Carrying Two Lives in My Hands

by MadameStarheart

Ever think about how Nanashi was partially responsible for his own self being written out of existence and will carry that burden for the rest of his life? I do. Happy Birthday Nanashi. Here's the first fanfic I've completed in a long time.

Do you ever feel like you're living someone else's life? Like, you stole it? Haha, sounds weird right?

Sometimes, I think about Mikado...

Or, the me that lives on only in my own memory.

That whole time feels like a far off dream I can't quite remember-I don't like to dwell on it, but...

I can't forget what I felt when he asked me to carry his, our, future and then disappeared.

I see him in my dreams. Mikado, and that future me. I always got the sense that he was hiding a lot behind that smile. He was so smart and had so much power, but it was all squandered...because he lacked love. Unlike me, who has love but no brains! Ahaha, just kidding.

...

I worry he might show up again one day, when I'm not looking. Taking my place.

I wonder how long it would take people to notice? Days, weeks, months?

I bet Misane would figure it out pretty quickly. Yeah, I bet.

I still don't see how we're supposed to be all that different. He suffered in his job, had next to no friends, always put on a smile to hide his true feelings,

Just like I do. Those friends I made when I was in middle school, I don't talk to most of them anymore. Sometimes, I barely remember their names. Isn't the point of making friends to have a deep connection with another person, forever? Wasn't that the reason I needed intervention? So someone could figure out how to love me?

...

I know it's not my fault, but I still feel like I killed someone back there. Someone who never even got a chance.

So let's make a toast to the person you were, me of the future.

Happy birthday.