CHAPTER 20:

Love can make you happier than you've ever been, sadder than you've ever been, angrier than you've ever been. It can elate you and deflate you almost at the same time.

-Anonymous

Edward's Point of View

"Blurgh!"

I startle awake when I feel something hard roll down the side of my face. I peer through heavy eyelids to see a tiny, chubby hand make a pass down my neck and chest with a toy car. I hear another soft gurgle and I turn my head slightly, groaning as I feel the blood rush to my head.

I close my eyes trying to will myself to move but my body feels like a sack of lead. Not to mention the accompanying pounding headache that only comes from a major drinking binge. My body feels cramped, stiff, and hard.

I don't feel the soft texture of my sheets underneath my skin and for a second I'm terrified of my surroundings/actions until I stupidly remember the tiny little hand that belonged to one else but my nephew. As if he could mentally hear me think of him, I feel a slight pressure on my chest and I open my eyes once again to see a tuft of reddish hair and a toothy grin that confirms that I am not in my apartment and definitely not in my own bed. The toy car long forgotten, Joham holds a toy rattle in his hand to which he promptly thwacks me across the head.

Hard.

Okay as hard as a fourteen-month-old could, but some odd reason he hits a tender spot in the center of my forehead that makes my skull feel like it's on fire.

This was magnified tenfold by my hangover and I was convinced I was dying.

"Fuck!" I screech quickly forgetting the pair of tiny ears in the room. I jerk wildly upwards, barely catching Joham by the arms as he slides off my stomach and onto the floor. The sudden motion startles him, causing him to let out a shrill cry and I swear my brain must be rattling around in my head. I pick him up and pull him to my chest and comfort him until he stops, simultaneously praying for some water and aspirin to magically appear. Once his tears subside and I'm sure he's okay, I settle him onto the floor where he toddles off into another room and I see Angela watching me cautiously from the doorway.

"Serves you right." She grumbles under her breath. When Angela realizes I heard her, she at least has the decency to look a little embarrassed but that moment is brief as her expression morphs into one of exasperation as she crosses her arms over her chest with an eyebrow raised; a similar stance I've witnessed with both my mother and sisters before they pestered me for information.

Oh boy….here we go.

"Do I want to know how I ended up on your couch?" I ask hoarsely. I carefully attempt to sit up, but the room shifts around me and I stop trying to catch my breath. My bones groan and protest from being immobile for so long and my stomach rolls as I smell myself.

I reeked of alcohol, sweat, smoke, and vomit…all the things distinctly associated with a wild night at a bar.

At least I think so… the rest of the details were a bit fuzzy after all. I take a few more deep breaths and manage to get myself upright.

"You mean you don't remember?"

"If I did then I wouldn't be asking now would I?" I gripe like an asshole. I rest my head in my hands and will myself to remember last night events but the details are foggy.

Ugh…foul mood added with alcohol and hangover equals Jerkward Cullen. Not my proudest of moments and definitely no excuse for my behavior but I was reaching a breaking point. A near two weeks later and there was no headway with Bella since she kicked me out her apartment. As cliché as it sounded, alcohol gave me a reprieve from acknowledging the mess that was life.

"Whatever Edward, you don't have the right to get snippy with me. Especially after Benjamin had to practically carry you in last night." Angela shakes her head as she heads into the kitchen. She's gone only for a few minutes when she returns with a large cup of coffee. The aromatic smell draws me in and I eagerly snatched it from her hands, nearly burning my tongue in my haste. I mutter a soft thanks and down the entire thing in what seems like seconds. It does nothing for the pounding in my head but at least my stomach had settled itself down a bit.

"That still doesn't explain why I'm here and not at my own place." I ask again in a lower tone. Angela takes leans against the doorway.

"Well after you released the contents of your stomach in the bar's bathroom, you went on a rant about why girls believe lies or something like that. Mike and Ben had to drag you out the bar before you got yourself arrested once you started singing Bell Biv Devoe's Poison. They figured it would be safer if one of us watched over you to make sure you didn't choke or anything since apparently, you couldn't go over to Bella's place." She finishes dryly with a strong implication underlying her tone.

I can see the questions in her eyes but I don't feel like answering them. Answering them meant that what happened several days earlier was real and that things with Bella were now complete and utter shit.

"And let me guess you volunteered…."

"Don't be an ass Edward, be lucky someone cared enough to watch over you." Angela looks over the top of her glasses and gives me a pointed look.

"I don't know what's going on with you Edward, but this is not you. You need to sort some things out. I'm going to do you a favor and let the issue settle as it's clear that you're going through a few things but sooner or later you'll have to talk or you're going to self-destruct. Please think about that. Let me go see if Ben is up. He can drop you off at home." Ang leaves with another quizzical glance and returns minutes later with Ben who looks half-awake and groggy from dealing with me all night.

I flush slightly; embarrassed at having my big brother having to watch over me like a petulant child but in usual Benjamin fashion, he brushes it off claiming I would have done the same for him if the roles were reversed.

On the drive over to my place, Ben doesn't mention last night or Bella to which I am eternally grateful, as I'm sure in my drunkenness I'd spewed out some embarrassing details about my life over the past few weeks. I close my eyes and try to piece together the remnants of last night, random snippets coming together of a night I hoped to forget.

…. the night before…

"I'm not interested…. go away." I bark as I feel a slight tap on my shoulder.

"Don't worry. You're not my type anyway." Mike laughs suddenly. I turn at the sound of her voice and nearly knock over my two fingers of bourbon.

"Oh, it's you. I forgot you were here." I take a slight sip and nearly choke as Mike suddenly appears in front.

I didn't see her move. I didn't remember turning around.

Maybe these drinks were stronger than I thought.

She takes a seat beside me and eyes me wearily. "So do you want to talk about it?"

"What do you mean?" I reply distractedly looking down at my phone willing my fingers to move across the screen to the one number I know won't answer. I'd left countless messages and voicemails but got nothing. I drop my phone down onto the sticky counter and gesture to the bartender for another round and turn back to Mike who's eying me like a problem she was determined to solve.

"Why you're being all emo and brooding. At least more than usual." She takes a sip of her own beer.

"I am not brooding." I grumble.

"Edward you're being a Debbie-downer. We invited you out to have a good time and you've barely said one word to anybody. You think we didn't notice Bella wasn't here or the fact that you look like a kid who just found out Santa isn't real. You're lucky Jess is still freaking over last minute wedding prep or she'd be on your case too. Plus you look like shit." She adds gesturing to the beard that's taken over my face and the dark circles under my eyes.

I rub my jaw self consciously knowing it would have to disappear with their wedding finally approaching after what felt like forever. Hopefully I could keep my family off my back until then.

Adding fuel to the fire, Mike turns the bartender away, denying me my liquid relief. "You're not a drinker Edward, so for you to be drinking and ignoring everyone is a red flag." I let out a defeated sigh.

"Ugh, not you too Mike. Don't do this. You and Marcus are the only two who don't give me shit about my personal life and all of a sudden you want to give me the third degree." Mike raises her hands up in defense.

"Geeze, chill the fuck out Edward. It was a simple question and excuse the hell out of me for caring about you. I didn't say anything about your personal life but good to know. That explains your douche-like behavior." Mike retorts defensively. I let out an apologetic sigh and turn to her.

"No, I'm sorry Mike. It's my fault." I respond dejectedly hoping she leave it alone and much to my relief she does.

"Whatever you say Edward, just know I'm here if you want an unbiased ear to listen. I'll try to keep Jess off your tail for the time being." She pats my shoulder and heads off to whatever part of the bar the rest our friends are at. Once I'm sure she's out of view, I gesture for the bartender to come over once more and order myself a nice cold brew. I take a few sips from the bottle and glance around the bar.

Naturally, my eyes fall on several of my friends and of course Jess and Mike who are all coupled off and having the time of their lives. At one point, Bella and I would have been apart of those couples; having fun, eating, drinking and having the time of our lives, but that was now over.

All because of a few simple words.

Words that were said and unsaid.

A lie (kind of) and a truth.

The Lie: I was sleeping with Maggie (I had but not in the way she was thinking)

The Truth: I was crazy in love over one Isabella Swan.

I was sad, tired, confused and …angry.

Angry at my workload…

Angry at my family for being nuisances….

Angry at myself for letting this Maggie thing get out of hand and surprisingly my growing anger towards Bella.

If she had loved me the way she has claimed then why did she believe Maggie so easily and why had I let her kick me out?

Even if I hadn't said the actual words, hadn't I showed Bella with my actions that I cared for her and would never hurt her?

When neither of us was at work, we spent every waking hour together…it usually resulted in sex but that wasn't the sole aspect of our relationship….at least not anymore.

Oddly enough, Bella's actions had hurt me. To be grouped together with those assholes that cheated on her hurt more than any words she could have thrown at me. I wasn't perfect by any means but I could never betray her in that way.

I'd sent her countless arrangement of flowers, chocolates, the works…but Bella just wasn't hearing it. I can't even describe the number of times I had to stop myself from storming over to Bella's place to plead and beg for her forgiveness or dial her number just to hear her voice on her voicemail. She even had me banned from showing up at her apartment and I didn't even want to risk attempting showing up at the restaurant with the chances of me being arrested being an option.

It was pathetic and a hit to my pride but I didn't care. I'd go to the ends of the earth just to peer into those chocolate molten pools one more time or feel the soft rose petal softness of her skin.

I tried not to let it affect me but it was damn near impossible. I could tell my family seen the shift in my mood and behavior, not to mention the lack of appearance of Bella but no one said anything (much to my shock) but I'm sure they speculated.

It had only been a couple of weeks but it felt like months since we had last saw each other.

Just like before, any and everything around me seemed to remind me of Bella and the lack of her presence. It was easier to avoid the issues than confront them directly and this was one of these moments.

"Hey, bartender! Give me another round…"

….Several drinks later…..

"She's so – (flyyyyyyyyy)

She'll drive you right out of your mind

And steal your heart when you're blind

Beware she's schemin', she'll make you think you're dreamin'

You'll fall in love and you'll be screamin', demon, hooo…" I belt drunkenly nearly falling off my stool when I see Mike appear beside me.

"Michelle you're a girl right?" I slur dramatically. I hear a sigh and see the large form of my brother come into view. When did he get here?

"Ugh, you know I hate when you call me that. Yes Edward I am a girl. What's your point?"

"Why doessss girl believesss liesss sooos easily?" I yell into her ear. I hear her laugh when I stumble into her. I feel Ben grab my arm to steady me.

"Come again?"

"I says why do girls beliefs lies so easy." I can see a weary look spread across her face and Mike whispers something to Ben although I can't make out the words.

"Ben, your brother is gone. You think you can get him safely home? Jess isn't looking too good either." She gestures over to my sister who's snoring her ass off on top of one of the tables.

"Yeah, I got him. Jesus Edward, you're wasted. What's going on in that head of yours? Should I call Bella to drop you off at her place or what?" Benjamin slings my arm over his shoulder and staggers me outside over to his car.

"Noooos Bella…. Brokes up. Thinks I cheated on hers." I continue to slur as he tries to open the door for me.

"Damn it that sucks. You didn't did you? Not that I'm saying you are or anything."

"I would never cheats on her, I loves hers. How could you thinks that!" I swing wildly out of his grasp and in my drunkenness see the ground swirling towards my face as I fall. I feel the coolness of the concrete against my heated skin and hear Benji let out a loud groan as he comes over to my side.

"Aw man, Mom is going to kill me." Ben grumbles helping me up. My head is pounding and I grudgingly let him put me into the front seat of his car where he buckles me in. I vaguely remember seeing Ben help Mike put Jess in their own car and by the time Ben returns I'm a drooling mess, uttering Bella's name as my snores fill the air.

…..

"Well I'm glad to see you've joined the realm of the living. And here I was, ready to kick your ass." Bree snickers out of nowhere. I look around and notice the familiar colors of my walls and décor of my furniture.

I was home.

Wait….when in the hell did I make it home?

I was dressed in nothing but a t-shirt and boxers laid diagonally across my bed…..Oh god, I really hope it was Ben that undressed me and not the raven-haired woman whose standing over me with a lone red pump in her hand.

How did she make it in here anyway?

I must have said these words aloud as Bree rolls her eyes and gestures towards my front door.

"It was unlocked which is dangerous by the way. And your brother Benjamin let me stay once I told him I was Bella's friend. You, on the other hand, were passed out on the bed. I figured I wait around a bit to make sure you, were okay, not that I care or anything especially since you hurt my best friend." Bree narrows her eyes at me.

"That explains the shoe…" I croak staring up at the ceiling.

"Yeah…well I warned you I would use it if you hurt my friend but by the looks of you there's no need. You have one hell of a bruise on your forehead." She points with a finger to my face and I carefully prod the area, wincing as a sharp pain spreads down my face.

"Yeah…well I deserve it." I breathe. After a moment of silence and Bree's steely gaze.

"I didn't cheat on her with Maggie…" I whisper absentmindedly.

"I know." Bree replies shocking the hell out of me. I turn to her in disbelief.

"Hey don't give me that look. I can be reasonable when I want to." She shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly.

"How can you believe me? Bella obviously doesn't no matter how hard I try to get her attention." I mope.

"Well, I figured a guy wouldn't go through all that trouble to get her affections just to mess it up over some bitch. Plus you look like shit ran over. It's either due to the guilt of being caught cheating or hurt that the love of your life thinks that you did. I'm choosing to go with the latter and give you the benefit of the doubt." Bree sighs.

"Thanks, Bree."

"Don't thank me yet pretty boy. I'm still mad at you for hurting my friend regardless if you are guilty or not. In fact, I'm still debating as to whether or not I want to use my shoe on you so you better start talking…" Bree threatens.

And I do. Like a crazed man, I explain everything that occurred with Maggie from the day I met her and began sleeping with her until the day I calmly broke things off. Once I'm finished, I realized I've stunned Bree into silence.

Even the heel was soon forgotten as she seemed to think over my words. She begins to speak moments later.

"Well, you are a dumb ass for letting things get to this point but at least I know you're not a liar. Your story adds up with what Maggie told me."

"You spoke with her?"

"Duh, if Bella wasn't going to deal with the home wrecker than I was going to get the bottom of it. Maggie wasn't as bad as Bella made it seem although I kind of felt sorry for her….but don't tell Bella that." Bree deflects.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to. She's ignoring all my calls, all my gifts…"

"No she isn't. Well the calls she is, but the flowers are just gorgeous. They make my apartment smell so good!"

"Wait…how did you get them?" Bree looks at her nails distractedly.

Seriously?" She shrugs her shoulders.

"What? I wasn't going to let those pretty flowers go to waste and she was. Might as well let someone enjoy them. But back to what I was saying, you have to explain to Bella what you just told me."

"Don't you think I've tried? Bree she is ignoring me remember? I can't even show up to her place without the risk of being arrested. I've already had a close call already. I don't want to push my luck."

"That's never stopped you before…." Bree points out.

"I know. A part of me wants to and the other is agitated that Bella could believe a lie so easily. Maybe this is a sign. What if we rushed into this a little too fast. I mean if all it took was one silly little lie or a female from my past to come in for Bella to go running for the hills then is it really worth it?" I ponder. Bree taps the bruise on my forehead causing me to let out a soft groan of pain.

"Don't think like that! Bella's been hurt in the past…."

"That is no excuse! We've all been hurt in some kind of way. I'm not trying to downplay her feelings but this is ridiculous!" Bree rolls her eyes at my outburst.

"If you would have just let me finished, I would have told you that it was no excuse, but Bella has a lot to come to terms with and I don't think it was you. You may have been the catalyst it seems for some broader issue."

"And what exactly is that issue, because I am at a loss here…" she pats my hand sympathetically.

"That is something you and Bella need to discuss on your own."

"And tell me Bree, exactly how am I going to get her to speak to me? After spending hundreds of dollars on gifts, raising my phone bill from all the calls I've made in this week alone, do tell what else I can do that doesn't end with me in a jail cell or mental asylum." I utter sarcastically.

" Save the sarcasm Edward, it isn't cute. Do what you can but leave the rest up to me. I make no promises though. " Bree finishes looking down at her phone. I try to sneak a peek but she pulls it away from my view.

"I got to go, but rest up. If I've learned anything in my short thirty years of living is that everything happens for a reason. This little rift between you and Bella would have happened eventually whether you like it or not. Better now than never. It will all work out trust me." Bree winks and kisses my cheek before heading towards my front door.

" I don't know if that's a good thing or not."

"Oh ye of little faith." Bree teases. I get up to walk her out.

" You still never told me how you found my address?" Bree turns around coyly with a grin.

"Use your brain Edward. You're listed as one of Bella's emergency contacts. The fact that you're still listed there should give you high hopes. The rest is child's play after that." She cackles leaving. I close the door behind her and groan realizing that the fate of Bella and I's relationship may be in the hands of a crazy shoe-welding fiend.

...WLTYAS….

I'm finishing the last of some work, hoping to get back into Zafrina's good graces when I hear a soft knock at my front door. I look at the clock display on my desk and see it's a little after one in the morning. I wait for the sound to occur again but hear nothing resolving it to my mind playing tricks on me. No one in their right mind would be knocking at this hour and if it were my family they would have called or barged in my now. I go back looking over my campaign when I hear the noise again.

Resigned and annoyed at being disturbed, I stumble through my darkened living room and head towards my door. I peer through the peephole and nearly rip the door off the hinge when I see that it's her on the other side.

Bella's hand is poised to knock and she looks just as exhausted as I am if not worse. I hate myself for being the source of her agony and try to find the words to speak but like that night two weeks ago, I don't get the chance to say those words when she speaks.

"We need to talk."

Thoughts? Leave it in a Review!

Next chapter is the conversation between Bella and Edward, Jessica and Mike's wedding and a time jump.

Three chapters left.

Until the next chapter,

Xoxo Sylvia Cullen