The sun was beginning to set and they had stopped about an hour west of Minneapolis. Any doubt the Kieran had taken Branwen was dwindling steadily the further west they got. With the route they were following they were almost certainly heading to northern Montana.
Nathan had disappeared into the store to get another map and some drinks, Aria sat on the front of the car, looking out over the landscape, and Pogue was filling the gas tank. Caleb was passed out in the back seat. He had just finished his driving shift and given that he was still recovering, it hadn't taken him long to pass out.
Aria was stressed and frustrated over the whole situation. Given everybody's actions in the last few days, Aria wasn't overly impressed with any of the men she was traveling with, but they all seemed to have put on their big boy boxers and were making a real effort.
She would never deny that it was clear both Nathan and Pogue seemed willing to do anything for Branwen. Seeing as how she felt the same in that regard, she was grateful. They also seemed to have made some non-verbal agreement that their issues with each other were put on hold until they had Branwen back.
Caleb was another story. Despite him chipping in and doing his part so far, he was sullen and removed from them most of the time. Normally, if he wanted to sulk, that was fine. He could go do it by himself. But jammed in a car with each other for almost a full day now and his mood was definitely annoying.
Then again, the most annoying part of it to Aria was that Caleb clearly had no intention of remedying his mood, or his denial for that matter, any time soon. She really shouldn't care. She had a lot going on and if he was going to be that way and throw away his life, it was his to throw away. The problem was, of course, that she did care. And now that he still refused to see what he was doing to himself and what he could have done to the people who he supposedly cared about, her feelings for him were starting to feel like a curse themselves.
Just as Pogue was returning the pump to its holster and his card to his wallet, Nathan exited the store and walked over. "I got another map, this one specifically of Montana. It has closer maps of different areas so once we get there we will have a better view of the route."
They had performed the spell again when they stopped and knew they were at least five hours behind. As night approached the traffic would lessen and they might gain a little ground if they were lucky. After all, chances were their prey didn't know they were being followed.
"What's the plan for the next stop?" Aria asked. It was her turn to drive and with her nerves already on edge, she wanted to know exactly where she was aiming before they started on the road again.
Nathan was quiet for a moment before he spoke. Aria, despite not always being his biggest fan, was growing concerned for him. He was using a lot of magic and sleeping in the back of a car couldn't be the most relaxing and rejuvenating experience. If he wore himself out before they got there, not only might they not find Branwen, but if they did make it to Kieran, how would they protect themselves? She would not allow Caleb and Pogue to use their powers and, despite her recent expanding of her magical index, she had not used her own magic in any great capacity for quite some time. She wouldn't be able to do much against full practicing witches.
"I think we should stop as soon as we cross the state line." Nathan said, drawing Aria's attention back to the current discussion. "If we stop in Wibaux we can do the spell again to make sure they go north, instead of continuing south west on I-94." He turned his full attention on Aria. "Are you okay to drive? How's your hand?"
"I'm fine." She assured him, a little edge to her voice. She had no desire to be treated like the fragile china doll just because she was the only girl. "We should get back on the road. We don't want to increase their lead." Snatching the keys from Nathan's hand, she walked around and got in the driver's seat.
Because of the wear on his body the magic caused, it didn't take long for Nathan to be asleep in the back seat either. Aria was a little surprised he didn't stay awake just to make sure her poor little mind knew where it was going. Then again, Pogue was riding shotgun and hadn't closed his eyes since they left Boston.
"You can get some sleep." She said, trying to sound less annoyed than she was. After all, she really didn't have much ire for Pogue. Yes she wasn't happy he was part of the drama in Branwen's life and he certainly hadn't made anything easy when he found out about their powers, but Aria trusted in the bond he had to her best friend. Branwen didn't slow down for anyone. The fact that Branwen had risked so much to try and save Pogue, not only in the accident, but all these past months with the magic drama, spoke for itself.
"I know I should be tired," he said, "but I can't seem to shut my mind off enough for it to take."
Aria could understand that. On top of what they were dealing with now, Pogue had just found out there was a magical world outside his coven and it was very dark and unforgiving. And yet even when they thought they were headed toward the head council, Pogue had shoved aside the idea of punishment of death to make sure they got Branwen back. "We will get her back." She said, trying to reassure him.
"I know." He said.
The way he said it was so certain. She wouldn't admit it out loud but there was the smallest piece of worry in the back of Aria's mind, that with this unknown Kieran element, she couldn't be certain of what they were walking into. In Pogue's voice there wasn't even the smallest hint of nervousness or doubt. Aria shook her head slightly. "You sound so sure. What makes you so certain?"
He glanced at her before looking out the window. "Because I will accept no other outcome."
They continued driving, hour after hour. Despite the strain, worry and frustration, Pogue refused to let the exhaustion in. He'd meant what he said to Aria. He refused to accept any outcome that didn't end in Branwen safely retuning back to her life in Boston. Even if it meant her leaving at the end of August. He could deal with that when the time came.
What he couldn't deal with was her just being gone. He would never forgive himself if all of this mess ended with Branwen never coming back because he had been too distracted or self-involved to do anything.
So now he was making peace with his own decisions. From this point forward he had decided that there wasn't anything he wouldn't do if it got Branwen her life back. Even if that meant them not being together. Even if it meant using his powers. He would make things right.
He didn't expect rescuing her to solve their problems either. He'd meant what he said to her in the car. He loved her but he couldn't have a relationship filled with secrets and mistrust. It had to be a partnership. The rest of his life was so shrouded in things he couldn't tell people and secrets he had to hide. His relationship with Kate had been difficult because of the secrets, but also because it had been imbalanced. He could finally admit to himself that despite what he felt for Kate, their relationship was doomed because he had never felt he could 100% trust her.
Maybe it was because she could be very selfish sometimes or that her social butterfly personality led her to gossip a lot, but Pogue had always been a little afraid that if he told Kate, she might just let a little too much slip one day. Something that might seem small to her because she didn't need to take it seriously. But to him and his coven it could mean the end.
He didn't have to worry about that with Branwen because she understood, even better than he ever had, that the magic secret was one that you take to your grave unless you want to arrive there early. All these problems that they had faced over the last few months could have been avoided if they had both stuck to the rules of keeping their secrets. He would like to say he would never regret their mistakes because he had met Branwen and he would never want a life without her in it, but he would take every single moment of it back if it meant she was safe and happy.
But even if they came out of all of this unscathed, Branwen was the one who had to make the decision. She had to let him in. He understood she had been betrayed and taught to keep her cards close and rely on herself, but that would only continue to offer her a life of solitude with nobody but Aria in her life. As close as they were, eventually they were going to need more. Pogue wanted to be that more for Branwen, but he couldn't make her trust him. He just hoped for her sake she learned to trust someone because he had a feeling Aria was already feeling the pull of needing someone else in her life.
Looking over at her, Pogue watched her as she drove. There was no hiding how upset she was. Unlike Branwen's somewhat cold, stoic façade, Aria couldn't often hide what was going on inside. Despite how bad her hand must hurt, she was constantly chewing on her fingernails. She also glanced around a lot more than was necessary for the current traffic on the highway. It was like she thought danger was going to pop out of nowhere.
He noticed her hand was starting to bleed again and reached over. She jumped when he took her hand and laid his over it. He knew he shouldn't use his powers, especially given how upset she was about Caleb using his, but he felt the need to do something for Aria since he couldn't currently do anything for Branwen.
When he let her hand go she flexed it slowly and then frowned, punching him in the arm. "Do I need to start watching you too?"
He expected her comment. He'd also expected to feel the pull of the magic, but oddly he didn't feel it at all. No desire to use a bit more or charge of power. Unable to explain it he just shook his head. "I'm fine. And for the record, he may be stubborn and in a hefty amount of denial, but he does love you."
She glared at the road ahead of her. "That doesn't make it okay."
"I get that. But unlike in the movies, someone can't magically overcome their problems and hang-ups just because they love someone enough to do so."
"Speaking from personal experience?" She asked.
"Hey now, be kind. I'm just being honest." Of course he was speaking from personal experience. On more than one level. He'd watched his father deteriorate into nothing and no amount of love for his son or from his son was able to stop him. He'd watched Caleb's father follow, not able to love his wife and son more that his pride and his own powers. He didn't want to watch Caleb do the same but no matter how close they were Caleb was beginning to understand that their coven couldn't overcome this problem for Caleb; he had to do it himself. All they could do was be there for him. Just like all he could do was be there for Branwen and hope she could come to want a relationship with him enough to take the chance.
"I know he loves me. And he is more open about that and his feelings than I honestly ever expected from him, but that doesn't fix it. At a certain point you have to decide how far you will go."
"At what point do you draw the line and say this is where I stop? How do you tell someone you love them more than anything but then put a limitation on it? You're supposed to love them no matter what and then you say no?"
She gave him a little smile letting him know she understood he wasn't just talking about her and Caleb. "You're not saying no. I think you have to understand that the two are not connected. You're not saying you don't love them. Your love isn't conditional. You love them with or without them overcoming their problems. Even if you're not together you love them. Hell, you can love them and still be with someone else if you chose to. The love being there doesn't change that. Love doesn't build a relationship. Two people do. And a relationship can only be as healthy as the people in it. It can only be as dedicated as the people in it. It's not about saying your love only goes so far, it's about how you value each other and yourselves. What I've said to Caleb is that I love him, but we can't have a healthy relationship when he isn't healthy and when he values his powers more than he does him, me or our relationship."
He understood what she was saying and it resonated with him more than he cared to admit. "It's an ultimatum."
She rolled her eyes. "I hate that word. It is literally derived from the Latin word meaning to come to an end."
"In most cases that's the result." He pointed out.
"Only because we make it so. What it really is is a negotiation of terms. Every human interaction can be broken down into essentially a business deal. Really what you're saying is that these are the things I need to make this relationship work for me."
She had a very good point and yet it felt so cold. "You make is sound so unemotional." He felt the irony that he was arguing for the emotional side.
She nodded. "Sometimes it has to be. But if it makes you feel better, what your heart is saying is that you have assessed your value and if they are not willing to value you that same way, then you respect yourself too much to sell yourself for anything less. Sometimes you're even saying that you value them more than they are but they won't accept your assessment. I think as a society we need to stop believing love fixes all and that you can build a relationship on anything less than an honest and mutually beneficial understanding."
He had to smile. He could see why she and Caleb would get along. The real Caleb, before the power problems, would have loved her rant. He would have listened to it all, and internally agreed with all of it, and then he would just smile at her. Pogue could see them together in a future where there was no power addition or head council to cause problems for them. They would be an amazing couple. Him with his own law office and her teaching school. Coming home to their family of unfairly attractive children who were also unfairly intelligent and talented.
The part that bothered him was that when he looked at Caleb now, he worried that would never happen. Not just with Aria, but with anyone. Pogue had assumed by now that something had happened with Sarah. She would have noticed his power addiction and put her foot down. Like Aria, she wouldn't be pushed around. She undoubtedly had left him. And knowing how single minded Caleb could be sometimes, she had distanced herself by leaving school. Hearing Aria was going to do the same couldn't have been easy.
"Her name was Sarah." Pogue said, not knowing he had made the decision to say anything until he had already opened his mouth.
Aria glanced over at him before looking in the rearview mirror and then back at the road. "I had found that much on my own."
Of course she had. It wasn't state secrets. "She found out about us all when we were having problems with the fifth descendant of our coven and he started to use her to mess with Caleb. She was the first person outside our own families we had ever told. She was a good person. Very kind and funny. She forced him not to take things so seriously. He used to be a bit of a stick in the mud sometimes.
"But when everything came to a head, he had his father's powers willed to him and had to use a lot of magic to save her and defeat Chase." There was an uncomfortable voice in the back of Pogue's head that pointed out that they still weren't sure Chase was defeated, just that until now he was still gone. "I think using all that power started it. Chase had mentioned to Caleb that having his and his father's powers was even more tempting and can wear you dawn even faster. I think using so much kick started the problem and because of us all getting busy with our lives after that, we failed to notice his using. I failed to notice."
"It's his choice, Pogue. You can't blame yourself."
"Maybe if we'd confronted him sooner he would have been more reasonable."
"You can't tell me that he didn't know the dangers himself before he started using. He is your coven head. The knowledge of the other covens might not have stood the test of time but you can't tell me he wasn't taught about the effects of your own magic."
She was right but that didn't make him feel any better. "I think Sarah started to notice it. Last year I knew they were fighting and things were tense but I think I just convinced myself it was growing pains. Trying to make a high school relationship work in college. Probably something I told myself as my own was falling apart. But I thought they were somehow more solid. My guess is that over the summer Sarah decided she couldn't stand by and watch him. So she left. She even left Harvard."
"And do you blame her?" Aria asked.
"Of course not." Pogue replied, a little offended she would think he would hold that against Sarah. This wasn't her world or her problem. "She wouldn't have known what to do and she did what she thought was best for herself."
"Then why are you beating yourself up for making the same decision?"
Wow. And there it was. Why was it that he could understand Sarah walking away from an unhealthy relationship but he was punishing himself for the ultimatum he had given Branwen?
"Listen, Pogue." Aria said, "Branwen is my very best friend. She is the one person I will be closest to for my whole life no matter what. But I've grown up with her. I've experienced all the things that have made her who she is. That person is a beautiful, talented, intelligent, caring person. But that doesn't mean she isn't also stubborn, independent, mistrusting, secretive, frustrating and sometimes downright homicide inspiring. I put up with her not just because I love her, but also because I understand how her quirks work. I know how to deal with her when she gets in her moods and if and how to snap her out of them. I have a lifetime of knowing the pros and cons of having Branwen in my life and what I am willing to put up with to balance out each side.
"But that doesn't mean that it's right for everyone. I'm not in your position, both because she has had a lifetime to trust me, but also because, for the relationship I have with her, her balance sheet is weighed differently. I do not hold it against you or think you are a bad person for knowing what you need for your healthy relationship and being willing to put your foot down and demand to be treated better. Honestly, I think she's a fool if she doesn't try and meet your demands. I know it wouldn't be an easy relationship, given out magical problems, but I think you would be good for her. So you need to stop second guessing yourself and waffling because the worst thing you can do for someone who has trust issues is not stand by your words."
And didn't that make all the sense in the world. The fact that Branwen was hurt and in danger made him want to find her, wrap her up in his arms and keep her there forever. But Aria was right. Pogue would help rescue Branwen. He could even wrap her in his arms. He loved her, he wasn't denying that. But unless she was willing to give him her trust the way he needed it, anything between them wouldn't last. They would push each other away eventually. He had to stand his ground. He could be there for her as her friend, for real this time, but it was his turn to put anything more than that off the table. And stick to it.
"Pogue…"
He turned to look at Aria and followed her gaze out the window just in time the see the sign indicating the upcoming exit for Wibaux. They had made it to Montana and it was time to do their last map spell before they went to find the asshole who had taken Branwen.
A/N: Hi guys, hoping you're enjoying the new chapters. I hope I haven't lost all my fans of this story from the delay in updates (hint hint - comment please). I can guarantee I will update this close together every time but I hope to be updating much sooner than I was before. I hope you all have a Happy Easter.