for things to be perfect, I have to be okay. I want to be able to tell you that I'm okay. But, Luke, I'm not. I'm not and I may never be. I know that now."
"But…"
"…but," Noah cut in, carding a hand through Luke's hair. "Nobody is. And that's okay."
Luke smiled from ear to ear, "Yes it is. You don' t ever have to prove anything to me, Noah. I love you just the way you are. I don't need things to be perfect. I just need you."
"I've wasted so much precious time with you, fretting over things I can't control. I get it now."
"Finally!" Luke joked, faking a slight slump of the legs.
Noah grinned and gently shoved Luke playfully. "So… I guess what I'm saying is… things will be different from now. Okay?"
"Okay. From me too. No more running off to save the world. I promise." Luke stuck up two crossed fingers to seal his pledge.
Noah kissed him then, all soft and sweet and warmed up from the steam. Then he broke gently away to say, "How's the agoraphobia?"
Luke shrugged. "Somehow, my subconscious refused to believe I was safely home. Some mental mix up when the wind one day just happened to resemble what it felt like that particular day in Uganda."
"The wind?" Noah drew Luke into a wet hug, smelling his hair.
"Weird, ha?" Luke agreed. "But Terry says it's not uncommon. I can't say it's completely gone and I know I'm going to have to work at it, but…"
"The wind," Noah shook his head. "I'm not even going to attempt to understand that one. But I'll be here to help you any way I can. I'm just relieved you're working it out."
"Seems all I needed was a good enough reason," Luke smiled. "I can't think of a better one than you."
Noah sighed relief into Luke's neck as he pulled him close. Luke smiled. Because, for once, it was a contented sigh. As though the entire weight of the universe had lifted off Noah's broad shoulders; relaxing the strong arms engulfing Luke.
"Get dressed," Luke whispered, breaking reluctantly out of the hug. "You have an old friend waiting to see you on the deck."
…
"I was raped."
The ocean was calm that night; only a soft lapping at the shore. The sound of thumping music and party revelers could be heard from a nearby beach house.
The sand was still warm from the day's heat; it radiated up through his thighs and comforted him as he said those words out loud, just as Terry had tasked him too.
He kept his gaze fixed on the horizon; glinting and sparkling as the ever undulating water reflected the light of the moon.
Luke's arm rested on his back; palm squeezing his shoulder.
Holden and Lily sat silent beside the two men for some time after Noah voiced his secret. Both, Noah suspected, had already worked this out for themselves. But he didn't have to be perfect anymore. Not for anybody. He knew that now.
"You need to say it." Terry had said. "And you trust these people, don't you?"
So he stumped up the courage and said it. It was strangely easier than he imagined.
"I'm not going to go into detail," Noah continued, "but I wanted you to know. It happened a while ago. Before Luke came. Um… he spiked my drink in a bar and took me to his house…"
It was too dark to fully make out their expressions, but he heard Holden inhale and then exhale deeply.
Lily's voice was tearful when she spoke. "Oh, Honey… I'm so sorry…"
"I needed to tell you guys. Um… it's not been an easy decision for me. In fact, it goes against everything in me, but… I've decided to speak at the sentencing tomorrow. I feel like I have to. For Luke and for everyone else he hurt."
"And for you." Luke whispered in his ear.
"Yes… and for me too."
"That's really brave of you Noah." Holden said. "Thank you for telling us."
"I wanted to ask… well… I'd like both of you to be there tomorrow. Will you come?"
…
It didn't matter how late it was. They made love as though seeking refuge and reassurance in the other's body. Alone in their room, away from everyone, they tried to shed the anxiety of the night and the fear of what was to be faced in the morning.
Noah held Luke tightly afterward, his face buried in blonde hair.
"You'll do fine," Luke said softly, and stoked Noah's damp hair, digging his fingers deep into the stiff muscle where shoulder meets neck.
"I know." Noah lay still for a moment, leaving Luke to his ministrations, and the tension of his shoulders gradually relaxed, his body growing heavier on Luke's. He must have felt Luke draw breath under him, because he moved, rolling onto his side.
His stomach rumbled loudly in the quiet and they both laughed.
"Didn't you eat?" Luke asked.
"I was strung too tight to eat earlier. And there wasn't time after we spoke to your folks."
Luke put a foot out of bed, making to rise. "Plenty of leftovers in the fridge. I'll just go and-"
Noah stopped Luke with a hand on the arm, then dragged him firmly back under the covers, tucking him spoon-fashion into the curve of his long body and, for good measure, wrapping an arm over the man to ensure he stayed there.
"No," he said definitely. "If I have to choose between food and you, I choose you…"
With a smile, Luke snuggled obediently under Noah's chin and relaxed against him; absolutely pleased to stay. "All right."
Luke stretched, consciously enjoying the effect it had on the soft embrace beside him. Noah nestled closer, covers drawn up warm around his shoulders.
Despite his tiredness, Luke found it annoyingly impossible to sleep; his mind seemingly unable to shut out the noises of the external world as effectively as the curtains blocked it from view.
Luke curled his toes, caressing the tops of Noah's feet.
He tried hard to concentrate on sleeping. But Luke's mind appeared determined to stay up. Fragments of memory kept appearing behind his eyelids – both from the past and the present. He tried to bring the mind to calm by making a mental checklist of mundane things that needed doing about the house. But this only served to waken him even further.
He rolled onto his side and looked at Noah; who was now prone on his back. Those blue eyes were closed, but his stern profile showed a slight frown and his lips twitched now and then, as though he were conducting some kind of internal argument.
"You're thinking very loudly," Luke said. "Or are those sheep you're counting?"
Noah's eyes opened and he turned over to smile blushingly at Luke. Luke laughed at him, and scooted toward him. He laid his forehead against Noah's shoulder and heaved a deep sigh. "We really must sleep, Noah. I'm so tired, and you'll need a clear head tomorrow."
"Mmm..." Noah put an arm around Luke, pulling him into the curve of his shoulder.
The moon must have sunk behind a passing cloud. The room darkened suddenly and the world become still. Luke fell asleep to the rhythm of Noah's gentle snoring.
…
The San Fernando Criminal Courts lay on the fringe of the Angeles National Forest; imposing an atmosphere in complete contrast to the relaxed beauty and recreation to be found beneath its leafy boughs. Whenever court was adjourned, or at extremely quiet times, the joyful sounds of children at play would spill into the courts; blown on a hot wind from the neighboring school.
The 18th century clock on the courthouse tower hadn't worked for years and proclaimed the time as 10 am, when it was in fact closer to 2 pm. Luke could smell the history embedded in the wooden furnishings as he kept his gaze firmly focused on Noah.
Noah, brave as ever Luke had known him, sat like a stoic soldier in the witness box. The trial was over. But before sentencing was decided, Noah had requested an audience with the judge and jury. A moment to tell his story and the effect Oliver's actions had had on his life.
On their life.
Luke leaned forward on the bench, grateful for Holden's steady palm on his back. He rung his hands as he listened to Noah recount the horrific events of that night for the second time.
Once was enough.
Not for the first time, he felt his blood bubbling . It took everything in him to remain seated instead of lashing out at Oliver; who sat only a few feet away, poker-faced beside his lawyer.
Sitting on Luke's left was Lily. She sniffed and gasped loudly as she heard Noah recount the grim details. Sometimes she would moan. But she held fast to her son's hand, squeezing her love and support.
When it was over and the court adjourned, Luke met Noah as the brunette was stepping down from the witness box. He linked both their hands together and kissed Noah briefly on the lips. Nothing was said. There was no need.
Holden shook Noah's hand, patting him once on the back, before Lily hugged him deeply.
"You did well, son." Holden said simply. "I'm proud of you."
"Thank you," Noah replied softly.
But as they made their way down the long corridor toward the courthouse canteen, they were caught up short; surprised to run smack-bang into Oliver, just as the man was being escorted to the holding cells.
Noah squeezed Luke's hand hard; partly pulling him back as he sensed the anger flowing quickly through the blonde's body; lighting that passion Luke was so well known for.
The guards were sharp and quick enough to realize the situation. They deftly created room to respectfully allow the small family to pass.
But as they passed, Oliver wolf-whistled loudly.
Despite all his efforts, Luke couldn't help but turn to look. The sickly smile on Oliver's face made the tiny hairs on his arm stand on end.
"You think it's over, don't you?" Oliver sneered, ignoring Luke to stare Noah down with his manic eyes. "But you'll always be mine. I'll always have you… right… in… here…" He lifted his handcuffed hands and tapped a forefinger to his brow on each emphasized word.
Before any of the guards could react, or even take a breath, Oliver was flat on his back on the floor; Luke having thrown himself at the man. Luke struggled to free his arms from the hold of the guards trying to keep him back as he punched the body beneath him with every chance he got.
Like a rabid dog, Luke continued his attack. He continued to struggle even as he felt Noah grip him by both shoulders and shake him.
Voices called for him to stop; his mother and father.
"Luke!" Noah finally shouted loud enough for Luke to cease his attack and turn to look the brunette in the eyes.
Everything stopped. Everything slowed. And Noah smiled at him; absolutely unexpected in that moment, but perfect.
Beautiful.
Luke blinked once as a comforting peace enveloped him. Holding Noah's blue gaze he breathed deeply and returned Noah's smile; releasing his grip on Oliver and allowing the other man to help him to his feet.
He glanced back, just as the guards were lifting their prisoner up from the floor; just long enough to notice a light had gone out in Oliver's eyes. A realization had dawned. The smile Luke and Noah shared was one of solidarity. They were free. Oliver's hold over them was well and truly broken.
"Let's go home," the brunette said as Luke met Noah's stare once more; that peaceful smile never once leaving their lips. "All I want to do right now is curl up with you on the sofa."
Luke smiled, flinging is arm around Noah's shoulder and steering him toward the exist, "Same here, Bubby, Same here."