~Author's Note~

This year's Gensokyo Festival starts tomorrow at the time of writing, and I've only just finished an entry from last year's. Ladies, gentlemen and non-binary people, let's get a cheer for the aardvark and his superb timing!

The twenty-ninth prompt was "original", so for this extremely late chapter, I decided to write an original take on some beloved Touhou characters. To whit: Meiling is boastful and full of confidence, Youmu is on the autistic spectrum, Flandre is a manipulative little brat, Sanae is just generally Sanae, and Reimu... you'll see.

~Let's Shake Things Up A Little~

Meiling's hoe hit the dry, lumpen soil with a soft crunch. She deftly pulled up a clump of earth and plucked out a weed, which she tossed into her wheelbarrow.

She whistled a merry tune as she gardened, turning the toil into something that might as well have been fun. Meiling had heard that every day was a holiday if you enjoyed your job, and while she couldn't say she prefered her work to sunning herself on the beach or reading manga, it didn't feel anything like a chore.

"You are getting on well, I take it?"

"Hm?" Meiling glanced over her shoulder and saw Sakuya coming towards her. "I'm doing a lot better now that you're here!"

Sakuya's cheeks reddened. "Now, come on! We're not even married!" she cried, trying with little success to sound disapproving. "No, actually, I have a favour I wish to ask of you. Would you be willing to accompany Flandre on a trip to the village today? I was to chaperone her, but the fairies require my attention as usual... Will you be able to handle her?"

Meiling scoffed. "I grew up fighting the Huns, sweetie. I think I can survive one little vampire. So, um, when are we going?"

Safe beneath a wide, floppy sun hat, Flandre bounded over as soon as the words had escaped Meiling's lips. "Come on, Meiling, let's go!" she squeaked, tugging on Meiling's sleeve.

"I do believe you'll be leaving four seconds from now." Sakuya gave Meiling an apologetic smile and took Flandre's hand. "Enjoy your trip, young mistress. Be good for Auntie Meiling!"

"Why, of course I shall! The very idea that I mightn't...!" gasped Flandre, pressing a hand to her mortally offended heart. "I'll be good, Meiling! You know I always am."

"That's what Chairman Mao said," muttered Meiling. She cleared her throat, pushed those dark thoughts away and impaled her hoe in the soil. "Right, then, the world's our oyster! Race you to Misty Lake?"

"Gladly, Auntie dearest. We shall begin on the count of threetwooneGO!" Flandre shot down the garden path in a shower of gravel.

"And may the best Meiling win!" shouted Meiling, sprinting after her.

The race ended prematurely when Flandre tripped over a tsuchinoko and Meiling tripped over Flandre, who kept up a constant stream of complaints as they strolled towards the village.

"...And let's not forget it cost sixty thousand yen! Sixty thousand yen I shan't be seeing again any time soon. Sixty thousand yen which could just as easily have bought several orphans a warm bed for the night-"

"But they wouldn't have, would they?" Meiling butted in.

Flandre pouted. "They certainly won't now that I have to buy myself a replacement dress..."

"It's just a few tears. Nothing that can't be sewn up."

"But I can't sew! My little fingers would end up all pockmarked and calloused from the needle," said Flandre, still pouting dolefully. "Besides, as a lady of great standing, I can hardly do peasant work."

"You'll be a lady of great whimpering if you don't shut up," muttered Meiling.

Flandre stared at Meiling with her head tilted. "What was that, Auntie dearest? Surely you were not implying-"

Fortunately for Meiling, Flandre was cut off by the sudden arrival of Sanae. The sudden, hasty, violent arrival of Sanae, direct to her head from the highest branches of a beech tree.

"What the Orochi?!" cried Meiling.

"Oh, my days, Sanae! I knew that would happen!" Youmu came running to Sanae's side. "Are you all right? I-I hope you haven't broken anything. Or got a hernia."

"Come on, stop fussing over me! I'm fine!" Sanae stood up a little shakily and smiled. "The gods heard the cry of fear from deep inside my heart and gave me a soft landing. Thanks, Flanniekins!"

"Ow..." groaned Flandre.

Youmu contemplated the situation for a few seconds, then lunged forwards and gave Sanae a tight hug.

"Ahhh...! My little honey blossom, you're so snuggly..." sighed Sanae.

"How delightful for you," growled Flandre.

"Being with you, Sanae... It-it's a feeling I can't come close to describing!" gasped Youmu. She trembled as Sanae caressed her blushing cheek. "All that being said, the girl you're standing on is probably-"

"Don't talk, sweetpea." Sanae pressed a finger to Youmu's lips. "There's so much more we could do with our mouths."

"Come on, you're standing on a vampire. Move," said Meiling heavily.

Before Youmu could find the words to explain that Flandre had begun kicking her shins and they really ought to step off, her mouth was full of tongue. The world seemed to melt away as Youmu gave in to her passion. Her heart pounded. She kissed Sanae with a lifetime's worth of pent-up love, too difficult to speak, too painful to hold.

They pulled apart, panting, their cheeks flushed. All thought of Flandre had melted away. For Youmu, there was nothing left in the universe but Sanae's sparkling emerald eyes and her soft pink lips.

Sanae's aforementioned lips parted in a smile. "I love you, Youmu! I love you so much!"

"I..." breathed Youmu. "I love you too, Sanae! I love you!"

Sanae pressed her nose against Youmu's, leaving her more than a little bemused. Sanae giggled. So did Youmu.

Flandre couldn't take any more. "In the name of sanity, GET OFF!" she barked, flinging Sanae off the road. She and Youmu smashed through a couple of bushes, screaming in joy and terror respectively, and plopped down in a stony brook.

Sanae awoke on cold grass, her dress clinging clammily all over the place. Meiling and Youmu were kneeling over her with concern in their eyes. Sanae groaned and sat up.

Youmu gasped. "Sanae! You aren't dead!"

"I'd still come home with you if I was," giggled Sanae.

"Oh, Sanae..." Youmu helped Sanae up, clasping her hands with considerable tenderness.

"Nothing broken?" asked Meiling.

Sanae shook her head. "I'm fine! What happened, though?"

"You fell on me," said Flandre venomously.

"Yeah, that's pretty much... She was walking under that tree when you came down," explained Meiling, shifting uncomfortably. "Then she got a bit fed up of you standing on her and, well..."

"I did try to tell you," Youmu pointed out.

"Gee... This is really not my day!" Sanae laughed. She noticed Flandre looking bored behind Meiling and gave her a smile. "Sorry I fell on you, Flanniekins."

"Apology accepted," said Flandre. "And never call me that again."

"Well," said Meiling, "we'd better get going. Sorry about her, you two. Good luck with the trees, snogging and stuff."

"Thank you!" said Sanae brightly, shinnying up another tree. She waved at them from on high while Youmu fretted around the trunk.

Flandre tugged on Meiling's sleeve. "Come on, Auntie, the village awaits us!"

"You're sure you still want to go? This trip's been a shi- a disaster so far. It might be best if we call it off for now," Meiling endeavoured not to swear.

"What?" Flandre's face fell. "You mean... You don't want to take me?"

"Well, I do, but... The sunk cost fallacy's not worth it, Flandre. We'll get you some clean clothes and try again tomorrow."

"I understand," pouted Flandre. "Even though I was wounded, frightened and in a terrible panic, I should have restrained myself rather than lashing out like I always do. Honestly, I am ashamed to be such a burden on my family, not to mention poor, sweet, hard-working Meiling..."

"Give me strength," muttered Meiling. "No, that's not what I'm saying! I know you only acted in self-defence," she said aloud, "but I just want a cup of tea and, no, come on, don't cry... Oh, no..."

"It's j-just that this was my first time out of the basement this year!" sniffled Flandre, dabbing her eyes with a lacy handkerchief. "I-I only wanted to have a nice trip with Auntie Meiling! To fail and be punished for it over and over is my only purpose, though, so what right have I even to mention my feelings? I am but a wretched failure of a vampire."
Whimpering softly, Flandre began to trudge ever so slowly back towards the mansion.

"All right, I'm sure the Youkai Amateur Dramatics Coven would be proud of you, but we need to get a move on!" Meiling was approaching the end of her tether. She laid a hand on Flandre's shoulder and tried to push her along. She didn't get far before she felt a hand on her own shoulder.

"Meiling, you can't just send her home." On the other end of the arm attached to the hand was Youmu, trying to steady her voice while she trembled with rage. "I can't believe you. One accident and one, um, overreaction, and you decide she's better off imprisoned?! The sheer arrogance and cruelty!"

"Wha-?" Meiling rounded on her. "You don't have the faintest idea what I have to deal with! It's none of your business how I raise my ward, so don't act like I'm some kind of monster."

"You-! You're treating her like she's something to be ashamed of! Which she isn't! Flandre needs love and kind treatment, not scorn and ostracisation!" ranted Youmu.

"But-but I'm not-! Youmu, use your loaf! She's manipulating you! You don't know what she's like!" wailed Meiling.

"I know how people treat children who fail to live up to their version of normalcy." Scorn dripped from Youmu's voice. "I lived through that. Now my spirit is strong, and with these blades forged by youkai-"

"All right, let's bring it down a little! We can talk- umph?!" Sanae came running over and took a speeding Flandre to the stomach.

"O brave, kind priestess of light! How can this humble vampire ever hope to repay you for such kindness?!" Weeping with joy, Flandre gazed adoringly up at Sanae.

Sanae's heart melted. "Y-you poor little thing... I don't want repaying! I just want to make the world a more loving place!" She dropped to her knees, putting herself level with Flandre, and cradled her in her arms while she wept.

"Oh, for Ryujin's sake! This is a shitshow!" Meiling threw up her hands in defeat. "Just let me tell you this, Self-Styled Social Service Sisterhood of Eastern Fantasy; that girl is the most devious one you'll ever-"

"Neither of us want to hear it!" snapped Youmu.

Gazing numbly over Youmu's head, Meiling caught Flandre's eye. Flandre smiled and flipped the bird at her.

"Obnoxious little..." Meiling folded her arms. "Do what you want, but I'm coming with you."

"That's fine," simpered Flandre, cutting Youmu off before she could do any stabbing. "I have no need for fear now that Sanae and Youmu are with me, do I?"

Youmu looked at Sanae. Sanae looked at Youmu.

"Probably not!" declared Sanae. "Shall we get tempura?"

It was unusually quiet when the foursome entered the village. A few looks were cast at Flandre's shimmering wings, but no-one was prepared to bother Sanae about the company she kept without an angry mob behind them.

"Where is everyone?" asked Meiling, keeping her voice low.

"Somewhere else, most likely. Oh, now that I think of it, they're doing a live show at the Museum of Modern Art today! For the children. I heard it was something about Princess Kaguya," Sanae piped up as she led her mates to the market. "You'll love it, Flandre! We should go when we've eaten!"

Flandre was not convinced. "But Sanae, these live performances tend to involve so much more style than substance. I doubt an ersatz Kaguya could ever match the beauty and majesty of her true self..."

"Uhh..." Sanae's brow furrowed. "You've met her, sweetpea. Was Kaguya the sort of girl you can act as?"

Youmu blinked. "I, um. Well. If you could get her voice right, as well as the flowing multicoloured dress and her regal fringe, plus the rest of her hair... One would at least be able to tell it was Kaguya. But an actress could probably never be mistaken for the genuine article."

Meiling nudged Sanae. "Tell her no-one in the village will have seen Kaguya before, so it doesn't really matter."

"Oh, Meiling..." Sanae rolled her eyes. "Youmu, Meiling would like to inform you that no-one in the village will have seen Kaguya before, so it doesn't really matter."

"Tell Meiling that even if nobody here has seen Kaguya, the theatrical company should still try their hardest for authenticity," sniffed Youmu.

Sanae sighed. "Meiling, Youmu says- Oh, hey, it's Reimu! Hi, Reimu!"

The Shrine Maiden of Paradise was perched on a stout dry-stone wall at the side of the street, staring off into nowhere with her yin-yang orbs lying by her feet.

"Hello there, Reimu!" said Youmu brightly.

"Wow, she almost said that like a normal person," Flandre observed much too loudly.

Reimu just sat there as the foursome wandered over.

"Um, hello?" Sanae knelt down in front of Reimu and waved a hand through her field of vision. "Anyone home? Reimu?"

For ten seconds, all was quiet. Then Reimu let out a terrified gasp. Sanae toppled over backwards with a scream, bashing her head on Flandre's nose. Flandre screamed.

"The orbs... They hunger!" Reimu cried with a raspy voice. "I-I don't know how much longer I can hold them back. The orbs must feed! The orbs must feed! The orbs must-"

"Reimu, snap out of it!" Meiling grasped the shrine maiden's shoulders, making her flinch. "Slow down there, sister. Do you mean those orbs? Why do they have to feed?"

"Stop! Don't touch me!" Reimu tried to push Meiling's hands away, but it was like trying to push a lorry with a pair of roller skates.

"Reimu, we're on your side... Mostly..." groaned Sanae, rubbing her mildly concussed head.

"Yeah, so work with us, will you?" said Meiling.

"No... Meiling, you don't understand! Y-you can't be near me!" whimpered Reimu, shrinking from her touch. "The orbs... They crave blood!"

"Well, I'b got sobe for dem..." moaned Flandre, clutching at her nose. "Just kidding! I'm unbreakable!" she laughed, sticking her tongue out at Reimu.

Reimu let out a piercing scream. Some unseen force threw Meiling back and dragged Reimu up into the air, whimpering from the pain, her arms stretched out as far as they could go. The yin-yang orbs rose unbidden from the ground to hover at her sides.

"What's she playing at?!" cried Sanae, grabbing Youmu's hand.

"I don't think she's playing!" panicked Youmu.

"This looks bad." Meiling stood up and moved in front of Flandre.

"This looks fun!" Flandre did her best to peek past Meiling.

Reimu's eyes had turned white. Blank-faced, she brandished her wand. "Vengeance is upon you."

Youmu gulped. "Sanae, tell Meiling I'm willing to agree an immediate truce."

"Youmu, for pity's sake-"

"Agreed," said Meiling.

"It will do you no good." Reimu's voice was as cold as ice. "I am Hakurei-no-Tenkei-no-Kikojou, the goddess who guards humankind from the darkness within them. My orbs have chosen you for death."

Sanae gasped. "Guys, that's not Reimu. I-I think she's been posessed!"

Meiling turned to her with enough scorn in her eyes to make Sanae's blood run cold. "Nooooo, really?!" she gasped, piling on the sarcasm. "How on Earth did you work that out?!"

A barrage of amulets thwapped into Sanae before she could respond. She fell at Youmu's feet.

"Sanae! Oh, my gods!" Youmu drew her swords and threw herself towards Kikojou. "You evil, selfish goddess, I'll make you pay-"

A yin-yang orb ploughed into Youmu's stomach and smashed her against the road.

"If you consort with youkai, you die." Reimu's familiar face twisted into a cruel mockery of a smile as Kikojou celebrated her success. "Speaking of which, have you any final words, demons?"

"Not if I can help it," said Meiling grimly. "Flandre, you stand back- oh, who am I kidding? Get her!"

"With pleasure!" Flandre unsheathed Laevattein and got to work.

In a grassy valley that had taken the village's best carpenters a couple of afternoons to nail together, the Demon King had unknowingly met his match. He laughed a cruel, superior laugh, shaking the curly cardboard horns on his head.

"Do you truly expect me to fear one mortal whelp? Such a thing could never happen. I am the Demon King, ruler of Makai and master of dark magic!" he bellowed, just in case anyone had forgotten.

"Mortal is a relative term, demon, and I'll show you how easily it can apply to you." His dainty-looking opponent turned to face the audience. She planted one hand firmly on her hip and thrust the other straight into the air. "Light of the silver mirror, carress my soul! Serene Warrior of Love, Princess Kaguya!"

Lightning flashed, courtesy of Keine hovering above the stage with a torch and a socking great blue lens. The audience cheered. The actress scarpered off stage to be replaced by her twin sister, decked out in full moon princess regalia.

The Demon King was not impressed. "Serene Warrior of Love or not, I won't lose to the likes of you. Prepare to witness the full extent of my power!"

"No, you are the one the likes of whom to which I won't lose! With the sword my mother once carried, I'll defeat you!" Kaguya unsheathed a bulky, overdesigned wooden sword and posed heroically. "You can buy your own one of these at the museum gift shop, by the way!"

Every parent in the audience winced.

"You know, this is just like the tokusatsu back home." Reclining on the second row of rickety wooden chairs with her head in Youmu's lap, Sanae sighed fondly. "You've got to love them, really. Even through all the commercialism and hackneyed plots, they've got heart."

"I, um... I don't know what a 'Toekoo Satsoo' is, so I can't comment," said Youmu. "Flandre, how are you finding it?"

"It's stupid." Flandre was leaning further back than Youmu thought possible with her arms crossed and a huge scowl on her face. "Too much sparkling, not enough red lipstick and oversized platform boots, no-one's even been tortured to death! How am I supposed to enjoy such a childish play?"

"Well, I find the choreography quite impressive," said Hakurei-no-Tenkei-no-Kikojou, still inhabitating a badly bruised Reimu. "Anybody can flail their sword and jump around like a drunkard, but making fake combat feel real is a challenge."

"That's the thing, though, Kikojou. It's not meant to be like real fighting so much as, um... dancing? No, I mean, it's a display, to look cool," argued Sanae.

Meiling nodded. "Real fighting's more violent."

"But it looks less violent," Kikojou pointed out.

"Are you ever getting out of her?" demanded Meiling.

Kikojou shook her head, or rather Reimu's head. "It's so much nicer in here than those stuffy old orbs! Reimu and I are going to have to work out some sort of timeshare arrangement."

"And some anger management lessons, I should hope," said Flandre, cracking a smile. "Putting you in your place was the highlight of my day, but I'd hate to have to do it every time..."