~She's Definitely Seventeen, People~
Yukari's house was on a field north of Youkai Mountain that day. She awoke to bright sunlight diffusing through the paper walls and a faint smell of lavender.
"Your tea is served, Lady Yukari."
"Oh. Thank you." Yukari blinked the sleep from her eyes and beheld Ran, bending over her bedside table to lay down a bowl of lavender tea.
"Chen and I were about to have luncheon," said Ran, with no judgement in her voice. "It will be breaded octopus with scrambled eggs. Would you care for some?"
"Ah…" Yukari winced at the memory of half an hour struggling in the lavatory last night. "I might just have some rice porridge."
"As you wish. Oh, by the way," Ran slid an envelope out of her pocket, "Madam Saigyouji appears to have written to you. Something about a croquet tournament against the House of Eternity."
Yukari took the letter and squinted at it. She sighed heavily and retrieved her reading glasses, opened the envelope and read the letter.
"Ladies and additional ladies," Tewi yelled into her megaphone, "the first annual learning-to-channel-aggression-into-non-damaging-pastimes Lunarians and Friends vs Supernatural Women croquet tournament will now begin! Yuyuko Saigyouji's blue team are taking on Eirin Yagokoro's darker blue team, which totally won't confuse the shit out of us!"
"Such language…" Yukari sighed and shook her head.
"Don't spell-cards already let us channel our aggression into non-damaging pastimes?" Chen pointed out.
"You shouldn't think too hard about it," said Ran.
"Teams, take your places!" ordered Tewi. Yukari, Ran, Chen, Yuyuko and Youmu lined up opposite Eirin, Kaguya, Reisen, Mokou and Keine.
"Present mallets!" ordered Tewi. Ten wooden hammers pierced the sky. One of them clattered to the ground a second later as its wielder toppled over.
Yuyuko gasped. "Yukari, what happened?!"
"Pain…" Yukari's eyes were watering. "All I did was lift the hammer. Oh, gods, it hurts!"
"Where?!"
"My back!"
Yuyuko turned to the screen and fixed the author with a baleful glare. "Really, Aardvark? This isn't the least bit original."