~Author's Note~

Here's an essay about Reimu's inconsistent portrayal and how the many facets of her being might still come together to form a healthy, well-adjusted woman. I disguised it as a crossover with the Mr Men series.

LITTLE MISS INDETERMINATE PERSONALITY

Not by Roger Hargreaves

I am sure you know what a personality is. Everybody seems to have one. Little Miss Sunshine is cheerful. Mr Tickle loves to tickle people. Mr Uppity is a snob. Little Miss Bossy is a natural leader. Sort of.

But what kind of person is Little Miss Indeterminate Personality? Nobody knows. Little Miss Indeterminate Personality lives and works at a Shinto shrine in a forest on a hill. She spends her days snoozing, sweeping the floor and fighting youkai. But why?

One day, Mr Happy decided he would find out. He packed himself some sandwiches and walked to the city hall. He waited in line for five hours, and had almost fallen asleep when the man at the desk called him. Mr Happy applied for a visa to visit Gensokyo. His application was accepted.

Two weeks later, Mr Happy took the train to Gensokyo. It trundled along for a few hours and pulled into the Human Village. Mr Happy disembarked, which means he got out of the train, and went to find Little Miss Indeterminate Personality.

Mr Happy was amazed by the people around him. All of them were dressed in old-fashioned clothes. Most of them were women. Incredibly, none of them were brightly-coloured shapes with faces and tiny little arms and legs. Mr Happy began to feel a little out of place.

In the Forest of Magic, Mr Happy came across Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker. He waved to her. "Hello, Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts-"

"Please," said Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker, "call me Marisa. It'll be much faster."

Mr Happy nodded. "I was wondering about Little Miss Indeterminate Personality," he said. "What's she like?"

Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker was good friends with Little Miss Indeterminate Personality, so she had nothing but compliments for her. "Miss Indeterminate Personality's lovely! She likes dancing and martial arts and spell-card duels and flower viewing, and she loves my cooking."

"Ah," said Mr Happy. "She's a playful woman, is she?"

"That's right. We have so much fun together!" said Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker. "Anyway, I need to go and water my mould collection."

"You grow mould?" said Mr Happy. He had never heard of a mould collection before.

"I didn't plan to," Little Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker admitted. "The mould just happened to me. Anyway, bye!"

Mr Happy was not sure how mould could "happen" to a person. He was not sure he wanted to know either. He pushed it to the back of his mind and carried on.

On the foothills of Youkai Mountain, Mr Happy came across Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni. She was taking her pet tiger for a walk. As you do.

"Hello," said Mr Happy.

"Oh, good morning!" said Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni. "I haven't seen you before. What kind of youkai are you?"

"I'm not," said Mr Happy. "Actually, I came here to find out about Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. Is she as playful as Little Miss Parti- as Marisa says?"

"Playful? I'll say!" Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni said angrily. "All she ever does is play! Little Miss Indeterminate Personality is lazy and money-grubbing and too fond of eating to care about her body."

"Oh," said Mr Happy. He did not mention Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni's round tummy. "Does she ever do any work?"

"Only when she thinks she can get rich," said Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni.

"So Miss Indeterminate Personality is lazy?" said Mr Happy worriedly.

Little Miss Strait-Laced Person Who Is Definitely Not An Oni nodded. "The laziest woman you'll ever meet. However, I am anything but, so I'll get going now. Have a lovely day."

A while later, Mr Happy came to Misty Lake. He found Little Miss Fairy and Little Miss Complete Idiot playing together on the shore.

"I say! Hello there!" called Mr Happy.

"Hello!" replied Little Miss Fairy.

"Hi, round person!" said Little Miss Complete Idiot.

"I wonder if you can help me," said Mr Happy. "Everybody seems confused about Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. Do you two have any idea what she's like?"

"What, her?" Little Miss Complete Idiot folded her arms. "She's no big deal. I could take her with one hand behind my back!"

"What are you talking about?!" gasped Little Miss Fairy. "Miss Indeterminate Personality is scary! She's always shouting at people and beating us up for no reason! She's angry all the time. I've never even seen her smile."

"I suppose she can be a bit scary," admitted Little Miss Complete Idiot, "but she's not that bad!"

"She's a monster!" Little Miss Fairy insisted. "She attacked me just for looking at her once! And it hurt!"

"Well, you're a wimp," Little Miss Complete Idiot pointed out.

Mr Happy was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. He had been hoping to meet Little Miss Indeterminate Personality for tea, but perhaps that would not be such a good idea. He thanked the fairies for their help and started back down the road to the Human Village.

Halfway through his trek, Mr Happy saw her. Walking towards him. With a red bow in her hair and white sleeves not attached to her blouse, Little Miss Indeterminate Personality was coming his way.

Feeling a little nervous, Mr Happy cleared his throat. "Um, good afternoon!" he said. "I saw your friend Miss Partially-Tomboyish Witch Who Acts Cool But Is Also A Hard Worker. She was going to water her mould."

"You mean she's still growing that stuff?! Yuck!" cried Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. "I can't believe her sometimes. Mushrooms, fine. Lichen, fine. But mould?! Why?!"

"I know what you mean," said Mr Happy. He remembered last month's disastrous picnic with Mr Messy and Little Miss Whoops. "There's something I wanted to ask you. I hope I'm not being rude, but what sort of person are you?"
Little Miss Indeterminate Personality stared at him. "What…?"

"What I mean," explained Mr Happy, "is, well, are you playful or lazy or violent or what? None of your friends gave me a straight answer."

"I… I don't know! Why are you asking me?!" cried Little Miss Indeterminate Personality. "Who told you I was lazy, anyway? I'll kill them!" Little Miss Indeterminate Personality's shoulders slumped. "No, I can't be bothered… Look, whatever they've been telling you, I'm not it. All right?"

"But I don't understand!" protested Mr Happy. "You have to have a personality!"

Little Miss Indeterminate Personality took a deep breath. "Look. Did it ever occur to you that I might act differently in different situations? Or that people might see me differently because I behave differently when I'm around them? Some people might even react differently to the exact same things I do. I'm not inconsistent, I'm just multi-bloody-faceted!"

And who wasn't? Even Mr Happy was multi-faceted. He could hardly be happy all the time, could he?