~Note from Toyosatomimi no Miko~

Dear reader,

There was recently a fracas involving myself, three of my allies and a group of Budhhists. People on Both Sides did things they would later turn out to regret, but public opinion has, as per usual, shifted in favour of the vegetarian youkai-loving crowd. Through no fault of his own, the young scribe writing these stories fell for the Myouren Temple's propaganda and wrote a heavily-biased and inaccurate version of the incident based on Shou Toramaru's account.

I reached out to Aardvark123 in order to clear up some misconceptions about the Taoists; namely, that we are all arrogant bullies who say "ohohohoho~!" and use tickling as a method for conquest, and that we lost the fight. The result was actually a tie. It is true that Byakuren force-fed me my earmuffs, but I succeeded in shoving that ridiculous straw hat up her nose shortly afterwards.

The following story has been fact-checked by Hieda no Akyuu and is an accurate representation of me and my companions. A little artistic license has been employed, but not so much as to mislead the reader. I hope you enjoy it. Now, um, what was that phrase the scribe used to keep using which he thought made him sound cool…? Oh, yes. On with the story!

~Do I Have to Spell it Out For You?~

"Futo, you brought the amulets, didn't you?"

Futo nodded and held up a sack of paper charms.

"Lovely. Tojiko, how are we for provisions?"

"Six peanut butter sandwiches, as promised."

"Good show!" Miko vaulted over the rusted gate. "Keep an eye out for the phantom and don't touch anything. All right, follow me!"

Futo stepped over the gate. Tojiko drifted through it. They ran/floated quickly down the overgrown path in Miko's wake and stopped in front of the Forbidden Pagoda.

Miko kicked through the half-rotten doors, spilling splintered planks onto the cracked floor. She drew her sword and set it aglow with a warm yellow light, turning the dark, cluttered hallway into a patchwork of shadows and faint light.

Futo gasped as something crunched under her feet. She looked down in amazement at a pile of broken pottery in the middle of the floor.

"Now, Lady Sato told us there were sixteen floors in this tower, so we'll have to fight our way through two floors an hour if we want to be done in time for dinner. Are you up for it?" asked Miko.

Futo groaned. "Thou settled upon a fine moment to reveal this detail, O Prince… I hath a date with the fair Lady Kumoi."

"You'll live," said Tojiko. "I brought enough food, right?"

"Aye," sighed Futo. "Dost thou feel she wilt understand mine dilemma?"

"Nope!" smiled Tojiko.

The trio made sure to check all the rooms as they crept down the hallway. Tojiko was almost disappointed by the lack of ghosts to fight. Futo tested the first flight of stairs with a plate and stepped slowly up to the second floor.

"It is safe," whispered Futo.

As soon as the words had fallen from her lips, blinding white light filled the room. Futo yelped and covered her eyes.

"Futo! What happened?!" Miko ran up the stairs. She cried out as she full force of the light met her eyes, searing a yellow afterimage onto her eyelids. "Oh, my gods! Put it out! Put it out!"

The light faded to a soft white glow. Futo and Miko's vision returned after a few seconds.

"I don't know what you two were complaining about. It's not that bright…" said Tojiko, emerging from the stairway.

They were standing at the end of a long, wide hallway lined with torn paper walls. The white glow seemed to come from everywhere, casting no shadows and leaving no bright patches. Futo's skin turned eerily white as she stepped away from the stairs.

"Well, this is weird," Tojiko bravely declared.

"Those boys said they saw a white light coming from in here, didn't they?" said Miko. "Maybe the phantom's scared of the dark."

"What a strange thought," said Futo.

Miko cupped her hands over her mouth. "Yoo-hoo! Hey, ghost, we're here to exterminate you! As in duel you and take you home for tea! Come out, come out wherever you are!"

A tall woman dressed all in white drifted down through the ceiling. Her greasy black hair hung over her eyes and waved slowly as if caught in a breeze.

"Didn't think that would work," muttered Tojiko.

"We've been hearing some complaints about you, ghost woman," said Miko, ignoring Tojiko magnificently. "Trespassing, rattling wind chimes, stealing jam tarts… Does any of that ring a bell?"

The phantom opened her mouth to respond, but all that escaped was a long, low moan like a gale blasting through the pagoda. The hall grew a mile wide, a mile high and two miles long, leaving the startled Taoists in midair.

The phantom smiled. A bright white orb formed between her outstretched hands and drifted forwards.

"Here it comes…" Miko raised her sword. "Get ready, sisters!"

An ethereal golden teapot formed above Tojiko's head and there was no more time for words. The white orb rocketed towards the teapot. Tojiko dove aside, the orb sparking against her tails as it flew, but the teapot teleported a split second too soon.

Miko felt a sudden warmth around her knees. She looked down in some alarm to see the teapot hovering behind her. The orb was screaming towards her knees. She shot upwards. "Futo! Move!"

Futo moved, just in time to fly through the teapot as it materialised in front of her. The taste of tea pulsated through her soul, then the orb smacked into her head with a decisive pichuuu~n.

"Are you all right?!" cried Tojiko.

Futo groaned and rubbed her nose. "I shall be fine…"

A dozen deep blue orbs popped into the air around the phantom. She moaned again and hurled them forth. The golden teapot shattered in a burst of sparks, leaving the white orb at a bit of a loose end.

The blue orbs were screaming towards the Taoists. "Dive!" shouted Miko, launching herself towards the distant floor.

The orbs streaked overhead. The white sphere shot into the sky as they drew close. It soared out through the hallway, the blue orbs in hot pursuit.

Futo looked at Miko. "Hast thou any theory on what may be afoot?"

"I don't know…" Miko's eyes widened as the white sphere arced back around and started coming towards them. "Heads up, you two!"

The trio wove between the rushing blue orbs. They barely had time to react, so fast were the bullets, but they came through unscathed.

"I'll fix her," snarled Tojiko. "Thunder Arrow: Gagouji's Tornado!"

Zigzagging bolts of lightning fanned out from Tojiko's sparking hands. The phantom just sat there, motionless, as the lightning fizzled past her. A bolt eventually struck her, eliciting a piercing shriek of pain.

The ghost's glowing orbs trembled in the air. The white sphere turned abruptly and rushed towards the blue swarm. It struck an orb, shattering it into hundreds of glowing shards that quickly turned blood-red.

Miko cried out in pain as a shard struck her chest.

"Beware, sisters! These shards are bullets!" Futo warned her a couple of seconds late.

The white orb smashed through two more blue spheres in quick succession. The Taoists braced themselves for the tide of crimson shards and wove deftly through it. A shard tore a hole in Futo's sleeve.

"I have a plan! Get under my cape!" Miko ordered. A slightly confused Futo and Tojiko dove under the garment just as three more blue orbs bit the dust and thousands of bullets poured towards them.

"Hermit Sign: Emperor of the Land of the Rising Sun!"

A wave of golden light pulsed out from Miko, overwhelming the crimson bullets with ease. The light burned like the sun. Huddled behind their friend, Futo and Tojiko found themselves sweating from the heat.

When the light cleared, all the blue orbs were gone and the phantom was curled protectively around the white one. She hissed angrily when she caught sight of Miko and tossed the white orb up over her head.

The white orb flashed three times and grew dim as three smaller orbs materialised around it. One was yellow, one was green and one was sky-blue. The phantom raised her arms and roared.

The blue orb surged forwards, throwing teardrop-shaped bullets in all directions. The yellow orb shot blazing spears of yellow light through the barrage. The green orb hung back and spat out a slow-moving web of electricity.

"Is she making fun of us?" Tojiko did not look best pleased.

"She'd better not be." Miko's muscles tensed as the bullets drew near. "All right, follow my lead! I can see a way through-"

A blue bullet struck Miko in the knee. Futo dove to catch her and took a yellow spear in the face. Tojiko wove desperately towards them but the web of lightning caught her, zapping her until her hair stood on end.

The phantom laughed triumphantly. Energy poured out of the coloured spheres and into her chest. Above her head, the golden teapot reappeared.

"Yes, Tojiko, I do believe she's making fun of us…" groaned Miko. "Are you two all right?"

"I am fine," said Futo bravely.

"I'll live…" said Tojiko.

"All right, then. Charge!"

"What?!"

"You heard me!" Miko launched herself at the yellow orb. She raised her sword, bellowed a fearsome battle-cry and cut the orb in half. It burst in a shower of yellow stars.

Tojiko could hardly believe it worked, but she wasn't about to complain. The twin-tailed ghost charged the green orb and zapped it until it exploded.

Futo took aim and threw a plate at the blue orb. It bounced off and sent Tojiko's hat tumbling downwards. Ignoring the angry tirade, Futo summoned Ame no Iwafune and shot forwards. The orb burst on the boat's wooden prow.

"Good work, sisters! Now let's get her!" suggested Miko.

"Give me a moment, will you?!" Tojiko was still flying after her hat.

Miko breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. "You're ready, right, Futo?"

"Aye. If we surround this phantom, we should be able to, um…" Futo paused. To her amazement, the ghost was crying into her phantasmal teapot. "Hold on. Why would she cry at a moment such as this?"

"Obviously she's trying to lull us into a false sense of security! Come on, Futo, you know better than this!" said Miko urgently.

"No! Crown Prince, this maketh no sense!" Futo took a deep breath. "The teapot. The orb chasing the teapot. The orbs chasing the first orb. The first orb retaliating. And then more orbs, based upon ourselves, that allowed the phantom to regain her teapot… I believe she is trying to speak unto us!"

"You… You do?" Miko's eyebrows rose. "About what, exactly?"

"I… Perhaps the white orb representeth the ghost, and the dark blue orbs… The villagers she slew? In which case, the tea pot should represent…"

"Something she wants us to give her!" said Tojiko, reemerging between her friends. "Those three orbs weren't her making fun of us, they were her way of asking for a favour!"

"But what?!" cried Miko.

"The crockery I did step on!" squeaked Futo. "By Jove, the phantom desireth her teapot! Forsooth, without it she shall never be able to rest!"

"YES! YES! You got it! Finally!"

The Taoist trio started at the phantom's shout.

"I was going nuts waiting for you to figure it out! I mean, come on, that last spell-card was sooooo obvious! Anyone could've worked it out from that." The stringy-haired phantom was drifting towards them. Her voice was normal apart from a slight echo. "Yes, as a matter of fact I am a vengeful spirit, here 'cause my stupid sister broke my favourite teapot. Your job is to put it back together!"

Miko looked at Tojiko. Tojiko looked at Futo. Futo looked at Miko.

"I didn't bring any glue," said Miko nervously.

"We'll use the peanut butter," Tojiko decided.