Warnings: Course language/talk. Some adulty subjects.
A/N: So I know it's sort of the wrong time of year for this, but thought I'd post this story here for the heck of it. Based on someone else's idea, but I couldn't resist writing about elf Arthur during the holiday season. :) Enjoy.
….
The Holidays, 1980
Christmas Season was in full swing around Gotham, the weekend after Thanksgiving. Which basically meant the city had hung up some blinking lights and limp garland between and around some light posts on its busier streets, while many businesses started advertising their various discounts, and Salvation Army Santas could now be found slowly ringing their bells on the nicer street corners that the prostitutes didn't frequent.
It was also a busy time for Ha Ha's. They supplied eye-catching talent to many of those businesses and sent out many of those Santas. But one of the biggest sources of income was supplying talent to the three malls in the area who needed a Santa Claus and a set of elves to placate the local kiddos who wanted to divulge their Wish Lists to Ol' Saint Nick.
"Did you know," Randall said, taking the cigar from his mouth, "Santy Claus was a real guy. Saint Nicolas, who was the patron saint of whores and whore houses." That factoid garnered some laughs from the other guys.
Most of them. Arthur, who sat at their make-up table, staring into a near-empty paper coffee cup, didn't want to believe it.
"No shit, really?" Patrick, or Paddy, as Ha Ha's resident magician was called, asked in disbelief. "They never told us that in Catholic School."
Randall was about to say something more, when their boss, Hoyt, stepped into the room. "Well well well, it sounds like the perfect assignment for you then, Randall. Gather up the nicest red suit and beard we have. I'm sending you out."
Randall stood up. "Wait, where?"
A sound of disgust escaped Hoyt. "Richland Mall, out in the 'burbs. They're startin' early this year, and I'm sending you, Gary, and Arthur to staff their Workshop for the season, startin' today."
Arthur turned in his seat at hearing his name. Richland Mall? That was indeed the nicest of the three malls. Not as hectic and snooty as the Midtown Mall in the heart of the city, or as trashed as Castleland Mall in the Lower East Side, which was frequented by many gangs. Richland was nestled among the suburbs north of the city. He'd never actually visited it personally, but saw their ads in the paper and on television, and it always looked like a beautiful place.
He wondered briefly why they were sending him. Because of his height, Gary was always sent to the best place this time of year, so that made sense. Arthur had worked Santa's Workshops, but usually at Castleland, which he dreaded going to like the dentist. Had even been mugged there a few times.
No point questioning it, he figured. In fact, he was sort of pleasantly surprised to hear this news. Arthur rose from his seat and headed for Ha Ha's costume closet.
He tugged the pull chain above him and a light flickered, before fully illuminating the space filled to the brim with colorful shirts, jackets, pants, shoes, hats, wigs, and more. He stepped up to the section with holiday garb. Since he was going to Richland, he figured something a little nicer was in order for himself as well as Randall and Gary. He shuffled the various outfits back and forth. Trying to decide.
Something green caught his eye. He pushed some outfits back to give it a better look. It was a rich, long, tailored velour jacket in emerald.
He slipped it off its hangar carefully. He slipped it on just as carefully.
It fit him perfectly.
He found a pair of forest green corduroy pants that also fit perfectly. A little more searching and he found a bright red button-up shirt that also fit, as well as a newsboy-style cap in a darker, almost burgundy red. At the last minute he decided to add his yellow vest from his Carnival get-up to this outfit.
He put everything on and looked at himself in the mirror.
He kind of looked like a pimp. A pimp from the Wizard of Oz.
It would have to do. He really wanted to avoid having to wear tights or anything like that.
To his surprise, Hoyt approved it, though he urged him to somehow make it more "Christmas-y and shit."
Arthur wasn't quite sure what that meant.
He sat down at their make-up table. One of the positive things about elf duty was he didn't have to wear the full face of clown make-up. Just some red on his nose and cheeks and that part of his get-up was done.
He mulled over what he could do to become more "Christmas-y" when the call came in from the other two Gotham malls, requiring Santas and elves. Suddenly everyone was rushing around, trying to find stuff to wear, trying to get ready.
Arthur slipped back into the costume closet. Several of his co-workers were already jammed in there, frantically trying to find suitable attire. Somehow he was able to wrestle some jingly, pointy shoe coverings and an enamel pin with candy canes on it.
"Where are elf ears? Do we have enough elf ears?!" someone yelled out.
"Just use the fucking Spock ears I bought! Use the Spock ears!" Hoyt yelled back.
Somewhere in this confusion Arthur was able to find Gary and Randall, who were also dressed and ready to go…except Randall had yet to slip the fake beard on his face. Gary gave him a look.
"What? It itches."
Hoyt provided them with just enough money for cab fare to and from Richland. They were shortly on their way to the mall.
"You look nice, Arthur," Gary commented as he watched Arthur slip on the shoe coverings. All three men sat in the back seat of the cab–Arthur on the right, Randall on the left, with Gary in the middle.
"Thanks," Arthur said timidly.
"Warm too," Randall chimed in. "Unlike our little friend here." Randall nudged Gary, who was wearing more traditional elf garb, including tights.
"They don't have something else you could wear to look like an elf?" Arthur inquired softly, feeling a little guilty.
"Nope." Gary sighed. "It's okay I guess. "Better than being juggled around by Hulk or being shot of a canon, I suppose."
"I suppose," Arthur repeated. He looked out the window of the cab at the buildings and people passing by. It suddenly dawned on him that he hadn't put on the enamel pin he grabbed at the last minute.
He reached into one of his pants pockets, where he had quickly stuffed it as they rushed out of Ha Ha's. He took it out and examined it. It was a sort of name tag made out of gingerbread and flanked by candy canes. It read:
"Hi, my name is Happy the Elf!"
Shit.