Chapter 3

As it turned out, that visit wouldn't be for another two weeks. Ty Lee admitted that maybe she was still a teeny bit afraid. She kept picturing Azula's deranged bloody grin, face half hidden by her hair. Seeing her unhinged on her very first visit was not a particularly enjoyable thing. Regardless, Ty Lee wanted to go. And after those two weeks of regrouping, she was ready to return and try again.

Unfortunately for her, the princess was not as openly accepting of this new visitation arrangement. Ty Lee returned to the facility nine times over the next two months and each visit was cut short by Azula's outbursts. It was their twisted little routine: Ty Lee takes the trip to the hospital, chats with Niko, talks about everyday things to Azula, Azula stays silent for ten or fifteen minutes, Azula explodes in a seething rage at Ty Lee, and Ty Lee leaves as Azula is sedated. It was tiresome, but Ty Lee promised herself that she would not give up. If anything, these visits solidified her resolve to be there for Azula.

It was an unbearably hot day at the end of an unbearably hot Fire Nation summer that Ty Lee chose as her next visit day. She was sweating walking down to the docks for the ferry ride that would take her to the peninsula where Azula resided. Ty Lee was showing a bit of skin that afternoon and hoped it wouldn't be considered inappropriate visiting attire. She was dressed in a white thin strapped top with pale pink trim that showed her slim stomach and dark pink, loose fitting capris. A few delicate gold bracelets adorned her wrists and another gold plated hair tie held her long braid in place. She had tried to phase pink out of her wardrobe, but she just couldn't seem to do it. It was such a happy color and she figured that the people around her could use all the happiness she could give.

She reached the docks and thanked the spirits that there was a breeze coming from the water. Ty Lee hoped that being out on the ocean for the twenty minute ride would cool the heat she felt trapped inside her. A part of her couldn't wait to get to Azula, simply to be in that cold basement room.

There were only nine passengers on the ferry, including Ty Lee and the captain. Most were older men and women who had relatives in the village near the hospital and Ty Lee loved chatting with them, hearing about their lives. They were all so friendly. She liked to think she brightened their day by listening. Although, she never disclosed where she headed after the ride, even though she thought they'd be in total support of her. Good portions of the elderly were still staunch loyalists of the Fire Nation under Ozai.

The small talk made the ferry rides fly by. As they neared the shore, Ty Lee leaned over the guardrails, staring into the sea and trying to catch a break from the sun via the occasional salty spray that kicked up at her. Distantly, she could just make out the glint of the metal building that was her destination.

Twenty minutes later, she bounced off of the ferry, long braid twirling behind her. She quickly soaked her feet in the cool water before spotting Niko up the road. Ty Lee carried her shoes in her hand as she walked to meet him. She enjoyed talking to the guard too. He tried to make their walks pleasant, since he knew what was probably to come in the basement. The last time she met him, Niko brought her a snack of fire flakes to munch on. The walk to the hospital was probably another fifteen minutes and she often grew hungry from the ferry and walks. She greatly appreciated his kindness, but couldn't help feeling a little guilty for leading him on when nothing was going to come of it.

Today Niko seemed to be bursting with nerves. He fidgeted restlessly while walking towards her. It looked like he was carrying a small basket in one hand. Ty Lee was hopeful that there would be an array of snacks this time, the heat was exhausting her quickly.

She smiled at him as they met on the walkway towards the hospital, "Hi Niko. Staying cool in this heat today?"

Niko wasn't sweating a bit despite the many layered guard uniform he wore. Ty Lee supposed he'd gotten used to being in the sun most of the day. Before he became her escort, he was usually posted outside of the hospital.

"Lady Ty Lee," he bowed. Without his helmet on, Ty Lee didn't miss the way his eyes lingered over her body for a few seconds before he continued, "What heat? Feels like spring to me!"

"Oh yes, I expect it'll rain any second," she exhaled and rolled her eyes, putting a hand on her hip. Ty Lee tilted her head as she looked closer and pointed at the basket Niko carried, bracelets jingling softly, "Did you bring something cold to drink?"

Niko jumped, apparently he'd forgotten about the basket as he eyed Ty Lee up and down. With his free hand, he scratched the back of his head and grinned nervously.

"Unfortunately not today. I, uh, I have something else for you, if you want it. I heard that you've always wanted one… It took me a while to get it but, um, y-you don't have to keep it if you don't want to."

Niko pulled back the checkered cloth nestled in the woven basket and revealed its contents. It certainly wasn't a cold drink, it was a baby turtleduck.

Ty Lee's eyes widened and she dropped her shoes as she saw the little creature. Immediately she recalled the incident that occurred back when she was, what, seven years old? Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee were playing in the palace courtyard near the turtleduck pond. The princess was showing off some challenging new forms and ended up setting one of the poor things on fire. Azula simply stared as Mai looked on with disdain and Ty Lee burst into tears. The little creature was quacking in terror and pain. The commotion drew the attention of Ursa, who came rushing out from a nearby patio to see what new chaos her daughter had committed.

Ursa was shocked at the sight of an unremorseful Azula standing near a sizzling turtleduck. It managed to plunge itself in the pond before being completely engulfed in flames, but Ty Lee was never sure if it recovered or if perhaps someone had to finish the job later to end its misery.

She stood staring at the innocent creature in the basket, hearing the terrified quacks of the one from her memory, and began crying.

Niko must have thought his gift was a success, because he stood grinning watching Ty Lee cry what he thought were happy tears. Once she started sniffling, he noticed something was wrong and quickly set the basket on the ground. He straightened himself and saw Ty Lee had buried her face in her hands.

"What's wrong?! Are you okay? You aren't allergic to them are you? I knew I shouldn't have listened to those guys, they overheard Azu—"

Ty Lee snapped her head up to look at Niko, tears still streaming down her cheeks. Of course. Of course it was her. "What did she tell them?"

This sudden change of sadness to anger shocked the young man, "She-she didn't really tell them anything. They just heard her mumbling about how you always wanted one as a pet. I thought it was risky trusting her, but turtleducks are so harmless. I didn't think it would be a bad idea…" He trailed off, his hopeful look from just moments ago dashed to bits.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'll take him back, they make tricky pets anyways."

Ty Lee felt bad for the man who was obviously trying to win her affections. His brown eyes were full of concern and guilt. She picked her shoes up before wiping her eyes and quickly reassured him that it wasn't his fault.

"It's alright. It's nothing to worry about. Let's just keep going, I think it's time to get out of this heat."

The pair made the rest of their way to the hospital in silence. Ty Lee didn't look as Niko dropped the animal off at the front gate with a chubby looking guard. Dr. Liu was notified of Ty Lee's presence as they passed and by the time they entered the building, Azula had been wrapped in her jacket as was customary for when Ty Lee visited.

She was sitting in the middle of the floor staring expectantly at the door when Ty Lee entered the room for the eleventh time, furious.

"That was a rotten joke, Azula."

The former princess's eyes flashed, but the stoic mask she wore did not betray the laughter bubbling inside her. She had waited weeks for this. Those guards had actually taken her "incoherent ramblings" as legitimate information. How dumb could they be?

"I don't know what you mean."

Ty Lee walked straight up to the bars and clenched her hands around them.

"You know exactly what I mean! That poor turtleduck from when we were kids… Why would you bring that up again? Do you really like toying with people's emotions that much?" She couldn't help the angry tears that formed in her eyes.

Azula smirked, "Yes."

She met Ty Lee's watery gaze. A tiny twinge of guilt struck her suddenly. When it came to this girl, Azula was always disconcerted to find that her enjoyment of manipulation was usually tainted with guilt. She hated Ty Lee for what she'd done at the Boiling Rock, that much was certain. But Azula could never seem to completely crush the odd sense of attachment she felt towards her. Useless feelings.

Azula stood slowly, bound by the straightjacket, and walked towards Ty Lee, stopping mere inches from the bars, never breaking eye contact.

This was the closest they'd been to each other since Ty Lee began visiting. She did not back away from the bars. She stood, white knuckled hands gripping them, studying Azula's face. She hated herself at that moment for thinking how beautiful her crazy best friend was.

Azula stared back at Ty Lee. Gold eyes never leaving the former acrobat's, until they drifted downwards to take in the girl's outfit and body beneath it. It must be warm outside. This was the first time Azula had properly looked at Ty Lee. She was a little taller and had lost some of that youthful roundness in her face, but seemed otherwise utterly unchanged. Long braid, toned stomach, and wide, round eyes that shined with tears, deepening their gray-brown color. She had to admit, Ty Lee was certainly still attractive.

Ty Lee couldn't miss the meaning of that look and felt a chill spread down her spine as Azula eyed her. Such a different feeling than when Niko did that same thing earlier. She was frozen in place, eye to eye with someone she shouldn't love.

Azula bent her head to the fingers that grasped the bars in front of her. She brushed her lips on one of them for a fraction of a second before retreating to her bed, where she promptly lay down with her back facing Ty Lee.

The former acrobat stood motionless, blinking. Wh-what was that about? She released her grip on the bars, thumbing over the burning spot Azula had kissed. Clearly the princess was done with her for the day. Ty Lee began making her way back home. She was so thoroughly confused. She hadn't even gotten to enjoy the brief respite from the heat that Azula's room had provided.

The princess enjoyed days that Ty Lee didn't see come to see her, she got a break from hearing the dreadfully boring daily routine that Ty Lee insisted on telling her every time she was here. It was also nice to be able to move her arms freely without that troublesome jacket. She could stretch and move however she pleased. As freely as a "patient" can, anyways. Oftentimes, when her arms were free, Azula would sit with her back to the bars and inconspicuously practice bending.

Despite being who knows how many feet underground, she could still tell when the sun was out. It was a part of her, coursing through her blood, making her rise at the same hour every day even though there were no windows down here. The guards never seemed to think twice on her behavior, probably assuming she was meditating like Kai mentioned might help her. They only interfered if she decided to be destructive or harmful to herself. But Azula was quite good at hiding that too.

In times of weakness, when she felt like she was drowning in nightmares or self-pity or had done something unwise, she often turned to burning herself. A weakness of its own kind, she knew. But she would never talk to Kai, not the way he wanted her to. Revealing personal things to someone whose sole purpose was to analyze and report her every move to her brother would be idiotic. They'd never let her out of here if she divulged the things she often thought of. Besides, what good would talking about feelings do? That sort of thing was what newly reformed Zuko or mother would encourage. She hadn't sunk that low. So when it got to be too much, she returned to a source of true freedom and power. Fire.

The fire she could produce down here was significantly weakened by the temperature, and she was enraged to find that it flickered orange instead of its normal brilliant blue. This was not helped by her frequent habits of refusing food, but she could still disperse heat throughout her body and produce a small flame if she wanted. And any flame, no matter its color, can burn.

She found that the pain from heating her fingers and applying them to her shoulder or the base of her neck often woke her up, refocused her on what truly mattered: getting out of this place. Getting outside so she could breathe fresh air, see the sun and the bright cerulean of her radiant fire again. To bend and contemplate using her skills against those who had wronged her.

Azula often plotted against the people she thought most deserved a proper take down, uninhibited from the madness she suffered during that fateful day years ago. Dwelling on the past was never a great thing, and she probably wouldn't carry them out, but the thoughts at least kept her mind occupied.

It all started with Mai. Azula could never pin down exactly what she wanted to do to the stone faced girl, but there was no way in this world that she could go unpunished for what she'd done at the Boiling Rock. For some reason she felt that burning her would be unsatisfying. Blame it on those foolish childhood memories. Perhaps it would be best to escape and let Mai live with never knowing where she was or when she might show up.

The water peasant, on the other hand, would be truly exhilarating to annihilate. That lowly girl had no place in the arena where she and Zuko fought with comet fueled power. One crack of lightning and she would go down.

Peasant girl wasn't the only one. Azula still sometimes imagined taking down her brother. But, as much as she craved with every fiber of her being to be Fire Lord, over the years she'd come to the stabbing realization that her chances of doing so were slim. Despite the fact that everyone seemingly forgot that Zuko was banished and stripped of his crown prince title, his shaky claim to the throne had upheld itself so far.

Zuko had had four years to build up the trust of advisors, generals, and international allies. Even as incompetent as he was, Azula was sure he'd managed to at least do that. He also had the Avatar on his side. And if she somehow strode into the palace demanding an Agni Kai rematch, when she inevitably won, she would face the grudging task of restructuring the entirety of those relations and shifting the Fire Nation back into its spotlight over the other nations. It was possible, and if anyone could do it, she could. But Azula had thought of another appealing option: becoming a sort of anti-Fire Lord.

If, no, when she got out of this godforsaken pit, Azula was confident she'd be able to round up a small elite following of morally ambiguous people. Those unafraid to dive into a shadowy underworld with her. There were probably a good collection of people still loyal to her and her father, since Zuko wouldn't have had the nerve to oversee executions. They would be welcome in her cohort. And once she established a sense of military camaraderie, she would never fully trust them of course, they could act. A few bribes here, an unexpected disappearance there, and they could chip away at Zuko's carefully constructed connections. Perhaps she could find out more about Father. Azula was sure the Avatar hadn't killed him. He was just a childish monk after all.

But this would all have to be done as a covert operation. Expertly carried out, with no traceable ties. No ties meant no recognition for whatever she might accomplish. She would be living off the grid to avoid being recaptured and tossed back into this metal tomb. You'll have nothing. No crown. No throne. No riches. No friends. The despair that always lurked in her gut threatened to drown her again.

The thought of no longer living as official royalty made bile rise in her throat. If you don't like that, you could play nice and work for Zuko, then you could stay in the palace. Always watched. Always under scrutiny. But one day, there could be a chance for you to take your rightful place…

Azula inhaled deeply, mind split as she considered these things for the thousandth time. Whatever she chose to do, she just wanted to get out of here first.

The only people who had ever visited her were Zuko and Iroh. She hadn't seen her brother in months and it would be no use appealing to the person she hated for stealing her throne. He didn't seem to care that she was in here at all, so the sympathy sister card was out. Iroh on the other hand, had the heart of a sucker and might be easily swayed with a few choice words or apologies over time. But Azula was not willing to negotiate with her tea obsessed uncle. Besides, he'd only visited her once and she was surprised by it, it wasn't like he'd ever taken an interest in her in the past. Like everyone else, he clearly preferred her brother.

It seemed that Zuko was not keen to release her, no matter how well-behaved and recovered she may be. So the task of escape was hers alone.

She clenched her hands, digging her short nails into her palms. Everyone always leaves.

Azula spent four years in here before her true chance at escaping fell into her lap. Ty Lee. Innocent, sweet, traitorous Ty Lee decided to pay her a visit for Agni knows what selfish reason, but the chance to capitalize on this girl's soft nature did not escape her. Judging by the turtleduck visit a few weeks ago, Azula knew Ty Lee still felt something for her. Unfortunately, she did not foresee her own feelings that manifested at the sight of the girl in summer clothing.

To stop the infinite thought cycle that often ensnared her, she sat on the floor at the foot of her bed, back to the bars, and pressed a heated finger to her left shoulder. A low hiss escaped through her teeth, but the guards did not notice. She saw the mark the small burn left on her skin, hating herself for still being so weak. She needed to keep to her plan. Stick to it. Ignore the depths of despair trying to lure her in. Ignore the renewed and oh so tempting visions of the former acrobat's low cut shirt and enticing perfume entering her mind and she might make it out of here. Unless she could do that too…

Before she could fully flesh out this newest idea, Azula was interrupted by a figure sitting on her bed, looking down at her with such pity that she wished her firebending was at full strength. What she wouldn't give to burn that look off of her mother's face.

"Oh Azula, why do you do that to your beautiful skin?" Ursa sat with hands folded in her lap, staring at the fresh burn.

"It isn't going to scar. Not like your son's beautiful face," she sneered and straightened the corner of her plain red clothes to hide the burn. These appearances were now more of an annoyance than anything else. Ursa usually showed up to spew the lies about loving her or to tell her to stop the burning. As if she isn't guilty of worse things. Azula could handle it, though she would have preferred the version of her father that came to tell her of her failures. At least she knew those things were true.

Ursa reached out to touch Azula's face, but stopped as her daughter backed away hastily.

"You have no right to touch me. Your presence has never comforted me in any way and never will."

The guards were watching her closely now. They knew who she was talking to and were on the lookout for any signs of increased irritation that could lead to an outburst.

Ursa stared sadly at Azula. That look. That pitying look made Azula's blood boil.

"Don't act like you aren't happy about where I am. This is exactly where you thought I always belonged! Even as a child!" Her voice was rising. Stay in control, you know how to deal with this.

"Of course it isn't. I want the best for you Azula, I love you so much." There's the line. She stood and approached her daughter on the floor, "I wish you would listen to me, you would be so—"

"So what? So kind? So meek? So like Zuko? I thank the spirits every day that I didn't end up like him, turning his back on his country time after time and yet somehow I'm the one locked away? Father was right about him all along, he's weak and he knows nothing about how to run a country," Azula could feel herself slipping back into old feelings of rage, mind racing wildly. Don't give in to her.

"You aren't in here for your actions in the war, you're here to heal your mind. And Zuko is running a country. He's the Fire Lord and I couldn't be more proud of my little boy."

Something broke inside of Azula and she launched herself from the floor to the bed where Ursa sat, "It should have been ME! I was the strong one! I was the smart one! I was perfect!" Azula tore at the sheets, anger pouring into her hands as she unintentionally singed the red cloth. She knew it was a hallucination, but these were topics that had long since stopped coming from Ursa's mouth. Through the blind fury, Azula wondered why her mind was opening old wounds. Maybe Ty Lee's recent visits had freed these demons from their soundly built cages.

The guards entered her cell and stopped her from ripping her bed to shreds. A needle jabbed her thigh and she felt ashamed as hot tears formed in her eyes. It should have been me.

You should have been proud of me.